Intermix Nation (19 page)

Gabirel Morgen, Adamek’s father, sits
casually beside her on the drenched edge. He strokes Victoria’s
lifeless cheek, nonchalantly smoking a cigar. His gun rests in one
relaxed hand, no longer needed, long forgotten.

Chapter
Fourteen

Nazirah opens her eyes in Nikolaus’s office
and finds she is screaming. She bites the inside of her arm and
grips the edge of the desk. She sinks onto the floor, gasping,
trying to catch her breath.

What has she done? If Nazirah had any
inkling that she would see that, she would have never used the
Iluxor!

Gagging, Nazirah returns the Iluxor to the
briefcase. She chokes back a sob as she hides the used syringe in
the garbage. Returning the briefcase to the bookshelf, Nazirah
curses herself for her curiosity.

She unlocks Nikolaus’s door, practically
running out of his office. Nazirah is aware that she looks
completely distraught, but she needs to get out of there as quickly
as possible. She glances up at the clock and is shocked to find
that she’s been inside the Iluxor for only five minutes. Five
minutes!

She shouldn’t be surprised; her world has
changed completely in less time.

Nazirah walks towards her room, shaking,
grateful that fate doesn’t place anyone she knows in her path. She
doesn’t stop, doesn’t falter, because she’s afraid she might
collapse if she does.

This is it. This is the reason Adamek joined
the rebellion. His father killed his mother. Why, Nazirah doesn’t
know. But Victoria’s unintentional last request was for Adamek to
be better, and that’s exactly what he’s trying to do. And get his
vengeance at the same time.

How has Victoria’s death not made headlines?
How has this been kept secret?

Nazirah thinks about the massive news storm
surrounding her parents’ death. Gabirel Morgen had not only used
Riva and Kasimir as a scapegoat for the rebellion, he had also used
them to divert attention from the murder of his wife. There is no
massive search for a cure for Victoria Morgen, because she’s
already dead. She’s been dead for months.

Nazirah abruptly turns into the girls’
lavatory. It’s empty and Nazirah runs to the nearest stall, locking
the door. She breathes in deeply through her nose, trying to
collect herself. Not caring if anyone walks in anymore, Nazirah
sits down on the cold floor, pulling her legs up to her chest and
resting her head on her knees.

Everything makes sense now, but nothing
makes sense at all. Nazirah has more unanswered questions than
ever. Adamek’s Medi tattoo changed, but why? What the hell is the
monkey? Why is Victoria dead? Why did Gabirel hide it? What kind of
a twisted freak is Adamek’s father?

God, she doesn’t want this.

Nazirah doesn’t want to feel anything for
Adamek besides hate. She doesn’t want to pity him, doesn’t want to
understand him. She only wants the hate, the hate that blocks out
every other emotion. But she doesn’t just hate him anymore. She
hasn’t for a while. And she hates that. She hates it so much.

It’s his worst memory, finding his mother
murdered. Exactly the same as hers. She almost laughs at the sick
irony of it all, hating that they’re more alike than she knew.

Does he force himself to relive that memory
over and over, hoping to deal with the overwhelming grief? Does he
also feel like a failure, like a disappointment? Feel like he could
have prevented it all, if only he did the right thing to begin
with?

She knows why Adamek understands the guilt
that haunts her. It haunts him too.

Nikolaus must know. From the way he looked
at Adamek in his office, Nazirah thinks he’s probably seen that
exact memory as well. It’s probably why he trusted Adamek in the
first place. If only Nazirah had trusted Nikolaus.

Nazirah knows Adamek will murder her if he
finds out. She knows it like she knows her name. And she has to
work with him over the next several weeks. How is she supposed to
hide this from him, when she can’t seem to hide anything from
him?

Nazirah’s breathing slowly returns to
normal. She eventually gets up from the bathroom floor and walks
out the door, leaving several surprised, primping girls behind.
Making the short journey to her room, she collapses in a heap on
her bed, face puffy, body exhausted, and soul weary.

Kasimir, Riva, Aneira, and now Victoria.

The blood can be washed away. But Nazirah’s
memory is stained for good.

#

A long time later, or maybe not long at all,
someone knocks on her door. Nazirah can’t muster the energy to
answer it. “Come in,” she calls out weakly.

Thankfully, the person on the other side of
the door hears her. The door swings open, unsurprisingly revealing
Cato. Cato steps inside, surprisingly revealing Lumi. Even more
surprisingly, revealing Lumi holding a slice of cake.

Cato and Lumi both shoot Nazirah worried
looks. Cato takes in her haggard, blotchy appearance in sympathy,
almost relief. “We heard about your assignment,” he says.

Lumi closes the door and sits beside Nazirah
on the bed, offering her the slice. Nazirah accepts it, even though
she can’t stomach anything. Cato drops onto Nazirah’s chair.
“Everyone’s been talking about it,” Lumi says.

Nazirah can barely process what they are
saying. It feels like an eternity ago that Nikolaus asked her to
campaign around Renatus with Adamek and Aldrik. Do Cato and Lumi
really think that is why she’s so upset? It seems so unimportant
now.

“Thanks for the cake.”

It’s all she can get out. She sits up
slowly, head cloudy. Nazirah doesn’t want to, but she takes a big
bite, hoping that a full mouth will diminish her responsibility to
speak. It’s not that she doesn’t trust them. Even though Lumi can
be self-absorbed, Nazirah knows she can keep a secret. And Nazirah
trusts Cato with her life. But this thing with Adamek is so
private, so sensitive, that she can’t share it with anyone.
Including her closest friends.

“It was my idea,” Lumi says. “Cato just went
along with it.”

Nazirah raises an eyebrow at Cato, who
shrugs noncommittally. “How are you handling it?” he asks.

Nazirah chooses to answer honestly. “Isn’t
it obvious?” she sighs. “I’m not.”

“It’ll be okay, Irri,” Cato says seriously.
“Aldrik will be there to protect you from Morgen. You don’t even
have to acknowledge that piece of shit, except when you’re giving
your speeches or whatever else Niko wants you to do.”

Lumi stiffens slightly at the mention of
Adamek. As usual, Cato notices nothing. Nazirah doesn’t respond. If
only it were that easy. If only she could just ignore him. “And
think about the opportunity you have,” Lumi says, unusually
compassionate. “To travel and really make an impact on the
rebellion! You’ll see the country, including Zima! And you’ll get
to go back home.”

Nazirah brightens considerably. “You’re
absolutely right, Lumi!” she says. “I completely forgot, but Niko
mentioned going to Rafu.”

“See?”

It’s definitely strange that Lumi could
cheer Nazirah up better than Cato, but it goes with the rest of the
day. “I think I need to sleep it off,” Nazirah says, forcing
another bite of cake. “It’s been a really long day, for all of us.
I’ll be fine tomorrow. Honestly.”

They both get the hint, standing up but
still hovering.

Nazirah chews the cake slowly, hoping they
leave before she either vomits or spills her guts. Cato gently
squeezes her shoulder. Lumi, much to Nazirah’s surprise, embraces
her awkwardly. They finally leave.

Nazirah immediately spits the cake into her
garbage and returns to staring at the wall.

#

Monday comes mercilessly. Lumi left for Zima
the night before. The lingering recruits threw one last party in
her honor. They won’t see one another again for several weeks, when
their fates will intertwine like the cord of a life preserver – or
the rope of a noose.

Live or die, in it together.

Cato comes to Nazirah’s room as promised,
completely hungover. His hair is still matted from sleeping. He
stretches his stiff limbs before grabbing Nazirah’s luggage.

Nazirah slings her remaining bag over her
shoulder. She didn’t know what to pack. Nikolaus told her to
prepare for drastic climate changes throughout the territories.
Nazirah’s already experienced the overwhelming dry heat of the Red
West, but has no idea what to expect in Zima or Osen. She’s
immensely excited at the prospect of seeing snow for the first
time. But she doubts her usual shorts and light tops are
appropriate there. And it’s not like she could afford anything
else.

What is the face of the rebellion supposed
to look like, anyhow? Nazirah feels completely unprepared.

“It’s going to be so weird without you,”
Cato says.

In their thirteen years of friendship, this
will be the first time they’ll be separated for more than a few
days. Their relationship has been strained lately. There’s so much
Nazirah has hidden from him in the past few weeks. She knows he’s
picked up on her vagueness. Nazirah wonders if maybe this time
apart will be good for them.

Cato carries her bags down the stairwell,
yawning into his arm as they exit the staircase and walk towards
the front entrance. Nazirah rolls her eyes. “You seem really broken
up about it.”

He grabs her arm once they’re outside.
“Hey,” he says gently. “Stop that. You know I’m no good when I’ve
just woken up.”

“When you’re hungover, you mean.”

“Or that,” he says, smiling sheepishly.

“You clearly kept the party going after I
left last night.” She laughs.

“I was drowning my sorrows over you
leaving,” he says seriously.

Nazirah snorts. “I’m sure.”

“I really will miss you.”

“I’ll miss you too,” she sighs. “You’ll try
to visit me when the campaign comes to the Red West?”

“If they let me off assignment,” he says,
“in a heartbeat.”

“Well … convince them,” she says.

Someone coughs loudly. They turn, spotting
Aldrik, Nikolaus, and Adamek waiting by the car. Nazirah walks over
to greet Nikolaus as Cato puts her luggage in the trunk. Aldrik
huffs as soon as Nazirah moves from the entrance, getting into the
driver’s seat.

Nazirah is annoyed. “I’m not late,” she says
to Nikolaus, standing up on her tiptoes to give him a light
hug.

Nikolaus returns it with unusual enthusiasm.
“I didn’t say anything,” he tells her.

“I’m actually early,” Nazirah continues, “so
you can go ahead and tell Aldrik right now to stuff the
attitude.”

“I’ll pass,” he says. “I’m just happy you
showed.”

“Someone has to represent our family.”

“Be safe, Nazirah,” Niko says. “I’ll be
checking in with Aldrik daily to get updates. I know you’ll make us
proud.”

Cato’s hug lasts much longer. Nazirah closes
her eyes, trying to relax. She doesn’t feel confident. She doesn’t
know how she can do any of this. She pulls away from Cato slowly,
aware of several pairs of eyes on them. Cato smiles sleepily.
“What’s that stupid saying, Irri?” he asks. “It’s not ‘goodbye,’
it’s ‘see you later?’”

Adamek snorts and Cato shoots him a
glare.

“You’re such a clown,” Nazirah says,
laughing.

“I brought this for you.” He pulls something
out of his sweatshirt. It’s Nazirah’s favorite picture of them, the
one of her smiling and holding the fish. “Something to remember me
by,” he says, looking at Adamek, “When I’m not around to protect
you.”

It’s a beautiful gift, more than she could
have hoped for. Nazirah hugs the frame tightly to her chest,
suddenly afraid of saying goodbye, afraid of losing him entirely.
“Thank you,” she whispers.

“I can’t follow you this time, Irri. But
I’ll always be with you,” he says.

“Please be careful.”

“I will,” he says. Hesitating, he adds, “if
you see my family, just … just tell them I love them. Okay?”

Nazirah nods. “I will.”

Cato leans into her. “Watch your back,” he
whispers into her ear.

“I’ll be fine.” She smiles and gives him a
chaste kiss on the cheek.

“Touching as this heartwarming display of
affection is,” Aldrik says, leaning his head out the window, “we’re
expected in Rafu before the end of the war.”

Nazirah bites the inside of her cheek,
trying not to laugh. She gives Cato one final quick hug and then
slides into the backseat of the car. Adamek follows her lead,
sitting on the opposite side. Aldrik fires the ignition and the car
begins moving. Nazirah watches as Cato and Nikolaus get smaller and
smaller in the distance. They are waving dots for a while as the
car exits the various security gates leading out of the compound,
and then Nazirah cannot see them at all anymore. She faces forward,
into her new reality.

The ride to Rafu is silent and awkward. To
distract herself, Nazirah stares at Cato’s picture. She smiles,
gently tracing her fingers over the seashells on the frame. Adamek
runs a hand over one. “If recon doesn’t work out,” he says dryly,
blowing glitter off his fingertips, “Caal definitely has a backup
career in the arts.”

“His little sister glued them on,” she says,
unable to look at him. Nazirah is still pretty distraught over what
she saw in the Iluxor, and she doesn’t know how well she can hide
it. She also hasn’t been home since her parents’ funeral. The
thought of returning with him, of all people, feels entirely
wrong.

They begin passing familiar scenery. Large
sand dunes run perpendicular to alabaster cliffs. The paved roads
narrow, crack, and eventually become impacted dirt. The houses
shrink, sinking to the ground. They transition into the familiar
beach bungalows and cottages of Nazirah’s youth. Children cycle on
bicycles, standing on the pegs, laughing and racing. This is
southern Eridies, birthplace of stolen kisses under the boardwalk,
endless summer days, and sticky heat.