Into the Night (20 page)

“So, Mark gave me just enough that I was aware of what was going on during the threesome, but I was too lethargic to do anything about it.” Her voice grew hoarse. “I thought taking something to relax me would make it easier to let two men take advantage of me, to use me sexually, but it was the worst experience of my life. I felt so helpless, so mortified and degraded—during and afterward.”

“I’m sorry,” Nathan said softly, compassionately.

She glanced at him, appreciating his comforting presence. “Me, too. About a week after the threesome, the semester ended and a fresh crop of young freshman girls started a new term in his class. It didn’t take Mark long to replace me.”

Feeling a slight chill, Nicole drew her legs up and wrapped her arms protectively around them. “He ended things with me abruptly and coldly, and as I watched him work his charm on one of the new girls, I literally got sick to my stomach because I realized that I’d essentially traded my virginity, perverse sex, and the use of my body for good grades in his class.”

She swallowed hard to push back the knot tightening in her throat. “It all felt so sleazy, and I was devastated emotionally. But while I was in the relationship, it never occurred to me how wrong it all was, not when he was telling me how much he loved me, and how much I meant to him.” After the fact, she’d realized that his interest and affection had all been a sham to feed his ego, and she blamed herself for being so stupid and naive and falling for his lies and deceit.

Nathan reached out and gently tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, as if sensing how tough this conversation was for her. “Reeves never should have gotten involved with a student, let alone tried to push his sexual advances on a young girl, but it sounds as though this was a pattern for him.”

“You’re right. I wasn’t the first, and I know for a fact that I wasn’t the last.” She dragged her fingers through her still-damp hair, unable to quell the regrets that remained with her to this day. “I should have reported him, but I was eighteen and the sex was consensual. And I was so afraid of my family finding out what I’d done, and how shocked and disappointed they’d be in me, that I decided to bury the whole incident like it never happened.”

“That’s never a good thing,” Nathan said, his tone quiet, but wise.

“I know,” she agreed, recalling how all those suppressed feelings had sucked her into a black hole of nothingness and had threatened to consume her. “The weeks after Mark broke things off with me, the shame of what I’d done, and almost did, ate at me, and I fell apart emotionally. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed in the morning to attend my classes, and my grades started to drop to the point that the university issued a warning that I was going to lose my scholarship if I didn’t raise my grades again. That was my wake-up call, and I finally went to a college counselor to help me work through my depression.”

She exhaled a deep breath, found Nathan watching her with quiet patience and genuine interest, and finished her tale. “Once I got my head on straight again, I was able to focus on what was most important to me—finishing school and getting my degree. I was determined not to let my experience with Mark ruin my life and future. After that I kept my head down and focused on my grades and graduating.”

But she knew that despite the counseling and her outward fortitude, she still harbored unresolved issues and insecurities that affected her relationships with men. After Mark, separating sex and emotion had become crucial for her, because she refused to let herself be that vulnerable ever again.

She still enjoyed sex, but knowing how badly an emotionally based relationship could skew her judgment, it was all about physical pleasure for her. She no longer trusted her instincts when it came to men, and found it much easier to keep things casual, fun, and undemanding. This way she wouldn’t risk shifting her focus away from what mattered to her in favor of what a man demanded. Her strategy kept her in control, and her emotions safe and guarded.

Beside her, Nathan shifted and moved as he braced his back more comfortably against the sofa behind him, then he patted his lap. “Come here,” he said softly.

The deep rumble of his voice spread through her like a balm, and the offer of comfort was too much for her to resist after the night she’d endured and everything she’d just revealed. She settled on his hard thighs, and his arms immediately slid around her, holding her with a gentle strength that made her relax against his chest and rest her head on his broad shoulder. He smelled good, clean and fresh and all male, and he felt even better. Solid, warm, and reliable.

After a moment of silence, he spoke, his lips moving against the top of her head. “I’m sorry you had to go through that.”

The empathy in his voice was real, and while it had been difficult to share her past with him, she was glad she had. “Now maybe you can understand why I feel so passionate about this story and nailing Sloane. No girl or woman should ever be used by any man, emotionally or physically. It’s despicable.”

She sighed as he rubbed a large hand up and down her back, then kneaded the taut muscles at the nape of her neck. “I survived, and I count myself as very lucky when I think about those girls at Sloane’s. They’re so young, and the whole situation is reprehensible. Once Sloane is done with them, most of the girls are going to be broken beyond repair.” She’d already witnessed the emotional damage with Holly, and she was certain that visions of the young girl were going to haunt her dreams tonight when she finally fell asleep.

“I know,” he said, his voice gruff with his own quiet outrage. “I saw this shit all the time during my last undercover assignment when I was a vice cop. It’s heartbreaking to watch these girls destroy their innocence and their futures because they get sucked into a life filled with sex and drugs. And as much as I hated seeing so many exploited young girls at Sloane’s nightclub tonight, unfortunately we can’t save them all.”

She lifted her head from his shoulder and stared up at him, catching sight of something dark and haunted in his expression that she couldn’t fully grasp. “Why not?” she asked, even knowing how unreasonable she was being.

“Because it just doesn’t work that way,” he replied, his gaze filled with regret. “We’re just two people against a very powerful, well-connected man, and it’s up to the feds to bring Sloane down, along with gathering the evidence they need to back up his arrest so the charges stick. You and I have a job to do, and that’s to rescue Angela. Even by doing that, we’re putting a lot of lives in danger.”

She couldn’t argue with Nathan’s logic, but her head and her heart were torn between her promise to help rescue Angela, and her need to save anyone else she could from such a bleak and lonely existence. Like Holly, who deserved a better future than the grim one she was quickly heading toward.

Nathan caressed the back of his fingers along her cheek, the touch tender and caring and teeming with concern. “This assignment is going to get a lot worse before we’re through, and I’m certain you’re going to see a lot more of what we witnessed at Bliss tonight. Are you sure you can handle the emotional aspects of this case?”

She knew what he was saying was true and not an attempt to scare her. After her sensitive reaction to the harsh realities of Sloane’s world, he was worried about her frame of mind going forward. But no matter how difficult it was to be a part of something so vile, this case had turned personal for Nicole, and she wasn’t about to back out now.

“Tonight was tougher than I’d anticipated,” she admitted. “But now that I know what to expect, I’ll be able to get the job done without falling apart.”

“Okay,” he said, trusting her to know her own limitations. “But if at any time things get too intense for you and you want out, just say the word and it’s done.”

She shook her head. “Not a chance. At least we’ll be able to give one girl a happy ending.”

“That’s what keeps me motivated.”

A small smile lifted the corner of his mouth, but didn’t diminish those shadows still lingering in his gaze. She had her reasons for pursuing this story, and she suspected that Nathan had his that went beyond his obligation to The Reliance Group. But asking for details wasn’t her place. If he ever wanted to share, she’d listen, just as he’d done for her tonight. She understood how personal and sacred some things could be for a person.

The night’s tension had eased from her body, and she wrapped her arms around Nathan’s back and curled up closer to his chest. He tightened his hold, his warm hands stroking along her arms as he enveloped her in the kind of intimacy that was more about respect and affection than the passion and sex she was used to with him.

It marked a slight shift in their relationship for Nicole, one that should have made her panic and retreat. But at the moment she felt protected and secure, and peaceful in a way that had eluded her for years. She couldn’t deny that Nathan’s embrace calmed her. It was exactly what she needed after digging deep into her soul and telling him about her past.

Knowing the solace was temporary, that soon enough life would intrude and with it the reality of their situation, she decided that for tonight she’d selfishly indulge in any of the tenderness Nathan was willing to offer.

*   *   *

Sunday morning dawned bright and warm with the sun streaming cheerfully through the living room windows. If the newspaper forecast was to believed, it was going to be a scorcher of a day. A normal occurrence for Las Vegas in the summer, and according to Nathan’s earlier conversation with his boss, Caleb, a perfect afternoon for the Fourth of July poolside barbecue he planned every year for the TRG crew.

After spending a good half hour discussing last night’s events and what Nicole had discovered about Angela, Caleb had asked Nathan if he was coming to the party, and had even extended an invitation for him to bring Nicole if he wanted to. Unsure of how Nicole might be feeling this morning, Nathan hadn’t committed to anything and decided to play things by ear.

During breakfast, and even now as he perused the sports section of the Sunday paper in the armchair across from where she was curled up on the couch with her laptop, he glanced her way every once in a while to try and gauge her mood. Ever since waking up, she’d been quiet and subdued. He understood why and tried to respect that personal space she seemed to need this morning.

Last night had been emotionally draining for her—first as a result of her disturbing encounter with Holly, then later, when she’d told him what had happened to her in college. As difficult as it had been for her to open up to him, he appreciated the trust she’d offered. The insight into her past gave him a better understanding of what drove her to write an exposé on Sloane.

But nailing Sloane wasn’t their objective. Rescuing Angela was. And he hoped he’d made that clear to her last night.

Hearing her soft sigh, he shifted his gaze from an article on the next big UFC match, scheduled to play out at Mandalay Bay, to Nicole. She looked completely engrossed in whatever she was doing on her computer, but it was the crease lines furrowing her brow that told him there was a lot more going on in that head of hers than she was letting on.

After last night, it was difficult not to see her in a whole different light. He had to admit that he had a newfound admiration for Nicole. Up until this point, he’d only seen her outward strength and confidence, but now he knew that deep inside she was soft and vulnerable. Human. Fallible. A woman with scars and flaws and insecurities.

The two of them weren’t that different, especially in the way their tragic pasts now propelled their actions in the present. For different reasons, they both felt the need to make up for old mistakes and set things right, giving them a common objective when it came to Sloane and saving Angela.

Because of all that, he felt connected to Nicole, an emotional bond that went beyond their physical relationship. Holding her in his arms and comforting her had felt good and right—a surprise, but not an unwelcome one.

For the first time in years, he’d allowed himself to feel something for a woman that had nothing to do with sex, and everything to do with tenderness and caring. A scary realization, but it was there nonetheless, and he couldn’t ignore the awareness slowly making itself known.

In a very short time, Nicole had gotten under his skin—with her vivacious personality, her sensual nature, and most especially with the way she’d trusted him with her secrets and fears. There was so much more he wanted to learn about Nicole, and he couldn’t help but wonder if maybe, once this ordeal was over with, she’d reconsider her friends-with-benefits arrangement and see if there was something more between them worth pursuing.

But for now, for today, he decided to keep things light, casual, and fun, and the best way to accomplish that goal was to get them out of the apartment for the afternoon. He was certain nothing important would happen today, and being cooped up for hours would only make them both restless and anxious. He really had no desire to watch Nicole in her own little world as she conversed with men online for her latest article on dating trends. If she was going to give anyone her attention, he wanted it to be him.

They needed to clear their heads and regroup, and he honestly couldn’t think of a better way to accomplish that than to be surrounded by the people he’d come to think of as his second family—Caleb, and the rest of The Reliance Group team.

He folded the newspaper, set it on the coffee table in front of his chair, then glanced across the way at Nicole, watching as her fingers moved fast and furious over her laptop’s keyboard. “Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?” he asked, wanting her complete attention before issuing his invitation.