It Had to Be Love (An It Had to Be Novel) (22 page)

The prospect of losing Ryan slammed home what Tara had been trying to deny. The thought of him with anyone else made her stomach ache. But she couldn’t be in love with him. It was too soon. They’d only known each other for a short time.
No.
The ache in her gut made a liar out of her. She
was
in love with him. Dammit!

Forcing a smile, she shook her head. “Ryan would never do anything so underhanded.”

“You’re right.” Missy nodded as she chewed. “Well, don’t kill the messenger, but there’s a new betting pool in town. Who’ll win Ryan’s heart—you or Sarah?”

Of course. The people in Anderson Butte loved their bets. “Well, I hope you put your money on Sarah, because I’m not after Ryan’s heart.” She should’ve told
her
heart that sooner, though.

“Too late. I bet on you.” Missy dug back into her sandwich.

“Why would you do that when I’ve told you all along how things are between Ryan and me?”

“Because I see the way you light up when you talk about him. And for him to break his in-town dating rule? Face it. You’re falling in love with each other.”

Ryan hadn’t said the “L” word to her so she couldn’t be sure of his feelings. He had said he cared for her at the wedding, though . . .

Oh, God. What if he really was in love with her and then she just up and left him? She couldn’t tell him the details about the relocation. He’d know after she left what had happened, but that was no way to say goodbye.

She needed to break things off with him first. In a nice way. One that wouldn’t hurt his feelings too much. But how?

Then a thought struck. Sarah.

She’d point out to Ryan how Sarah would be the better choice for him. At their last girls’ night, Sarah had talked about wanting kids in the worst way. And everyone in town said Ryan was in love with Sarah but too shy to tell her. She’d help him tell her. Then she’d remind Ryan about their original deal—for her to help him date better so he could find the right one for him.

“Hey, where’d you go off to there?” Missy said between bites.

Tara snapped her head up. “Sorry. Just thinking. I need to run a quick errand. Be right back.”

“Something I said? Did I just stick my foot in my—”

“No. If I’m not back when Martha gets here, set her up and tell her I’ll be with her shortly.” She headed out the door and straight to the toy store, hoping Sarah hadn’t quit yet. If she had, Tara would have to track her down at her mother’s house.

After a short walk, Tara stepped inside the store. The place was empty, so she crossed to the register and rang the bell. After a few moments, Sarah appeared with her arms full of stuffed animals. “Oh, hey, Tara. How are you?”

“In a hurry, unfortunately, so I’m just going to cut to the chase. Are you still in love with Ryan?”

Sarah’s cheeks turned pink. “He’s with you now. I would never—”

Tara held up a hand to stop her. “I want what’s best for you both. So please answer the question.”

Sarah put all the stuffed animals on the counter. “I’ve always loved Ryan. But I don’t know how he feels about me. I don’t think Ryan heard the words ‘I love you’ much growing up. Meg told me he’s never even told his family that he loves them, but we all know he does.”

That made Tara’s heart ache even more. “So he never said he loved you?”

“No.” Sarah’s gaze dropped to her shoes. “When Ed asked me out I accepted, hoping it’d make Ryan finally tell me how he felt. But it backfired. I should have known better than to test Ryan that way. He would never let anything get in the way of another person’s happiness, so he stepped aside.”

The pain in Sarah’s voice had Tara blinking back her threatening tears. That was so true about Ryan. He was the kindest, most patient man she’d ever met. And Sarah was Ryan’s perfect match—kind, sweet, wanted a family, and wanted Ryan with all her heart. Tara had to step aside herself. That it would be for Sarah made it slightly easier to do. “I think you need to have a talk with Ryan. Tell him how you feel.”

Sarah finally met Tara’s gaze again. “I think Ryan has real feelings for you, Tara. I had my chance. I think you should take yours.”

A rogue tear threatened to slip down Tara’s cheek as she worked up the courage to tell Sarah a lie. She blinked it back and said, “I don’t love him, Sarah. So please, ask him to have dinner or something. Then you can see if the old spark is still there?”

A frown line split Sarah’s forehead. “You’re sure?”

“Yep.” She needed to leave before she fell completely apart. “Good luck.”

She quickly slipped out the door but walked slowly back to her office to give herself time to pull it together. She’d have to have a talk with Ryan next. Sooner rather than later would be best. Then when she left, they’d have a clean break. And she’d be able to leave knowing that Ryan would end up with someone who’d loved him all her life.

Sweet, kind Sarah was the better choice for Ryan. She’d be able to give him children, and Sarah wouldn’t have to worry about a scary ex coming back one day to hurt her and her family. It’d be best this way, before hearts got any further involved.

She’d vowed to never get emotionally involved with a man again, for solid, real reasons. Reasons that made sense for everyone’s safety. Better to stick to the plan and live a life free of all the messy emotions that came with a relationship.

She nodded sharply as she pulled her office door open.

It was the right choice.

R
yan finished up the last of his paperwork and was just about to call it a day when Tara appeared in his doorway. “Hi. I ran into Mike on his way out. He said to come on back.”

“Hey.” Something was wrong. Tara seemed nervous. Bad news from Bailey?

He stood and gave her a hug before leading her to a chair. “You look upset. What’s going on?”

“We need to talk, Ryan. About us.” She looked away and folded her hands in her lap.

No. It couldn’t be happening again. He’d lost Sarah. He wouldn’t let the same thing happen again. “What is it? Is Bailey pressuring you to move? Because I’ll go with you, if that’s it.”

“That’s incredibly sweet.” She blinked back the tears forming in her eyes. “But I’d never ask anyone to live my life. Hiding from Spencer, having to pick up and move just as I get settled somewhere. Not to mention Spencer would hurt you and I can’t let that happen. I should have never let this relationship happen.”

The sudden band of pain constricting his chest made it hard to draw a deep breath. “So your idea is to break up to protect me? I can take of myself. You have no idea what I’d put up with just to be with you, Tara.”

“I’m asking you to recall what our original deal was. I was going to help you with your dating skills and you’d teach me to cook—along with no-strings-attached sex. I think we’ve both done our part, so it’s time to take a step back. That way we can both move on and get what we want.”

He needed to turn this around. Fast.

He took her shaking hand. “Look me in the eye and tell me you don’t have feelings for me, Tara.”

She closed her eyes and whispered, “Sarah told me she’s loved you her whole life, Ryan. She doesn’t have to live her life on the run, and she’s able to have children. Sarah wouldn’t be endangering their lives, along with any man she’s with. Because of Spencer, I
can’t
be with you, Ryan.”

Couldn’t be with him? Dammit! “I don’t want to be with Sarah. I want to be with you. I’ll do whatever it takes.”

When tears leaked out of the corners of her closed eyes, he nearly lost it too. She thought she was protecting him, but she was killing him. He needed to tell her how he felt. To say the words.

“Tara. Look at me. Please?”

When she blinked her lids open and met his gaze, he said, “I will do everything in my power to keep you safe. I can’t lose you, I . . .” Dammit.

He could say it. “Tara, I—” The words wouldn’t come. As badly as he wanted to say them, he couldn’t make them form.

She shook her head. “I can’t do this anymore, Ryan. I let things go way too far and now I need to be fair to you. Go find the woman who can give you back what you deserve. Because that woman isn’t me.”

She slipped her hands from his and stood to leave.

He couldn’t lose her. “Tara, wait!”

She slowly turned and faced him again, clearly fighting back her emotions. “What?”

“Tell me you don’t think we could have a future together and I’ll let you go without a fight. Otherwise, stay and let’s make this work.”

She stood there blinking at him with her bottom lip quivering for what seemed an eternity.
Please don’t say it.

Please
.
Don’t. Say. It.

Finally, she threw her shoulders back and said, “I don’t see a future with you, Ryan.” Then she turned and ran out the door.

Her words sliced through him like a knife to the gut as he dropped into the chair. What was so damned wrong with him that he couldn’t just tell her that he loved her? But would it have even made a difference? She didn’t see a future with him. He couldn’t see one without her.

Tara hurried out of Ryan’s office with tears blurring her vision. She hated that she had to lie to him, but he wasn’t going to let her go otherwise. No matter how much it hurt, it was the right thing to do.

Her legs shook, so she slowly sank onto a bench in the long hallway that led to the lobby. She opened her purse and dug out a tissue to wipe away her tears before she ran into anyone in the lobby who’d ask questions.

She felt horrible for what she’d done to him. He’d even offered to come with her if she had to leave. That had been so tempting. To have Ryan by her side to help her face whatever challenges the next town . . .

What was she thinking? She couldn’t endanger his life too. All this heartache was her own fault. She knew better than to have a real relationship ever again, dammit.

She’d be better off swearing off men for good.

She dabbed at her eyes, and as she gathered up the strength to walk home, she studied the old black-and-white pictures on the walls before her. Anderson Butte in the early days. Ryan’s great-grandfather’s days. Dusty roads with carriages parked in front of the few buildings surrounding Town Square. There were more buildings now, but the square hadn’t changed a bit. The same whitewashed bandstand stood in the center, or perhaps one rebuilt to look just like it, surrounded by grass and paths that led across the park to the other side of the square.

Ryan’s family had worked hard to preserve their pretty little town and make it prosper. She hoped Ryan and Sarah would stay now that they had a shot with each other. The residents in town needed Ryan to offset his hard-nosed father.

A door opened at the end of the hall. Afraid it might be Ryan, she stuffed her tissues into a nearby trash can and headed for the main lobby exit. She couldn’t look him in the eyes so soon or she might break down and confess her lie.

She pushed the lobby’s glass door open just as her cell rang. She looked at the caller ID, but didn’t recognize the number. Bailey said he’d called her from home last night so maybe he was calling from a secure number? She tapped the “Answer” button. “Hello?”

Silence filed her ear. “Hello?”

Finally a deep, gravelly voice said, “Sorry. Hit the wrong contact number, Tara.” Then the line went dead.

She didn’t recognize the voice. And he’d called her Tara. Someone in town? But she hadn’t given anyone her new number yet. Had that been Fred? Or . . . someone working for Spencer?

Had Spencer figured out her new name?

Picking up her pace, she headed home while dialing Detective Bailey’s number. That call was all she needed to make her decision. Ryan didn’t need her. He had Sarah now and seeing them together would just be too painful to bear.

When Bailey answered, she said, “Hi. I’m ready to be moved as soon as possible.”

Ryan walked home, replaying his and Tara’s conversation in his head. She’d told him right up front what the ground rules were. Meg had been right. It had been a stupid plan to try to change Tara’s mind and in the process fall in love with her.

He walked down his drive and found Sarah sitting on his front porch. Learning that Sarah had loved him her whole life should have made him happy. Instead it just muddled things. “Hey.” He sat on the step beside her. He wasn’t ready to invite her in.

“Hi.” She smiled but quickly looked away. “So, Tara came to see me earlier.”

“Yep.”

While drawing curlicues in the dirt with a stick, she said softly, “Did she tell you what we discussed?”

“Mm hm.”

“Well, it looks like we’re both going to be living in Denver soon, so . . . maybe we could get together and have dinner or something? After I get my separation papers all filed and I get settled in?”

“Sure. But can I ask you something?”

She finally met his gaze. “Anything.”

“If you’ve always . . . had feelings for me, why did you start dating Ed?”

“I didn’t know how you felt about me, Ry.” She shrugged. “There’s nothing worse than unrequited love. A woman needs to hear the words to know for sure.”

“Yeah. I need to work on that. So, is Ed helping you move?”

She shook her head. “He took a job up north for a few months. I told him I’d be gone when he got back. Seeing you at our house the other day and how you showed honest concern for me made me face the realization that Ed doesn’t love me. He just wanted to steal me from you because he’d never been able to best you at anything else. I’d thought maybe with time he’d come to love me, but it’s never going to happen.”

“Yeah.” He’d always known that was true. At least Sarah had finally figured that out.

He turned and studied her, searching for a clear-cut answer, but nothing materialized. He had feelings for her, but not like the hit-him-in-the-chest ones he felt for Tara. Maybe that’s just because he’d known Sarah his whole life? “So when do you plan to leave?”

“Toby was going to help me move on his day off on Thursday, but then his truck died. Zeke said it’d take a week to get a part to fix it. Ed took our car, so I guess I’ll have to wait until the truck is fixed. My sister said I could use her old car once I get to Denver.”

Silence fell between them again. Finally she asked, “So, you have a truck. Could you drive me to Denver?”

He opened his mouth to tell her that probably wasn’t a good idea, but she looked so lost and fragile sitting there staring up at him with her sad brown eyes. She had to be hurting from her breakup. How could he say no?

Besides, maybe a drive to Denver and a visit to Bailey were just what he needed to figure out what to do with his life. “Sure. I can drive you on Thursday. I need to see about a job there anyway.”

Sarah’s whole face lit up like it used to whenever she saw him. “That’d be great, Ryan. And it’d give us a chance to catch up on the drive, right?”

He nodded. “How about we load up around seven thirty? Get an early start? Do you need help packing before?”

She stood and wiped her dusty hands on her pants. “Nope. I’m all packed and ready to load. I’ll call my sister and let her know.” She leaned down and kissed his cheek. “Thanks, Ry. You’re the best.”

“No problem.” He leaned back on his elbows and watched her walk away. He’d waited four years for her to leave Ed.

Why wasn’t he happier about it?

Because it was Tara he wanted to be with. But she’d made it clear she didn’t want him. He’d never met anyone like her. Would he ever find someone he could love as much again?

He slowly got up and made his way inside. He crossed to the kitchen and opened the fridge, looking for something to make for dinner before realizing it was Tuesday. Used to be, he ate at the diner every Tuesday—before Tara, that is.

Slapping the door shut, he turned and headed out for some damned meatloaf.