Insanity (11 page)

“Rich people steal poor people’s houses and lives. I can’t borrow a public bus?” he shakes his shoulder, sincerely annoyed by my remark.

“How did I get here?” I mop my head. I am not hurt.

“I had to sedate you, and dress you up,” the Pillar looks out of the window. “The Mushroomers helped me.”

“Why would you do something like that?” I am dizzy and enraged by the Pillar dragging me out here. "I told you, I am done with the world outside. I am not the Alice you think I am."

“There is something you have to see.” The Pillar knocks his cane on the floor. “Stop here!” he raises his cane. I notice he never addresses the chauffeur by name. “Take this,” he tucks a notebook in my lap. It looks like it belongs to a child, with pink and yellow roses on the cover. It’s a little smeared with ashes or something though.

“What’s this?” I open it up and flip through it. The notebook is girlish. Its pages are filled with drawings of a young girl in a blue-and-white dress. At one point, the girl is fighting a Cheshire Cat, then the Mad Hatter, and the Jabberwocky. It’s basically a young girl's re-imagining of a twisted Wonderland. The Alice in the drawing looks uncannily like me.

“It’s Constance’s notebook,” the Pillar explains. “She drew all this three years ago, when she was seven years old.”

“So what? The girl looks a little like me. It doesn’t mean I am the Alice she wants. I look pretty ordinary, like any other girl on the street.”

“That’s not the point. Constance had this book with her when the Cheshire kidnapped her. Her mother called and asked for it, since it was left in the fireplace in Christ Church.”

“Her mother called who?” I wonder.

“Doesn’t matter. She said Constance asked for you to deliver it. The girl wants to see you one last time. That’s her house.” He points at a two-story middle-class house. It’s mostly gray, but in a lovely way.

I stare at the house and then at the notebook. The truth is, I love Constance. I actually miss her, and it’s only been a day, when I only talked to her for ten minutes.

“Alright,” I sigh. “If that’s all, I will deliver it.”

Chapter 31

Constance's House

The doorbell to Constance’s house is a cuckoo's voice. I try not to laugh at the irony.

“Just a minute,” a woman’s voice calls from inside. A moment later, she opens the door.

“Hi,” I bend my head slightly. “My name is…”

“Alice,” the woman says. She looks like Constance's grandmother, but she must be her mother. Her eyes are moistened. Was she crying? “I know.” She pulls me closer, and hugs me. Actually, she is squeezing me, and her armpits smell. I expect more hygiene from sane people, but I say nothing. “We were waiting for you.”

“I brought you this,” I show her the notebook.

Constance’s mother stares at the notebook for a while, then breaks into tears. It’s the kind of sniffling tears that make you think the person is sneezing in your face. I understand she is emotional, but I am bringing her the notebook. She should be happy.

“It’s Constance,” she holds it in her hands. Constance is the kind of word that is pretty good for spitting. She almost drenches me.

“I know,” I smile. “Can I see her? I was told…”

The mother breaks into tears again. She needs a handkerchief and I have none. Why does she keep crying? “Come in,” she ushers me inside. Finally.

I walk into the modest house, but don’t get to look around, since the mother pulls me by the hand to Constance's room.

Constance’s room is all about Alice in Wonderland. All kinds of wallpapers, toys… even the carpet has one big Humpty Dumpty on it. In between, there is always Alice, fighting dragons, wolves, and human-sized spiders. All the
Alices
are me. If I had doubts about the notebook, I can’t escape a wall-size portrait of me.

This isn’t happening. How could it be?

“She always talks about you,” her mother explains. “I wonder why you never showed up. She said she keeps inviting you to dinner, but you’re busy saving lives.”

“I…” I am speechless, afraid that I’ll burst into tears when Constance comes through the door. Did the Cheshire Cat plan this on purpose?

“Yesterday, she told me that even if the Cheshire kidnaps her again, you promised her you will always save her.”

“Of course….”

“And now that it’s happened, I believe you’re here to…”

“What’s happened?” I interrupt.

Suddenly, we both realize the horror. She doesn’t know why I am here, and I don’t know why I am here. The Pillar played me.

“You don’t know?” her mother looks puzzled. “Constance was kidnapped again yesterday by the Cheshire.”

“What? How?” I slump to the bed, tears filling my eyes but refusing to burst out. “Didn’t the police protect her? What is this, a jungle? The Cheshire kidnaps a girl twice? Why didn’t you take care of her?”

“She wasn’t taken here,” her mother explains. “She went to the Alice Shop in Oxford. She was planning on buying you a present.”

“The Alice Shop?”

“Yes. You must know it. It’s on 83 St. Aldates.”

Chapter 32

St. Aldates Street, The Alice Shop, Christ Church

It takes me some time to find the Pillar. He keeps playing that silly game with me on the phone where he sends me messages and guides me through town to find him. Instead of firing back at him for playing me, he’s disarming my anger by using the tactic of wait. I have no choice but to play his game. At this moment, I have no one else but him to help me catch the Cheshire.

And I will catch him. I feel so close to Constance, and this is beginning to become personal between me and the Cheshire.

I end up in front of the Alice Shop at 83 St. Aldates Street. It’s a gift shop, really nice. It screams Victorian style, but has a red door with the number 83 on it. A young crowd visits and leaves with a Queen of Hearts playing card, a drinking bottle that says ‘drink me,’ a big fluffy rabbit in a tuxedo, and all kinds of souvenirs.

A breeze of cold air rushes behind me all of a sudden. When I turn around, I see it’s a school bus speeding up. It’s just a normal bus, and nothing bad is going to happen. It just reminds me of my dream, where the rabbit killed my friends. Why does everyone else think I killed them? I don’t even know what’s real and what isn’t.

My phone rings.

“Historians will tell you that the Alice Shop is what inspired Lewis to write about the Old Sheep Shop in Alice’s Adventures Through the Looking Glass,” the Pillar says on the phone. “The truth is, this is the shop itself. Lovely, isn’t it?”

“Can’t quite say that, after you shattered my childhood memories.” I purse my lips.

“You don’t have ‘childhood’ memories. You have Wonderland memories. They will come back to you sooner or later. I don’t promise you will like them, though.”

“So why did I dream about the Alice Shop?”

“I can’t think of something that could help in that shop. It’s just the shop the Cheshire followed Constance to. That’s it. Tourists come to visit it from all over the world. Constance just loved you so much, she wanted to buy you something special from it,” the Pillar says, and I don’t know his location. “The fact that you dreamed about it, only backs up my theory that you’re destined to save lives outside the asylum. You still want to stay lazy in your cell downstairs?”

“No,” I’m confident about it. “If not to save lives, then to save Constance and catch the Cheshire this time.”

“Can you write this down and sign it please, so I can use it in court when you change your mind again?” he says.

“Stop playing games. I learned my lesson. If Constance thinks I am her superhero, I will be. So don’t waste time, and tell me something useful. Why did the Cheshire kidnap her again, after I saved her?”

“Maybe you didn’t really save her the first time. Maybe he let you save her.”

“How so?”

“Maybe he just let you think you saved her,” the Pillar says. “So he could know if you’re the real Alice because if so, you’ll be a great threat to him.”

“How can I be a threat to the Cheshire? And why don’t you just tell me what happened in Wonderland in the past?”

“Other than the fact that I don’t know everything, I have to protect certain assets of mine. Wonderland is like relationships, very complicated. Do I have to remind you that you and I weren’t allies in Wonderland?” his voice is sharp, as if he wants to carve the recognition into my skull.

“I didn’t think I was friends with a serial killer,” I rebound.

The Pillar says nothing for some time. His silence is killing me. All kinds of crazy thoughts fill my head.

“I am really wondering what the Cheshire is after,” like always, he is a master of changing subjects. “Killing girls for fun isn’t his thing. He is smart, sneaky, sly, and smooth, just like a normal cat. A killing spree isn’t his thing."

“Then where do I start looking for him? He must have a weak spot.” I begin walking around the college. It feels good walking and breathing the air, like a normal person. I am starting to get used to it.

"In my caterpillar experience, a man’s weakness always lies in their past, where all their dirty laundry is buried," he sighs cheeringly.

Chapter 33

"How do we dig into his past?" I glance skyward, wondering if he’s watching me from somewhere. I am not sure he is back in the asylum. He sounds as if he’s around me. I don’t know why.

“Why don’t you think for yourself for a change?” the Pillar says.

I think it over for a moment. What do I know about the Cheshire? "The Cheshire likes games. His games are meticulously planned. He is fond of making them about grins and cats, his favorite subjects. He is also fond of hinting to his past...wait. Is that it? You said that Cheshire County and the cheese factory inspired Lewis to write about him."

"It's a very small town. Lovely sane people, lazy as well. They haven't cherished Lewis Carroll's memory enough, so they stayed a small town. I wouldn’t expect answers from them." The Pillar says, “I like your thinking though, Alice. But you’re like most sane people, looking in a faraway place, when the answer is right under your feet.” The way he says 'feet,’ makes me stop in my place. Why am I so sure he is nearby? I know now. All the sounds surrounding him are the same sounds around me. The cars, the sound of the man selling waffles, the girls squeaking out of the Alice Shop.

“Literally, Alice,” he demands. “Look under your feet.”

I look at my white sneakers and wonder what he means. Am I supposed to see a mark on the pavement now? I wouldn’t be surprised if that is the case.

Finally, something crazy happens. A book falls from the sky, right in front of me. It's Alice’s Adventures Under Ground.

Without glancing skyward again, I kneel down and pick it up, making sure the copy is intact. Then I crane my head up. The Pillar is standing at the roof of Tom Quad, one of the four quadrangles in Christ Church. He is standing in a spot right next to the Tom Tower. I prefer not to ask how he got there. "That’s not a gentle way to treat a book that was never out in print," I tell him on the phone, and wave ‘hi’ to him with the book.

He pretends he doesn’t know me and feeds pigeons from his gloved hands. "Did you know that the Lewis family doesn’t make a dime out of its sales?” he ignores me, but talks to me on the phone. Neat. “Can you believe that? It's the second most sold book in history, after the bible.” I didn’t know that. "I guess Lewis couldn't compete with God, although they are both big on nonsense." The pigeons flutter away from the roof, and I stand up with the book in my hands. No one around me even questions a book that has fallen from the sky. Only a couple of girls shoot me irritated glances and keep on walking. I have no idea why they did that. Are people that busy in the sane world?

I flip through the book like crazy. "So what page should I be reading to learn about the Cheshire’s past," I jam the phone between my cheek and shoulder. “Is it the part when I talk to him about the grin?"

"You said 'I' when you mentioned talking to the Cheshire. That’s progress to me," he points out. "There is only one person who might know about the Cheshire’s past. She was mentioned in the book. You just need to free your mind, and the rest will follow," he whistles to the flying pigeons to come back. “Think of the first time you met the Cheshire in the book, Alice. Think."

"He was on the tree, and I was lost," I say confidently. "He kept appearing and disappearing again.”

“It’s a great metaphor for your current situation, but no, that's not when you first met the Cheshire. You met the Cheshire at..."

"The Duchess’s house," the words spring out of my chest. "The Duchess!"

"Yes. In fact, the Duchess owned the Cheshire Cat at this point."

"I get it. If we find the Duchess, who better than her knows about the Cheshire's past, and hopefully his weaknesses." I crane my head up and look at him. "Do you know how we can find her?"

Instead of looking back at me, the Pillar raises his cane in one hand, the hookah in the other. He stares down at the pedestrians on St. Aldates Street, and then shouts at the world from the top of his lungs, “God has ordered me to build an Ark and get you on it, people!” He is acting dead serious. “If you don’t get on it with me before the Wonderland Monsters arrive, you will all die. This will be your apocalypse!”

I try not to laugh, while a couple of homeless people faintly clap their hands next to me. “Yeah, the apocalypse. I remember it,” a toothless man says, then goes asking someone for change. Other than this, no one even pays attention at the Moses-posing man on the roof.

The Pillar lowers his instruments and looks down at me with that smug grin on his face. “Don't you love the carelessness of the sane world? I mean, I could be wrapped up in dynamite and no amount of warning will make them do something about it.” His whole face is shimmering with delight. Then in a blink of an eye, he changes to dead serious again. “Are you ready to meet the Duchess?”

Chapter 34

“I don't suppose she is really a 'Duchess' in this time and age." I stop next to the Pillar, watching the news on a TV that’s for sale behind a shopping window. He came down from the rooftop and we started walking, but something about the TV caught his attention.