Irrefutable (The Apprehensive Duet Book 2) (39 page)

Ashley and Tanner are not so patiently waiting for the baby to come. They wanted a surprise this time, so we have this whole baby pool set up with date of birth, time, weight, and sex. Winner gets epic bragging rights and a full night of babysitting duty after the baby comes.

I lean against the entrance of the kitchen and stare out into the living room as everyone settles down and the wine starts flowing.

I sense Alex’s presence before I feel his touch. His arms wrap around me and he drops a kiss to my head.

“We have a really great life,” I confess wrapping his arms tighter around me.

“Yes, we do, angel,” Alex concurs. “We certainly do.”

“THE WAITING IS killing me,” I complain to Alex as I pace the waiting room. We’ve been here for about five hours already. Ashley called this morning around six to tell us that she and Tanner were on their way to the hospital because the baby was coming. Guess all the food and good company last night was enough of an incentive for this little one to make its debut.

Alex reaches out and snags my arm on my next pass and pulls me into the seat next to him. The same chair I vacated not too long ago because it’s hard and uncomfortable. Whoever designed them must not have intended them to be used for long periods of time. “This isn’t the first time you’ve been through this.”

Popping back up, because I just can’t sit down, I remind Alex, “Last time was different. Things were crazy and the time flew by. Plus I was in there with her, so it was different.”

I was kind of bummed when we got here and Ashley told me that when it was time for the baby to come into the world, she wanted it to be just her and Tanner. I get it. I do. When Michaela was born, we didn’t even know if Tanner was going to make it in time. There was no way that Ashley was going to go through labor and delivery alone.

But being there when my best friend brought her daughter into the world was such a magical experience. I wanted to be there again.

“Angel, sit down,” Alex scolds. “You’re driving me nuts.”

Reluctantly, I plop down with a huff. “This sucks.”

“So let’s talk about something else for the time being. You know it’s not going to be much longer,” Alex points out. Tanner sent us a text about half an hour ago saying that it was time for Ash to push. The doctor had kicked us out when it was time to check Ash and we’ve been down here since because Ash was ready to go.

“You know,” I say directing my attention to Alex. “The last time we were here for the birth of a baby was the first time we’d seen each other in two years.”

Alex lets out a huge groan. “Don’t remind me. That was one of the happiest days and worst days of my life. My heart broke into a million pieces when I saw that ring on your finger.”

I remember the look on his face when he walked into the room and took one look at me before turning and leaving. That look is etched into my brain forever. His beautiful eyes were so sad and hurt, and his face was hard making him look rugged and mean.

“I’m sorry,” I apologize. “It’s been a long year since then, but look where we are now.”

“Technically, it’s only been eleven months,” Alex laughs. “But I’d do it all over again just to be here with you.”

Leaning over, I press my lips to his and smile. “I love you.”

“I love you too.”

A throat clears near the entrance to the waiting area and a smiling Tanner stands there watching us. “Aren’t you two adorable? If you’re done professing your love for one another, want to come meet your nephew?”

“It’s a boy?” Alex asks rising from his seat as I scream, “Oh my God!”

“It’s a boy,” he confirms. “Ash is waiting for you guys.”

Alex and I both head toward Tanner where Alex gives him a manly shoulder clap/side hug. “Congratulations, man.”

“Yeah, congratulations, daddy,” I hug him.

The three of us head back to Ashley’s room. It takes all the willpower I have to not run down the hall and barrel ahead of the guys.

“A little anxious?” Alex laughs, grabbing my hand when I start to pull from the group.

The room is quiet when we enter and Ashley sits on her bed, reclining, with a blue wrapped bundle.

“Hi guys,” Ashley greets us with a warm smile. “I’d like you to meet Tanner Andrew Garrison, Jr.”

Alex lets out a little chuckle and says, “Oh boy. I don’t know if the world is ready for another Tag Garrison.”

“Ain’t that the truth,” Ashley giggles. “But he’s not a Tag. He’s a TJ.”

Walking to the bed, I sit down next to my best friend and get a look at my new little munchkin. “He looks just like you,” I say to Tanner.

“Don’t tell him that, Quinn,” Ash comments. “His head’s already big enough.”

“Keep it up, beautiful,” Tanner says with an adoring smile. “First thing I’ll do six weeks from now is spank that ass.”

The whole room bursts into laughter including Ashley.

“Gimme, gimme,” I say reaching with grabby hands. “I want to hold him before the whole family gets here and I have to fight Tanner’s sister for him.”

“SEEING YOU WITH a baby in your arms makes me very horny,” Alex whispers in my ear as he comes up behind me while I change in our closet. His erection pressing into the small of my back tells me he isn’t kidding but it’s DEFCON-5 inside my head.

“Alex….” My voice is nervous and apprehensive. I can’t be positive but I’m pretty sure I know where he’s going with this. This could be something big and potentially disastrous.

“Yes, angel,” he says trailing his lips from the shell of my ear down the curve of my neck.

I can’t have him being all touchy feely right now, so I step back and turn to face him.

“I don’t think I want kids.”

Bomb dropped. I watch the array of emotions on his face. He started happy and wanting to get some, but now I’m not sure what he is. His forehead wrinkles, his eyes narrow in confusion, and his posture is stiff.

“Like, ever?” he asks.

Nodding, I confirm his assumption. “I haven’t imagined having kids for a very long time. I just don’t think that it’s something for me. With the fucked up life I’ve lived, I’d be no good at being a mom.”

Alex shakes his head, disagreeing. “I’ve seen you with babies. You’re a natural.”

“Those are kids I can give back. They’re not someone I’m responsible for. I’m not the woman to bring kids into the world when I can’t guarantee I won’t fuck them up.”

This isn’t something I’ve just decided this morning. I’ve made peace with not having kids a long time ago. I know me, and I’m not the loving motherly type.

“But you’d have me,” Alex counters. “You wouldn’t be raising kids on your own, and you certainly wouldn’t fuck them up.”

Alex has pictured his life with kids. It’s obvious. He’d be a great father. I’ve seen him with Michaela and Tanner’s nieces and nephew. The man was made to be a father, but having one good parent doesn’t cancel out having a bad one. I can’t do that to my kids.

I also can’t take that option away from Alex. He shouldn’t have to live a life without fulfillment because I don’t want kids.

“Alex,” I say and take a deep breath—dragging air into my lungs before I say the words that could change my life forever. “I don’t know if I’ll ever want to have kids. You want them. I can’t take that from you. Being with me would be denying you the option to be a father. I don’t want to do that to you. We’ve never spoken about this before and maybe we should’ve because it’s a huge deal. It can be a deal breaker for you, and I understand if it is.”

My skin feels hot and clammy at the same time. My breathing has picked up, and I’m terrified this could be the end of us. All I want is for Alex to be happy in life. He deserves nothing less. If I can’t give him everything he needs, I can’t hold him back from finding someone who can. That’s what you do when you love someone.

“Angel,” Alex breathes as he wraps his arms around me and sighs. “Yes, I do want kids, but I don’t want them with just any person. I can live without kids, but I can’t live without you. Been there. Done that. It’s not a happy life.”

“You’ll grow to resent me,” I argue, holding back my tears. “I don’t ever want you to feel like something is missing in your life because you settled with me instead of finding someone that can give you everything you want.”

“You are what I want,” he smiles down at me. “You’ve been through a hell of a lot. You’re still healing. Your feelings may change, they might not. But regardless, my love for you will never change. I’m the happiest man in the world simply because I have you. As long as I have you, that’s all I need. We have plenty of time to figure out the rest, but you’ll be figuring it out with me.”

“Alex, this isn’t something you can just decide in the matter of a few minutes,” I try to reason with him. My intention isn’t to push him away, but I need him to realize what he’s agreeing to. “You can’t just say you’ll be okay because you think it’s something you can talk me into in the future. What if I never want kids? Have you even given yourself a solid minute to think about your life with no kids? I don’t want you to have false hope and then be monumentally disappointed five or ten years from now. Losing you will fucking gut me, but losing you after having years of a great life together would actually kill me.”

The urge to vomit erupts from the bottom of my stomach thinking about losing Alex. Turning away from him, I run my fingers through my hair in frustration. I’m fucking terrified. There’s a part of me that’s proud of myself as well. I’m proud that I’m expressing myself to Alex. Telling him how I feel and what I’m afraid of. It’s something I didn’t even think twice about doing, which tells me that something inside of me is healing.

“Quinn, look at me,” Alex demands so sternly my body instantly complies. “I am so incredibly, undeniably in love with you. You are my reason. My heart only beats for you. Every breath I take is for you. When I’m not with you, part of me dies. Literally dies. You’re the person who keeps me alive. So when I tell you that I refuse to live a life without you, for whatever the reason, believe it.”

I’m torn in two here. Part of me wants to swoon at the amazing things he just said and part of me wants to tell him to please take a day or two and think about this. “I love you the same way which is why it’s so hard for me to think about keeping something so great from you. There’s no guarantee here. The thought of you being unhappy because of me is so awful. I never want that for you.”

Alex rushes forward and wraps his hands around my upper arms, squeezing tightly enough to get my attention. “Listen to the words I am saying… There is no me without you. It’s just the way it is and you need to accept that. I love you, angel, and that’s forever.”

Good fucking Lord!

The tears stream down my face as I nod my head, unable to speak. That’s the most romantic shit I’ve never wanted to hear. I’m not a flowery person, but damn, if that didn’t make me feel like the luckiest bitch on the planet.

When Alex’s lips crash down onto mine, I know without a doubt I am the luckiest bitch ever.