Into The Fire (The Ending Series) (17 page)

I stretched to pull a napkin down from the top shelf, just
as an arm reached over my shoulder to grab one instead. I felt the heat of a
body behind me. Jake. Steadying my nerves, I turned to face him.

He handed me the folded napkin and watched me, his
expression once again unreadable.

“Thanks.” I hated the way my gut twisted, remembering what
had happened between us only a handful of hours earlier.

Reaching out, Jake brushed a scraggly strand of hair from my
face and tucked it behind my ear. His fingers lingered there, and I fought the
urge to lean into his hand. In the dim light of the lanterns set up throughout
the house, his face appeared grief-stricken.
He was going to leave…
The
thought made my heartbeat quicken with dread, and then with anger. No, fear.

“How are you doing?” I asked stupidly. “I mean, are you
going to go after Becca now…or are you waiting until we go in to get Dani?”

Jake shook his head, and I could tell his mind was still a
battlefield. “I’m sorry,” he muttered and dropped his hand back to his side. “I
know…” His eyes met mine. “I know I was acting crazy. I didn’t mean to upset
you.” He searched my eyes, but didn’t seem to find what he was looking for. “I
didn’t mean to scare you. I was—”

“Were you really gonna leave?” I blurted, wishing my mouth
would just stay shut.

Jake’s eyebrows lowered in uncertainty.

He was going to leave, we both knew it, and
I was
conflicted. I wasn’t only upset with myself for trusting him, but with him for
his willingness to risk Dani’s life—to risk all our lives—even if it was
unconsciously done.
But it
is
his sister
. Although I wanted to
hold on to my anger, I could only justify holding on to the hurt.

In spite of Jake’s silence, I put on a brave face, trying to
convince myself that even if he would have left, he hadn’t, and we still had
one another…at least for a little while longer. “I understand,” I said simply.
“Things have been hard lately.” I shut the closet door. “Besides, Becca’s your
sister. No matter what she says, we both know that. I wouldn’t expect anything
less.” That much was true, no matter how painful.

I was about to sidestep him, to put some much-needed
distance between us, when he leaned in, cupping my face in his large, burning
palm. He was going to kiss me.

I shouldn’t.
My eyes closed of their own accord, and
I wanted to melt. I was still covered in blood, but the feel of his rough thumb
stroking my jaw made it nearly impossible to focus on anything other than his
touch. He eased in for a kiss, giving me time to pull away, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t.
No matter how devastating, I needed this—the feeling of something other than
the fear, anger, and determination that followed me like asphyxiating shadows.

Jake’s lips were hot on mine, and the smell of wood smoke
permeated his clothes; it was comforting, and I burned the sensations of his
kiss, his scent, into my memory. Before I could comprehend, my body reacted and
I rose to tiptoes and reached my arms around his neck, drawing him closer to
me. His kiss deepened, excitement and contentment rushing through me like
coalescing rivers, and I wanted to drown in them. My fingers explored his skin,
my forefinger circling the soft hairs on the back of his neck as I savored the
taste of his tongue.

The warmth of his body was euphoric, and I groaned. Though
it had only been days, it felt like weeks since we’d been in each other’s arms,
since we’d laughed or wrestled or just sat quietly beside one another. I missed
him.

Harper cleared his throat, reminding us there were others in
the room, and Jake pulled back. His eyes were enlivened again, the flickering
lantern light illuminating the red-amber of his irises, setting them aflame.

“That’s something I’ve missed.” The words formed naturally
on my tongue, and I almost smiled.

Jake’s brow furrowed. “The look in your eyes,” he said
quietly, severely.

“I’m just surprised,” I started to say self-consciously, my
eyes trailing down his perfectly imperfect nose to his full bottom lip. I
wanted to lean in and take it between my teeth. I licked my lips.

“No, earlier.” His voice was a low rumble.

Oh, right—that.
“I told you, I understand.” My voice
was detached, despite my intentions, and I made my way to the door. “We’ll get
Becca out of there too, and once we have her and Dani back, everything’ll be
better.” I struggled to believe my words as I reached out to turn the door
handle.

“Where are you going?” he asked, and I heard him take a step
forward.

I need space before you
do
leave and break my
fucking heart
, I didn’t tell him.
I couldn’t bear it if I got closer
just so he could leave. “I’m going to wash up,” I said instead. “I feel
disgusting. Chili’s in the pot over the fire if you want some. I’ll be back in
a bit.” I opened the door, letting Jack and Cooper go out ahead of me for added
protection.

When I glanced back at Jake, he looked like he was
considering accompanying me.

“I’ll be fine,” I told him. “Tavis is out there, and I have
my pistol.” I patted the gun on my thigh. I didn’t give him time to reply
before I escaped out the door and shut it tightly behind me. I hurried down
rickety wood stairs that looked like they hadn’t been replaced since the house
was built, and headed to the stable where we’d put the horses—to the trough
water I was going to bathe in.
Yay
.

“Easy, girl,” I heard Tavis say, followed by a horse
snorting. I took a few more steps, watching his form come into view around the
side of the stable. He was talking to one of the horses that had already been here
when we’d arrived. The trough was inside the paddock, but within easy enough
reach for me to access.

Tavis was slumped, leaning against the nearly rotted log
fence, his arm draped over the top and his fingers playing with the brown
mare’s mane as her head hung heavy with sleep. Propped atop one of the fence
posts, a propane lantern burned bright, attracting moths to its steady glow.

Tavis’s expression was thoughtful, his brow pinched almost
into a scowl.

“Hey,” I said, hoping I wasn’t interrupting his reverie. “Is
she your favorite?” The lilt in my voice sounded a little more jovial than I felt,
but I was okay with that.

His head shot up, and his posture straightened. “Zoe.”

I smiled, enjoying the way my name rolled off his tongue. “I
figured I’d take you up on your offer,” I said, pointing to the trough. “Dry
blood isn’t my color, you know?” Unzipping my filthy bomber jacket, I hung it
over a fence post to clean later.

The mare’s ears angled toward my voice, but she didn’t stir
from her sleeping trance.

After dipping the checkered cloth into the frigid water in
the trough, I started scrubbing the exposed skin on my neck. “How long have you
and Sam been staying here?”

“Since we saw those three blokes killed. I wasn’t sure what
to do afterward. I’d been so determined to get to the Colony that I didn’t
think about what we’d do if it didn’t work out.” He shook his head. “Until you all
showed up, I was considering how long we could survive here.”

“Well, you’ll probably regret letting us stay,” I teased.
“We tend to have really shitty luck.” I laughed bitterly.

“I like your laugh,” he said, taking a step closer and
leaning against the fence to face me.

“Yeah? Thanks. My friend always says that, too…though she
also says she doesn’t hear it enough.”

“I haven’t heard anyone laugh in a long time.” He shoved his
hands into the pockets of his jeans. “You should laugh more.”

There was something intriguing about Tavis, and it wasn’t
just his accent. He was open and easy to talk to, like Harper, but not closed
off and complicated like Jake and Jason. It was refreshing.

I flashed him a wistful smile. “Gladly,” I said. “But it’d
be easier to laugh more if things weren’t so—”

“Fucked,” he answered for me.

I chuckled and rinsed the napkin out in the water and
started scrubbing my hands before moving to my face. “Exactly.” I wrung the
cloth out again. “How’s Sam doing with all of this?”

Tavis shrugged and sighed. “I dunno. Better than I would’ve
expected, to be honest. That kid’s been through hell and somehow he’s managed
to use it to stay focused and to learn. I may be the adult, but we make our
decisions together. We’re a team.”

“You’re lucky to have each other,” I mused.

He looked at me in surprise and nodded. “Yes, we are.”

“Has it always been just the two of you?” I pulled my hair
from its snare to gather it again and knot it into a bun atop my head so I
could scrub behind my ears.

“No, there was another bloke I met by Vegas, but there was
an accident right before I found Sam outside of Flagstaff, so now it’s just the
two of us.” Tavis took another step toward me. “You missed a spot,” he said,
pointing to his jawline.

I scrubbed harder along the edge of my face and behind my
ears and tilted my face to show him. “Better?”

He shook his head and took another step before he reached
out to touch my cheek. “It’s right here,” he said quietly. The tip of his
finger was cool and soft against my skin. “You want me to get it?”

Crunching gravel startled me, and I pulled away from Tavis’s
touch. Jake approached, stopping a few yards from me. He stood there silently,
and my heart raced.

“We need you inside,” he said coolly, and I couldn’t help
but feel his anger simmering beneath the surface.

I flashed him an innocent smile. “Okay.” I rinsed and wrung
out the linen once more before I grabbed my still-dirty jacket and headed for
the house. I paused and glanced back at Tavis. “You coming?” I asked not
wanting to abandon him outside…with Jake. When he nodded slightly, I shifted my
attention to Jake, giving him a cautioning look before I continued on to the
house.

Flinging the door open, I called, “Give me just a minute!” I
ran upstairs to change out of my bloodied clothes. Falling clumsily multiple
times, I struggled to pull on my pajamas. Finally warm and clean, I ran back
downstairs and ladled some chili into a bowl. I curled up on the old,
barely-padded sofa in front of the fire, welcoming the softness of my
sweatpants and the comfort of the oversized Army hoodie I’d commandeered from
Jason’s bag when I was helping him into the room an hour or so before. He was
too drunk to notice it was missing anyway. Pulling my hair out of its messy
bun, I ran my fingers through it, letting it fall around my shoulders, and then
scooped myself a hearty spoonful of chili.

Chris, Harper, Sam, Carlos, and Sanchez were resting lazily
by the fireplace, empty chili bowls beside them.

I glanced around at them. “Am I too late?”

“For…?” Sanchez asked, looking up from her book.

“I thought…” I was confused.
I thought they needed me in
here?
There were no maps lying around and everyone seemed barely able to
keep their eyes open. “Did you need me for something?”

Chris looked at me askance. “No,” she said, shaking her
head. “Um, your brother is passed out upstairs. Harper said he’s doing fine.
That’s about it.”

“Jake said you needed me.”

A knowing grin spread across Harper’s face and he leaned
back, sprawling on the floor with his arms folded behind his head. “We do. We
need you and Chris to keep your feelers out, Baby Girl. Let us know if you feel
anything strange. Just as an extra safety precaution.”

“I can help,” Sam added.               

“Perfect,” Harper said with a warm smile and a wink at the
boy.

The door opened and Jake strode inside, making a beeline for
the pot of chili. Tavis entered after him and crossed the room to Sam, who was
nestled on his pallet of blankets in the corner. Neither looked at me. In fact,
it seemed they purposefully avoided my gaze.

“So, tell us about your friend inside the Colony,” Tavis said,
sitting and leaning against the wall beside Sam. “What’s your plan?”

Chris shook her head. “We’re not sure yet. For now, the plan
is for her to gather as much information as she can.”

“But she’s still in there all alone,” Carlos said. Like me,
he clearly didn’t like the fact that she was still in the Colony.

I swallowed a bite of chili. “She said she’s okay,” I offered,
trying to reassure him. It was senseless for both of us to worry. “She said
that MG—I mean,
Gabe
”
—
I rolled my eyes—“is helping her, but I
still don’t—”

“What did you say?” Jake asked, his hand suddenly gripping
my wrist. I looked from his white-knuckled grasp up to his scowling face. He
emanated a ferocity that made my hands tremble. His chili bowl clacked against
the small table beside the sofa as he set it down. “What did you just say?” he
repeated, eerily calm.

“Um…that Dani said she’s okay, and that Gabe is helping
her?”

When recognition registered on Jake’s face and his eyes
flashed with rage, I suddenly understood. I instantly lost my appetite and lowered
the bowl to my lap.

Jake shot to his feet and laced his fingers together behind
his neck. He stalked away from us, his anger whipping around him wildly. We all
stared at him, taken aback by the sudden, dangerous shift in his mood. None of
us had ever seen Jake so angry, but between my killing someone for the first
time, Dani sending me into a debilitating dizzy spell, being attacked by Colony
soldiers, and pretty much everything else that had happened in the last
twenty-four hours, the day had been filled with a lot of firsts.

He flung the front door open and stalked out into the
darkness. Not even Cooper trotted after him. Jake’s hatred and fear burrowed
into my heart as he pictured Gabe at the Colony with his sister. When he
pictured Gabe visiting me in my dreams, he could no longer contain his rage.