Inside Girl (11 page)

I laughed, and Meredith rolled her eyes and looked back out the window.

Even though Bennett had invited us to the party, he wasn't the one throwing it. It was actually being thrown by this other sophomore guy, Devon, who lived in a high-rise in Chelsea. Chelsea is a weird part of town, especially at night, and especially around the Flower District. Sixth Avenue is okay, but all the little side streets are lined with these weird wholesale shops filled with novelty sunglasses and belt buckles and crazy little battery-operated toys that light up and play off-key music when you push a button. After about six P.M., these places all shut down and you might as well be walking through a ghost town made of iron gates and padlocks. Plus, most of the restaurants close early because they mainly just do a lunch business for all the office workers in the area. Sometimes you'll find an ice cream shop or a pizza place to go to, but not often.

So, when we got out of the cab in front of that guy Devon's building, it was spooky and deserted, and Meredith, Judith, and I decided the hell with being fashionably late, and walked into his building.

It was really pretty inside and much friendlier looking than the empty street. The lobby was huge, with a fake waterfall against one wall and lots of mirrors on the others. There was one doorman at the door and right in the middle of the lobby was a big desk with another doorman sitting at it. We told him who we were and he sent us to the elevator.

We rode up, giggling about nothing and feeling kind of nervous. I did anyway. Even though I'd been to a million high school parties with my brother and his friends, this was still my first high school party that was completely my own, and I didn't want to screw it up. Plus, going to a party with Meredith and Judith was really different than being with SBB, or Liesel, or even Jonathan. None of us was going to know very many people, and, against all odds, it seemed like I was the least shy one of the three of us.

When the elevator doors opened, though, I knew one thing for sure: at least we weren't too early. All the way down the hall I could hear people talking and laughing and the newest AFI album playing on the
stereo. I walked up and, taking a deep breath, knocked on the door.

“It's open!” several voices yelled from inside.

We went in. In spite of all the noise we'd heard from down the hall, things were pretty laid-back inside. A bunch of kids were sprawled around on couches or pillows on the floor, drinking punch and talking to one another. Jules was leaning against a counter, talking intently to a long-haired guy in a pair of Birkenstocks and cargo shorts, so he didn't seem to notice us. There were a plastic tray of veggies and dip, some balloons, and paper plates with pictures of cakes on them. I hadn't realized it was Devon's birthday, but fortunately nobody seemed to have brought presents anyway.

Besides, from the look of this place, he didn't need them. The big-screen TV was rigged up with every kind of video game system known to man, way more than we even have at our house, and a pile of teenager-looking DVDs lay on the floor down below it:
School of Rock
,
X-Men 2
,
The Girl Next Door
. I didn't see how anybody could watch movies in this apartment, though—windows covered two walls, and the view was amazing.

Two guys were playing Ping-Pong at a table set up in the corner. One of them was Bennett. When he saw us, he dropped his paddle on the table and started to
say hi, but his opponent, this tall thin guy in an anime T-shirt, had just served, and the plastic ball hit Bennett in the ear. What was it with him and ears?

“Hey,” said Bennett, trying to act like nothing had happened. “Flan. I'm glad you could make it.”

“Me too,” I said, feeling sort of dopey and happy at the same time.

“You want to play doubles?” asked the anime kid, glancing at me and Meredith.

“Hey, where did Judith go?” I looked around and saw her. She was standing awkwardly behind the sofa, waiting for Eric to notice her. Unfortunately, he was sandwiched between two hot-looking sophomore girls and didn't appear to be noticing much of anything else, and Judith was too shy to talk to him. She was staring at her nails like there was no tomorrow.

Before Meredith and I could get roped into a game of Ping-Pong—which I suck at anyway—this sun-bleached-looking guy who I assumed was Devon stood up and tapped a knife on the side of his glass Coke bottle to make an announcement.

“So, guys,” he said, “I know this might seem kind of junior high-ish to some of you …”

A few people groaned, like they knew what was coming.

“But it's a birthday tradition of mine, so just chill
out and swallow your pride.” Devon downed the rest of his Coke in one gulp and, shoving aside the crudités and paper plates, set the bottle down on its side in the middle of the coffee table.

“Devon, is this the only way you can get girls to make out with you?” asked one of the hot-looking girls on the couch.

“Hey, I just go with what works. Everybody, around the table. Come on, come on. Who wants to go first?”

When everyone formed a circle, Meredith and I ended up getting pushed right up by the coffee table where the bottle was. We sat down on the carpet and looked at each other. Meredith nervously whispered, “Oh my God.”

“I'll do it,” said the guy in cargo shorts who'd been talking to Jules earlier. “And I don't need to trick anybody into making out with me.”

A bunch of girls giggled at this, but he didn't look so bad to me—kind of cute, even, in a guy-playing-acoustic-guitar-on-a-park-bench sort of way. Still, I crossed my fingers that the bottle wouldn't spin toward me. I didn't want to end up kissing some random guy I didn't even know when I hadn't kissed Bennett right yet.

Fortunately, I didn't have to. The first time the
long-haired guy spun, the bottle turned toward Devon, who loudly protested that that didn't count. The second time, it ended up pointing to a cute black-haired girl on the other side of the coffee table who looked almost as shy as me, Meredith, and Judith. Everyone cheered, though, and even though she was blushing, she looked like she was enjoying the attention.

The long-haired guy walked over and, before she could even get up, gave her a long, friendly kiss on the mouth. It was nothing like the movies, since their lips just sort of smooshed together and they both turned their heads in the same direction, so their noses bumped into each other. But it was really sweet, in a weird way. When they'd stopped, several people applauded and hooted while the long-haired guy walked back to his corner of the room.

During all the commotion, Judith made her way over and sat down to my left, sandwiching herself in between Meredith and me. I grinned at her, and she gave a sort of “isn't this exciting” shiver. The three of us giggled and nudged one another in the ribs, when something happened that I totally wasn't expecting. From the Ping-Pong table, Bennett called out, “I'll go next!”

My first thought was,
Oh no, he's going to wind up
making out with some other girl
. But then Bennett looked over his shoulder at me all significantly as he walked over to the coffee table. Suddenly, my heart was in my throat and I could feel my palms sweating. Bennett reached out and spun the Coke bottle really slowly, like he was trying to get it to turn a certain direction, and over all the catcalls and laughs I felt like I could hear the glass sides scraping every grain of wood in the tabletop. I held my breath.

The bottle stopped, pointing between me and this red-haired girl in a Lacoste polo shirt to my right.

“Her or me, Bennett?” she teased, balancing on the arm of a chair. “Your call.”

“I think it was pointing more at her,” he said, looking right at me. Then he walked over, took hold of my shoulders, and kissed me very deliberately. Right. On. The. Mouth.

He whispered something to me as he took a step back, but I could hardly hear him over all the noise everyone else was making—clapping and hooting and cheering. I glanced around and saw Meredith and Judith drumming on the coffee table and yelling, “Go, Flan!” I couldn't have felt happier. This time, it was a real, bona fide kiss: there were no ears involved, and it hadn't been an accident either.

When spin-the-bottle was over, we ended up sitting together in the corner of the room, on some cushions people had pulled off the couch. I can't remember what we talked about; I was feeling giddy, and I think we mostly joked around. I noticed Bennett's laugh for the first time then, the cute way he almost snorted at the end of it, but maybe I just was starting to like everything about him: his dirty-blond hair, his chipped tooth, the way he touched my arm while he was talking to me.

Bennett seemed like he could be a real boyfriend, the kind of guy who comes over for study dates and carries your books in the hallway, the sort of guy who brings lilies when you're sick and remembers your one-month anniversary. I could see us building a giant snowman together and holding hands through mittens. He was kind of awkward, and even after our
big kiss it seemed like he was trying to impress me—somewhere in the midst of my daze of happiness I remember him telling a random story about how he might get to interview the Green Party gubernatorial candidate for the school paper—but I didn't care. He was a normal teenage guy, awkward and unpolished, and that was what I liked about him.

My whole relationship with Jonathan seemed like cotton candy by comparison: it looked bright and sweet, but in the end it had been totally insubstantial. I thought about our breakup, about how I'd told Jonathan that I was tired of always trying to go to the coolest clubs and impress all the hippest people, and how he said that he couldn't imagine his life without all that. It had made me cry at the time, but when Bennett kissed me a second time, on the cheek, it was just like Jonathan had never even existed. The rest of the party pretty much disappeared too. So did Liesel, Philippa, SBB, and the mess they were all making of my house. For just those few moments, I was totally content.

That night, we slept over at Judith's, and we stayed up practically all night recapping all the cool stuff that had happened: the kiss, the gossip, everything. It was totally great, and it all ended with us having one of those communal three A.M. laughing fits where you practically break your ribs from cracking up.

The next morning, Judith's mom made us challah French toast with raspberry jam and fresh-squeezed orange juice, and we all hung out until about noon. Judith's mom was really nice too. She was a good cook, and chill enough to basically ignore us while we talked. She turned slowly through the arts section of the
Times
while she ate her breakfast, then asked us about school before she went out for a run. Judith mentioned that she used to be a yoga instructor, before her dad's law practice really took off, and I could totally see it. She had that kind of Zen calm. I realized I could use some of that myself. My cell vibrated a couple of times, but I knew without looking it was SBB and I forced myself not to worry. I'd be home soon enough.

When I finally breezed into my house at about one o'clock in the afternoon, all three of my houseguests were down in the living room waiting for me. I blinked. Up to that point, I'd been all happy and exhausted, but they had such dark, accusing looks on their faces, the guilt hit me in a wave.

“Where were you? I kept calling all morning!” SBB pointed at a spot on her arm. “I was so worried, I'm getting a rash!”

“Tell us all about your new friends,” said Philippa, sounding a little jealous.

“Was it fabulous, darling?” Liesel yawned, pretending not to care.

At that point, basically all I wanted to do was crash on the couch and daydream about Bennett. But, even though I wanted to keep that happy feeling all to myself for a little while longer, I realized I owed it to Liesel, Philippa, and Sara-Beth to at least tell them what went down.

“It was great,” I said, sinking into a chair.

I told them everything, no holds barred: about Meredith's grandma and her cookies … the kiss … cuddling with Bennett at the party … sleeping over at Judith's and laughing all night. At first, it seemed like there was no way my lame little adventure would mean anything to three of the coolest, most popular senior girls in town, but as I went on, even Liesel couldn't hide the fact she was intrigued. I must have talked for almost an hour before I finally felt my eyelids starting to droop.

“God, you guys,” I said, stretching, “I think I really need a nap or something. I'm wiped out.”

Liesel brought me a glass of orange juice and sat down on the couch.

“Snookums, you never fail to amaze me,” she said. “Who knew that high school parties could be so kitschy and fun?”

“Bennett sounds adorable.” Philippa twirled a newly black strand of hair around one finger. “Like he really gets you, you know?”

“I've never been to a real high school party before,” Sara-Beth confessed. “It was something I tried to work through with David's parents in therapy.”

“Do you think you really could get us invited to one? Next time, I mean?” asked Philippa.

I squirmed a little. I needed to stop making promises that were so hard to keep. But what could I say?

“Sure. I can try to anyway. It would depend on who's throwing it and stuff.”

“Sure.” Philippa nodded.

“We wouldn't want to make it awkward for you, darling,” Liesel said with a sigh.

“No, I mean, it wouldn't be.” Just then, I had a thought. “You know what? Even if there's not another party with people from school, we could have a party of our own—just the four of us. Like a sleepover.”

Sara-Beth clapped her hands in delight. “Really, Flan? Just like at the beginning of the summer?”

“Sure. We can do it on Friday.” I smiled. “I've been neglecting you guys way too much. I'm sorry.”