Intoxicated (9 page)

“When we were growing up,” she began, “Life
was pretty good. We lived in a big house, dad made a lot of money
and mom stayed at home. Matthew was on the football team and I was
a cheerleader. We were popular and everyone wanted to be like
us.”

The way she presented this background sounded
less like boasting and more like regret.

“His senior year, Matthew got caught drinking
and driving. He was obviously underage, and he was arrested. His
license got suspended for a while, and he lost his football
scholarship. Of course, our parents were pissed off. But it was
nothing we couldn’t deal with, right?”

Her voice cracked on the last word, and a
solitary tear trickled down her cheek. I slid the binder off of my
lap, placing it on the table in front of us. I wanted to hear the
story from her anyway.

“We weren’t really close until about this
time in our lives anyway. He was a senior; I was a sophomore. I
started dating his best friend, but that’s another story. Because
of this, we started spending quite a bit of time together. Because
he lost the scholarship, our parents refused to pay to send him
anywhere but the local college. It wasn’t a huge disappointment for
him, since that was where his friend was going anyway.”

She cleared her throat.

“So fast forward a couple of years. Matthew
got a pretty decent job, and he moved out on his own. I was still
dating his best friend. We were all going to school together, just
kind of hanging out and having fun. Matthew was kind of a player;
he dated a lot of girls. At the time, he was dating this chick and
things were kind of stormy in their relationship. All four of us
went to this party, and things got kind of wild. One of those deals
where they take your keys from you as you enter the house. We were
all drinking. Matthew and the girl got into this huge fight, and
she ended up leaving. He found the keys to his best friend’s car
and went after her.”

I released a breath I didn’t realize I had
been holding.

“He had no business driving. But we didn’t
know what to do. I mean, he took my boyfriend’s car. We weren’t any
more sober than he was, and I was underage. Would it have made
things better if we ran off after him? I don’t know; I wish I did.
So we stayed, hoping that he would come back safely. But he never
did.”

The tears flowed freely now, and I reached
over and gave her a hug. After she had composed herself enough to
speak, she continued the story.

“He got pulled over and arrested again. Maybe
it saved his life, the cop catching him. He didn’t get more than a
mile from the party. Since it was his second offense, it was a
felony and he went to jail. He lost his license for two years.”

She laughed, something obviously striking her
as being funny.

“You would think that having a lawyer for a
father would be a blessing in a situation like this. It was the
exact opposite.”

She gestured to the binder. “Our dad was
persecuted by the press. Add that to the fact that Matthew was
obviously at fault, and you get made an example of. Instead of
helping him out, my dad let the courts throw the book at him. I’m
not saying that he didn’t deserve it, but it was rather tough love.
Or no love at all. Our dad announced that he no longer had a
son.”

I shook my head in disbelief. I didn’t doubt
her version of events, but I couldn’t imagine someone being able to
disown their child. My father and I had such a strong relationship
that I knew no matter what mistakes I made, he would stand by
me.

“My mother had to follow suit. My dad
supported her; she didn’t work outside the home. It really didn’t
seem to break her heart. But I couldn’t walk away from him. I
announced that I wouldn’t give up on him, and my parents disowned
me as well.”

She shrugged. “I moved into his place and
took care of it while he was gone. Once he was released from jail,
I drove him around for the next two years. Ever since, we’ve been
inseparable. And so, that’s our big secret.”

“I’m so sorry, Blake,” I said softly.

She dried her remaining tears and smiled
weakly. “And I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you right away. You had a
right to know and I kept that from you. It’s like some sick joke,
really. Of all the people that could have answered my ad for a
roommate, you gave me a call.”

“It wouldn’t have changed anything,” I said
with conviction.

Blake looked shocked. “Really? If I had told
you that my brother, who is a convicted felon, spends a lot of time
here, you would have just signed the lease and moved right in?”

“Well, after you told me the truth, yes. Not
if he was an axe murderer or something.”

“According to Matthew, he might as well have
killed someone. He’s never gotten past it. He’s never stopped
blaming himself for everything. And he’s done the whole counseling
thing, but it didn’t help with the guilt.”

“So that explains why he acted the way he did
tonight. He thought that I would hate him because of what happened
to my mom.”

“He’s used to people walking away from him.
The only people who have really stood by him are me and his best
friend. I mean, he has some work friends and some of the guys on
his football team keep in touch a little bit, but he is so guarded.
When he does date people, he breaks up with them before they find
out.”

“I won’t walk away. I mean, I’ve only known
you guys for a short period of time, but you already feel like my
friends. Maybe I’ve read too much into it, but I thought that he
was comfortable around me.”

Blake nodded. “I noticed it, too.”

“So what do we do now? Just give him time? I
feel like I should talk to him; like I could help make things
better.”

“I don’t know.”

I sighed. If only he had stuck around instead
of running off. Then I could tell him that the two incidents were
completely unrelated. That I didn’t blame him for what he had
done.

I lifted the binder from the coffee table,
opening it and staring at the pages. I pored over the articles,
imagining all the pain and agony that everyone had gone through
during the ordeal. Blake excused herself, claiming a headache, and
I was left alone with my thoughts.

My cell phone caught my eye and I picked it
up, turning it over and over in my hand. I wondered if Matthew
would talk to me if I called him. My stomach was twisted with
worry; I really just needed to know that he was okay, no matter
where he was. Blake had implied that everything would blow over in
time but I wasn’t so sure.

After all, I was the one responsible for his
pain.

I stared at his text from this morning. Just
hours ago, things had seemed so promising. Instead of calling, I
decided to text back.

Are you okay?
I typed.

His response came back quickly.
No.

I’m sorry. We should talk
.

Why? You wouldn’t like me if you knew the
real me.

I’m pretty sure that I would. Blake and I
already talked about…things. I know what happened.

My phone rang not more than two seconds
later. I answered without checking the screen.

“Blake told me everything. And it doesn’t
matter. The arrest, the jail time, nothing,” I said quickly, not
wanting him to interrupt my train of thought and put his own spin
on the conversation.

“Lauren?” Eric’s voice crackled on the other
end of the line.

Shit.

“Eric? I’m so sorry. I thought you were
someone else.”

“Apparently so. And it sounds like you were
ready for a rather interesting discussion.”

“It was just with Blake’s brother,” I
admitted, trying desperately to think of a good reason why I would
be expecting his call.

“Oh, really?” Eric sounded very interested to
hear this explanation.

“Yeah,” I said, grasping at straws, “he’s
thinking about refinancing his house. He was worried about some,
um, things in his past not making him eligible for a loan.”

Hey, it was the best I could do in a short
amount of time.

“And so you were expecting him to give you a
call at ten at night to discuss this?”

“He works weird hours. And I’m salaried now,
so a sale is a sale. Duty calls, you know.” I giggled, trying to
make it sound casual. Instead, it rang a little hysterical even to
my ears.

Eric didn’t notice, or he was pretending not
to care. “I think you need to come home. Don’t you care about your
safety? I mean, my goodness, your roommate’s brother was
incarcerated?”

“It was a drunk driving charge, years
ago.”

“And that makes everything better? What would
your dad think of that?”

“Eric, I will be fine. And I don’t want to
fight with you. So let’s just drop this and move on, okay?”

“I don’t want to fight with you either.
Actually, I was just calling to see how your first day went. Did
you get the flowers?”

“Yes,” I crossed my fingers behind my back
and swallowed, “they are beautiful.”

“I’m glad you liked them. And instead of you
telling me over the phone about your first week in management, why
don’t you tell me over dinner on Saturday night?”

A smile spread across my face, even though it
meant a drive back to Indianapolis. “Okay.”

“Why don’t I pick you up about six?”

“You’re coming here?”

“Why wouldn’t I? My girlfriend’s in Fort
Wayne, right?”

“You don’t know how good that sounds right
now. I’ll do some research and figure out where we should go. I’ll
text you my address once we hang up.”

“Perfect. Until Saturday, then?”

“I can’t wait. I love you, Eric.”

“Sweet dreams, Lauren.”

The line disconnected, and I quickly sent him
my new address. Maybe he wasn’t lying when he said that he would
figure out how to make this work. He had instigated a road trip to
see me without any coercion on my part. For him, that was almost as
significant as admitting he was wrong.

My good mood disappeared when I realized that
Matthew never responded to my last text.

I was so busy at work the rest of the week
that I barely had time to breathe. Mortgage rates were very
favorable, and the applications seemed to be pouring in. I was
learning the ins and outs of my position and the personalities of
my team members. This was a blessing in more ways than one. Every
spare moment I had was spent thinking about either Eric or
Matthew.

Eric’s upcoming visit filled me with renewed
hope that he was serious about continuing our relationship. Deep
down, I had had a fear that he would leave me upon my acceptance of
the promotion. I had battled with that potential outcome more than
I cared to admit to anyone. I had never given him a similar
ultimatum at any point; instead I had tried to be as supportive as
possible during our college years and thereafter. But my leaving
him was a different story altogether. He hadn’t taken lightly to
it, and I breathed a sigh of relief every time we had a
conversation and he didn’t end it by saying he wanted to see other
people.

I wanted this weekend to be perfect. I had
done a fair amount of research into where Eric and I should go for
dinner. The obvious choice would have been the Italian restaurant
that I had eaten at with Blake and Matthew, but I wanted something
over and above the ordinary. Eric had discriminating tastes, and I
wanted to impress. I needed to impress if I ever expected him to
come back and visit me. Otherwise, I would be the one driving back
and forth to see him. I settled on a highly touted restaurant just
outside of downtown Fort Wayne. The place had some excellent
reviews, and judging by the exorbitant menu prices I viewed online,
it would be right down Eric’s alley. Even though I could afford
someplace like that occasionally, paying that much for a meal had
never made sense to me. Perhaps Eric would treat. He would
definitely drive. His BMW would be right at home in that parking
lot.

I felt like a kid awaiting Christmas. For all
of his faults, Eric was the only guy I had ever been with and the
only person I had ever loved. He was comforting and calming, even
when he was driving me crazy. Part of me didn’t know how to
function without the turmoil in my life. His presence was a
constant, kind of like an old sweatshirt that you kept bringing out
of your closet even after you had new clothes to take its place. I
was busy creating a new life here, yet I still needed him to feel
grounded.

The new life part was going well as long as I
was at work.

Matthew hadn’t come around since the night
all hell had broken loose. He also hadn’t called or texted back,
though I hadn’t exactly opened the lines of communication either. I
suspected that Blake was going to his place after work, and I
wondered if I had effectively destroyed any hope of a friendship
between the three of us. I pleaded with her to tell him to call me,
or come over again, or anything for that matter. She responded
noncommittally that he would when and if he was ready.

Blake didn’t seem mad at me, and for that I
was grateful. However, the dynamic in our house had changed.
Understandably so. She was going to stand by her brother, and if my
presence made him uncomfortable, then she was going to eliminate
the problem. I knew she wouldn’t ask me to move out, but I felt
more like a lessee than a friend at this point. She had her life
and I had mine. When she was home she was cordial enough, but she
came home late and either went to bed or upstairs to work within
minutes.

Even though she had initially indicated an
interest in meeting Eric, she informed me that it wouldn’t happen
during this visit. She had a client meeting during the day on
Saturday, and a date with some guy that night. She told me that
since Eric would be coming over, she would give us our space and
just change at her store. Maybe that was for the best anyway.