Insipid (11 page)

I stand up to wrap Matt in my arms. I’m truly going to miss my friend. I think this run-in and his advice was just what I needed. “Thank you for everything,” I whisper into his chest, noticing that Lucas continues to look at him with interest.

“Take care of yourself, my friend. And be careful,” he whispers back.

Lucas helps me get into my coat. By the time I’m buttoned up and ready to go, Matt is gone.

I STUMBLE BACK
to the hotel with Lucas by my side, holding me up. “I’m fine,” I tell him, trying to put some space between us.

“Jade. Let me take you upstairs. I’ll leave you at your door.” I don’t say anything. I move ahead, knowing that he’s following right behind me.

“Wait. Where are my keys?” I fish through my purse, removing bit by bit of what’s in there, swishing my hand around, desperate to feel the elusive key card which is nowhere to be found. “Oh, wait. It’s in my pocket!” I laugh as I slip it into the slot.

He follows me inside the room and picks up after me—first lining up my shoes on the mat, then grabbing my jacket, which I flung on the floor, and my purse, which fell from my arm as soon as I stumbled in the door.

“Gosh, I have to pee so badly,” I say, leaving him standing in the hallway acting as a coat rack and a purse hanger.

He’s sitting calmly on the edge of the bed when I emerge a few minutes later.

“Thanks for taking me home. I’ll be fine from here.” All of a sudden, I’m feeling a swirl of emotions. I’m angry, and frustrated, and I want to cry because nothing has turned out the way I hoped that it would. He reaches out for me as I move past him. I twist my body around so his hands slip off my waist. “We have two more days left, Lucas. When am I going to see you again?”

“I don’t know,” he says solemnly. “We have to talk.”

“I’m in no position to talk right now, as you can plainly see,” I counter. I boldly take a seat on his lap. He immediately wraps his arms around me and I place my head squarely on his shoulder. “I’m tired and I just want to go to bed.”

“I know, baby. I’m sorry this visit didn’t go as well as we both hoped. The merger’s not done yet and I don’t want you risking anything. There’s just too much to lose from your end.”

I lift my head up to look at him.

“Those eyes. They drive me crazy, Jade. You just don’t know how much I want to be with you.”

“Then why didn’t you make an effort, Lucas? Why didn’t you go out of your way to see me more while you’re in town? I can’t believe that I booty called you at noon today. I’m so embarrassed! Do you even know what a booty call means?”

He chuckles as he gently moves to cradle my face in his hands. “I’ve watched enough American movies to know what that means.”

“Yeah, rub it in. I don’t find you funny.”

“Oh, Jade. All this work for the merger. What happens isn’t just going to affect you or me. Your office, my business. They’re all riding on this transaction. I’m putting in all this effort to make sure that it goes through. And then we can decide what to do as soon as this is over.”

“And here I am thinking that you would throw it all away for me,” I say bitingly.

He drops his head down and responds somberly, “If you only knew.”

“I’m kidding, Luke,” I say, sounding quite annoyed. I try to lighten my tone but he doesn’t hear me.

“What we have, Jade,” he murmurs, “it’s no laughing matter to me. I didn’t plan it, but here it is. And I wish that the situation was different. I wish I met you under other circumstances.”

“It is what it is,” I respond. I think about what Matt had said, how Lucas will never give up anything to be with me.
Unlike everything that I was willing to give up for just a single moment with him.
“And now, I just want to go to sleep.” I stand up and make my way to the side of the bed. “Show yourself out, Lucas.” I don’t wait to see what he does or where he goes. I lay my head on the pillow and immediately pass out.

“UGH!” I MUTTER
as the phone rings at exactly seven o’clock in the morning. My wake up call. Time to get up and start another sad day at the office. “Shit! My head!” I croak as I grab my temples with both hands. I hear a low-pitched grumble and affix my eyes on someone sitting up next to me. “Nice glasses,” I say, realizing that Lucas never left. He’s leaning against two pillows on the headboard with a Mac on his lap, typing quietly away on the keyboard. “You didn’t sleep? Why are you still here?”

“First of all, I’m still jet lagged. But more importantly, you looked so cute all curled up and asleep, I just couldn’t leave you.” I see the glint in his eye through the eyeglasses resting low on his nose.

“Seriously, Luke. What are you still doing here?”

“I have to leave today. I have to be at O’Hare by 10:00 am.”

“What? Why? I thought you would be staying until the weekend.”

“Leigh called. He said that the papers are all drawn up and we have some glitches that we need to address right away.”

“Oh.” I sit up and lean against the headboard while he sets the laptop on the floor beside the bed. I can’t deny the look of disappointment in my eyes as the tears threaten to fall down my face.

“Jade. Don’t, please.” He pulls me close to him, holding my head to his chest and tenderly stroking my hair.

My God, Jade, get a grip. You’re showing your weaknesses. What the hell is the matter with you?

“I’ll miss you,” I whisper through my tears.

“Look, I’ll take care of whatever needs to be done right away and then I’ll be back, okay? Two to three weeks tops. I promise. Nothing will change between now and then. This is just the beginning for us. And I’ll call you. Every day.”

At this precise instant, I feel like a little child desperately looking for affection. Or a mistress, clamoring for any little time she can get with her married lover.
How did the tables turn so quickly? When did I become this person?

I reach out my hand to caress his face. “I’m saying goodbye now, Luke. I’m going to take a shower and get ready for work. Please. This time, see yourself out.”

I slide off the bed, but he takes hold of my hand to stop me from walking away. With his other arm, he gently guides me back towards him, lowering me onto his lap. Slowly, he pulls my face to his and kisses me. I give in for a moment to savor the feel of his lips. They’re filling every single void in my heart and I hardly even know who he really is. This man is going to break my heart all over again. I peek through my eyelids to watch him get lost in our kiss. His luscious eyelashes, his eyes, his nose. If I keep this up, I’m never going to walk away. Just as our tongues meet, I break away.

“Jade.”

“I still have so many questions to ask you,” I say disappointedly.

“Ask me.” He plants another kiss on my lips and then lightly trails the tip of his nose down my neck.

“What car do you drive? What do you do on weekends? Do you have a dog? Where do you like to shop, what do you cook when you’re at home—”

He laughs despite remaining honed in on my neck. I can barely hear his muffled response. “Silver 2014 Carrera, surf, work out, work, no dog, Versace and anything stir fry.”

“Hmm.” I giggle. “Interesting.”

He takes the lightness in my tone as permission to continue his intention. He begins to unbutton my blouse.

“No, Luke. No more. I can’t do this. Please know I’m not asking for anything from you. You don’t have to give me any guarantees. I went into this knowing that it was never going to work. Just know that you have made me feel so much more than I have in a long time. Leave this room knowing that. I’m not going to pretend that you don’t mean anything to me because you do.”

“This isn’t over. Why are you speaking to me like it is?” His face looks pained and for once I want him to say more, but he doesn’t.

“Because whatever happens between now and the next time we see each other, I just want you to know that I’m thankful for the time we spent together. Goodbye, Luke.” I plant a soft kiss on his forehead and will myself to mean it.

“Is that really what you want?” he whispers sadly.

“It’s what needs to happen.” I turn my back to him and slowly walk away.

BY THE TIME
I opened the bathroom door, he was gone.

That was two weeks ago. I haven’t heard from him since.

I finally land at the Hong Kong airport and wait for an hour for Olivia’s flight to arrive. We both took direct flights from our respective home cities. I pick her out of the crowd easily—long, flowing dark hair, tall and slim and so very stylish. Her outfit stands out among the well-dressed business people and vacationers. She’s wearing designer clothes in the latest style—a camouflage top with gold pants and black boots. Already there are men flocking around her, fans and strangers just wanting to breathe the same air that she does.

“Hi!” We crash into each other excitedly. “I missed you!” I say as my tears flow freely.

She smiles warmly as I swipe my eyes to dry my tears. “Jade, don’t cry. I’m here now. We’re going to have lots of fun.”

“I know,” I sniff, self-consciously. “I’m just so glad to see you.”

Two hours later, we find ourselves walking up and down the streets of the Tsim Shua Tsui shopping district, an area in the city filled with street markets and designer shops. The Hermes store is practically empty except for us and two other patrons and we take our time placing our names on the waiting list for one of the new styles we’re hoping to score during our stay there.

“I don’t know, should we do it, Jade? I’d have to sell a few paintings to pay for this.” I’m lost in my thoughts and so I don’t hear a word she says.

“Jade?” she repeats testily. “Are you here?”

“Oh, sorry. What did you say?”

“Seriously? It’s not like you to be so disengaged while we’re shopping. Tell me right now. What’s bugging you?” She tries on a matching belt and scarf and takes a selfie in the mirror.

“Nothing, I’m fine.”

“I’m going to seriously impede your air supply with this scarf if you keep this up.” We both do a double take and look at each other. She’s crestfallen, her hand quickly rising to cover her mouth. “Oh God. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean that,” she muffles apologetically through her fingers.

I shrug my shoulders. “It’s okay. I know.”

“What’s with you, Jade?”

“I haven’t heard from him in two weeks.”

“Wait a minute. You told him it was over.”

“I know. I guess I just didn’t expect him not to at least try to get in touch with me.”

She shakes her head at me, and I know it’s because she sees how ridiculous I’m being. “Where is he now?”

“I don’t know, at home, I guess.”

“Call him. Take me out of this misery. Call him now.”

“You think I should?”

“Jade! Call him! It takes two to play this game. Stop assuming; you’re driving yourself nuts. If you miss him, then make the move. Call.”

I take my phone out and walk away from her as she moves towards the counter. I dial his number.

“Hi, Jade! How’ve you been?”
Okay, good sign. At least he’s not avoiding me.

“Hi, Lucas. How are you?”

“I’m well, thank you. And you? Are you in Chicago?”