Authors: J Q Anderson
Chapter 15:
Natalia
:
I can
’
t stop the shaking. My body
convulses from hypothermia as Jake brings me into his villa. I
’
m not sure if this is a dream, or if he
’
s really here. He slides me onto the couch and
immediately starts taking my clothes off. I want to help him, but my limbs are
unresponsive and numb from fatigue and lying on the snow. Jake holds my face in
his hands and says my name. I manage to open my eyes and he sighs, from relief,
I think. His eyes are etched in worry as he says soothing words and tells me to
try to stay awake.
“I
’
m going to fill up the bathtub,
okay? I
’
ll be back in just a second.”
I don’
t
want him to go, but I nod, leaning back onto the couch. My eyelids are heavy. I
am so tired. I let them drop, even though he told me not to.
He
’
s back and says my name again.
Then holds my hands and squeezes them.
“You are so cold,” he says. I feel cold, but want to tell him the cold
comes from within. My jacket is off. He removes my sweatshirt and ski pants
with some effort. I wish I could help, but my body feels as if it
’
s made out of led. He strips off the rest of my
clothes until I am left in a camisole and my underwear. I
’
m not wearing a bra and feel exposed, but I don
’
t care. Jake carries me to the bathtub and slowly
slips me in. The water is too hot and I gasp from the shock. Jake holds my arms
and tells me it
’
s okay. It
’
s just warm, he says I need to get used to it. I
think he
’
s scared because he keeps
repeating it
’
s going to be okay. I
’
m safe. I lean back onto the bathtub and he holds
my hand.
“Natalia, try to stay awake, okay?”
The way he says my name brings tears to my eyes.
“Jake…”
“Shh,” he says. “You are going to be fine.” He pulls out his phone and
calls Dani. Why is Jake calling Dani? He tells her I
’
m okay, then says his villa number. He tells her
I need dry clothes. I am exhausted and close my eyes while they talk. Jake
doesn
’
t let go of my hand.
A knock on the door wakes me. I startle and Jake squeezes my hand.
“It
’
s okay,” he says. “It
’s just Dani. I’
m going to open the door.” He lets go of my hand.
I frown.
Dani barges in and her face falls when she sees me.
“Nati. What the fuck.”
“Dani,”
Jake interrupts.
“I need to get
her out of the bathtub. Then you can strip the rest of her clothes off and we
can wrap her into this.” He shows her a robe. Dani helps him and they lift me
out of the bathtub. I feel a little stronger and manage to stand up. Then Jake
leaves and Dani seats me on the toilet. Water pours down onto the floor and I
start shaking again. Dani helps me strip naked and into the robe.
Jake comes back into the bathroom and carries me to the couch, then wraps
a blanket around me. I close my eyes. I
’
m just
so tired.
“I
’
ll make her some tea,” he says.
“Jake. Shit. She can
’
t walk back
to the lodge like this. People will ask questions and after what happened at
work today she doesn
’
t need that
kind of attention.”
“Let her stay here. She can have the bedroom and I
’
ll sleep on the couch. I
’
ll have her give you a call in the morning.” He
leaves, to make tea I think, and Dani sits next to me on the couch, assessing
my condition. I
’
m still trembling and it seems
like the warmth of all the blankets in the world wouldn
’
t be enough. Dani brushes my hair off my
forehead. “Nati. I can
’
t get you
back to our room right now. Do you want me to stay here with you? I just need
to get a few things and I
’
ll be back.”
I shake my head. “It
’
s okay. I
trust Jake. You… should go. One of us… should be there. Just in case… people
ask.” My teeth rattle.
It takes Dani a long time, but she finally agrees to leave me at Jake
’
s villa. She says she will be back in the morning
and tells me to call her if I need anything. I look up at her because I don
’
t have a phone. She rolls her eyes. Obviously she
knows this, since she
’
s been in our
room and most likely found the remains of my cell phone.
“Just use Jake
’
s phone if
you need me,” she mutters, then kisses my forehead. “Are you sure you
’
ll be okay? Jesus, Nati. You gave me one shit of
a scare.”
I nod and she sighs, then stands up and says goodbye, thanking Jake on
her way out.
Jake makes quick work of lighting the fireplace by the couch where I am.
He makes me drink the tea. When I am finished he sits beside me and wraps his
arm around my back. He pulls me to him as he rubs my arm to keep me warm.
“How are you doing, Natalia?”
“Fine,” I mutter and close my eyes. I just want to sleep, but the images
of what happened in the last two days are overwhelming as they flash through my
mind. Warm moisture fills my eyes and I start crying against Jake
’
s chest. His arms tighten around me.
“Shh… It
’
s okay. You are safe.”
I cry harder, because I am safe and at the same time I am not. For the
first time in my life I have no idea of what I
’
m going to do next. All my years of careful
planning, crafting a perfect future for myself, are gone. My future with Marc
is gone, and I can
’
t shake that off. I am tired
and a big part of me wants to let all the rest go to hell. Jake kisses my hair
and says nothing.
We stay like that until I
’
m too
tired to cry anymore. He begins to lift me up and says he will take me to the
bedroom, but I clutch his arm.
“I want to stay here. Is that okay?”
He says it is. Then asks me if I need anything and kisses my temple.
“Can you… stay?” I ask him. Our eyes lock and I think he feels sorry for
me. I hate that he pities me, but I don
’
t want
to be alone and right now that is all I care about. I don
’
t want to close my eyes and see Marc, or Tango
’
s face as I slid down that icy run, or the
thoughts I had when I was lying on the snow and I thought…
I just don’
t want to think about any of it. Jake nods and
relief floods me, so I smile. His answering smile is dazzling and for a few
moments everything else moves to the background and there is only Jake. He
pulls me to his chest again and lays back on the couch. It is deep enough that
we can snuggle and I nestle myself against him, his arms circling around me.
The heat that radiates from his body envelopes me and it feels so good I almost
start crying again. I press my face to his chest and his scent invades me. He
smells like suede and body wash and salty sweat. It
’
s a heady combination and I want to bury myself
into him. He kisses the top of my head.
“Jake.”
“Hmm?”
“Thank you.”
He kisses my head on the same spot and I curl up against him. His hand
strokes my arm rhythmically and it is soothing. The clock on the mantel says it
’
s one thirty in the morning and I yawn as
exhaustion claims me.
Slanted sunlight filters through the shutters of the living area of Jake
’
s villa. I flutter my eyes open and stir
slightly. My body is stiff, but Jake is still asleep at my side and I don
’
t want to wake him. He probably had a shitty
night
’
s sleep on this couch, and he had two empty bedrooms.
I look up at him and as I move his eyes open and meet mine. They are liquid
amber. He smiles.
“
Good morning.
”
“
Good morning, Jake.
” I smile
back.
“Sleep well?”
I nod. “You?”
“Yes. How do you feel?”
“Better than I deserve.”
He sighs. “You scared me, Natalia.”
I press my face to his chest so I don
’
t have to look in his eyes. “I
’
m sorry.”
He strokes my hair and I close my eyes.
“You want to tell me about it?”
Normally I
’
d say no. I don
’
t talk about my feelings to anyone, except Dani.
It makes me uncomfortable and I don
’
t think
it
’
s anyone
’
s
business. But I do want to tell Jake. It surprises me and I don
’
t fully get why I want to tell him about it, but
I do.
“That night, when you and I said goodbye after our date, I felt like I
needed to see Marc. It had been a while and I guess I needed the reassurance
that what we had was real. So I bought a ticket to L.A. I wanted to surprise
him.” I let out a humorless chuckle. “I surprised him, alright. A half-naked
chick wearing only his T-shirt opened the door.”
“Seriously?” He frowns and his jaw locks.
“Seriously.” I sigh.
“Then what?”
“Then… I told him he was a cheating son of a bitch and walked away.”
“And he just let you go?”
“There was a cop on the street and he told Marc to leave me. I went back
to the airport, but the first flights were not till the morning.”
“You spent the night at the airport?”
I shrugged. “Honestly, that didn
’
t really
matter at that point.”
His arms squeeze me. He kisses the top of my head.
“I
’
m sorry, Natalia.”
“It
’
s ironic, Jake. How I thought
there was something wrong with you because you have no expectations when it
comes to relationships. It is actually genius.”
He lets out a long sigh. “No, Natalia. It is not. It is lonely.”
I look up at him and his expression tells me that last thing slipped out.
“I would give anything,
anything
, not to feel the way I am feeling right
now, ever again. It
’
s not worth
it, Jake. And you know what
’
s worse? It
isn
’
t the fact that I won
’
t be with Marc the rest of my life that hurts the
most. I realize now that it is letting go of the dream of the life we would
have had together. That
’
s fucked up,
isn
’
t it?”
“Do you love him?”
I frown. “
Yes. I do. I
…
did
,
actually. I don
’
t think I could ever look at
him the same way I did before. Something broke inside of me that night. It can
’
t be put back together.”
Jake nods. “Deception is a tricky thing. I actually know exactly how you
feel. That
’
s why I chose to live my life
the way I do.”
“And you are smart. Love is highly overrated.” I pull myself up and he
’
s watching me with a pensive expression. I want
to ask him what happened to him that makes him understand how I feel. But I don
’
t. He said he is a very private person and I don
’
t want to pry.
“Coffee?” I ask to lighten the mood.
Jake makes coffee and I call Dani to let her know I am okay and that I
’
ll wait for the morning shift to begin, to avoid
running into the other employees on their way to work. Jake and I sit at the
kitchen nook to have our coffee. Outside, the snow is shimmering under the
morning sun. The view from these villas is spectacular. The resort charges a
small fortune for them and now I know why.
We have an easy conversation and he is not happy when I tell him I didn
’
t practice swimming. I have decided to go forward
with my internship, so we make plans to meet after my shift that afternoon for
a swimming session. I am working noon to four, so it gives him plenty of time
to do other things. He says he will hike back to the spot where he left our
skis and will bring them back to his villa. I pack my ski clothes in a garbage
bag he gives me and look up at him.