Iron & Bone (Lock & Key #3) (35 page)

Until me.

“I don’t want anyone else. I don’t want to be with anyone else. I don’t want to be inside anyone else.”

So, who were these tortured words about? An epic first love?

“There’s my impatient Firefly.”

I pivoted, and there he stood, the naked pirate home after a hard day’s pillaging. A sheen of water on his skin glistened in the light from the bathroom as he toweled off, a grin on his face, his cock at fantastic attention.

“Missed me?”

I was unable to suppress a smile. “I did.”

He planted a kiss on the side of my face and went to a drawer next to me. He pulled out a pair of warm-up pants and then a plain black T-shirt from another drawer. He tossed the towel at me and tugged on the pants.

“I explored your house a little. You don’t have a television, do you?”

“Is that going to be a problem?” He let out a laugh. “A deal breaker?”

“No, I’m just curious.”

He stretched the T-shirt over his head. “There’s lots of noise everywhere I go—the club, the shop, the bars. When I actually get to be here, in my own place, I want it quiet. The noise is fun, the noise is what I know, but this is apart from that. I need it.”

I tore my eyes away from his molten gaze, hugging the towel to my chest. “This purple bottle is interesting. Is that your cologne?”

“You like it?”

“Very much.”

“It’s an oil blend. Lenore started to make her own fragrances from natural oils and flowers and spices and whatever else. She made me a couple to test out. This one’s my favorite. She’s coming out with a line at her store. They’re unisex. It’s the new thing, she told me.”

“It smells great on you, but I love the way you smell.”

“You mean, the oil?”

“You
and
the oil.”

A low chuckle erupted from his throat. “That’s good.” He took the towel from me and brought it back to the bathroom. “I’ve got a surprise for you. Come here.” He took my hand in his.

“Surprise? I like surprises!” I shoved his tormented poetry out of my mind and gripped his hand. He led me out of his bedroom and across the hall to the closed door.

Oh boy, the secret room.

He pushed the door open.

My breath caught. “What have you done?”

I FROZE
.

“You like it?” Boner asked.

My gaze fell on a white crib decorated with a pink-and-green quilt and quilted paneling. A matching white dresser stood proudly to its right.

He threw an arm around my shoulders. “I like the minty green with the pink crap. What do you think?”

“Boner, you didn’t have to do this.”

He only stared at me, the soft ease sliding from his face, like water down a windshield, leaving stiff, harsh angles behind.

“I mean, this must have been so expensive,” I added.

“I wanted to do it for you and Becs. Whenever you stay here, the two of you will be comfortable. She’ll be safe in a crib, and you’ll be relaxed, knowing she’s safe in a crib and in her own room for a change. This turns into a toddler bed, too.”

“I don’t know what to say.”

He removed his arm from my shoulders and shifted his weight. “Say anything. Anything else but,
What have you done?
, or,
You didn’t have to do this
, or,
I don’t know what to say
.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Or,
I’m sorry
.”

My hands smoothed over the polished slick wood of the crib. So solid. “It’s just that—”

“Jill! What the fuck?”

He was spending money, making plans, looking ahead.

“I can’t live with you.”

His nostrils flared. “Why not?”

“I can’t leave Rae. I take care of her and her house. It’s a paying job.”

“I know all that. We all know that. But there are times, like tonight, when you have a night off or a day or a few hours, and we can be together. And this way, Becca can be here, too, with us.”

I nodded, chewing my lower lip.

“All this would make that situation easier on everybody. You don’t have to coordinate babysitters on top of caregivers or whatever the fuck.” His head slanted. “But you like it the way it is now, don’t you? The
not easy
, the
having to steal time here and there
. Yeah, you like the
not easy
because it’s easier for you.
That’s
convenient for you, isn’t it? This here”—he gestured with his thumb at the crib, the dresser—“spells complicated, doesn’t it?”

My face heated.

“Because what’s convenient for you is not having to commit to anything with me. You’re in. You’re out. Bits and pieces. You get horny, you come find me, you call me.”

“That’s not true. You know that’s not true.”

“No, I don’t. I honestly don’t. What are your plans after the baby’s born? You haven’t said a thing. You staying with Rae? Moving out? Moving out of Meager? Leaving South Dakota? The United States? Which is it?”

“I’m not sure yet.”

He lifted his chin. “So, you are thinking of leaving?”

“Initially, that was the plan.” I swallowed past the sawdust in my throat. “Have the baby, find a real job, school part-time. Move to Rapid at least.”

“And go on nice dates to coffee shops with Matt.”

My head snapped up. “What? No…”

His fingers gripped the the handrail of the crib, his knuckles whitening.

“I’m not sure what I’m going to do. I love Rae, and she and Becca need each other. They should have time together. I really don’t want to ruin that, but I also need to do what I need to do.”

“And I don’t fit into that category?”

“What category?”

“Need.”

“For God’s sake! You know what I mean!”

The green light in his eyes dimmed, his jaw set. “Jill, I don’t think you know what you mean. Am I holding you back? Or you’re pushing back, so you don’t get too far in it?”

“I don’t know.” I averted my gaze. “I care about you and—”

“And?”

“Bone, I lived the life for almost three years, and I didn’t particularly enjoy it.”

“I’m not Catch.”

“I know. Oh, I know.”

“Have things been bad for you at my club since you became my old lady?”

“No. Not at all.”

“Then, what the fuck is the problem?” His voice spiked.

“Coming here to Meager—just ripping up and taking off to a new place, trusting people I didn’t even know—was a gamble that paid off beautifully. It was a huge step for me. But this was supposed to be my time. For me. For me to finally stand up on my own two feet and forge my future or whatever. And instead…”

“Instead what?”

My heart sloshed heavily back and forth in the sour muck filling my chest. “Instead, I’m attaching myself to another man again.”

“You’re attaching yourself to me—to
me
—not just some other guy.”

“To you, yes.” I held his hard gaze, which seared right through my middle. “And maybe Catch was right—to another bike club. The problem is…”

“There’s a problem?” He gritted his teeth.

“Let me finish, please. The problem is, I don’t want to live a life where I just let things happen to me. I want to do things, make things happen.”

“You made this pregnancy happen. You’re changing lives. You did that.”

“Yes.”

“You changed your daughter’s life and Rae’s by leaving Catch and Nebraska. And today, you got the club its piece of justice by nailing Mindy and her friend. Don’t you see that?”

I only nodded, my lips pressed together. My face tightened as I tried to force down the lid on an unrelenting jack-in-the-box of emotions.

“It’s something else. What is it?”

“It’s just that, after the baby’s born, it might be hard for me to be here. Maybe Grace won’t want me here. I don’t know. I’ve never done this before. I don’t know what the
after
will be like.” My throat stung, my eyes welled with water. “I know it’s not my baby. I’m just carrying it, but I still love it and care about what happens to it. After I give birth, maybe things will be strange between all of us, and it would just be better for everyone if I left. Cleaner.” I wiped at my eyes. “I don’t know. I don’t know what it’s going to be like.”

“Look at me.”

I met his raw gaze, and my chest hurt.

“You don’t have to burn your bridges, Jill. You don’t have to cut all of us off, let us go.”

“I don’t want to,” I breathed. “I don’t want to.” My vision turned watery again.

“Don’t.” He grabbed me, his lips taking mine, his tongue invading, his taste swirling with my salty tears.

His forehead slid against mine. “You feel that? That’s real, Firefly. Trust me when I tell you,
that
is being alive and free. Do what you got to do, follow your dreams, make your plans, but you don’t have to walk away from us—from me—to do it.”

I clutched at his waist, our eyes locking.

Dreams, plans—I had clung to them so tightly when I first got to Meager. But dreams evolved, didn’t they? They transformed into different dreams, new ones, better ones.

Both the baby I was carrying and Boner had made one of my dreams come true for me—a home, surrounded by good people who had become good friends. No, more than that, they had already become family to me.

“Thank you for Becca’s room. This is an incredible surprise and such a wonderful gift. No one’s ever done something like this for me. I’m sorry I reacted the way I did. I didn’t mean to be ungrateful or freak out on you, but I did freak out. Forgive me.”

He brushed my hair away from my wet face. “You’re welcome.”

I hated that I’d hurt his feelings. I hated the things I’d said. “Boner—”

He rubbed his hand across my throat, gripping it, collaring it. “I’m right here, baby. But you’ve got to want this, too. You’ve got to choose it.”

We made a quick stir-fry with strips of pork, red peppers, and carrots, along with a romaine lettuce salad on the side. I had fully expected to find only cans of beer and maybe an empty egg carton in his refrigerator. But no, Boner actually had a few real food supplies.

We ate at his square kitchen table, me telling him stories about Becca when she was younger, him telling me a few funny stories about when he had been a prospect.

We cleaned up, and he took my hand and led me up the stairs to his room. Butterflies fluttered in my belly, and it wasn’t the baby. I felt like the proverbial virgin on her wedding night.

I had packed something special in my overnight bag for this evening, even though I’d almost talked myself out of it at the last minute. Now, I was glad that I had bought it just in case we ever had a whole night to ourselves. I went into his bathroom to change.

The sting of guilt from seeing the disappointment in his eyes earlier over my reaction to him setting up a nursery for Becca still hadn’t worn off. I was determined to make it up to him.

I swung open the bathroom door and entered his bedroom.

“Fuck me. What are you wearing?”

“It’s called a baby-doll nightie.”

“Baby-doll?”

“Mmhmm…” I shifted my hips and toyed with the pink satin ribbon between my breasts that held together the ivory sheer open front apron-style robe that just brushed over my hips. A pale pink thong completed the look.

“Are you trying to kill me?” he said from the bed where he was lying down.