Insomnia (17 page)

I dropped the paper to the floor. The pounding in my head was so loud I could hear every heartbeat like a marching band clanging in my brain. As I watched Mia’s stiff form walk down the hall, I saw the shadow of someone following behind her. I took a step. It was him; it had to be. I had to warn her. As I opened my mouth to yell her name, the words caught in my throat and I choked on all the lies my life had become.

The shadowy figure stepped into the light. Tall, messy black hair, loose-fitting jeans—I recognized the familiar walk.

I blinked, knowing it must be my imagination. He nearly caught up with her before I finally rubbed my eyes and looked again. Darkness splintered into a thousand shadows before melting into the gloomy corners of the hallway.

twenty-one

The massive oak tree shuddered against the cold November wind. The few leaves that still clung to the branches were plucked off one by one, each spinning harder than the last as it skittered down the street in front of my car. I parked across from Dr. Freeburg’s office again.

What I was hoping to learn from showing up here, at this point, I wasn’t sure. I just wanted to talk to Freeburg. Mia had made it very clear in our conversation earlier that she already thought I had, so I might as well try. Maybe I could get a clearer idea if he was actually as creepy as he seemed to be. Maybe he had some of the answers that were out of my reach. After my plan to talk to Mia had crashed and burned, I desperately needed to cross a name off my suspect list, and if it couldn’t be mine … well, then maybe it could be his.

I leaned the driver’s seat back and closed my eyes to rest for a few moments, but it didn’t help much. My headache was every bit as bad as it had been earlier, and it was getting worse by the minute. Each time I closed my eyes, I saw Darkness following Mia down the hallway. I’d seen occasional weird things before, but usually they were while I was in someone else’s dream and were followed by a pink unicorn wearing a pin-striped suit.

This wasn’t a dream, though. My mind had become my worst enemy. It was playing morbid tricks on me, and I didn’t know how worried I should be. Blowing it off was the obvious option. It was easy. I was good at it. But I had a nagging feeling that seeing the shadow of me meant things were getting worse—more serious. As if losing time at night wasn’t bad enough, full-blown hallucinations weren’t something I felt prepared to deal with. Not now, not ever.

It was bad enough to see Darkness in Mia’s nightmares, but to have him following me into reality wasn’t an option. Yet what I’d seen
wasn’t
real. I didn’t want him to be.

He
couldn’t be.

I’d avoided thinking much about the e-mails, mostly because it confirmed my fears. Either someone wanted Mia to think I’d sent the messages, or I’d sent them during my lost time. I winced and focused on the first option. Who would want to frame me, though? Who hated me enough to destroy my life like this? I’d been thinking about it for a few weeks, but still didn’t feel any closer to the answer. We had no real
suspects
there. Thor, Matt, and Jeff made more sense than anyone, but would they really be okay with terrifying Mia in the process of making me look bad? Worse still … what if it was my name on that e-mail because I
was
the monster who set up the account? What if Mia had been right about me all along?

Mia finally walked out of the office, chatted with Dr. Freeburg for a minute, and waved goodbye. He went back inside as she climbed in her purple truck on the other side of the parking lot. Ducking low in my seat, I closed my eyes and didn’t move while she drove past. I didn’t release the breath I was holding until after I heard her turn the corner. I was pretty sure she hadn’t seen me. For the hundredth time in the last month, I was grateful my car was small and too boring to draw attention. Things were tense enough already.

I waited until I couldn’t hear any more traffic before I sat up. The moment I did, I saw Blind Skull climb on his motorcycle, look straight at me, and peel out of the parking lot. I scrambled out of the car, but he was already so far down the road I could barely make out his receding figure.

I couldn’t find him when I looked for him, but here he was in Dr. Freeburg’s parking lot at the same time as Mia? That was just too much of a coincidence. A trickle of fear froze me from the inside out. If I hadn’t already added him to the suspect list, I’d be writing his name at the top of it right now. I could think of only one reason for him to be here.

Dr. Freeburg caught my attention when he began shuffling around the reception area. Grabbing a coat, he flipped off the lights. I rubbed my hands together to warm them and crossed the street. I couldn’t think about Blind Skull now. I had to find out everything I could about Dr. Freeburg and Mia before he left too. I’d just stepped up onto the curb when he pulled a small key from his pocket to lock the door.

I knew he wasn’t supposed to talk to me about Mia, but if I could get him to tell me something—anything—it might help. Besides, the way he acted around her still gave me the creeps. He still stood too close for comfort.

As he turned away from the door, I stepped onto the middle of the step behind him, blocking his path. “Dr. Freeburg?”

“Yes?” He turned to face me, the pasty skin around his dirty brown eyes crinkled in confusion.

“I’m a friend of Mia Greene’s. I hoped maybe you could help me.”

“Oh, you just missed her. She left a few minutes ago. I’m sorry.”

“No, I mean—I wanted to talk to you.”

His eyebrows rose, but he didn’t say anything.

I didn’t really know where to start, but anything would be better than standing here stuttering. “She’s tried to explain what you do—with hypnotherapy. But I’m not sure I understand.”

“Ah, well, yes. Hypnotherapy is an underestimated art. There are so very many uses. Cognitive behavioral therapy, when combined with hypnosis, for example, can be instrumental in addressing issues like stress, anxiety, phobias.” Dr. Freeburg slowly edged around me until he was out on the sidewalk and headed toward his car, but he kept talking. I matched his pace, trying to soak up any information I could. “Even panic disorders or insomnia have been found to respond well to treatment.”

“Phobias, like with Mia and fire?”

He stopped walking and turned to face me. Frowning, he shook his head. “I can’t talk about any specific patients, of course, but to answer your question about phobias—yes, any phobia has the possibility of responding to hypnotherapy.”

I nodded, trying to piece together what this could possibly have to do with Mia’s dreams. She somehow thought I’d heard about them from Dr. Freeburg. Did she have insomnia? “So, with the hypnotherapy, you could what? Help someone sleep better or—not have nightmares?”

“Well, dealing with phobias is a long and difficult process.” Dr. Freeburg’s expression was sad. “But as far as insomnia and other sleep disorders, hypnotherapy has varying degrees of success. With some, self-hypnosis training can work immediately, but with others it sometimes doesn’t work at all.”

“Self-hypnosis?”

“Yes. I usually train my patients to be able to hypnotize themselves. Particularly when dealing with insomnia or night terrors—issues that occur when I’m not present. It allows them to not only sleep, but to sleep in a semi-controlled, safe state. It’s a difficult method to document, but I see quite a bit of success with it.”

I felt my jaw click as my mouth dropped open. A light flipped on in my mind and suddenly everything made so much sense. Mia’s painting dreams—the reason they were so repetitive, so unlike anyone else’s. They were dreams induced by self-hypnosis.

“That’s what Mia’s dreams about the meadow and the lighthouse and everything are, right? They’re part of her treatment? She’s hypnotized?”

Dr. Freeburg’s brow furrowed. “As I said, I’m not able to discuss Mia’s treatment with you.”

“Right. I just know she has dreams like that—sometimes,” I muttered.

We stopped beside a blue BMW in the parking lot. “Yes, well, I suppose you can ask her any other questions you might have.”

“One more thing … it’s not about the hypnosis or anything. Did she tell you anything about the threats she’s been getting?”

The hypnotherapist turned slowly and leaned against the car. His expression was more guarded than it had been before. He seemed suspicious and oddly nervous … he looked guilty. “She discussed that with you?”

Out of nowhere, my left hand had another mini-seizure. It shook violently at my side and Dr. Freeburg got a good look at it before I stuck it in my pocket and pushed it down so hard that it mostly stopped.

“Well … ” My mind scrambled for an answer that might both distract him from what had happened and somehow make him talk. I came up empty—there wasn’t one. I decided to try the truth. “She mentioned she got some scary e-mails, and I’m worried about her.”

“What did you say your name was again?” His eyes were glued to the pocket where my hand still jerked sporadically.

This was going downhill fast. I didn’t want him to tell Mia I’d been here. “I’m Jeff—Jeff Sparks.”

“That’s odd. I’ve met Jeff Sparks before, since he brings Mia to therapy sometimes. And you’re not him.” Dr. Freeburg returned my gaze with cold eyes and I wanted to kick myself. Of course he’d met Mia’s foster family. Real genius move on my part. I missed the days when my brain could keep up with everything happening around me … those were good times.

He pulled his cell phone from his jacket pocket. “I will give you thirty seconds to leave, young man.”

Taking a few quick steps backward, I stumbled over the curb. “Right, well, thanks for your time.”

I was halfway to my car when I heard him yell behind me. “And leave that poor girl alone.”

The air slowly drained from my lungs once I got into my car and back on the road. Something about Dr. Freeburg felt very … off. I couldn’t place it. He seemed to know his stuff, and had obviously helped Mia with her nightmares before I screwed everything up for her, but he made my skin crawl.

The sun was setting and shadows crept across the road before me. I felt the same gloom encroaching on my heart. I’d watch Dr. Freeburg’s dreams tonight and see if they gave me a clue. If he knew something about the e-mails, maybe his dreams would show me the truth.

As I drove home, his last words rang through my head to the beat of the ever-present hammering.
Leave that poor girl alone.
My chest hurt as I drew in a slow rattling breath.

If only I could.

twenty-two

When I pulled into the driveway, Mom was already home. A little surprising since it wasn’t even dark yet. She’d been working late a lot the past week or two, ever since our argument. Work and school made avoiding each other simple. We’d never talked about the fight again. We were both too busy pretending it never happened. But it’s hard to stay angry with her when I know how easy it was for Dad to walk away.

He didn’t even need a reason, and God knows I’d already given Mom too many.

I grabbed my sunglasses off the visor, pushed them up on my nose, and got out of the car. Retrieving my backpack from the passenger seat, I slung it over my shoulder and walked inside.

Mom stood in the kitchen slicing up carrots. Even when she was cooking, she still had on her business suit. Her jacket hung over the back of a chair at the table and her sleeves were rolled up above her elbows. Her short brown hair was pulled up in a clip and her reading glasses were pushed back on her head. Typical Mom.

The smell of her homemade chicken noodle soup filled every space in the house and made my stomach growl. It was my absolute favorite.

“Hey, Mom. That smells awesome.” I grabbed a carrot and popped it in my mouth.

“Hi, bud. How was practice?” she asked without looking up.

“Fine,” I lied and turned toward my room. Jeff never held practice on Tuesdays, and I didn’t even have my gym bag with me. Of course, I’d missed most of the practices. When I’d stopped by Coach Mahoney’s office as promised, I’d told him that I was taking a private soccer clinic at the college; he said that as long as I came to every practice once the season started, he didn’t care. But I knew that soccer was just one more problem that would eventually come back up. It felt like everything I did lately was just putting off dealing with the inevitable. Mom, Coach, death … it would all catch up to me at some point.

A chill slid down my spine and I shrugged it off. As long as work kept Mom busy enough to keep her off my back, it was okay. I cracked my neck to ease some of the tension that built up there with every new lie I told.

“Where are you going?” Mom called down the hallway after me. “Dinner is almost ready.”

“Yeah, I have a killer headache. I’m going to rest my eyes for a minute.” I shut my door behind me before she had a chance to respond.

I hadn’t lied this time. My headache
was
becoming somewhat epic. But mostly I didn’t feel like having the same old argument about wearing my sunglasses at the dinner table. I knew she considered it disrespectful, and having to come up with new excuses all the time made me tired. And tonight I really couldn’t afford to make eye contact with anyone else. I needed to figure out what was up with Dr. Freeburg. If he wasn’t the stalker, then I’d track down that Blind Skull guy and see what his dreams were made of. Not that I’d had much luck finding him so far.

I slipped off my shoes and leaned back on my pillow. Freeburg probably wasn’t asleep yet, although I made him for one of those lame early-to-bed/early-to-rise types. Maybe I could relax in the void for a bit before I got sucked into his dream.

A light tapping on the door woke me up. I squinted at the clock; it had been about forty-five minutes.

“Parker?” Mom’s voice whispered through the door. “Are you asleep?”

“Not anymore.”

She opened the door a crack and I didn’t have to fake my flinching reaction to justify hiding my eyes. A million light bulbs burst inside my brain at once and I threw my arm over my face.

“Sheesh, Mom, can you turn out that light?”

“Oh, sorry,” she muttered and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. Her voice warbled with that familiar worried tone again. “Are you feeling okay? You look terrible.”

“Yeah,” I said. “Migraine.”

“Do you want some medicine?” she asked softly.

Dad used to get migraines all the time. It was one of the few things I remembered about him. So it made for a good excuse that she could understand, and it was pretty accurate at the moment.

“I can bring your dinner in here if you want,” she added.

“That would be good. Thanks.”

Mom leaned over and kissed my forehead in the darkness. “No problem, sweetie. Just feel better, okay?”

I nodded and rolled onto my side.

A few minutes later she was back with dinner and some ibuprofen. I kept my eyes closed tight as she moved about in the semi-darkness.

“Finn called three times tonight. He sounded worried.” The way she said it seemed more like a question than a statement.

“I’ll talk to him at school tomorrow.”

“Addie called too.”

“Okay.”

“You aren’t—I mean, are you two dating? Because that would be fine. She seems like a really sweet girl.”

I groaned. “No, Mom. She’s just a friend.”

“Easy. I was only wondering.” She leaned over and squee-
zed my shoulder with one hand. “Well, get some rest and holler if you need anything else.”

Feeling guilty about my reaction, I wrapped one arm around her shoulders. Somehow I had to make all the lies up to her, while I still had time left. She deserved better. “Thanks for dinner, Mom.”

“You’re very welcome.” I wasn’t sure why, but hearing the smile in her voice made me feel better than I had all day.

I rolled over again and squinted at the glowing red numbers of my alarm clock. It was almost midnight.

Sitting up, I drew in a deep breath and slowly let it out. My feet clunked to the floor and I tried to stand up when the dental floss tugged my arm back behind me. I yanked my hand around until I felt it snap and got to my feet. My head felt a little better, so maybe some water would help.

The house was silent. It’d been almost an hour since I’d heard Mom go to bed. I filled a glass with water from the fridge and walked back to my room. Halfway there, I heard a weird squeaking noise. Mid-step, I froze, listening for the sound again, but it was quiet. I walked in, shut the door, and then heard it again. It was coming from my backpack.

When I picked my backpack up, I felt the side pocket vibrating. Oh, my cell phone. I’d forgotten it was still in there. I pulled it out; the screen was filled with a picture of Finn wearing an enormous jack-o’-lantern over his head. Addie had taken it at Halloween last year. I flipped the phone open.

“Hello?”

There was a stunned silence on the other end before he finally responded. “What. Is. Going. On?” He emphasized every word like it could be the most important one he’d ever said. I couldn’t help but laugh.

“Um—mostly sleep. What are you talking about?”

“Dude. You talked to Mia this morning, then you disappeared and we don’t ever hear from you again? You were supposed to give me a ride home from school, and you never showed. Addie and I have been calling you all night.” In the background I heard Addie talking quietly. She was squeaking a little, the way she did when she was upset. Finn took a deep breath. “What happened?”

I winced. “Sorry about the ride. I totally forgot. I ended up going to talk to Dr. Freeburg, and—” I stopped, not sure what to say about Dr. Freeburg yet. It would probably be better to wait until after I’d seen his dreams.

“You talked to her therapist?”

“Seriously, Finn, do you listen to anything I say?”

“Hi, Parker, how are you feeling?” Addie’s voice came through abruptly. She must’ve picked up the phone extension.

“Hey, Addie. I’m okay. Freeburg seemed to at least know what he was talking about.” I scratched my head and yawned. “Oh, but I was wondering, do either of you know that new guy at school? Dark hair, wears a leather jacket with an emblem on the shoulder of a skull wearing two eye patches?”

“Oh yeah, and he keeps a parrot in his locker?” Finn laughed and then I heard a thud followed by, “Ow!”

“I think I’ve seen him … but I’m not sure.” Addie was quiet for a moment. “It’s weird … I can almost rememb—”

“Why are you asking about him anyway?” Finn inter
rupted. “Did Mia mention him?”

“No, I just keep seeing him around, especially when I’m following Mia. I just wondered if you guys knew who he was.”

“You think he could be her stalker?” There was no humor in Finn’s voice now.

“Maybe. I don’t know.” It was quiet for a few seconds before Addie changed the subject.

“So, what happened with Mia?” Her voice sounded soft next to Finn’s. “I think she’s avoiding me, so I’m guessing it didn’t go well?”

Sitting on the edge of the bed, I secured a new strand of floss around my wrist. “Nope, it sucked. But I learned a few things, so it wasn’t totally worthless.”

“Like what?” Finn’s voice echoed oddly, the way it does when there are two phones being used in the same room.

“Listen, can we talk about it tomorrow? I really need to watch his dreams first, and then I think I’ll know more.” I yawned and climbed under my covers.

“Whose dreams? Freeburg’s?” Finn asked quickly. I knew they wanted answers before I hung up, but I just didn’t have the energy.

“Yeah. I think it might help.”

“Really? Why?” Addie sounded doubtful.

“I’ll explain more tomorrow.”

I could practically hear Finn shaking his head through the phone. “Random, but all right. Tomorrow though—you need to catch me up.”

“Catch
us
up,” Addie added.

“Promise. Good night, guys.”

“Night.” Their unison voices echoed the word until I heard two faint clicks and then silence.