Iron Elf - A Race Reborn (Book 2) (21 page)

Relax.

I broke the lance on my knee and broke a soldier’s jaw with the blunt end. I rammed the staff into the next man and parried a sabre. Wham. Broke his wrist. I twirled the staff and cocked it behind me. Flourished the other hand and posed like a badass. “Oh yeah.”

Then I threw myself into the hurly-burly. Right and left I struck, cracking arms and collarbones. They came at me from the front and I swept them off their feet. Came at me from behind and I threw them over my shoulders. Swords and shattered horns flew.

Then Hafgan jumped in. With one stroke he cut my stick in two. I backpedalled. “Raaugh!” he said. “Come at me, foe!”

“I’d rather not.” I reached for my belt. He swung again and nearly got me in the neck. I checked the wind and let him have the chilli powder. “In. Your. Face!”

A rider reached down with his sword. I threw him out of the saddle. Plucked smoke bombs from my belt and hurled them into the crowd. “Yeeee-hah! Yeeee-a-hee-ahee ha-heee!” I said. “What the hell? Yiff yiff yee-haa! Yee-aay-eee! Dagonet!”

I got excited!

The warbling yells echoed over the plain, getting louder every time. I rode through the haze, the magic multiplying my howls and hoofbeats. I sounded like an army. “Wa-woo-woohoo! Wa-woo woohoo! Wa-hoooo! A-OO-OO-OO-OOO!” I shivered at that eerie sound.

The whoops and ululations had done their job. The enemy was thoroughly confused and my escape almost certain. I turned and galloped from the valley.

CHAPTER 18:
MEERWEN

With dire threats, I got the men moving. We pushed through the dancing girls and into the hall, stumbling past a dozen more girls. They wore nothing but silver collars and bright silver cowbells.

“What was that about?” Mina asked.

“This way!” I led us down a side corridor. “There’s an unguarded tower here.”

“Wait, wait,” Conrad said. “Let us clear our heads.” He stopped at a fountain to splash water in his face. The fountain swelled and reached toward him.

“Conrad! Get up!” Borlog said.

“Whuh? Lemme alone.” He saw the tentacle and reaching for weapons that weren’t there. “Shit!”

The pseudopod made a face—Conrad’s face—and mimed the exact expression. Shit!

“It’s trying to communicate!” Mina said.

I stepped forward. It turned to me, its face changing to mine.

“It’s you!”

I stuck out my tongue and the face did so as well. The rest of its body took shape. It formed a head, a neck, then arms and a torso. What stepped out of the fountain was a naked version of me, sculpted out of water.

“Bitch,” I said. “My nipples aren’t that big.”

It grinned and walked away, hips swaying fluidly. We stared.

“What was that?” I said.

“Some watery tart,” Conrad said. “Raise your hand if you think that was fucking weird.”

The observation tower had a good view of Golden Lake and the Goldore Mountains. It stood apart from the rest of the palace, connected by a narrow bridge.

“This place is closest to the forest,” I said. “We don’t have to climb the tower—I can fly us off the bridge.”

There was a steel gate, but it was no match for Borlog’s strength or my own augmented muscles. We forced it back into place behind us, warping the hinges as we did so.

“Nobody’s getting through that,” I said. “Okay, who’s first?”

“That won’t be necessary,” Conrad said. “Yang, are you there? Can you throw us a line?”

“Right here, boss.” The voice seemed to come from nowhere but I turned on my Sight and saw a tunnel of focused air. “Took a while to find you. Throwing a line.”

Something landed on the bridge. The seed sprouted leaves, then vines. The plant took root upon the bridge and begin twisting around the guardrail. The last member of Conrad’s team had to be a hedge wizard, an unschooled but talented magic user. The vines had reached to the ground. They twisted among themselves, forming a sturdy line.

“Okay.” Yang sounded a bit breathless. “One at a time, guys. Borlog goes last, so if the vine breaks we only lose a fat man.”

“Why I…” Borlog said.

“Stop!”

Apollonia ran toward us. The gate was between us. The girl in the golden catsuit dived at the gate—and appeared on the other side. She landed rolling and came up in a fighting stance.

“Go,” I said. “Everybody, go!”

“Look who’s with them,” Apollonia said. “The Queen Bitch of the Universe.”

I held my hands loose at my sides. “What is your problem?”

“You broke his heart. And where’s my dress?”

“It’s rags. Tell you what, I’ll buy you a new dress.”

“It was a gift.” Her first punch was a right jab. I slapped it away. Her second punch was a left hook—I tapped her on the bicep. She tried to kick at my ribs and I blocked with an elbow. Backhanded her cheek. “Slut!” she said. The bridge was narrow. We couldn’t circle. Instead we drifted from side to side. She snapped a punch at my jaw and I slipped it, tagged her in the side. She followed with an uppercut. Trapped it and punched the same spot. She stumbled away, cradling her ribs.

“I don’t want to hurt you,” I said. “Why don’t you do something useful and untie your boss?”

“He’s more than my boss,” she spat. “We’re lovers.”

I laughed. “So you’re the rebound girl? That explains the catsuit. And the haircut. Which was my haircut years ago.”

“I chose to look like this!”

“Did you decide all at once, or did he mould you into that? Face it, girl, I’m the original and you’re the knockoff.”

“I’ll knock your head off!” She launched herself at me. She was feral but experienced, a natural fighter who’d received training only after learning in the streets. She punched and snarled, cursing all the way. “Bitch bitch bitch!”

I ducked and parried. She was strong, as strong as I was, and fast. My advantage was her rage. She landed a punch and I kicked her stomach. She flew back and grabbed the rails. I glanced back to check on my comrades—they were gone. I was about to follow when Apollonia launched herself. I got my guard up but she leaped and teleported behind me, landing a kick on my lower back. “Ah!” I whirled.

“Can you do that, bitch?” she asked, and did it again.

She’d been testing me like I’d been testing her. Now she showed me how she really fought. She blinked away from my attacks and through my guard, landing blows no matter how I covered up. I put everything into defence but she did the opposite, her feet and fists landing like sledgehammers. She’d leap into the air and reappear behind me—or above me. She stomped on my head or punched my kidneys. I was drowning under her attacks. She would wear me down unless I did something smart.

She tended to hit three times, then teleport. She punched, punched, kicked, and blinked. Came at me from the other side and kicked, punched, and kicked. Teleported again. She had to leave the ground when she did that. I kicked low, hoping to trip her. She came in high with a flying heel kick to the side of my head. The world exploded and came back upside-down. I grabbed the bridge to keep from falling. I felt like vomiting but I’d seen it. She always looked where she was about to teleport.

That was enough. She jabbed, kicked, and kicked. Leaped. I waited till she was in the air, then pistoned a foot where she was going to be. She reappeared in time to catch it in the stomach. That sent her to the rail. I came in hard, punching to keep her off balance. She tried to jump but I brought a heel down into her shoulder like an axe. She blinked again. I let her. I grabbed her arm, then brought my other arm down on it. Crack! “Aaaugh!”

“There are two hundred and six bones in your body,” I said. “That’s one.”

“I’ll kill you, you bitch!” She grabbed a knife from nowhere and slashed at my face. I threw her off the bridge.

It was only a two-storey drop. She landed on grass and started moaning in pain. There was the sound of boots coming our way. The palace guard was coming. I launched myself into the wind and flew away.

We pulled out of the fog. Snow Mountain seemed to float between sea and sky. I jumped out of the boat and waded to shore. “I have returned.”