Inside Out (11 page)

She’d opened up to him in a way he was totally certain she had not to very many others. He fought back a tide of emotion. Pride in her, that she’d opened up to him, that she was so amazing. Awe at how strong she was and that she didn’t seem to get it. Anger at her ex. Fear that he’d never be able to get her past this place. Fear that he’d never have her.

Suddenly the idea of not having her was simply unbearable.

“I can help you. If you let me. If you want me to. I can help you with part of the fear.”

Her breath caught. “How?”

“A place can be safe, but this isn’t about a place, is it? Sometimes it’s just you, and then what? Is that it?”

Tears glistened in her eyes. He nearly shut up, not wanting her to hurt more.

“How about you let me give you some self-defense training? One-on-one. I can give you the tools to open that fucking car door and go shopping. Or at least another reason to try.”

When she answered, her voice was small but lined with steel. “I am so very tired of being afraid and debilitated.”

He wanted to kiss her so badly he had to swallow it back. When he’d first seen her come out, the lush plum-colored dress hugging every inch of her body, her breasts showcased pretty damned spectacularly, he’d choked on the sparkling water he’d been drinking. She wasn’t one to dress up very often or to wear more than a hint of lip gloss. But there she was, her hair shiny and smooth, her eyes and lips done up, wearing a dress that snatched the breath from him. She was breathtakingly beautiful. What he’d been the most touched by, though, was the way she’d been. More carefree than he’d seen her in years. Enjoying herself, being with her friends and, if he wasn’t wrong, aware that she looked pretty and enjoying that.

She was blossoming, and it looked just right on her. “All right then. I know you’re busy, but how about we try for three times a week? Do you exercise regularly?” He was pretty sure she did. Her body was toned. He knew this because sneaking looks at her body was one of his favorite pastimes.

“Not like you do.” She frowned, her nose wrinkling. “I do okay though. I work out in the mornings before I go to the café. Forty minutes every day. You, well you’re always biking and hiking and camping and stuff. And liking it. You’re going to run circles around me.” Her frown lightened, and she snorted.

“Well, of course I am, gorgeous. I want to see you admire me when I’m all manly and stuff.”

She laughed this time, hugging him quickly. “Thank you.”

“No problem. We can work out in the gym space at Erin’s building. That’s where we do most of our workouts. That okay?”

“Yes. Thank you, Andrew. Really.”

“You can bring me lattes or sandwiches, and we can kick fear’s ass.” He grinned, and she relaxed as he’d hoped she would.

“Deal. Earlier we got interrupted. You were going to tell me about your father.” She settled back, side to side with him again.

“I was going to ask you why you were asking.”

“Well, at first it was because of genetics. I think I was going to ask if he ate a lot like you. And now because of the way you answered my question with a question. I know there’s trouble because of Ben and Erin. And Todd. Is he mad at you because you took Ben’s side? Were you close?”

That was a question and a half. Interestingly enough, one most people didn’t ask. But she did. And he liked it. There was something about sharing intimacy that wasn’t simply about sex that made him want to grab her and run away with her, keeping her all to himself. He’d never had that before with a woman. Hell, he didn’t really have that with anyone most of the time.

It was a reminder that they’d been friends for a long time before this new twist in what they were to each other.

“I don’t know really. Stupid, huh? We had a close family growing up. My parents hung out with Todd’s parents so much it was like we were all related. Todd may as well be my blood relation, we’re that tight. Hell, our fathers have been as close as brothers until, well, you know that part of the story. I grew up fishing and boating, wood-working and carpentry. My dad and I used to do carpentry together. He isn’t mad at me for taking Ben’s side. I think he’s just mad at the world for changing. He doesn’t understand it, and instead of dealing, like everyone else, he’s just throwing a tantrum. My mother had a hard time, but she worked it through. Ben is the favorite, so it was easy for her, I think. But my dad, he’s sort of stuck there. He loves Ben, Ben loves him and he’s still the favorite, even when they don’t speak.”

She looked at him through her lashes. “You’re my favorite. Just so you know.”

Her words settled in and made him warmer than he’d let himself think he could handle. It was a tossed-off sentence, but it was precisely what he wanted to hear. And on some level she knew it.
Knew him
.

He grinned, resting his head on her shoulder a moment before going on. “Things are not the same, I guess. I feel bad for Ben, because he and my dad were tight. I feel bad for my dad because he’s lost Ben, and he’s not brave enough to make a step toward him.”

“And here you are, so fabulously you, and your dad doesn’t notice,” she said quietly. “He sucks.”

Cope laughed, the knot his father made in his gut easing a bit. “He’s old and set in his ways. That’s what my mom says. He loves us all. I just don’t think he knows how to relate to us when it comes to personal lifestyle choices.”

“I’m sorry. I wish I could help. I’ve got my own struggles with my parents over my choices, so I don’t have much advice. Though, through all the tension, I’ve never doubted their love or support for me.” She sighed. “What’s your favorite thing to do on a Saturday morning?” she asked suddenly.

He wanted to follow up on the comment about her family, but he’d wait. Things were heavy enough just then, so it would do to lighten up. “I’m restoring my house. I like to get up early and work on it. Silly, I know.”

She turned and looked at him, not through her lashes this time, but those brilliant green eyes of hers locked on his. “That’s not silly at all. It’s wonderful. I had no idea. I thought you lived in a condo in Eastlake.”

“I’m still there until I can move into the house. The condo is on the market though. I bought a house in Ballard. It’s what the Realtor called a fixer-upper. Ha! It was a total mess. But that’s sort of what I wanted. I wanted to take on a project where I could make exactly what I needed. Obviously I can’t afford to build from scratch, especially here in the city, so I’m doing the next best thing and restoring.”

He wasn’t sure why he’d just told her all that. He rarely spoke about his love of carpentry. His friends and family knew about the house and the project, but not the extent of what he was doing.

People tended to think about him in certain ways. It didn’t make him bitter or angry; he tended to be the most laid back of the men he knew. But it was close to his heart.

“That’s awesome, Cope. I’d love to see it sometime. I can’t do a whole lot of construction stuff; I don’t really know how. But I can paint and plant things. If you ever need help, I hope you’ll call me.”

He grinned. “Really? I can always use an extra pair of hands.”

“Yes, of course. I’m a pretty quick learner if there’s something I don’t understand.” She said the last, her chin jutting out almost defiantly.

Some things went deeper than a physical scar. “He told you you couldn’t do anything?”

She hesitated so he stayed quiet, waiting for her to decide to share.

“Sort of. He was good at it. He didn’t”—she ducked her head—“he didn’t hit me all the time. Just to underline a point here and there. But he was an expert at making me feel small and dim. I played my part, and now that’s over. Even with my family and friends though ...” She sighed. “It’s just that sometimes people have this idea of you. They know you in certain ways, and it’s like they’re incapable of seeing other facets. It’s not done out of meanness, but it limits nonetheless. A person is more than just who they were growing up, or one horrible period in their life.”

He didn’t say a word. Just squeezed her hand and looked out over the water and glittering lights. He knew what she meant. More than he could express to her just then.

The stuff she’d shared was major and deep, personal, and he was hungry for more. It was a chore not to push her to share. But he got the feeling she needed to tell it at her own pace, so he reined it in.

“I used to be a cheerleader.”

Well now
.

“You should know I have a thing about cheerleaders. Can you still do the splits? Do you still have the uniform? Um, when I say that, I mean cheerleaders of age and all. I’m a pervert, not a deviant.”

She laughed. “Glad to hear you’re on the right side of that divide.” She was quiet for a while before she added very quietly, “I used to be someone else.”

“No. You used to have a different sort of life. And now things have happened to change you.”

“No. I used to have no fear. None.” She shrugged. “Everything was an adventure, a challenge to be taken.”

“I’m not the same person I was when I was twenty-two either. Who could be? And who’d want that?”

They sat, quiet with the noise all around them.

“As for the splits? I haven’t tried in a very long time.” She was amused, but sadness edged her voice too.

“If you ever decide you’d like to give it a try, you know where I am. I’m always happy to spot you. Now, about that uniform?”

She turned to him with rolled eyes, playfully batting at his shoulder. “If I did, I doubt I’d be able to squeeze into it.”

A comfortable silence settled in as they picked at all the munchies on the plate he’d brought back with him. Both seemed to understand the depth of what had been shared, the intimacy they’d built. He couldn’t regret it at all.

“Would you like to dance?” he asked sometime later, after they’d demolished the food and drink. “Seems a shame to waste that dress.” He paused. “Though, I could be perfectly content to sit here with you and imagine you in that cheerleading skirt.”

She laughed softly. “All right then. Though I must tell you how utterly relaxed I am right now under this blanket with you. In addition to your other fine qualities, you put out a great deal of body heat. It’s a dream of mine.”

“What? All my body heat at your disposal? I’m always pleased to be your dream. I’m just as happy to stay right here.” Plus, right there they were totally alone. He had her all to himself, and he selfishly wanted to keep it that way. Damn, he shouldn’t have even suggested moving.

“I picked up some Pablo Neruda,” she said in her seemingly random way, standing and holding a hand out. “Come on, you know you want to. It’ll keep us warm.”

He took her hand, considering pulling her back to his lap to show her what he
really
wanted to do. He hardened at the vision of her on his lap, riding his cock as the moon lit her skin. But he stood, thinking about the root canal he’d had the month before to quell the raging hard-on. He took her hand in his own, and led her toward the dance floor. “You did? How do you like him?”

“I got a collection written in Spanish. I like it better that way. Of course I’m rusty, but what I can understand still is sensual, sexy, beautiful. I like it.”

She’d looked it up for him. Had read it because he’d mentioned it. He didn’t know why that floored him the way it did, but wow.

He twirled her, loving that she still wore his suit coat, pulling her to him. The song was slow enough he had the excuse to sway, her body pressed to him. Her scent surrounded him, and everything was right.

“ ‘You’ve moon-lines, apple pathways ...’” he murmured.

She turned her head, looking up to him, a pleased smile on her lips. “That’s lovely.”

“Pablo Neruda. One of his love sonnets called ‘Morning.’ ” One of his favorites.

“I’ll have to see if it’s in the volume I picked up.”

He would read them to her as they lay in his bed, limbs entwined. Yeah. He closed his eyes and breathed her in.

“What’s
your
favorite thing to do on a Sunday morning?” he asked, and she looked surprised and then pleased. Her face was always so incredibly animated, everything she felt was obvious in her features. She was a horrible poker player, but it was one of his favorite things about her.

“What? You asked me.” He grinned, and she burst out laughing.

“I like you, Andrew. You always make me smile. Um, let’s see. I love sleep, like with an unholy level of obsession. I don’t get enough probably. So I’ll sleep late, until after noon at the very least. I’ll get out of bed only long enough to make coffee and grab a fresh chocolate croissant and get right back under the covers where I’ll read the paper and maybe journal awhile. Total, utter laziness.”

The perfect Sunday if she added him to that bed. He’d be sure to bring extra croissants. “Very nice. A lazy day is one of life’s greatest pleasures.”

The song wound down, and Adrian’s voice sounded. “Rennie and Ella, can you two come up here please?”

“Whoops.” Ella stood back and let go of his body. “Be back in a bit.”

He ignored her good-bye and walked toward the stage with her, waiting to the side with Brody and Todd.

Rennie spoke excitedly in a stage whisper to Adrian and Ella. Ella nodded and took her hand, drawing her into the lights more.

“Rennie would like to say her good-byes.” Ella handed the mic to Rennie, who continued to hold Ella’s hand.

“My momma said I could do this instead of the toast thingy.” She grinned, and Cope found himself joining her.

“I have the best mom in the world. She’s pretty and smart and she’s a great dancer and makes my favorite tacos all the time. She tucks me in every night and don’t even, oops,
doesn’t
even complain when I brush her hair and catch a tangle.”

Elise had joined Brody, who wrapped his arm around her as they watched their daughter.

“Mom and I had a good life before Brody came. But it’s way better now. Brody reads me ten princess books when I ask, and he lets me paint my toenails if it’s only very light pink or crazy colors like green. He even plays Barbie with me. We got a good family, and I just wanted to say thank you to Brody and Aunt Erin and Uncle Todd and Uncle Ben and Uncle Cope and Uncle Adrian and Gran and Pops. And Ella, who made me a peanut butter marshmallow sandwich to eat tomorrow morning because she loves me and knows they’re my favorite.”