Intoxicated (23 page)

“It’s a little awkward for everyone, yes.” I
admitted.

“When are you going to stop sticking up for
him? He doesn’t deserve it.”

Don’t cry for him. He doesn’t deserve it. He
doesn’t deserve you.

Matthew’s words from the night he had found
me sprawled on the couch echoed in my head. Hearing the same
sentiment from someone else took me back to that night. I
remembered the complete feeling of utter desolation, the way Eric
had blown it off as if it were a minor offense. The way Matthew had
cradled me in his arms, silently providing me with a shoulder to
cry on. He had canceled his plans to take care of someone he was
afraid hated him.

“Lauren?” Gracie asked, interrupting my
reverie.

I jumped to attention. “What?”

“You were miles away, hon. What’s the seating
arrangement look like?”

Thankfully, I had already committed this to
memory. I was able to rattle off place settings without thought.
With our group of six, I thought it best that I sit between Eric
and my dad. Opposite us would be Blake, Matthew and Gracie. Of
course, Matthew and I would end up seated across from one another.
I swore I hadn’t done that for selfish reasons, merely so I could
provide encouragement and be a fly on the wall if there was in fact
a connection between him and Gracie. The arrangement left Blake
with the short straw, sitting across from Eric, but of anyone here
she could handle it best. I certainly wouldn’t place him across
from Gracie. They’d likely start a food fight with one another.

We had set the food up buffet style rather
than take everything to the table. As honorary hostess, I lingered
as everyone piled their plates high with food and tried to get a
general feel for the dynamic in the room. So far, everyone was
playing nice and more or less ignoring Eric, who stood scowling as
he waited to serve himself some mashed potatoes. When dishes were
full and everyone was making their way back to their assigned
seats, I took the opportunity to plate my own food.

Out of the corner of my eye, I noticed
Matthew pull out Gracie’s chair for her. Such a simple gesture, but
totally swoon-worthy. I half expected Eric to do the same for me
just to compete, but he stayed seated as I neared the table. I
hovered behind his chair momentarily, even subtly clearing my
throat. Still, he paid me no attention. Defeated, I set my plate
down and slid into my seat.

I realized that all eyes were on me.
Everyone’s plate remained untouched, and they all looked at me with
anticipation. My stomach twisted even further.

“Lauren,” Blake said, taking the lead, “why
don’t you say a few words before we dig in?”

I shot her a glare and took a deep breath. I
hated public speaking, especially when I was put on the spot. As a
manager who sometimes had to address her staff in a group setting,
it occasionally made my job difficult. Nothing I couldn’t hide by
swallowing down my fear and just doing it, though. I reminded
myself that these were all people I had spent hours talking to and
racked my brain for the right words.

“I wasn’t really planning on saying
anything,” I admitted, “so bear with me. Thanksgiving has always
been one of my favorite holidays, and over the years I have so many
good memories of spending time with family and friends. It’s always
been important to me to share at least this one meal a year with
the people that I care about. That, and have an excuse to eat way
too much food.”

Everyone except for Eric either smiled or
chuckled softly. He stared at his plate, his eyes almost glassy; I
wondered if he was even listening.

“This year has been full of change for me in
particular. So many good things have happened to me that I have
even more reasons than usual to be thankful. Because of my
promotion, I’ve had the opportunity to fall in love with a new city
and meet some wonderful new friends. So even though there’s more
distance between some of us now than before, I wasn’t willing to
give up on that tradition. And out of that stubbornness came the
idea for having all of you here, together in the same room. Kind of
like my old and new lives combining.

“Even though this was organically my idea,
today never would have happened without help from Blake and
Matthew. As you may or may not have noticed, Blake is an excellent
interior designer and she is responsible for the way everything
looks all throughout this house. And Matthew graciously allowed me
to come in and take over his kitchen while I bossed him around the
last couple days. The two of them have helped keep me sane when I
needed it, and it’s like I’ve known both of them for years.

“I wanted all of you to meet each other so
that those of you that I’ve left behind in mileage can see that
I’ve found a good home here. And for the two newest members of my
inner circle to be more than just a faceless name to the ones back
in Indy. In a way, we’re all family now, and I love each and every
one of you. That being said, I didn’t slave away for nothing. Let’s
eat.”

“That was pretty beautiful for being on the
fly, Lauren,” my father said, placing his hand on my shoulder. “You
make me proud of you every day. I’m so glad that I get to be on
this journey with you and watch you emerge into the person I knew
you could be. In so many ways, you remind me of your mother.”

“I know,” I whispered softly, biting my lip
to keep from tearing up. It was too late. As my vision blurred, I
looked down at my plate. Matthew kicked me under the table. I
looked up, surprised.

“Hey,” he said, attempting to lighten the
mood, “I couldn’t have ruined dinner that badly.”

I snorted.

“And don’t think by inviting us here that I’m
not going to demand to see your real house,” Gracie chimed in.

“It’s close,” Blake volunteered. “Maybe we
can take a caravan over after a while. I’ll admit this was my idea.
My darling brother has a better kitchen than I do. And a huge
dining room table. But my house is nothing to sneeze at,
either.”

“The kitchen and the table weren’t enough to
convince her to stay.” Matthew added.

“Nor are they enough to keep you here. I
swear you should just move in with us. You’re over there all of the
time anyway.”

Beside me, Eric speared his turkey violently
with his fork. So he had been listening. I gave Blake a look of
warning, trying to convey with my eyes that the hole she was
digging was already deep enough. Thankfully, she caught my drift
and fell silent.

“This food is excellent, Lauren,” Gracie
enthused, “as usual.”

“Thanks.”

My voice sounded hollow, and it felt as
though the room temperature had decreased by about twenty degrees.
All I could see was Eric out of the corner of my eye, looking as
though he could kill something. Or someone.

As we ate, the table broke off into little
pods of conversation. I flitted from group to group, adding in
something when it was appropriate. Gracie began talking to my dad
about work, then she switched gears and laughed at something
Matthew whispered in her ear. I could tell he had an effect on her,
as I imagined he did on most members of the opposite sex. However,
I couldn’t get a good reading on him. Polite, yes. Attracted, not
sure. My dad engaged Matthew in a discussion and I tensed, knowing
how nervous he had been earlier. I gave him an encouraging look and
continued on talking to Blake, not wanting to pry.

No one spoke to Eric nor did he interject in
anyone else’s conversation. Since he had shown up, he had done very
little to contribute to anything around him. He wasn’t even trying.
He was merely taking up space. My stomach had slowly untwisted and
given way to a burning anger.

I hurriedly finished my meal and rose from
the table, taking Eric’s empty plate along with mine to the sink.
Determined to put an end to his stupidity, I stalked back over to
the table and tapped his shoulder.

“I need to talk to you in private,” I growled
into his ear.

He shrugged and pushed his chair back. I led
him down the hall and into the guest bathroom, locking the door
behind us. I stood there for a moment, glaring at him as I composed
my thoughts.

“Well?” he asked cockily.

“What the hell are you doing out there?” I
asked quietly, though my tone conveyed anything but softness. I
knew that our departure had been noticed, and I didn’t want to
hamper any progress that might be going on in the other room by
holding a knock down drag out fight with my boyfriend.

“My mother always told me that if you can’t
say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

“And what is so bad about it here, Eric?
Everyone else seems to be doing just fine.”

“Apparently everyone else didn’t notice that
you professed your love to another man at the dinner table. I
did.”

“Eric, that’s not what I meant.”

“Sure it’s not. You’re just friends, right?
He’s just over at your place all of the time because he loves his
sister so much. It has nothing to do with you at all. Right?”

“He’s very close with Blake. That didn’t
change when I moved in.”

“Sure. Whatever. Go ahead and defend him.
Lord knows you don’t defend me.”

“Some of your actions are inexcusable.”

“I’m not an ex-felon. You’ll forgive that
when you hang minor offenses over my head? What have I done to you
that’s worse than the mistakes that asshole made?”

“Eric-”

“Nothing. I’ve done nothing to that degree.
But because he’s a pretty face, you forgive him for everything he’s
ever done. He’s the broken and brooding hero of your fairy tale,
and I’ve become the villain.”

“Eric, it’s not like that.”

“What is it like? Don’t give me that sob
story about you trying to give him redemption. You have no right to
act like you’re God. Your forgiveness means absolutely nothing. I
don’t care about his fucked up family life. You can’t fix it. You
shouldn’t even try.”

“Eric, calm down,” I begged.

His voice had risen to near full volume, and
the look in his eyes scared me beyond belief. Never before had I
seen him this angry. Though in the ten years we’d been together he
hadn’t ever been violent towards me, I regretted my decision to
lock the door. That was me, the eternal optimist. To think that I
could have an intelligent conversation with him about a subject
that had already caused me much grief. I backed myself away from
him slowly, until I felt the support of the door behind me.
Carefully, I reached my hand behind my back and turned the
doorknob. The lock popped open, and I nudged the door open just a
crack.

“Planning your escape?”

“It’s just getting stuffy in here. Borderline
claustrophobic.”

He grunted, surveying the room. It was
obvious I wasn’t telling the truth. For a half bath, it was
spacious. Swanky even. Like the rest of the home, high end fixtures
and decorations abounded. I swallowed hard and placed my hand on
the granite countertop for support.

“You’re not a good liar, Lauren. Admit it.
You’re afraid of me. Afraid that this time I’m so pissed at you
that I’m going to go off the deep end.”

I shook my head even as the bile rose in my
throat. I felt the color drain from my cheeks. He crossed the room
quickly, closing the distance between us in a few short steps. He
had me cornered and he knew it. He pushed the door closed again,
placing his hands against it on either side of my head. At least
this time it wasn’t locked.

“Look at me,” he demanded.

Hesitantly, I shifted my gaze to his intense
green eyes.

“After all this time, you still don’t trust
me. You’re shaking like a leaf. Do you really think I would lay a
hand on you? I would never hurt you.”

I winced. “Not physically, at least.”

A look of utter torture flashed over his
features, but it was gone before I could make sense of it. He
removed one hand from the door and brought it to my face. His thumb
rubbed my cheek gently. I allowed myself to breathe again, but my
body wouldn’t relax.

“I thought you wanted to see me,” he said
quietly.

“I did. I mean, I do.”

It was his turn to shake his head. “I wish
that were true. And maybe in some little corner of your mind, you
really believe that. But the truth is that you invited me into
hostile territory. You wanted to take your little stab at me out of
revenge. You wanted to show me how wonderful your new life is, and
just how fine you are without me. You wanted to twist the knife and
show me that I don’t fit anymore.”

“That’s not true, Eric.”

“Bullshit.”

“Eric, I love you. And we talked about this,
how we would make it work. I thought maybe things would be easier
if you could just understand where I’m coming from. If you knew
that I was safe and happy here.”

“I see the way he looks at you, Lauren. And
more often than not, you return the favor. You don’t think I notice
that? I called it before I even met him.”

“I’ve told you that nothing has happened
between us and nothing ever will. I love you.”

“Keep telling yourself that. If you really,
truly, loved me you would have moved in with me. Actions speak
louder than words.”

“And sometimes I really need to hear those
words. I can’t remember you ever saying them.”

“Lauren,”

We were interrupted by a knock at the
door.

“Lauren, is everything okay in there?” Gracie
asked. The fact that she addressed only me was not lost on Eric.
She couldn’t care less about him.

“Yeah,” I answered shakily, “we’ll be out in
a minute.”

Eric traced the line of my jaw with his
thumb. Clearly, he wasn’t about to continue his thought. Just when
we had been about to make a possible breakthrough, Gracie had come
to check on me. Could you be annoyed and thankful all at once? If
so, I was there.

“Just remember,” Eric whispered, “you are
mine.”