Into the Darkness (30 page)

“You’re right. I can’t believe this.”

“Believe it. When I complained, I saw how his whole personality and attitude, especially toward me, changed. Yes, he isn’t interested in seeing me anymore, but not for the reasons you thought. He’s afraid I’ll talk about him. I was going to let it go,” I continued, now enjoying the roll I was on, “but when his bratty sister started to spread all those stories about me, I thought, okay, if this is how it’s going to be, fine.” I paused to let it all sink into her brain like a rock sinking in mud. “You know, now that I think more about it, I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that he put her up to it so I would be too embarrassed to talk about what really happened. You know, like a shot across the bow of an enemy ship or the ship of a neutral nation to force them to stop and be inspected. My dad told me that happens often in wars. Well, Shayne and his sister have declared a love war against me. What do you think?”

“Maybe,” she said, the possibilities creeping into her thoughts and raising doubts. “This is so incredible.”

“You can just imagine how incredible it was for me, Ellie. A girl looks forward to her first time. I know you did. It didn’t just happen by accident. You were ready for it, right?”

“Yes, of course. I told you about it, I think.”

“You did, but your experience was ten times better than mine was. Believe me, I don’t want to relive making love with Shayne Allan. You can’t blame me, can you? Can you?” I asked when she didn’t respond. She was still in shock a little. “What, you think I’m wrong to have told you the truth? I knew I should have kept my mouth shut.”

“No, no. You did the right thing. It’s good that you did.”

“Now,” I said in a softer voice, “Brayden is much different. He is a very polite and considerate person. No matter what we do, he’s always concerned about my being satisfied, and I just told you how important that is.”

“You made love to him already? What was it like?”

“You’ve heard people say it was night-and-day different to describe similar experiences, haven’t you? Well, it was night-and-day different.”

“Wow. I guess I can’t let anyone call you Prudence Perfect anymore.”

“Thanks.”

“When can I meet him? Can I meet him today?”

“No. His mother is ill. I’ll let you know. Maybe we’ll double-date or something in the near future.”

“Yes, yes. Who would have ever thought that Shayne Allan was . . .”

“Like a gun that misfires,” I said, and she laughed. “Let’s call him Mr. Misfire.”

“That’s good. Okay. Call me,” she said. I could feel how anxious she was to get off the phone with me and start calling others, probably Charlotte Watts first. “Mr. Misfire” would spread like a wildfire.

“Ditto,” I said, and hung up.

I felt so evil but so happy about it.

Thank you, Brayden,
I told myself, and went off to plan our picnic lunch. I decided to cook up some chicken cutlets to make sandwiches and then thought I would surprise him with some fresh brownies, too. I turned on
the radio and worked to music, feeling more alive and happy than I had all summer so far. As soon as I was finished preparing everything, I went up to choose what I would wear.

The weather was going to be perfect, hovering around eighty with just some scattered clouds and soft breezes. I decided on a pair of low-rider cargo shorts and a chicken-scratch tank top. A few years ago, my father had had some caps made advertising our jewelry store. Some had images of diamonds on the front, and some had rubies and emeralds. I had one of each, of course, and decided that today was an emerald day. I put on my emerald necklace, too. It was my birthstone. If Brayden asked me about it, I would tell him that my birthday was coming up, July 21. I hoped we would be doing something special together.

As I put on my lipstick, I studied my face. Did girls change when they become lovers? I wondered. Was there something, some look in their eyes, that revealed mature experience? Would my mother realize it? What would I say to her if she asked me? What would my father think? Would he say anything? Would I be a great disappointment to him? Would it change everything between us?

Someday, but not right now, I thought, my mother and I would surely talk about this.

Just before noon, I packed everything, including a light blanket that I was able to fold in a large, nondescript grocery bag, and headed for the lake. Before I stepped out, I called Brayden on his cell phone. I was afraid he would think it was his father or the clinic calling, but I wanted him to know I was coming. It rang
and rang and didn’t go to any voice mail. How odd, I thought, but then figured it was perfectly like him to leave the cabin without taking the phone. Whatever the reason for it, it didn’t matter. I knew where to find him.

The moment I stepped out of the house, however, I froze. There was a car backing out of Brayden’s driveway. It looked like his parents’ car, the one I had seen that first day when they moved into the house. When it paused on the street, I had a closer look at the driver. It was definitely his father, the man I had seen, I thought. I called out to him and started down the steps, but he obviously didn’t hear me. He accelerated and drove off. I stood there looking after him. Why was his father back? Was Brayden with him? Why wouldn’t he call me to tell me? He had said he would. Was he in the house, then? I looked at it, then looked after his father’s car, watching it turn off the street. I walked across the lawn and up to the front door.

I knocked and called and waited. There was only silence. I knocked again, and this time, when I turned the doorknob, I found that it was locked. Could his father have called him, and Brayden told him he would meet him somewhere, anywhere but the house? That was possible. He had seemed so put off by it when I had started for home and we had reached the street. But why wouldn’t he answer when I called? Surely he would want to tell me what was happening. Confused, I stood there for a few moments, unsure of whether I should bother to go to the lake or just go home and call him again and again until he picked up.

I decided to go to the lake. It wasn’t that long a walk. Concerned now, I walked faster than I usually did. At
one point, when I turned off the road, I was practically running. I remembered his admonition not to be noticed, and I did avoid contact with anyone. The only one outside his or her house was Mrs. Carden, and she seemed oblivious to anything but weeding her small garden. In less than ten minutes, I was entering the woods and heading for the lakeside, where I would turn if I didn’t see him and go on to the cabin.

I was practically running through the field and through the portion of woods before I reached the lakeshore. When I nearly stumbled, I slowed down. As I approached the water, I saw him sitting on a fallen log and gazing out at the lake. He appeared to be in such a trance that he didn’t hear me.

“Hi,” I called, and he turned and smiled.

“Hey.”

“I tried calling you, but you didn’t pick up,” I said, coming up to him.

“Oh, I left the phone back in the cabin.”

“You know your father came home, right?” I asked.

“You saw him?”

“Yes.”

“Did you speak to him?”

“No, I didn’t get a chance. He was backing out of the driveway. I called to him, but he didn’t hear me, I guess, and drove off.”

“Good,” he said.

“Good? Why good? What’s going on?”

“He came home to get more of her things. I’m sure he was in a bad mood. He saw how nothing much had been done in the house, and I wouldn’t doubt that he
saw the picture she was painting. He’s not very pleasant when he’s in a bad mood.”

“Didn’t he want to see you?”

“Yes, I’m sure he did,” he said. “Let’s try not to think about it, Amber. Let’s just enjoy the time we have together.”

“You make it sound as if it’s not going to last.”

“Remember Robert Frost. ‘Nothing gold can stay.’” He smiled. “But why dwell on the sad things when we have these happy moments, right?”

I nodded. But deep down inside me, I heard the alarm bells ringing.

He kissed me, and I shut myself away from the discordant sound, something I would come to regret.

I thought there were so many things very special about Brayden, but perhaps nothing as special as the way he could turn both of us away from the darkness and into the light. It was as if he had the power to draw the curtain closed on anything unpleasant whenever he wished to and then open the curtain on happiness.

“I want to show you something special,” he said, taking my hand. “It’s farther in the woods, past the cabin and just before the next property.”

Intrigued, I walked with him, leaving our picnic lunch at the cabin. When we saw a doe and a fawn, I thought that was it. I had never come upon two of them so closely like this. It was remarkable how unafraid and unthreatened they both appeared to be. The doe looked up at us with almost as much curiosity as we had about them. The fawn came around its mother and glanced at us, too, and then the two of them started away casually.

“Was that it? Because it was certainly something special.”

“Everything around here is special,” he said. “That was just as much a surprise for me, however.”

We walked on until I could hear water. He veered to the right and around some trees. Not far off, I could see the Russells’ lake house. Mr. Russell was an important attorney who was being considered for state attorney general. He had twin girls, both now in the sixth grade. Their lake house was a modern A-frame about half the size of the Allans’ home, but they had more decking. It ran around the sides of the house and also faced the lake. I saw the twins standing on the deck. They were light brunettes and tall for their age. I had babysat for them often when they were younger. I thought they were looking our way, but I didn’t think they could see us through the trees.

“Here,” Brayden said, kneeling.

It was a spring, the water sparklingly clear. It ran off toward the lake.

“Where’s it come from?”

“The mountains, flowing underground for a good distance before emerging here. This water is delicious, far better than any town water. I poured out all that water I had and filled the bottles with this. Taste it,” he said.

He cupped his hands to show me how. I knelt down beside him and let my palms fill. The water was cold but not icy. I sipped some and smiled.

“Yes, it’s good.”

“It’s a very special spring. Let’s bottle gallons of it and sell it as Amber Light.”

I laughed. “That sounds like a beer.”

“Yes, it does. It’s just a fantasy, anyway.” He sat. “But why not pretend this is truly a special spring? Drink from it and you’ll always be young and happy.”

“Ponce de León? His fountain of youth?”

“No, this is our fountain of youth, not his. If you’re ever truly unhappy, make your way over here and drink from our fountain, and you’ll wash away any sadness.”

He sounded so convincing. I smiled and scooped up some more.

“Isn’t it working?” he asked.

“Yes, but I wasn’t unhappy.”

“So? You’ll be happier,” he countered. He leaned over to kiss me. “See?”

I smiled. “Getting very self-confident, are you?” I teased.

“Because of the spring,” he said, and then he took my hand and we stood. “I found another secluded place on the lake. It’s not far from here. The land juts out far more on the left, so anyone in a boat would probably not be able to see us when we’re in the water.”

“In the water?”

“We’ll go for a swim before lunch.”

“But I didn’t bring my bathing suit,” I said.

“Neither did I,” he said. “Either we’re in nature or not, right? C’mon. I’ll show you the place.”

I followed him through the woods. We turned left and then down a small slope to the place he had discovered. He was right. It looked even more secluded than the small lagoon. We could hear boats on the lake, but they were far off, and I recalled Shayne being concerned about us getting too close to this area because of some stumps in the water. I imagined that most of the people who lived and boated on the lake probably knew about that.

Just before the water, there was a small clearing. The
ground was soft, with very tiny stones. It was like a private little beach.

“I would have brought the blanket I left back in the cabin and packed some towels if you had warned me about this,” I said.

“Spontaneity. That’s the secret to really having a good time. Planned things are . . . too planned. You need surprise.”

“You might need surprise. I like to have some warning. Most girls do.”

“Naw,” he insisted. He began to undress. I looked around. Naturally, I was worried that someone could still come upon us. He paused, waiting to see what I would do. “We’re pretty safe here,” he said.

“I’m not so sure what you mean by safe,” I said, grinning. He laughed, and I started to undress, surprised at myself for not hesitating.

He was in first, diving without hesitation.

“It’s probably colder here than out in the center of the lake where I swam,” I called out to him. “There’s more shade. Right?”

“Not to me. It’s like a warm bath.”