Interference (17 page)

But what did it say about our future together if being with her wasn't enough of a reason for me to stay in Bridgeland?

It was one of those times when everything goes right.

The crisp wind whipped across my face, bringing tears to my eyes the minute I pushed through the doors of Grund Hall. After waiting fifteen minutes for Dr. Waters to show up for our Real Estate Law lecture, his grad assistant finally came into the room to tell us he wouldn't be there that evening, and we were free to leave. Free nights were few and far between, and despite still having massive loads of work to do when I got home, I relished every second.

And to make things even better, I had a date with Jason tomorrow, on my regularly scheduled night off.

When I got home, I raced up the stairs to check on Holden before doing anything else. I always kissed him when I got home, no matter what time it was.

I crept into our room to find Holden sprawled on his back with his arms up on each side of his head. So peaceful. Nothing made me feel luckier than bending over and kissing his forehead.

“I love you, my sweet boy,” I whispered.

My backpack bounced against my back as I bounded down the stairs. When I reached the living room, the scene felt like déjà vu. Damien lay sprawled on the couch, with his arms up and his head resting on interlocked fingers as he watched TV. As usual, he wore nothing but a pair of oversized basketball shorts. Instead of yelling at him to put on some clothes, as I normally would have, I bent over the couch and kissed the top of his head.

“I love you, brother.”

“Ugh!” He batted me away without taking his eyes from the screen. “Get off me.”

I dropped my backpack on the floor beside the couch and wiggled my butt into the small space where his feet hung off. “Can't I tell you I love you?”

“No.” He kicked the outside of my thigh. “Get off. There's plenty of chair space available.”

“Where's Mom?” I asked, ignoring his command.

“Out with Kelso.” Damien kicked me again.

I still didn't budge. “Tables have turned. Me and Mom are dating and you're lying on the couch watching TV.”

“Stop talking. Please.”

But I wouldn't be ignored. I reached out and tickled his gross man-feet until he pulled his legs up.

“Dude!” He finally looked at me. “What do you want?”

“I just want to talk. It's been forever.”

“We ate breakfast together this morning.” Damien turned his gaze back to the TV.

“You're annoying.”

“Not as annoying as you.”

“Fine,” I said, and reached over to grab a textbook out of my backpack.

As soon as I started reading, Damien started talking. “Why wasn't I invited on the family vacation to Charlotte?”

I lowered my book. “Because you have school.”

“It's only a weekend trip. I could still go.”

“Why do you want to go? It's a bunch of old people and a toddler.” Which is why I never asked. I'd just assumed he'd want the house to himself for a weekend.

“We never go on family vacations. Sounded fun.”

“Something up?” I asked.

Damien wasn't usually so sappy. He never complained about his role in the family dynamic we had going since I had Holden, but sometimes he made comments about having a life. I tried my best to be cognizant of that.

“Just thinking.”

“Is everything okay, D?”

“It's cool you're taking family trips with Holden. I can't remember any trips with Dad.”

Damien paused and I kept my mouth shut, because I could tell he wanted to say more.

“It just sucks that you invited Coach Taylor and not me. I've been part of Holden's life from the beginning. I'm his uncle.”

Shit. I never even thought about it that way. I thought I'd be giving Damien a break. A chance to hang out and have fun and be a regular old high school senior.

“Sorry, D. I thought you'd want a break from the kid. You're always around him. I feel bad about it.”

Damien pulled himself up some. He was still lying down, but he'd propped his back against the arm of the couch, giving me more room. “I'm always gonna be there for him. He can't count on his asshole father.”

I nodded as I curled my legs under me and sat on my heels.

“Sounds stupid to be jealous,” Damien said. “But I like my time with the little guy.”

“You're always going to have that time, D. Well, not as much, because you're leaving for college soon, but you're his number-one male role model. Uncle Damien! Woo hoo!” I lifted my arms in the air and gave my fingers a “jazz hands” shake.

Damien laughed. “I see things with you and Coach are going well. He's a great guy. The kind of guy you and Holden deserve.”

“Awww, D! You're getting all sappy!” I shoved his feet. “Want us to make out on the couch again?”

“Want me to stop talking to you again?” he asked.

“No.”

“I've seen you work your ass off, Indie. And it's hard to watch you work, work, work with nothing else in your life. Seriously. Why do you think Mom and I help you so much? You didn't sit back and whine. You made a choice and you did what you had to do to handle it. Not many teenagers could do that. Immaturity and resentment take over. Grandparents start raising the kids. You didn't do that.”

“Well, I kinda did. Mom sets her work schedule around mine so she can watch Holden.”

“Yeah, I know, but…” He paused. “Daycare is expensive.”

“Spoken like a responsible father.” I pinched his calf. “Don't get anyone pregnant.”

“Ow!” He jerked his leg up again and rubbed the spot I'd pinched. “I'm trying to tell you that I respect how you've handled the situation.”

Warmth flooded my heart. It always feels good to receive a compliment, but coming from my brother, one of the people who witness my life on a daily basis, it's even better. It holds more weight than compliments from randoms.

“Thanks, D. I couldn't do it without you.”

“Yeah, you can,” he said. There was a sad edge to his voice. “Can we stop talking now? I want to see who gets eaten.”

Totally Damien. Sappy and emotional one minute, ready to get back to watching zombies eat brains the next.

When the doorbell rang, I knew exactly who it was. Indie and I had a date tonight, but I'd been so busy, I'd lost track of time. I never even stopped working in my yard to call and cancel. Instead of walk around the house, I trekked straight through with mud-caked boots and a shovel still clutched in my hand.

She'd be bitch-zilla pissed when she saw me. But that was okay. Because I needed her pissed for what I was about to do, anyway.

I opened the door and stepped onto the porch, holding my shovel at my side like a farmer with a pitchfork.

“What are you doing?” Indie asked, scanning behind me.

“Planting.”

“Well, wrap it up.” She circled a finger in front of me. “We've got a dinner date.”

“Yeah, about that. I totally forgot. And—”

“It's okay. I'll wait while you shower.” Indie took a step toward me, but I shifted to the side and blocked her entrance. Her smile morphed into a frown. “What's up, copper?”

“I've gotta cancel for tonight. I need to get this finished.” I nodded behind me toward the back of the house.

“If you'd rather stay home than go out on a cold Friday night, it's cool.” Her lips lifted into a sexy smile. Then she reached out and grabbed the hem of my dirty, red T-shirt. “I can help you undress and get showered.”

“I'm—” I moved the shovel in front of me, creating a barrier between us. “I'm getting the yard ready. To move.”

“You're moving?” Indie asked, releasing my shirt. “Like, to another house?”

“No. To Detroit. I'm moving back home.”

She leaned back. Confusion took over her face. “What's going on, Jason?”

“I've been doing a lot of thinking. And”—I paused to wipe the sweat off my forehead with the back of my hand—“I feel like an outsider here. Like I'm trying to fit into a life I don't belong in. Trying to be someone I'm not.”

“What does that mean?”

“I never wanted to stay in Bridgeland, Indie. Moving back to Detroit has always been my goal. I'm trying to be a good guy by telling you now, before things between us get too serious.”

Indie's lips turned up, in a slightly confused and slightly amused smile. “Things are pretty serious already. I thought we were building something together.”

“I thought I could, but I can't.” I shook my head. “Not here.”

Her smiled vanished, but she took a breath and continued. “I know you don't want to be in Bridgeland. I respect that. But can't we try to work something out?”

“It's not going to work out, Indie. As it is right now, we have to steal every moment we have together. How do you think it'll be when I'm two hours away?”

“Well, I hadn't thought about it, because you just dropped this on me.” She took a step toward me. “I can try to cut back on my schedule at Peak, only work two weekends a month. Holden and I can come down the other two.”

I took a step back. “Is that the kind of relationship you want? Cutting back on hours and money you need to pay for college just to get a weekend to see me? I don't want that for you.”

“I'm just trying to come up with options.”

“And what about when you graduate and want to get on with your life?” I continued. “What then? You can't leave Bridgeland. Tim would never let you leave.” I spun the shovel's handle in my fingers, causing an earsplitting sound as the metal scraped the concrete front porch.

Indie winced. “What do you mean he won't let me? I can leave if I want.”

Everything in my gut told me to shut the fuck up and apologize to her, but I couldn't. I needed to live my life. And she had to live hers based on what was really best for her: being close to her family.

“Have you ever considered moving?” I asked. “Away from your mom and your brother?”

“No, but—”

I interrupted her. “They rely on you.”

“They can get along without me.”

“But can you get along without them?”

“Yes. That's why I've been working for the last three years. Finishing high school, putting myself through college, saving up money.” Indie closed her eyes and shook her head, trying to sort her thoughts out. “But this isn't about any of them. It's about us. Yes, I have baggage. So do you.”

“You're right. And my baggage has shaped how I see things. I won't make the decisions for Holden that someone else made for me.”

“You aren't making the decision. I am.” She pointed to herself. “That's my job as his mother.”

“Do you think you're making a good one? Bringing me into his life when I have bigger ambitions? Ambitions that will take me away from this town, one way or another.”

Tears welled in her eyes. And it killed me. Because it was such an asshole thing to throw at her.

“I thought I was making a good decision by bringing him into a stable relationship and another wonderful family. I thought I could have a life with you.” Indie's voice quavered and a tear slid down her cheek.

“If we stay together, you would have to move, because I won't stay here. It was never my plan to live the rest of my life in this town. It served a purpose, to further my career. That's it. I'm not giving up my life goals.”

Indie's eyes flashed with anger and I knew I'd hit her where it hurt. “Why is it so easy for men to cause so much destruction and leave it all behind?” Indie mumbled, a bitter jab at me and how much I resembled Tim at that moment.

But I couldn't react. I had to be strong for both of us. “Destroying you was never my intention. I'm trying to think about the big picture for everyone involved. And I won't be the guy who breaks up a family.”

“Oh my god!” Indie lifted her arms between us, her fingers curled as if she wanted to shake me or hit me. “There's no family to break up!”

“I won't be the one to take Holden away from the people who love him, or ruin his shot at building a relationship with his father. I can't. I'm sorry.”

“It's not your choice!” she yelled. “It's my choice. It's in Holden's best interest to stay away from Tim. You're the one I want in Holden's life. I want us to be a family.”

“I'm not his father!” When I said the words, the full impact hit me just as hard as they hit Indie. The words stuck in my throat, but I had to continue. I had to be the dick, so she understood. “We're not looking for the same things in life right now.”

In an instant, Indie's entire demeanor flipped from confusion and anger to indifference.

“I'm glad you showed me your true colors, Jason. Good thing this”—Indie waved her hand in the air between us—“wasn't anything, anyway. We were just having fun, right?”

Though I never expected Indie to use my own words against me, her well-timed recollection made it easier for me to be a jerk.

I nodded, swallowing thickly, not sure I could respond out loud. “Yeah, it's been fun.”

“Have a nice life back in Detroit, you fucking coward.” Indie spun around and walked away.

I waited, watching intently for that moment everyone talks about. That slight hesitation when she'll turn around one last time before she leaves. The unspoken universal sign for me to run after her and tell her I'm an idiot and I don't know what the hell I'm talking about and we can work it out together.

I watched her car retreat until it turned onto Fincher Road, out of sight.

She never looked back.

After five books, three songs, and one episode of Dora the Explorer, Holden finally fell asleep. I almost passed out next to him in his tiny toddler bed, but I had a massive amount of work to do, so I rolled off the edge and army-crawled to the door.

Under normal circumstances, I don't wait until he falls asleep, but I had to make sure he'd drifted off, because the paper I had to write counted for half of my grade—and it was due tomorrow. After Jason dumped me, I couldn't even think about my class work.

All I wanted to do was climb back into bed and cry, or lie on the couch and zombify myself binge-watching episodes of The Walking Dead. But I knew I'd never get my paper done if I had the TV blaring in the background. Sheriff Rick was too damn hot to ignore.

Actually, watching The Walking Dead probably wasn't a good idea, since Rick Grimes reminded me of Jason. Except they didn't look alike at all. And Jason didn't seem so ruthless.

At least not at first.

Not until he said all those horrible things about me not making good decisions for my son. And about how he would never give up his life goals for me. Just like Tim had said when he accepted his football scholarship and moved to Western State without giving me and Holden a second thought.

What about my life goals? Why did people assume my only life goal was to raise a kid? Like I couldn't be anything more than a mother.

Why wouldn't Jason talk to me about moving to Detroit? We'd been dating for only four months, but I thought we'd gotten pretty serious. We'd planned a dual-family trip for next month. Did that freak him out? Was I expecting too much of him?

He never even asked me about the future. I couldn't leave Bridgeland now, in the last year of my bachelor's degree, but I could after I graduated. Tim left Holden for three years. I'm pretty sure I could move to Detroit. It was only two hours away, not another freaking state.

Jason was finding excuses. He didn't want us as his family. Just like my dad didn't want us as his family.

Fuckers.

Does a relationship even matter in the grand scheme of life, anyway? Did I need someone to be tied to until the day I die? I already had that, in the form of a kid. Holden would receive my pauper's fortune. I didn't need to split it into thirds.

My dreams of finding Mr. Right and having a huge wedding seemed stupid when I thought about marriage on a deeper level. People change. It's inevitable.

Did I really want to be part of a couple who got annoyed with each other for stupid reasons? What if we got sick of each other and had absolutely nothing to talk about? What if I realized he chews with his mouth open and chomps his gum like a cow eating cud? What if he got too comfortable in the relationship, stopped working out, started having pastries and coffee with the boys every morning, and ended up with a big-ass donut gut?

Okay, those were shallow examples.

What if he got shot and killed trying to save a class of first graders from a fucked-up kid with an automatic weapon?

I'd be stuck in the same position as I'm in right now. Heartbroken and alone. And I'd still have to stay strong for my son.

I closed my eyes as tears welled up. Since Holden was sleeping and no one else was home, all I wanted to do was curl up in a corner and cry.

To avoid passing the couch, I wandered into the kitchen and opened the fridge. A bottle of Pepsi glowed under the top light, the caramel-colored, caffeinated nourishment beckoning me. I grabbed it and shuffled to the kitchen table.

“Time to get to work,” I told myself, and flipped open my laptop.

Suddenly the door burst open.

“Thanks a lot, Indie!” Damien yelled, slamming the door shut and dropping his hockey bag with a thump as it hit the kitchen floor.

“What did I do?” I lowered the Pepsi bottle I'd brought to my lips, before taking a drink.

“You and Coach Taylor aren't dating anymore, eh?”

“I…no…we—” I stopped and scowled at him. “How is that your business?”

“Well, it was my business when you started dating him because I had to deal with a whole lot of guys talking shit about being the coach's pet. It's fine. I get it. I dealt with it because I'd never seen you so happy.”

Well, that part surprised me. I didn't think Damien gave my happiness a second thought while he was with his friends. I set my drink on the table and settled back into my chair, letting my brother continue his rant.

“And I can take the stupid shit from my friends, ya know? You're my sister and I've had to listen to them fucking lust over you my entire life, but it really pisses me off when my fucking coach takes his frustration with you”—Damien pointed at me—“out on me.” He flipped the direction of his finger and tapped his own chest.

“What does that mean?”

“He sat me! Fucking sat me! Didn't even dress me for the game.” Damien curled his fingers into air quotes. “ ‘Healthy scratch.' He's being a complete douche because of you!”

“Are you saying I should date him again so you can play?” I asked dryly.

“That's not the point, Indie! I've never been sat in my life. Sure, I've gotten benched for doing something stupid or selfish, but I've never been a healthy scratch. It's complete bullshit!” Damien yelled.

I leaned forward. “Can you please keep your voice down? Holden just fell asleep.”

“Of course, Queen Linden.” Damien slid to one knee and bent at the waist, sweeping one arm across his body with a flourish. “What else can I do for you?” When he straightened, he mumbled, “It's all about you all the damn time.”

He bent down to grab his hockey bag and bolted from the room, knocking into the fridge with his shoulder on his way out.

Any other time I would have laughed when he hit the fridge. Damien didn't blow up much, and when he did, the release of his pent-up emotions was usually epic.

But this time I couldn't blame his outburst on the usual, simple, high school drama. Because this time it was my fault. Literally, my fault.

I rested an elbow on the table and rubbed my forehead with my palm. No matter what I did, I couldn't win. I'm always ruining someone or something.

Ruining Tim's football career—and life, evidently—by getting pregnant and keeping the kid.

Ruining Jason's life by trying to trap him in a stupid little farm town he despises.

Ruining my brother's entire adolescence by making him feel like he had to help take care of my son.

It sounds so selfish, when all I'm trying to do is give Holden the best life I possibly can.

I'm probably ruining that, too.