Into The Abyss (Demons of Astlan) (48 page)

"I just need someone to be there for me now and then.  Someone with whom I can be myself, who'll accept me for who I am.  Someone to teach me, someone to talk to, who understands me and what I'm going through.  Someone to be there."

That was another big part of the problem.  Tom had never had anyone who depended on him.  It actually felt kind of good.  He'd never had someone who really looked up to him, someone to protect.  Someone to care for.  Who knew, maybe Tom was somehow wanting to be there for Rupert as a mirror for his own desires for more attention when he had been a child. 

Good grief!
  Here he was getting all these weird paternalistic feelings all of the sudden.  He'd never even thought about having kids.  Only as one of those distant certainties in the future.  Of course, he supposed that if he did have a kid, he'd want one just like Rupert.  Strong, smart, independent, but who occasionally needed a hug.  Needed support now and then.

Another log to the bonfire of my emotional instability,
Tom thought.  He really didn't know how to feel about this Rupert thing.  He did care about Rupert, a lot.  Rupert was in some ways the little brother he'd never had, or the son he might actually like to have some day.  As a friend though, he owed Rupert the truth, even though it would surely hurt him.  Tom felt sick about even deceiving Rupert by not saying anything.  Yet the thought of crushing Rupert's dreams with the truth made him just as sick, or more so.  What could he do?  He leaned his chin down against the top of Rupert's head.

When added to his other uncertainties, about his humanity, about being a demon, when added to his still lingering anxiety about the death of his real body, and the pain it must have caused his mom, this whole Rupert situation only served to mess up Tom's emotions like a meat grinder.  Tom realized suddenly, that maybe what really sucked about this whole Astlan thing, was not being a demon, it was not being enslaved, it was not just being hated by every rational creature; no, what really sucked was the confusion and uncertainty i
t brought to his life.

It was confusion and uncertainty about who he was, what he was doing and what was the right thing to do.  He no longer knew his place in the
world; he didn't know where he stood.  If only he were Rupert's father, or at least older, maybe old enough to be Rupert's father.  He was pretty sure if he was an adult, he wouldn't have this confusion, this uncertainty.  He was sure he'd know what the right thing to do was.  He'd be the sort of person Rupert really could look up to.

Tom shook his hand slightly as he cut it on the tip of one of Rupert's horns.  From the texture of his skin, and the sudden lack of hair, Tom could tell that Rupert had relaxed back to his demon form.  Luckily, Tom had raised his head or he'd have been stabbed in the chin by a horn.  He could also tell because Rupert was a lot bigger now, and weighed more.  Actually, Rupert was probably now bigger than Edwyrd.  If Edwyrd were to change back into Tom, then proportions would return to normal, but there certainly wasn't room for that.  As it was, Rupert's wings were brushing against the overhead bunk.

He supposed that it must look a little strange for pasty little human to be holding and comforting a demon bigger than himself.   Tom didn't really care though.  As he'd been wishing others would understand, it wasn't the outside that mattered, but what was inside.  What was inside was a confused and frightened little boy going through rough times.  Someone who needed, and thought they'd found, their father. 

Well, maybe for a while
, Tom thought.  For a while, he'd let Rupert have his father, or the next best thing.  He didn't like the deception, and knew there would eventually be consequences for it, but for the moment, it seemed like the only option humanly possible.  He stared off into the dark, gently stroking his "son's" head.

Since Tom no longer slept, except when severely drained, he needed to find some other way to occupy his nights.  Lately, he'd been trying meditation.  One of the worst things about not sleeping was that one never had the chance to just escape from having to think about things.  A person who didn't sleep couldn't escape to
oblivion for a short while.  In order to simulate this, and to preserve appearances with the humans around him, Tom had decided to try and meditate. 

He'd learned the basic techniques in his Tae-Kwon-Do classes, he'd also used it several times already in Astlan to allow him to open the gates and to do the fire thing.  Last night he'd blanked his mind completely while Rupert and Gastrop
é had slept.  He'd just picture a completely blank state, and slowly try to relax all the muscles in his body.  The problem, of course, was that unlike in his demon body where it worked fine, if he relaxed too much as Edwyrd, he'd find himself putting holes in the ship's walls.  Eventually, with some practice he managed if not a completely satisfactory meditative state, at least one that allowed him to blank his mind a bit.

He'd been doing this for some time, his hand resting on Rupert's head, listening to the ship and the sea, just being lulled by the gentle motion of a ship at sea.  As far as he could tell, it must have been some time in the early morning hours when he heard the voice out the open window behind his head.

"There you are!"  Edwyrd nearly jumped, only the rather heavy sleeping Rupert kept him from springing up.  The voice had come from the window directly behind his head.  Where no voice should have been able to come from, it was a twenty foot drop to the sea below the window.  Edwyrd twisted his head around to try and peer out the window.

Blocking his view of the sea outside was a large shadowy object.  It was hard to make out anything in the
darkness; the moon had set some time ago.  All he could really see were two glowing embers set about an inch or two apart.  He also heard what sounded to be a droning, or soft buzzing noise. "Knew I'd find you eventually," the glowing embers said.

"Tizzy!"  Edwyrd said aloud.  "You startled me."

"Yeah, I'll bet.  Mind if I squeeze in?"  The demon placed two of its hands on the windowsills.  The window was wide open, but there was only about a foot and a half by a foot and a half of area to squeeze through.  Edwyrd wasn't sure how the demon was going to do it.  Nonetheless, he gently shook Rupert to wake him, so they could move out of the way.

"Huh?  What...." Rupert said groggily.

"Shhh...It's all right.  Tizzy's just trying to crawl in through the window, so we need to make some room."  Edwyrd whispered.

"Huh," Rupert looked out the window.  "Oh, hi Tizzy."  Rupert seemed to wake up more, glad to see Tizzy.  He backed out of the bunk and stood a little uncertainly on his hooves in the small
walk space in front of the door.  Edwyrd backed out the other direction, to the forward bulkhead.  As he did so, the droning noise ceased and suddenly Tizzy was squirming through the window.

The wood of the frame groaned alarmingly
, and Edwyrd was afraid Tizzy would break the window.  Apparently, the multi-limbed demon was more supple and agile than he appeared, however, for he shortly had wormed his way in without breaking the window.  Tizzy certainly seemed bigger now than he had before, Edwyrd thought.  The demon took up the entire bunk, easily.  Edwyrd suspected that the demon was actually the same size he'd always been, Edwyrd was just a lot smaller now.  It was really rather interesting to view Tizzy and Rupert from his perspective as Edwyrd.  Both were much more frightening looking than he'd ever realized before.  The dark really didn't seem to help a lot.

"Whew, tight one that."  Tizzy commented, shaking random limbs as he adjusted himself on the bunk.  He looked up at Rupert.  "Glad to see you're feeling better.  Look a lot healthier now." He turned his head to Tom, "you though.  You don't looks so hot.  Kind of pale and underfed.  You been getting enough fresh air?"  Tizzy queried.  Edwyrd just shook his head at the demon.

Tizzy sniffed around a bit. "Hmmm, still got your pet wizards around?"

Edwyrd shook his head again, "they're not my pets, but yes they're in other cabins."  Tizzy started licking his lips.  "Anyone to eat on board?"

"No.  You are not going to eat anyone on this ship."  Edwyrd said firmly. 

"You know.  The problem with you youngsters, you just ain't got no appreciation for fine cuisine.  Nothing like a bit of fresh sea-human to liven up the old palette."

Trying to change the subject, Edwyrd asked, "didn't you get enough to eat with your accursed master?   I assume that is where you took off to."

"Why sure enough.  Most fun.  Took him a good day to croak. Raped him 69 times I did."  Tizzy's voice was getting louder with excitement.  Edwyrd made a quieting gesture with his hands.  For once Tizzy took the hint.  "Why don't you wanna wake anyone up?"  He asked more quietly.

"I'd prefer not having everyone go jump ship when they found out a demon was on board.  Someone has got to drive this thing to shore."

Tizzy blinked.  "Think they'd do that for one demon on board?  What
would they do if they knew there were three?"  Tizzy giggled, so did Rupert.

"Let's just not find out.  OK?"

"I suppose, whatever you want.  But why bother having someone drive it to shore?  Why not just fly to shore?  Seems a lot easier to me."

"Yes, well, we'd have to carry Jenn and Gastrop
é."  Actually, Edwyrd thought, if they could let Jenn know Rupert was a demon, then flying would be easier, he wouldn't have to carry three people anymore.  On the other hand, he doubted the two wizards would really go for being carried by demons.  He also wasn't prepared to let Jenn know about Rupert yet.  "And I, for one, don't want to do that.  So we'll just wait to get into port."

"Gonna take a while with this ship.  Doesn't seem to have much in the way of masts.  Must be kind of a slow one."  Tizzy looked thoughtful, "they don't got a steam engine on it do they?"

"No afraid not," Edwyrd answered.

"Probably no nuclear turbines either
?"  Edwyrd just shook his head.  "How long to port?"  Tizzy asked.

"Well, if
we hadn't lost the masts, then it would only have been about another three days.  As it is I'd guess it will take about another five or six."

"
Five or six days!"  Tizzy exclaimed.  Edwyrd made hushing motions again.  "I'm gonna get a little cramped on this ship for six days!  Course, I guess I could fly around the deck a bit, get exercise."  Edwyrd grimaced, he hadn't thought of Tizzy coming along for the rest of the journey.  On the other hand, he would really rather have the unbalanced demon where he could keep track of him, than running off somewhere murdering innocents. 

"I don't suppose you can shape change into a human?"  Edwyrd asked.

"A human?  Is that what you're supposed to be?  Why in the Dungeon of the Concordenax would I want to do something like that?"

"To blend in?" Rupert piped up.

"Why would I want to do that?  I'm proud of being a demon.  Aren't you?"

"Yeah, now I am," Rupert announced.

"Tizzy, we're playing sort of a game here," Edwyrd wanted to put it in terms Tizzy could understand better.  He wasn't sure what those terms might be, but he thought he should try.  "You see, we're pretending to be humans to find out what's going on with the wizards.  Therefore, to keep the game going, it would be nice if you could turn into a human."

"Hmm," Tizzy said .  "Maybe, but since I can't, it's a moot point."  Edwyrd shrugged
; there went that idea.  "How long you gonna play this game?"

"I don't know, as long as it takes.  Until we get to Freehold, probably."

"Freehold!  What you want to go to Freehold for? There's nothing there but wizards.  Nasty lot, actually."

"Uhm, that's where Gastrop
é and Jenn, and" he looked over at Rupert, "Rupert are going."

"Well actually, Tom."  Rupert spoke up, his gravelly voice held down to as close to a whisper as he could.  "I had been going to Freehold, because that's where everyone else was going.  But really, I don't have to.  I'll go wherever you want to go."

"Yes, well, uhm," Edwyrd wasn't sure.  He didn't actually have any place else to go, except return to the Abyss.  "I promised Jenn I'd get her there. So, Freehold is where I'm going for now.  Besides, since Lenamare's there, I'd eventually wind up there anyway.  I'd rather go on my own terms."

"Hmm, well...could be interesting I suppose." Tizzy muttered to himself.  "As long as none of them wizards knows my name, it could be a lot of fun.  I'm sure
they'll just love having an unbound demon running around terrorizing them in the night, and the day."

"Yeah."  Edwyrd said unenthusiastically.  Such a prospect would convince Tizzy to stay with him, rather than run amuck
alone; however, he really couldn't let Tizzy terrorize Freehold either.  He'd just have to deal with that problem later.  It looked like more and more of his problems were getting pushed onto the back burners.

"So, what are we going to do with you?"  Edwyrd asked.

"So you're saying you don't want your pets to see me on the ship?"  Tizzy asked.

"I think that would be best."

"But it's ok for him to run around like that?"  He pointed to Rupert.

Rupert looked down at himself.  "He doesn't go out like that."  Edwyrd answered the
octopodal demon on his bed. 

"Should.  Really don't understand why you want to look like that," he looked contemptuously at Edwyrd's body.  "Puny little thing.  I can take those things apart faster than they can repair
‘em.  Game or no game.  Doesn't seem worth it."

"It's not really a lot of fun, to be honest.  However, you told me you used to look similar, before you were captured."  Rupert glanced curiously over at Edwyrd.

"Well, now.  No need to bring up bad memories is there?"  Tizzy sounded hurt.  "That was before I knew better.  Don't you know better now?"

"I'm not so sure, but maybe."  Edwyrd admitted.

Tizzy smiled.  "Knew you'd get over it.  You're really much better off as a demon.  Except for the damn wizards--if we could kill all of them off, things'd be a lot better.  Smart lad, smart lad."

Tizzy looked back over to Rupert, smiling.  "This here's another smart lad.  Knew that the moment I met him."  Tizzy stopped and stared at Rupert for a moment.  He tilted his head back and forth a couple times.  "You know, Tom, he looks mighty familiar.  Kinda looks identical to you, only in miniature."

"Tom's my father."  Rupert spoke up.  Edwyrd groaned internally, he hoped Tizzy wouldn't say anything, the octopod knew that couldn't be possible.

Edwyrd cou
ld see the glowing embers that were Tizzy's eyes dart back and forth between Rupert and himself several times.  Finally, "You do work fast Tom, gotta give you that.  Used to take longer in my day.  But, I can see the family resemblance sure enough.  The kid's also got your personality too.  Serious and dedicated type.  Doesn't let shit get to him."  Edwyrd sighed a sigh of relief.  Tizzy certainly could have solved his dilemma for him.  It would have been very awkward though. 

Rupert was smiling at the compliment.  If Edwyrd had actually been human, he would have cringed at the extremely wicked looking teeth the smile revealed.  Watching Rupert, he was really
beginning to understand why he freaked so many people out without even trying.  Actually, looking at Rupert standing there, an exact copy of himself, he got this sort of funny feeling in his chest.  Kind of like pride or something.  He knew it was silly, Rupert really wasn't his kid, but...well, he felt that way.  All of a sudden, he wanted to change back to his true form and take Rupert out flying.  Rupert would never have done that before.  It'd be like helping your kid take his first step or something.  Tom could remember just a few weeks ago, after he'd finally gotten the hang of flying.  It was so exhilarating.

Edwyrd shook his head.  How he could have such crazy thoughts when he had so many problems on his hands, he didn't know.  What was he going to do with Tizzy?  Actually, Tizzy was about as big a problem as a rogue
demon child.  If Boggy would show up too, then things would be just great, he could play dad to them all, and they'd have the male half of the demonic Brady Bunch.  He wondered deliriously where he could pick up a mom demon and her devilish daughters. 
Oh,
Tom suddenly thought,
remember not to forget another fiend for a housekeeper!  That was it
.  Edwyrd shook his head again.  He knew now that he was totally losing it.  If he lost any more of his sanity he'd be as crazy as Tizzy.

Closing his eyes, he leaned against the wall of the cabin.  He had to get a grip on himself.  He didn't know who he was or what he was doing anymore.  Sometimes he didn't know if he was Tom or Edwyrd. If he was Tom, was Tom a demon or that guy from Harding?  Again, this would have to wait, like all his other internal
problems; he had to deal with the situation at hand.  "So," he said, opening his eyes, "what do we do with you?  We really can't hide you in here for six days."

Tizzy looked away from Rupert, to Edwyrd, then down at the floor. 
Apparently, he was thinking about the problem, at least Edwyrd hoped he was thinking about that.  "I could get out and push.  Or rather, pull."