Insatiable (15 page)
“Build the wall.”
She dropped her hands as she realized Ryan was staring at her but tried to cover her moment of lunacy with a breezy laugh. “I hear voices. They usually go away if I tell them to.”
His face relaxed into a smile, as if he were relieved she wasn‟t totally nutty.
“I‟m a writer, Rachel.” He handed her a helmet, then helped her fasten the chin strap. “I know all about voices, believe me.”
She climbed on and linked her arms around Ryan‟s lean torso, waiting expectantly for the gush of excitement she‟d once felt at being this close to him. God knew being on a bike with a scrumptious guy in a beat-up leather jacket and tight jeans was a recipe for a little heat. But while he still took corners too fast and made her shriek with laughter, as far as anything else…nada. She had a sinking suspicion he could‟ve been buck-ass naked and she wouldn‟t have felt a glimmer more.
By the time they reached the Pancake Hut, her spirits had marginally improved. It was damned hard to feel miserable on a fabulously sunny New York day, especially after a motorcycle ride. Or so she thought until she rediscovered Ryan wasn‟t only about as dependable as a broken watch, he still had an unsurpassed ability to listen.
“It‟s just too damn complicated,” she said through bites of cherry-flecked waffle. “If we get together, there‟s no changing our minds. There‟re no do-overs. Our families will never let us forget. Can you imagine how they‟d react if we split? I can‟t handle the possibility our friendship will suffer either. Maybe I‟m just not the type to settle down. What if I break his heart?”
Her waffle lodged in her throat as she heard herself.
Didn’t you do that
already?
“Shouldn‟t you let him worry about that?”
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“I can‟t. I won‟t risk what we have for something that‟s just so preposterous, so insanely wild that I can‟t even talk about it.”
Ryan smiled. “You are talking about it, Rach.”
She sighed. “Yeah, guess I am.”
Somehow it didn‟t feel strange to be discussing her love life with her ex. Then again, she‟d just had killer sex three times with her best friend. Obviously her boundaries needed some work.
“I hear you,” he said after a moment as he dumped syrup on his second stack of pancakes. How had she managed to hook up with two guys with a fetish for blueberry pancakes? “Do I ever. Relationships are messy.”
“I‟m not even thirty. I don‟t want my life all sketched out, so I can color within the lines my parents—and Shawn‟s—have drawn. You know?”
“You forget I had a few run-ins with your family myself back in the day.” Ryan gave her a wry grin as he shook back his shaggy walnut brown hair. “Lee and Alexis just adored me.”
“They sure did.” Hadn‟t that been a big part of his appeal? “But you did pretty damn well for yourself, Mr. Big Shot Author.”
“I did. But that‟s only because I didn‟t let anything veer me off course.” He set down his fork and angled his jaw. “I‟ll admit I‟ve thought about us. What might have been different if I‟d hung around. Or if you‟d come with me.”
Rachel gazed at her plate and the waffles she‟d barely touched. “Yeah,” she agreed quietly, but her thoughts weren‟t of them.
They were for her baby, the one she‟d lost on a hot summer night mere weeks after she‟d learned she was pregnant. She‟d never felt more alone than in the hours she‟d lain in that sterile white hospital room, helpless to do anything while her baby‟s chance at life slipped away.
Even then, Shawn had been with her. She remembered his tight grip on her hand and the way he‟d pressed his forehead against her cheek. She could still hear his hoarse voice as he told her how much he loved her, how strong she was, that she could handle anything.
“It was a long time ago,” she whispered, willing the image back into the compartment of her mind she stored it in.
“Feels longer by the second.” Smiling ruefully, Ryan danced his fingertips over the back of her hand. “You didn‟t mention the most important thing.”
“Which is?”
“You told me Shawn has feelings for you, that your families would be tickled at the idea of you two doing the whole bumping-and-babies deal. But you never said how you feel about him.”
If only all questions could be so simple. “I love him.”
“Like a brother? Or like a lover?”
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Cari Quinn
She opened her mouth to speak, then fell silent as the bell over the Pancake Hut‟s glass door tinkled. And in walked Shawn‟s Little Bo Beep.
Rachel sat back in her booth, frowning in spite of herself.
Wonder if her panties
have a crotch today?
Shawn‟s friend‟s guileless blue eyes swept the crowd as she waited to be seated, then she did a little hair flip and wave as she sashayed toward Rachel and Ryan‟s table. “Do you know that woman?” Rachel asked under her breath.
Turning his head to admire her hip sway in her short electric blue skirt, Ryan grinned. “Sure. That‟s Chrissy.”
“Yay.” Doing her damnedest not to sound as surly as she felt, Rachel plastered on a smile as Chrissy reached them. “Small world.”
“Totally.” She glanced at Rachel for less than half a second, then turned a coy smile on Ryan. “Some shindig last night.”
His grin broadened. “Zenith knows how to have a party, all right.”
“You guys having breakfast?”
No, we’re playing pool
. “Seems that way.”
“Why don‟t you join us?” Ryan added. “If you‟re not with someone…”
“Nope.” Chrissy‟s smile lit up her eyes like Christmas as she crawled into Ryan‟s side of the booth. “Thanks.”
Rachel smiled again, beginning to feel like Pavlov‟s dog.
Get jealous? Smile.
Get annoyed? Smile
. “Not a problem. So what brings you here?”
“I work up the block actually. After that late dinner last night, I figured I wouldn‟t be able to eat anything till lunch, but wouldn‟t you know it?” She punched Ryan‟s arm, but he didn‟t seem to mind her playful gesture. “Stomach‟s growling again.”
Rachel heard only four words. “Late dinner last night?”
“Uh-huh.” Chrissy snatched a strip of bacon from Ryan‟s plate and crunched it lustily. “We went to Hard Rock. Their burgers are amazing. Then we stopped by my favorite ice cream place, up in Brooklyn. The Tastee Slurp‟s got ninety-two flavors—”
“
We
?” Rachel interjected, squeezing her water glass until her knuckles cracked.
“Sure. Me and Shawn. My date.” Chrissy cocked her head, blinking innocently.
“You know, the guy you did somewhere on the grounds. Or was it in the men‟s room?”
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Chapter Ten
Rachel made herself loosen her hold on her glass. Things that splashed and jealousy-borne fits of temper didn‟t mix well. “He told you?”
Chrissy glanced at Ryan. “Sounds like an admission of guilt to me.”
“Hey, she‟s free. She can do what she likes.”
“If one more person tells me how free I am today—” But no one was listening to her, because her two companions were too busy smiling at each other.
“How about you?” Chrissy punched Ryan‟s arm again, jabbing him with her robin‟s egg-sized jade ring. Not that he minded, judging from his shift toward her in the booth. “Are
you
free?”
Rachel leaned into their private conversation, smiling sweetly. What did she care if they made a sex connection? If it kept Chrissy from pursuing other avenues of male interest, she‟d get onboard quick. “Yeah, he is. Aren‟t you, Ryan?”
Chrissy pursed her lined and glossed peach lips. “You two have one of those open relationships I‟ve heard about on Maury Povich or something?”
Ryan waggled his eyebrows. “You into that?”
Rachel had to laugh as she signaled for the check. She‟d had about enough of these lovebirds in the making, not to mention she desperately needed a shower. And to make a call home to do some damage control.
“Sadly, no.” Chrissy sighed and twirled a lock of her hair around her finger. “If I had been, maybe I wouldn‟t have minded that Cord and Jenny did the deed on my desk.”
She almost asked who Cord and Jenny were, then thought better of it. But there was one thing she couldn‟t let pass, high potential embarrassment factor aside. “Chrissy, you‟re not…interested in Shawn, are you?”
“Oh God, no.” She laughed and waved her talonlike peach and navy striped nails. “I‟m not stupid enough to get involved in another train wreck in the making.
Cord was enough for me.”
“I heard about you two ending things.” Radiating benevolence and gentlemanly concern, Ryan rubbed Chrissy‟s shoulder. “I‟m sorry.”
“Excuse me.” Rachel tapped the Formica tabletop with her ragged nails, currently missing half their burgundy polish. Rough sex tended to ruin even the most meticulous of nail jobs. “What do you mean, a train wreck in the making? He‟s a good guy.” She cleared her throat. “I mean, there‟s nothing wrong with him.”
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Cari Quinn
Smart, with a solid career. Check. Kind, considerate, tolerates chick flicks with
minimum fuss. Check. Hot-as-hell body that he knows exactly how to use. Double
check.
What more could Chrissy want?
“He seems great actually.” Chrissy dragged herself away from mooning into Ryan‟s eyes, and nibbled a french toast point she‟d snagged from his plate. “I don‟t know many guys who would‟ve been so concerned I‟d had all those blue pussies.”
“Huh?”
“I had a few too many adult beverages last night, so Shawn took me home. But we went out to eat first, because he knew how hard I was bumming about Spidey and Marilyn.” She sighed. “Shawn‟s a sweetheart, but he‟s hung up on you. Might as well have a neon TAKEN banner across his chest.”
Even as she wanted to smile at that piece of news, Rachel pressed, “Did he tell you that?”
“What is this, twenty questions? Ask your lover if you‟re feeling insecure.”
The waitress bustled over with the check, then noticed Chrissy and promptly put it away to take her order. But since she‟d already been steadily eating Ryan‟s meal, she begged off, claiming she was “dieting.”
“Aw, honey,” Ryan said, stroking Chrissy‟s hand. “You don‟t need to lose weight just to keep some worthless guy.”
Which, of course, prompted more innocent blinking from Chrissy. “I don‟t?”
More stroking. “Of course not.”
“As fascinating as this is,” Rachel interrupted, pulling a twenty out of her purse, “I need to be going. Chrissy, nice to see you again. And Ryan…” She shook her head as she handed him her money and slid out of the booth. Sometimes you just had to laugh. “Enjoy yourselves, kids.”
As soon as she hit the sidewalk, she reached for her phone with a grin. She had to tell Shawn—
All at once, the conversation they‟d had in his suite crashed down on her. Her smile disappeared as she flipped her phone closed.
She‟d see him tonight. That was soon enough.
* * *
Though as a rule he didn‟t miss deadlines, he was known to be a mercurial sort, the kind of guy who was as likely to be sailboating in Marina Del Rey as attending meetings. He didn‟t like being indoors for long stretches of time, and since Insatiable
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he had a laptop, he could do much of his work anywhere, including on his schooner.
He made no apologies for it either.
As a result, some of the people his father employed took issue with him, assuming he was yet another privileged brat who could do whatever he wanted.
They didn‟t know he often stayed late at the office, working long into the night so he could keep his days free for the occasional impromptu boat trip or late lunch with Rachel after she‟d finished teaching for the day. Nor would they have cared if they had.
“Break out the violins,” he muttered, rising to stretch and check out the view.
It wasn‟t like him to dwell on the very few negatives in his life, but it beat focusing on the biggest negative of all. Anything did.
After a cursory glance out the window, he rubbed his jaw and realized he‟d forgotten to shave. Then he glanced back at his laptop and the half-dozen e-mails he‟d yet to answer. He also owed a phone call to his father, but as he didn‟t like saying things he might regret eventually, he‟d decided to hold off on that one. Still, he had more than enough to keep him busy well into the evening, and he had absolutely no interest in Chinese.
He picked up his cell and hit the first programmed number. She always got number one with him, even if the reverse wasn‟t true. When he got her voice mail, he left a brief message, without any indication when he‟d call back.
Truth was, he didn‟t know. He also didn‟t know why he hadn‟t booked a return trip to Calvin Bay. What the hell was he staying for? This whole trip to NYC had been a colossal waste of time. For all he knew, Rachel could be in bed with Halston at that very moment, but it didn‟t matter anymore. She‟d made her choice.
The phone rang in his hand. Without looking, he knew it was Rachel. And for the first time ever, he didn‟t answer.
* * *
