Intrinsical (29 page)

Cherie dropped her eyes sadly and her little sniffle interrupted my thoughts. “See, it
is
my fault you died then . . . because I begged you to come to school here.”

I gave her a forbidding look. “It was not!
Do
.
Not
.
Ever
.
Say
.
That
.
Again
.”

Cherie looked sheepishly happy as she nodded.

I shook my head and brought myself back to the present. “I don’t know how long we have, but I have to tell you, Cherie, you’re going to be okay. You have to try harder to be all right,” I scolded her without meaning to.

“
I’m trying. I promise I am.”

“
You were always the leader. You were always the strong one.”

“
I was?” Cherie sounded so unsure, so unlike herself.

I nodded. “Yes. I’ve been following you my whole life.”

“
Maybe I’m only strong when I have you watching my back.”

I pulled her in for a tight hug, “You are always strong. I love you, Cherie. You’re my best friend—always.”

“
You, too.” She reached for my hand, but instead of connecting, it went through me. She shook her head desperately. “No! It wasn’t long enough. I need more time!” I could hear the hysteria creeping into her voice.

“
Just remember, you need to cause enough trouble now for both of us. I love you.” There was an ear shattering pop as our bubble burst. The force of it threw me back and I collapsed on the floor. I shook my head, dazed.

Brent was instantly by my side, his face still strained with worry. I sat up, feeling dizzy.

“
You vanished. I was afraid I had lost you,” Brent said, his voice ragged. “I had no idea what had happened and I was afraid I’d never see you again.” Brent leaned toward me and rested his forehead against mine, breathing deeply, his eyes glistening with more moisture than normal. “I’ve never felt so alone. It was like I had lost . . . Yara, I . . .” he stopped, closing his eyes.

I could feel the blackness and emptiness the incident had caused in him, surprised by its intensity. He lifted his hands to my cheeks, opening his eyes and staring into mine. Something unspoken passed between us, creating an intimacy that hadn’t been there before. A gush of warmth spread through me. My dead heart did a little flip in my chest as I gazed into Brent’s eyes; they were liquid, like melted chocolate, full of unspoken promises I could almost hear. His minty breath was warm on my face, his thumb traced my bottom lip as he leaned in closer.

“
Yara,” he whispered at the same time Cherie called “Yara,” from across the room.

My eyes slid past Brent toward her, slamming the door on the moment we had just shared. There wasn’t much I could do for Cherie anymore, aside from stopping Thomas. She was beyond my ability to comfort. I was past the point of being much use to anyone . . . anyone but Brent. My eyes cut to Brent, then darted back and forth between the two, my past and my present, settling finally on Brent’s cocoa brown eyes.

My world lurched, a spasm of dizziness spun through me, and I brought my fingers to my head to steady myself. When the emotional earthquake stopped, I climbed to my feet, stumbling slightly. Brent held out his hand and made sure I was stable before releasing me, my skin hot from his touch. I peeked at him, shyly, from the corner of my eye hoping to see some proof that something had altered in him as well, but he seemed unchanged. He still had the same teasing smile, the same mischievous eyes and casual stance. By all appearances, he was the same old Brent, not one who had been so shaken when he thought he’d lost me. I had to wonder, inside the part of my mind where I could hide such thoughts from him, if I was imagining these significant moments.

Cherie reached out to where I had been standing in our bubble then wrapped her arms around herself. Her grief was still strong, but I could also sense that a kernel of hope had been planted inside her. Her eyes swept around the room as if she knew I was still there, smiling as her hope took root and blossomed.

“
Bye, Yara.” She waved goodbye, walking a little taller than she had when she came in. I trailed behind her, following her outside, then watched her leave, knowing she’d be alright. Another hurt that had haunted me was now starting to heal itself, right now it might be like putting a Band-Aid over a wound that needed stitches and was gushing blood, but eventually it would get better.

“
Is it always harder for the ones we leave behind?” I asked.

“
When you disappeared into that bubble, I thought I was the one left behind. And yes, I think it is.”

My eyes followed Cherie until I lost her shape in the night’s gathering shadows. The moment seemed symbolic— me staying behind with Brent, while wistfully watching as Cherie moved forward in a yet undetermined future. For a few minutes more, I stared at the place where Cherie had disappeared from my sight, trying to imagine myself still beside her. The image wouldn’t form in my imagination; all it could conjure was me walking the path in the opposite direction, next to Brent.

A serene smile plastered itself on my face as I angled toward him, resting against one of the glass walls. “I had no idea that death could be so complicated. One death influences so many people.”

Brent stared past me, thinking. “Yeah.”

I pushed off the wall and walked back into the building feeling Brent behind me. He almost gagged before he covered his mouth and nose. “What is that awful smell?”

I breathed in deeply with a smile. “It isn’t awful. It’s beautiful. It’s Cherie.”

“
Well, ‘Cherie’ is so potent, we’re going to be smelling her everywhere on campus for days.”

“
I love it.” My fingers played with the necklace Cherie had given me. “She brought me a gift.”

“
She was able to put that on you?” Brent’s eyes opened wide and he rocked back on his heels, as he studied the necklace curiously.

“
Yep— it was Vovó’s idea.” I then told him all the new information I had received from Cherie.

Brent bit his nails, thinking. “Your grandma seems to know a lot.”

“
Yeah, she does. All that time I wanted her to be normal; turns out she was smarter than the whole bunch.”

“
It seems to be that way with life.”

I felt the familiar pull, taking me to reenact my death.

****

Everything was black. I felt empty, like some part of me was missing. I had no idea where I was or who I was. I was being rocked gently and I could hear the sounds of heavy footsteps, the crunching of broken glass and labored breathing. I felt a vibration around my neck, lulling me out of my hypnotic slumber, forcing me to pay attention. Still everything was dark, but something was familiar in the air, a smell that I recognized. It reminded me of something, but I didn’t know what. Still, it pulled and tugged at my memory, urging me to remember. I inhaled deeply and for the briefest of seconds a girl with blue eyes and golden blonde hair flashed in my mind. She had a name. I knew it . . .
Cherie
. I dredged the name from somewhere deep inside my foggy brain.

Where am I?

I was being rocked . . . no, I was being carried to . . . someplace horrible. The person holding me against him wanted to hurt me. I was in danger. My muscles twitched as I feebly tried to break free. Fingers sunk into my skin, and the pace picked up. I tried to lift my heavy eyelids, only managing to open them a crack, enough to see everything was draped in darkness. My tired arms lifted and I scratched at the face I couldn’t see. The figure held me tighter, squeezing even harder, crushing my ribs. I gasped as the air was forced from my chest. Flailing, my foot made contact with my assailant. His grip slackened and I fell into the pool with a huge splash, sending water up my nose.

Wiping the water from my eyes I swam away from him toward the other side of the pool.

“
Help,” I screamed between frantic strokes. Another huge splash rippled the water. My heart shuddered in my chest as I glanced over my shoulder, breathing raggedly, afraid he was coming after me. I couldn’t see what had caused the splash, but something was sinking behind me. I reached the far edge of the pool, my trembling fingers curling around the cement as I started to pull myself up. But something strong pushed down on the top of my head, shoving me cruelly underwater.

Water flooded into my open mouth, tunneling down my throat. My mind cried out, trying desperately to communicate with my friends,
Help me. He’s trying to drown me
. He dove in beside me and the warm blood in my veins crystallized in fear. Struggling to the surface I gasped for life-giving air. I panted for a few glorious seconds before a painful tug of my ankles pulled me down. I clamped my mouth closed just in time, before being forced back under. He crooked his arm around my throat and pulled me like a rag doll across the pool and further under the water. He held me firm while I elbowed, kicked and swung my arms at him, trying to break free. He responded by tightening his hold on my neck and yanking me down further, while white spots of light burst behind my retinas. His free hand grabbed the hem of my dress and looped it through something.

My arms flailed again, frantically trying in some way to stop him or at least to injure him as he bent his legs and pushed off from the bottom of the pool. His foot struck my face as he kicked his way toward the surface. I reached in vain to grab onto his legs.

I watched his distorted image climb out of the pool without a backward glance. I was alone in the pool. Alone in my fate. The water was crushing me, pushing me down. My lungs burned with the pressure and swam in lethal levels of carbon dioxide. I groped desperately at my dress trying to pry it free from where it was caught. It was no use. Reaching behind my back, I tried to undo the slippery buttons. But there were too many and my numbed fingers were too clumsy to undo them. I kicked and pulled at the water with all I had but my body hovered at the bottom of the pool.

I’m dying.

My hair and beautiful dress swirled around me like an eerie scene from a movie. And it seemed familiar, that I had watched before. It didn’t scare me anymore. I already knew the ending. I remembered in a brief instant of clarity that I had died before, that I was already dead. Everything came back to me in a rush. In my mind I directed my thoughts toward Brent, but pictured Steve’s face.
Help me! Brent, hurry! I’m drowning. It’s my dress; it’s caught. You’ll have to cut it free.

I was tempted to waste what little air was left in my lungs on a scream, but I didn’t. Even as it felt like my insides would burst, I held on. I knew help was coming this time. Through the water I saw the lights flip on, followed by Steve and Cherie’s images flickering down to me. I smiled as the world around me went black.

****

There was light behind my eyelids and they fluttered open for a second. I was on the ground with Cherie and Steve around me. My lips lifted in a wan smile before my eyes slid closed.

When I reopened them I was standing beside Brent, watching my friends work on my body. I stretched and felt quite giddy about having put up a fight before I died.

“
I feel different. Did I fix it?”

Gruffly Brent answered, “No.” He slammed his fist against one of the plastic tables making it quiver. “You still died. I was so close.” He swore angrily, then sighed deeply. “I got your messages loud and clear, though. That was smart.”

“
Messages?”

“
Well, your first one for general help made Steve stop for a second and wonder what was going on. That got him coming toward the pool, worried about you. But the second time, when you called directly to me, I woke up and took charge. I knew exactly what to do. It was weird because I had all of Steve’s knowledge, but I was in control. It was genius.”

“
It almost worked. Maybe another night?” I offered with an encouraging grin. I examined myself lying on the ground and saw my dress had been torn to shreds.

“
I had to cut you free. It was caught on the drain this time,” Brent explained, watching the CPR. “Steve carried a pocket knife and I made sure he had it ready before we even came into the room.”

“
I figured you would have to cut it. Too bad I was wearing this impractical dress.”

Brent eyed me up and down. “Still, it does look nice on you.”

I pretended to ignore the compliment, while secretly relishing it. Fighting the urge to preen, I changed the subject abruptly. “When I was my empty shell, the necklace woke me up a tiny bit and then I was able to smell Cherie’s perfume. It almost saved me.”

A smile formed at my lips as I sent Cherie a silent thank you.

Brent sat on a pool chair and dropped his head. “If only we had been a minute earlier. If only Steve could have run faster. I . . . he could have saved you.”

“
I don’t think you were supposed to. I think . . . I was meant to die.” I was grappling to find the words to explain to Brent the peace I had already made with death.