Irreplaceable (7 page)
Head Games
I spent the rest of weekend
hidden away inside, and by Tuesday night, I was beside myself with boredom. The
sun had set over the trees as I rested on a chair on my back porch, staring out
at the snow falling around me.
It was beautiful and peaceful, and after sitting for over
an hour, watching the sunset, I was still in no rush to head inside. Activity
in Logan’s house appeared to be settling down for the night, the lights slowly
flickering off one after another until only one was left glowing upstairs, at
the very end of the hall, in the room closest to my house—his painting room.
I sighed, missing Oliver and Scout. I hoped they were
having fun together. As much as I wanted to bring Scout home to keep me
company, he was better over there for the time being. I’d planned to visit them
multiple times, but it always fell through after I’d look at myself in the
mirror. Even though Oliver had seen me at the hospital, I didn’t want to go
over until more of my bruises had healed.
For the time being, I needed to keep my distance from
everyone and let my body fully recover. Tired, I allowed my heavy head to lean
back against the headrest as I tightened the thick fleece blanket covering my
coat and flannel pajamas around me.
My eyelids slid shut, the pain meds weighing me down, but
something caught my attention and I was drawn back to the Logan’s window, where
his curtain was now open. Through the darkness of the night, the light inside
illuminated the room.
He was there, shirtless, facing away, staring at a canvas
in front of him.
I sat up further, unable to remove my gaze as the muscles
in his back bulged with every stroke of the brush. It was as though I was
looking through a telescope the way I noticed every graceful movement his body
made.
Any of my interest in what he was painting was lost when
he stilled, lifting his head slightly and glancing over his shoulder. He’d seen
me, and as hard as I tried, I couldn’t peel my gaze away.
Ever so slowly, the corner of his lip curled up as his
brow arched, with a tempting gleam in his eyes.
Clearing my throat, I dropped my head and shifted in my
seat as I settled my gaze on the tree line ahead of me. I closed my eyes,
clearing the image of him away. When I opened them again, he was there,
standing directly in front of me, not only shirtless but wearing loose,
light-wash jeans that hung low and were unbuttoned. They were covered in
multiple streaks of dark paint.
“You like watching.” He stated.
“Not tonight, Logan. I’m tired.”
“So am I.”
Instantly, I was pulled from the chair, my blanket
falling to the ground as he tugged me into his arms.
“Of waiting?” His lips crashed over mine, demanding and
forceful.
I was lost. His hands were everywhere, my shirt ripped
away, followed by my red flannel pants. The freezing weather was nonexistent as
his hand slid into my panties, sinking two fingers into me.
My breath rushed out, unsure what was happening. It was
too late to stop it; my body wouldn’t allow it. Logan lifted me up, my legs
wrapping around his waist, and it was then that I noticed his jeans were gone
and his massive erection was pressing against me.
“So perfect,” he murmured, his hand moving away, replaced
by his manhood that in one swift movement plunged into me.
“Logan,” I moaned, panting against his lips with each and
every thrust.
My mouth traveled down the stubble of his jaw until it
landed on his shoulder, where I kissed him over and over until my lips were
swollen and tingling. His hands dug into my ass, holding me against him. Harder
and harder he drove into my body, filling me with his need, until my entire
body exploded, pulsating in his arms as he released inside me.
Catching my breath was impossible through the aftershock
of the high. My brain had checked out. I drew back just enough to look into his
eyes, and was met with that devilish smirk I hadn’t seen in so long before he
leaned in and ran his tongue up my cheek.
What?
I shook my head, unsure what to think when he did it
again. Then I noticed his face starting to morph into that of an animal. I flew
out of his arms and jerked up, opening my eyes to find me still in my chair
with Scout, paws on my chest, licking my face.
Startled, I yelped, jumping up and tripping over the
blanket still wrapped around my fully clothed body. There was no stopping the
tumble that threw me to the ground, taking the chair and Scout down with me.
Calming my breathing, I lay there in the snow, Scout barking beside me. I began
laughing to myself.
“Are you all right?” Jax asked, standing over me.
“Yeah, just had a…dream.”
“Oh, I noticed that.” A grin grew over his lips.
Great!
There had to be a way to get his brother
out of my head.
Jax extended his hand down and helped me up. I set the
blanket—now covered in snow—on the chair and scooped Scout into my arms,
kissing the top of his head. I missed him more than I’d realized.
“What are you doing out here this late?” he asked,
lifting the chair.
“I don’t know. Getting tired sitting inside all the
time.”
He nodded. “Yeah, that’s understandable. I’d go nuts
without someone to keep me company.” His brow arched and voice dropped. “Do you
need some
company
, Cassie?”
I rolled my eyes. “No, I’m good, thanks.” I chuckled.
“Well, the offer always stands, but you know you can
always come over to our place. We have the game room, not to mention Oliver
asks about you daily—hell, sometimes hourly.” He laughed.
“I will soon.” I gave Scout another tight squeeze, then placed
him on the ground. Turning, I grabbed the blanket and began dusting off the
snow.
“All right, I’m freezing, and this dog has some business
to get done so I can get some sleep. I’ll see you around…and Cassie?”
I looked back and noticed his smile was replaced with an
unfamiliar, almost strained expression.
“You still look good.”
“Thanks.” I snorted, shaking my head as my laughter
followed.
“I’m just saying, don’t hide away forever.” His smile was
back in place as he called for Scout to follow him back to his yard.
Smiling to myself, I folded the blanket over my arm and
turned to walk inside when I noticed the window at Logan’s house had the
curtain open, just like in the dream. My smile dropped as I took him all in as
he stood there, dressed in a plain white V-neck T-shirt covered in paint
streaks, staring over at me.
With a slight nod, I offered a tight smile before turning
away and heading inside.
The rest of the week passed at
the same sluggish rate, with Logan staying true to his word but the dreams
constant. There was little to do, so I found myself in bed reading and staring
up at nothing through the days, my thoughts wild during the nights.
My thoughts of him were distant, however, as I shoveled
another spoonful of Hilary’s mystery casserole into my mouth over Sunday
dinner.
“You sure you’re all right?” she asked, sipping her wine
across the table from me.
“Perfect.” I really was, but I knew what she was asking
and I wasn’t going there. “So, what’s Caleb up to tonight? I’m sure you’d
rather spend your Sunday with him over your dreary old friend.”
“You’re not dreary!” she sneered. “Although it would be
nice to see you in something other than sweatpants.”
I chuckled once at the disdain in her voice and crinkle
of her upturned nose, then took another bite. I never knew what she put in the
casserole, but was certain it was different each time.
“Caleb’s stuck at Haven since he had a new guy up and
quit on him last night,” she explained.
“You poor thing.”
“Yeah, but he said he’d stop by my place later and make
it up to me.” Her eyes brightened as she peered over the rim of her glass.
“He’s really good at the making-up-for-it part.”
I swallowed and held up my hand, giggling. “All I need to
know.”
“So what about Logan? Did he stop by and annoy you
today?”
“Not yet,” I grumbled.
Hilary smiled, amused as her phone sang from her pocket.
She pulled it out, scrolling her finger over it, and I watched as her smile
melted into bewildered frown.
“Hmmm,” she said to herself, brows pinched.
“’Hmmm’ what?”
“I don’t know. It’s… you know what, I’m sure it’s
nothing.” The contrived half smile on her face and worried lines marring her
forehead told me something was wrong.
“All right, what’s up?” I asked directly, determined to
get an answer.
She set the phone on the table. “That was Jennifer, the
head waitress at Haven. Said I should come down and stake my claim.”
A chuckle bubbled in my throat. “Stake your claim? To
what?”
Her eyes searched her plate, and my understanding
clicked.
“Caleb?” I nearly gasped. “Why? He wouldn’t.” I blinked
twice, wiping the ridiculous thought away. Sitting further up in my seat, I
spoke with nothing but sincerity. “Hilary, Caleb adores you. He’d never cheat.”
“Neither would Mark. Isn’t that what you always said?”
I hunched back, feeling like I’d just been slapped.
“Ouch. That hurt,” I mumbled.
She sighed. I’d never seen her so worried. It wasn’t like
her. “Sorry. I just...I can’t lose him. I’ve never cared about anyone like this
before. He’s everything.”
My heart ached for her. All too familiar was the feeling
of falling for someone in a way that left you terrified by the powerful
emotions it evoked.
“I know, but if he’s cheating, he’s not worth it. You
have to trust that Caleb cares about you, loves you, and isn’t stupid enough to
screw that up.”
Or would he? Were all men the same when it came to
easy women?
I finished the final bite on my plate and pushed it
forward. I’d eaten way too much of the mystery meal.
Hilary stood. “Will you come down there with me? Just to
check in and say a quick hello?”
I nearly spit out the soda in my mouth as I stared at
her, wide-eyed.
“Are you kidding? I just got of the hospital not even two
weeks ago, and you want me to go to a bar with you—a bar that isn’t exactly a
place I’m eager to return to? You do realize what you’re asking, right?”
She paled. “God.” Her hands flew over her face, running
over her forehead. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what the hell I was thinking. Of
course you can’t go, and I know Caleb would never do anything like that. All
right, moving on.” She attempted to shake off her worry. “So what are you up
for tonight: chick flick or zombies?”
Her phone chirped again, and I saw the struggle on her face
as she tried to ignore it. Preoccupied in her head, she walked to the sink with
her empty plate.
“I’m feeling a little zombie action myself,” she said
with an awkward chuckle.
How could I watch her sit beside me with anxious tremors
all night? I wouldn’t do that to her.
“Give me ten minutes and we’ll go.”
“What?” She whipped around, jaw dropped.
“I need to change, and then we’ll go check in on your
lover boy. However, when we get back, it’s a chick flick—my choice.” I stood
up, plate in hand, and headed to the sink.
In a flash, she flung herself at me, wrapping me in a
tight embrace. “Too tight!” I yelped, my chest screaming at her to release me.
She dropped her arms instantly and pulled back, frowning.
“Shit, so sorry. How long did the doctor say your ribs
were gonna be sore?”
“Another week or two, so no more bear hugs, got it?”
“Deal! Now you’re sure you want to go? We don’t have to.
I’m a big girl, and I’ll be all ri—”
“No, I don’t want to go, but I’m not going to watch you
worry yourself into a seizure either. I‘m sure you’ll find Caleb down there
charming customers into buying more drinks, and not trying to get into their
panties. And when you do, we’re coming straight back here.”
I walked toward my bedroom door as she called out,
“You’re the best!”
The thought of going out was one I dreaded. Still, I ran
a brush through my knotted hair and tugged on a clean shirt and faded blue
jeans. Sitting in her car on the icy roads and spending any time inside Haven
so soon was not sitting well with me, but that’s what friends were for, and I
wasn’t about to leave her hanging because of my own issues.
Undercover
Once Hilary was parked, she
bolted from the car, slowing down and looking back once she was halfway out of
the parking lot. She’d been a bundle of nerves the entire drive, which meant I
was nearly wrecked. Her thumbs had kept a constant beating rhythm on the
steering wheel. My anxiety had been lost in pleas with the universe that she
was keeping her focus on the road and not the possibility of walking in and
finding Caleb with another girl.
As we headed to the double doors of the swanky
restaurant, I grimaced. It was time to face the music—literally. Even on a
Sunday night after nine, Haven was alive with locals. My phone vibrated in my
pocket and I pulled it out to catch the incoming text from my mother.
Just checking in. Love u.
“Logan?” Hilary interrupted my thoughts.
I shoved the phone back in my jeans and gave her a quick
head shake. I still hadn’t heard a word from him, although he’d made it clear I
wouldn’t. I just hated that I kept waiting for his call or unexpected text.
My body stiffened and I closed my eyes as we passed the
infamous alley. Not even quickening my pace could stop the sizzling of my
nerves and raging of my heart pounding against my ribcage.
“You sure you’re okay being here?” Hilary asked, sensing
my stiffness. “We can go. I don’t mind. I shouldn’t have even brought you here.
I don’t know what I was—”
“I promise, I’m fine,” I said, swallowing the golf-ball-sized
lump constricting my throat. “Now stop asking. I had to come back here
eventually.” I held a contrived smile as long as I could, but she wasn’t buying
it. The girl knew me better than anyone.
“Come on, let’s get this over with so you can see how
crazy you are,” I added, snaking my arm through hers.
I’m fine
, I repeated in my head.
We’ll sneak in,
and then right back out.
I just hoped it would be that quick. While I’d
gotten dressed, Hilary had been talking to Jennifer on the phone. Turned out
there was a mystery woman at the bar putting on a show, ready to pounce on
Caleb any minute. Hilary was no pushover, nor was she shy when it came to
defending what was hers. Whomever this woman was, she was about to have an
eventful evening—and not the kind she’d been hoping for with Caleb.
The moment we stepped inside, I knew it wasn’t going to
be so simple. Jennifer saw us immediately, and diverted us to a corner in the
back. Oh the drama. My head was already throbbing.
“Where is this skank?” Hilary hissed, eyes scanning the
dimly lit room.
The place was packed with diners laughing and soaking up
the atmosphere. The bar was taken up by drinkers looking for company, and the
dance floor was covered with sweaty bodies ready to move their nights to more
private locations.
“Over there—dark hair, green dress,” Jennifer answered,
eyes fixed on the barstool across from Caleb.
The mystery woman wasn’t hard to miss. Her long, shiny
coat of dark wavy locks swung as her shoulders shook from laughter. The cut of
her emerald-green dress let anyone interested know that she’d come out looking
for more than just a drink. However, it wasn’t she who held my attention or
caused my anxiety to catapult.
With a heavy heart, I placed my hand on Hilary’s
shoulder. “I’m sure it’s not what you think.”
Did I really just say that?
It was the same line
she’d said to me over a year ago, and here we stood, watching Caleb leaning
over the bar, inches from the woman, intrigued as if she’d said the most
marvelous thing.
I waited for Hilary to say something—anything. Instead,
she squared her shoulders and stomped toward them. I followed, ready as her
backup for whatever she needed.
“Hey Caleb, how’s work going?” Hilary’s voice dripped
with sarcasm and held a nasty bite.
“Hilary.” Caleb straightened himself, his face losing
color by the second.
The woman in the green dress twirled to meet our gaze,
and my stomach churned.
Natasha.
Hilary’s face was plastered with an enormous contrite
grin as she extended her hand to the woman she was ready to bitch slap across
the room.
“Hi, I’m Hilary. You must be new in town.”
Natasha only glanced impassively at the hand in front of
her, then resumed sipping on her glass before answering. “I am, and Caleb here
is doing a wonderful job keeping me company.” Natasha set her sights on Caleb
and never looked away, ignoring the threatening glare set on her.
“Is that so?” Hilary’s narrowed eyes darted to Caleb’s.
“How sweet of him.”
“I need to go check on something in the back. Hilary,
would you mind helping me out?” Caleb asked, his wide eyes begging. I wanted to
feel for the guy, seeing how nervous he was, but the flirty act between him and
Natasha couldn’t be denied.
Caleb stepped around the bar and reached for an arm
Hilary had crossed over her chest. She didn’t budge it, but after a pause
filled with menacing glares, she followed him reluctantly. She looked back at
me and I nodded, letting her know I’d be there waiting.
“You look familiar. Have we met before?”
Great.
Now I was stuck standing next to a
curious-looking Natasha waiting for me to answer. The night was going down the
drain quickly. I wasn’t sure if she recognized me from New Year’s, since she
was only there a brief moment, but I wasn’t about to help her out.
“I don’t think so,” I replied.
I walked a few stools down quickly, following the curve
of the bar until Natasha was blocked out of view, and took a seat. From there,
I caught sight of Hilary and Caleb standing around the corner in the back. He
was trying to explain himself—or so it looked like, from the constant movement
of his lips and frantic arm motions—but she wasn’t hearing it. Finally, his
hands came down on her shoulders, and he crushed his mouth onto hers. She
struggled under him for only a moment, and I shifted my uncomfortable gaze
elsewhere.
“This was sent over by an admirer.” The bartender smiled
as he set a glass containing a frozen concoction in front of me.
Who would buy me a drink?
“You have the wrong
girl.” I pushed it forward.
“Nope. It’s for you.”
I caught the guy’s arm before he could walk farther down
the bar.
“I can’t drink it. Might as well take it back.”
No mixing alcohol and pain meds—doctor’s order, and one I
wouldn’t disobey. Not that I really needed them much anymore, but I’d taken one
before I left the house.
He looked down at my drink and chuckled. “It’s a virgin.
Your mystery man demanded it so, and I made it myself.”
My face screwed up as I lifted the drink and took a sip.
It was good, but it didn’t answer who sent it.
“Turning down a free drink? You’ve always been too sweet
for your own good,” a familiar dull voice said, sliding down on the stool
beside me.
My eyes closed, shoulders painfully stiff until I inhaled
a breath and let it out. No, this was one guy who’d never see me at anything
but my best. He was nothing more than an annoyance. I turned, smiling cheekily
at my ex-boyfriend, Mark.
I held the drink to my lips and took another sip, my eyes
on him, then set it back down. “Obviously you don’t me know as well as you
think you do,” I said with a contrived smile.
He chuckled, shaking his head down at his beer. “You’re
right, I probably don’t know you as well as I should, considering our history.
But I
do
know from the look on your face when you sat down that you’d
rather be anywhere else.”
“So you decided to buy me a drink?”
“Sorry, that’s not from me, but I’ll buy the next round,”
he said, smiling.
My phone vibrated against my leg and I pulled it out,
thankful for the distraction, seeing the name I shouldn’t have been expecting:
Logan.
I’m in the back. Walk away from him now.
I rolled my eyes, not in the mood to be bossed around,
and set my phone beside my drink.
“What do you want, Mark?” I drawled, narrowing my eyes at
him.
“Julia told me about the accident. You look pretty good,
considering.”
I scoffed, staring down at my drink. I looked anything
but good, and we both knew it.
“Was that all you wanted to say?” I asked, unimpressed.
“No.” He sighed. “I saw you come in with Hilary and when
she walked away, I figured I’d come say hi.”
“Scared of Hilary, huh?” I snickered.
“The girl hates me.”
“Can you blame her?” I asked, scoffed. Yes, she
definitely hated him.
“True. Look, Cassie, I never meant for things to happen
the way they did with you. I mean, I loved you—hell, I still do.”
“Don’t!” I held up my hand, an angry frown on my lips.
“Relax, I’m just trying to say…I’m sorry.” His tone
softened. “Sorry for sleeping around, sorry for lying to you, and most of all,
sorry for not treating you the way you deserved. You were always so good to me.
Every time I screwed up, I swore I was going to come clean, but then you’d be
waiting for me with your innocent smile full of love. I wanted it, I wanted
you, it’s just…I was young, and there were so many girls hanging around.”
My gaze fell from him to my hands clutching my glass. An
apology? I hadn’t seen that coming.
My phone lit up with another text and, needing time to
process my thoughts, I hit the screen to retrieve it.
U have 30 seconds to walk away.
I shook my head with a scoff, not sure which man was
infuriating me the most.
“The day you caught me with Mackenzie woke me up. I felt
like shit for hurting you.”
“How many?” I asked after a long pause.
“What?”
I turned on the stool to face him fully. It was time for
closure, once and for all.
“How many girls were there during the five years I spent
as your lapdog, loving you blindly, planning my future around you?”
“Cassie—”
“How. Many?”
“I don’t know.”
“More than five?” I pressed.
“Look, it’s not important,” he replied, nerves evident in
his expression.
“More than ten?” I hissed through clenched teeth.
“We don’t need to rehash—”
“Answer my question, damn it!”
“I don’t know…fifteen, twenty, maybe more,” he confessed,
unable to look me in the eye. “I lost track after the first few times.”
“Twenty!?” I gasped as though I’d been slugged in the
gut. I shouldn’t have been surprised, but it was a huge number, and meant I
probably knew most of the girls.
“Look,” Mark said. He grabbed my hand, and I ripped it
away. “I was a dumbass, and I should have told you, but—”
“Why did you even date me, then? What was the point when
I obviously didn’t make you happy or satisfy you?”
“I just…I don’t fucking know, all right? It just kept
happening, and you were always so sweet, and I didn’t want to hurt your
feelings.”
My eyes grew wider. I was stunned. “You didn’t want to
hurt my feelings?” I all but yelled.
“I know it sounds a little messed up, but—”
“A little!?” I burst out laughing, my head falling back
at how ridiculous his reasoning sounded. “Mark, do me a favor and listen to
yourself the next time you try to apologize to someone.”
My phone went off and this time it was a call from Logan.
Slowly, I hit ‘Accept’ and brought it to my ear.
“What?” I asked gently, my mind reeling, making a mental
list of which of my friends in this small town would screw around with Mark.
“I’m going to fucking kill him if you don’t tell him to
leave!”
He wasn’t serious. Before I could reply, I heard Caleb’s
muffled voice through the receiver.
“Calm down, Hilary’s going now!” he told Logan.
“Get the hell off me!” Logan roared, and then there was a
loud scruff against the phone and a few grunts before Caleb’s unaffected, clear
voice was there.
“Hey, Cassie, you might want to tell Mark to head out for
the night because I have three guys holding Logan back, and I’m not sure how
much longer they can manage.”
With a puffed-out sigh, I shook my head. Logan needed to
get a grip. I could talk to whomever I wanted.
I hung up and turned back to Mark, noticing Hilary
rushing over.
“We need to go,” she demanded, shooting a menacing glare
at Mark.
“Everything all right?” he asked, ignoring her and taking
a drink of his beer.
My shoulders lifted. “Give us a minute, Hilary.”
An explosive crash in the back startled me. I shot a
glance in that direction, then at Hilary.
“I don’t think you have a minute,” she answered, pulling
me up from the stool. I grabbed my cell and plunged it into my pocket.
“I appreciate you apologizing, but it’s a little late,” I
said to Mark. “You tore my world apart—a fake world that I obviously created in
my head, but still my world. I can’t forgive you for that, and I don’t want to.
I’m not sad or angry—I’ve just moved on. The fact that I can sit here and
listen to you tell me you’ve been with half the girls in our high school and
not break down crying proves that. So the next time you see me, don’t come
over. I’m not—”
Another massive crash of what sounded like pots and pans
caused Hilary to drag me away and into the restroom.
“What the hell is going on back there!?” I asked the
second the door closed behind us.
“Holy shit, you should have seen Logan! When he saw Mark
walk over to you, he was about to run over there and rip into the guy. The only
reason he stayed away so long was because Jax was there talking him down,” she
explained, fixing her hair in the mirror. “The guy has a temper, but what I
want to know is why you were sitting there with Mark in the first place.”
“It doesn’t matter. What’s going on with Caleb?” I asked,
not wanting to think any more about either man from my past. “You don’t seem
brokenhearted.”
