Inside Out (35 page)

Annalee came into the room. “Are you all right?” she asked Ella quietly. “Was he horrible?”

“I’m fine. Really. I hope I didn’t upset you, but I feel quite strongly that what Erin, Todd and Ben need right now is not to be mocked or treated with anything less than support. She’s my friend, and she’s been there for me when most everyone else wasn’t. I will carry that in my heart until the day I die. There is no excuse for this hateful tantrum. I know you’re in the middle, and I’ve been there too.” Though Annalee didn’t seem like she was controlled, her husband was a total asshole, and Ella would not allow him to harm Erin.

“I had been hoping he’d come around. I don’t expect you to understand; you shouldn’t have to. He isn’t normally like this. I’ve been praying it was a lapse in judgment and he’d finally see his way through. Dean has; most of the others have. That’s his boy.” She shrugged, and Ella gave in, hugging the other woman.

“I don’t need to understand, and I don’t judge you for trying to.”

“I wish I could.” Annalee shook her head.

Adrian came out with Ben, and both men headed their way.

Ben hugged his mother again. “Why don’t you head home? I’ll keep you in the loop about everything. Todd and I will be allowed to stay in her room tonight, even though she’s insisting we don’t need to.” He rolled his eyes. “It means a lot to me, to us, that you’re here.”

“Oh baby, where else would I be?”

Ella needed to give them all some space, probably needed a little herself too. “I’ll see you all in a few hours. You call me if anything changes or you need anything at all. Do you guys have a change of clothes and toothbrushes? Stuff like that?”

“After the last time, Erin made us put bags in the trunk just in case. We’re good.” Ben leaned down to kiss her cheek. “Thank you for that thing with my dad. I expect I’ll be hearing all the details soon enough. For now, know that we all love you, okay? Erin says to tell you she’ll be cupcake-ready in a few weeks.”

“Tell her there’s a red velvet with her name on it, when she’s ready.”

She hugged everyone one last time and headed out.

“Dad, what is your deal? Why did you come here if nothing has changed?”

Cope had wanted to run after Ella to check on her, to make sure she was all right, but damn it, his father needed dealing with too, and she’d gotten them more than halfway in a way he’d never expected.

It was hot, even as he was annoyed she’d hare off and challenge his father in a hospital parking lot like she was more than a bitty woman with more love in her heart than could be measured.

That she understood and accepted him, knew him better than the man he stood facing right then, was no small irony and no small amount of pain to admit. He’d spent all his life hoping his father would pay attention. All his life being measured against Ben and trying to do that, but failing because he wasn’t Ben. And damn it, why it took him thirty-six years to discover that it wasn’t supposed to be that way, he didn’t know. To understand that he didn’t have to be, because he was Andrew.

Ella knew that.

“I told you I came because your mother was upset. I promised to behave. It was your girlfriend who caused this mess. For fuck’s sake, boy, you traffic with whores for years, and now you get this one hanging on you. Your mother says she had some violence in her past. Why do you and your brother sniff after damaged goods?”

He lunged forward, pinning his father to the wall just to the left of the elevator bank. “You shut your mouth about her and about Erin too. You don’t know shit about it.”

“Get off, or I’ll knock you on your ass.”

Cope snorted, stepping back. “You’re full of it, old man. I’ve given you a pass because I love you. I will always love you because you’re my father. But that man, the man who taught me how to carve, how to fit a joist, the guy who was there to take a picture the first time I hooked a trout, that man is not here today. You’re half a man who’s become obsessed over stuff that’s just not his business. So you don’t like it that Ben is in love with people you don’t approve of. BFD. And? Do you run all your decisions past us? He’s nearly forty with a baby on the way. He knows what he’s doing. He’s got a successful business, and I hate that you can’t see how much he’s loved.”

“He’s a deviant! Can’t just be gay, oh no. He has to have two partners, or spouses, or whatever the hell you kids call it nowadays. Can’t brag on the baby on the way because Dean already does. What am I supposed to say to that?”

Cope sighed heavily. “This isn’t about you. Until you realize that, you’re not welcome in my life or in Ben’s. He only tolerated you here today because you promised to behave. And then lied. Far as I can see, he hasn’t lied. He’s trying to live his life as honestly as he can, given the unusual circumstances. But you? You’re a piece of work. Just because you’re my father and I love you does not mean I have to have you in my life.”

He hit the elevator button. “I’m done with you. If you come back up, I’ll call security. I’m not going to allow you to harm anyone else I love, and that includes Ella.”

24

Ben was waiting for him when he got off the elevator.

“You all right? Do I need to send a nurse down there?”

Cope heaved a heavy sigh. “I don’t know that this is ever going to be all right, Ben. I’m sorry.”

His brother smiled at him and led him back into the adjacent waiting room. “Dude, is that what you think you need to do? Fix this?”

“He can’t go on like this, ripping at you and Erin. We can’t just not say anything.”

“What about you? He rip at you? He tried to hit you, Andy. Just leave it be. I have enough to freak out about, and he can’t be allowed to be part of that. I don’t like it, but you know what? Fuck him. I’m not asking him to do anything more than accept my choices.”

“Ella ripped him a new asshole.” Despite his anger at his father, this made him smile. “Her hands shook a moment, but she never backed down.”

Ben grinned. “Really? Not that I doubt it, she’s been a good friend to us.”

“Rest easy, he thinks she’s damaged goods anyway.” That hurt, but damn it, he wasn’t going to let it bug him any more than he had to. “So fill me in. I know Erin has stabilized, and the baby is good. By the way, a son? Congratulations.”

Ben’s face cleared of worry and anger, replaced by total joy for a brief moment. “Thanks. I feel better that she’s here so close to all the doctors. I just never imagined she’d have any problems. She’s Erin; nothing slows her down.”

Cope could hear the fear there in his brother’s words. “She’s going to be good, and you’re going to be a dad. I know this is scary now, but she’s Erin, and as you said, nothing slows her down.”

“I don’t know what I’d do if something happened to her. I don’t know that I’d be able to get through it.”

He watched his brother, sort of stunned to see this break in his very self-assured façade. Cope had simply always assumed Ben could handle anything, always felt his big brother was unshakable.

“You have Todd. You have me and mom and all our friends. And you have Erin. Nothing is going to happen to her. I researched preeclampsia and eclampsia. This is a good hospital; she’s got great doctors watching over her. She’s here close to operating rooms, and damn, dude, she’s staying in a room that can be converted to a delivery room in minutes.”

“I never imagined loving like this.” Ben scrubbed hands over his face. “I never imagined the other side of the intensity and depth of my connection to Erin would be the bottomless pit of fear at the very idea of losing her. Andy, I’m so fucking scared every moment I’m awake.”

He hugged his brother, trying to be strong, knowing that’s what Ben needed. But it woke up those fears deep in his belly.

“She’s everything I ever wanted, totally essential to me, and the thought of losing it leaves me in a cold sweat. And all I can think is how much Todd and I wanted a baby with her and if something happens it’ll be our fault.”

“She wants that too. She’s been over the moon about this pregnancy and the baby. It’s not your fault for wanting a family with her. And I imagine when Alexander comes home, that’s going to scare you a few thousand times a day too. Just me here now, let it all out. Pinky swear I won’t tell anyone.” Cope sat back with a snort.

His brother needed to fall apart a little; he could see that clearly now. So he just sat with him, close, and let him. Ben didn’t have to be strong in front of Cope, didn’t need to hide his fear or his panic. Cope wouldn’t judge him, and he understood it.

Adrian came out some minutes later, after Ben had begun to pull himself back together.

“Hey, you two, didn’t expect to see you out here. Erin and I went for a walk around the perimeter a few dozen times, and she’s back tucked into bed. Todd is with her, and I think they’re talking dinner. She looks better. Alexander moved around a lot, which cheers Erin a lot I know. Anyway, I’m off to Brody and Elise’s for movies and pizza. I figured I’d see you there.” He looked to Cope.

“Ah, that’s where they all went. I haven’t checked my voice mail in a while. I think Ella and I had loose plans, so I’ll check in with her.”

“She’s going over there too, I think. You okay, Ben?”

Ben took a deep breath and stood. “Yeah, I am now.” He turned when Cope stood too. “Thanks. Now it’s your turn to go to her, the woman who is your everything.”

Cope smiled. “Yeah. Well. Give Erin a kiss for me, okay? I’ll see you tomorrow morning. Let me know if you want me to bring breakfast in or something. I’ll have my cell with me.”

He stood in his front room, looking out the windows at the rain. This room smelled like Ella. She loved the overstuffed chair he’d put in near the window. She perched there often, reading, doing casework, whatever. He’d moved it closer to the window, had made sure the fireplace was working well, wanting her to be comfortable in his house, wanting her to choose to be there with him.

One of her cardigans hung on the back of the chair, a bright splash of blue against the paler green of the chair. He picked it up and breathed her in. Love filled him in a rush, flashing through him, leaving him weak in the knees.

In just a few months he’d taken a longtime crush and had tipped over into love so big and amazing he’d not bothered to fight it. Why would he?

He spent every spare moment he could get with her, thought about her when he wasn’t with her. Saw a movie billboard and made a mental note to take her; saw a redheaded woman in a crowd, and an ache filled him as he wondered where she was and how her day was going.

Today she’d confronted his father in a way so fearless he’d been taken aback by it. She’d said the things he’d wanted to say, things he’d thought, and his normally macho father had stumbled a bit in the face of it.

He’d assumed she would still be so messed up by her past that a confrontation like that would not be something she’d be up to.

She’d left him a voice mail telling him of the plan to hang with everyone at Brody’s. Only in her Ella way, she’d seen it as a way to comfort her friends and keep their minds off the scary stuff.

So why was he there? There looking out his window, frozen by his feelings for her? Why wasn’t he with her, touching her, listening to her voice and letting the feel of her skin soothe the jangled nerves?

Fear.

It clawed at his insides. Seeing his hard-assed brother brought to tears from worry over his wife and child had shaken him harder than he’d imagined. Freaked him out, he supposed. Up until then he’d loved his family and slowly, those people they’d brought into their circle. He loved women in the same way he loved pistachio gelato and action movies. They made him feel better when he indulged, had given him a lot of pleasure.

But he didn’t love them the way he loved her. Loved Ella Tipton so much that spot inside him he hadn’t known was there yawned and freaked him the fuck out. He’d sort of assumed that when he fell in love he’d always get along with his wife. But he and Ella, well, she had a spark. His father had called her damaged goods, but so many people didn’t get that she wasn’t damaged at all. Bad things happened to her, and she survived them. Her skin was damaged, maybe her heart because she’d loved badly. But Ella Tipton was a survivor, a triumphant success story that his father could never understand, and more was the pity.