It's a Green Thing (11 page)

“Maybe not…” But even as I said this, I couldn't help but think it wasn't supposed to be torture either.

“But I guess I understand.”

By then I was feeling fairly relaxed about the whole dating thing. In fact, I wondered why I'd been so worried. Then I pulled up by his car, and suddenly I wasn't sure what I should do next. It seemed kind of weird to get out of my car, like was I going to walk him to his? So I simply thanked him for the movie and coffee. And okay, it was one of those moments… like is he going to kiss me? Should I lean over and be ready? Am I even ready? Thankfully, before I could do anything stupid, he took my hand. I thought he was going to shake it and say good night, but he lifted it up to his lips and kissed it. Just like that. I sort of giggled then. Yes, giggled. And I am not a giggly girl. But it kind of tickled. Okay, it tickled in a very cool way.

“Thanks for going with me tonight,” he said. “And I hope you'll reconsider youth group tomorrow. I could pick you up if you—”

“No thanks. If I go, I want my own wheels.”

“So you can make a quick getaway?”

I smiled. “Maybe…”

As I sit in the privacy of my room recording all these private thoughts, I feel kind of tingly and electrified and different inside.
I know it's because I
really
like Dominic. And that kind of scares me. And yet, it's also exciting. The last time I felt anything like this was with Jason, but I think that was infatuation, combined with desperation. And my dad threw a fit when he found out I had a crush on one of his roadies. To be honest, I can see my dad's point now. Oh, Jason was a cool guy and nice—and good-looking. But he was a lot older than I was. Anyway, that was the end of my touring with Dad. Still, this feels different with Dominic. For one thing, he's just a tiny bit older than I am. He's seventeen and will be a senior next year. For another thing, I suspect that he likes me as much as I like him.

But here is my main concern. I don't want my feelings for Dominic to distract me from God. I know that probably sounds weird to some people, but it's true. This thing between God and me is the real deal. And it's important to me. I've never had this kind of peace about my life before. Not since my grandma was alive, and even then, I'm not sure. I doubt if most people (especially ones my age) would get this. But I plan to ask Caitlin for advice when we meet for coffee tomorrow. She's about the most God-conscious person I know.

Okay, I didn't ask Caitlin for advice about Dominic this morning. I just couldn't think of a way to say it that didn't sound juvenile and dumb. I mean, one date…he kissed my hand…big deal. Besides, our conversation went down a different road. And not
a road I really wanted to take. Caitlin brought up my mom. Very gently, of course—she is, after all, Caitlin.

Besides Uncle Allen and Kim, Caitlin is the only other person in this town who knows about my mom—not only that Shannon is incarcerated but also that she's an addict and has never been much of a mom. About the only thing Caitlin doesn't know about the situation is that I'm still considering being emancipated.

“So how do you deal with your mother?” She looked evenly at me with those clear blue eyes. I always get the feeling that she can see beyond the Maya I try to show most people. And yet it doesn't really bother me. It's good to have at least one person in your life who knows who you really are.

“I don't know…,” I told her. And that was an honest answer.

“I was thinking about your situation this week, and I was praying for you…and it just hit me. Like, wow, that must be a really heavy load for you to carry.”

“Yeah…”

“And yet you seem so together, Maya. I mean, anyone looking at you would think,
This girl's got it all.
For starters, you're gorgeous. But that's just the surface. You have a great head on your shoulders, and you really care about people. I seriously doubt anyone would begin to guess all that you've been through.”

I nodded. “Probably not. And I suppose that's the way I like it.”

“I understand. Still, you might need to talk about it sometime. Not necessarily to me, unless you want to. But I've had enough counseling training to know that something that huge has an
effect on a person. Whether you're not totally aware of it now or you're just concealing it well, there's a lot of hurt in you, Maya. After what you've endured, it's humanly impossible not to have some pretty deep scars. But I also know that Jesus is making you whole. Still, it might take some time.”

Okay, I was about to cry then. I don't know why, but genuine sympathy just gets to me like that. Probably because I'm not that used to it.

“I don't want to make you feel bad,” she said quickly. “I just want you to know that I'm here for you. I know that sounds trite, but I mean it. And if you need to talk about how you feel about your mom or things you've been through, the very least I will do is listen. And you know I'm already praying for you.”

I nodded again, swallowing against the hard lump in my throat. I took a quick swig of my lukewarm mocha. “Here's the deal.” I could hear the husky sound in my voice, and I wanted to say this as quickly as possible. “I know my mom's messed up. And I know she's hurt me. I'm fully aware of these things. But right now…all I want is to live a normal life. That might sound silly, but it's the truth. Do you know what I mean?”

“I do. Totally.”

I sighed. “I realize there are things I still need to work out with my mom. Some pretty big things. But I'm not in any big hurry.”

She smiled. “You're an amazing girl, Maya Stark.”

“What makes you say that?”

“You're so mature and grounded.” She paused to think.
“Without naming names, I counsel other girls your age, and they seem so young compared to you. But that has a lot to do with what you've been through. You were forced to grow up early.” A look of realization crossed her face. “In fact, you remind me a lot of my best friend.”

“Really?”

“Yes. Beanie Jacobs was my best friend in school. Actually, she's still my best friend but from a distance. And seriously, you two are so much alike. I think that's why I was drawn to you in the first place.”

“Wow…I'll take that as a compliment.”

“Her mom had some problems too.” Caitlin shook her head. “You know, I almost forget about it now, because her mom is doing so well.”

“That gives a person hope.”

“Absolutely. But like you, Beanie grew up fast. Even though we were the same age, I always felt like she was older in some ways.”

I nodded. I knew exactly what she meant, only in reverse.

“You'll have to meet Beanie. She's in New York right now. She went to design school there and has been apprenticing at a very impressive studio this past year.”

“Very cool.”

“Yes, Beanie is very cool. And very talented. She actually designed and made my bridal gown. It was spectacular.” Caitlin went on to explain how she'd been worried and how Beanie had waited until the last minute to show her the gown.

“Wow, you must've really trusted her.”

“I did, but I was still concerned. You see, Beanie has always loved retro and remaking old clothes—”

“So do I!”

“I know. It's just one more way you two are similar. Anyway, I had to hold my imagination at bay—thinking she'd show up with something she'd reconstructed from her ragbag.” Caitlin laughed. “That was not the case. Not at all.”

“So what will she do when she finishes her apprenticeship?”

“She wants to have her own design studio. But she wants it to be different from the usual. She wants to design clothes that are”—Caitlin paused as if trying to remember—“you know, ecologically sound and environmentally conscious.”

“Yes! Earth-friendly clothes. I totally get it. That is so awesome!”

“Well, you would get Beanie too. And I promise you, when she comes home in the fall, you two will meet.”

I realize this is a small thing—well, for some people. But I am so excited to meet this girl. And I can't help feeling even more connected to Caitlin now. I mean, I always liked her, but she is so different from me. And yet her best friend sounds so much like me.

Before we said good-bye, Caitlin asked if I was going to youth group tonight, and I told her I was thinking about it. Naturally, she encouraged me to come and said I shouldn't be concerned about Brooke. She even promised to sit by me, which kind of
made me feel good and bad. Good because I like her. Bad because it makes me seem like a sympathy case. I don't need that.

Anyway, later in the day I thought about what we'd talked about. And as I got into my car and drove over to the church, I even prayed about everything as I went. But just as I was about to turn into the parking lot, I saw Brooke being helped out of her mom's car. She still had the walker thing and the braces, and she really looked pitiful. It was more than I could handle, so I just kept driving.

Call me a coward. Or nonconfrontational. Or just a peace-loving earth muffin. But I did not need that tonight. I drove around town for a bit, then came back here, where thankfully no one was home. And I spent the evening putting together a decorative water fountain for the patio. Okay, I was a little lonely. But really, lonely is nothing new to me. Besides that, the fountain turned out to be amazing.

U
ncle Allen surprised me by showing up at Jacqueline's just in time for my lunch break. (It's actually more like an early dinner break since it's at four.)

“How about if I take my favorite niece out for a late lunch?” He winked at Jackie like she had known he was coming.

I laughed. “Do you have any other nieces?”

He shook his head and smiled sheepishly. “But still.”

“Just let me get my purse.” Luckily, Marissa wouldn't be meeting me for lunch like she often did. She'd already told me that she was doing community service on a road cleanup crew for the next two weeks, and they were required to eat their lunch alongside the road. And since Dominic had just been by yesterday, I doubted he'd show up again today. Although I had been hoping. Still, I was curious as to what had brought my uncle to the mall.

We settled into a booth at the only restaurant in the mall with waiters to serve, and after we placed our orders, I looked curiously at my uncle. “So did you get off work early?”

“Actually, this is work related.”

“Oh? Some big story breaking here at the mall?”

He chuckled. “Not exactly. I've come to proposition you.”

My eyebrows lifted, and he laughed.

“I guess I should make myself clearer. Do you remember your challenge to me about the recycling boxes and how our town needs to be more environmentally aware?”

“Of course.”

He frowned. “It's not going as well as I'd hoped, and today I got an inspiration.”

I nodded, waiting for him to explain.

“This is an idea that involves you, Maya.”

“Me?”

“Yes. I wondered if you'd be interested in writing a green column for the paper. We'd publish it in the Twenty Below section.”

“Twenty Below?”

“That's a section for young people. It comes out on Saturdays, so you'd only need to write your column weekly. And I don't think it has to be too long, just a way to make readers more environmentally aware. You could share some of your concerns about conservation or recycling or whatever in an attempt to educate the readers. What do you think?”

I wasn't sure what to think. On one hand I was flattered. But at the same time I felt uneasy.

“That seems like a pretty big responsibility. I mean, I'm only sixteen.”

He nodded. “If it's any consolation, we've done something
like this before at the paper. We have an advice column called ‘Just Ask Jamie.’”

“Yes, I've read it a couple of times, and it's good. Are you saying it's actually written by a teen?”

“That's right. And the teen was about your age when the column began.”

“Really?”

“You seem sincere in your quest to protect the planet. And you also seem to know a lot about it. By the way, Kim showed me that patio fountain you made from recycled pieces. It's really delightful.”

“Thanks.”

“In fact, you might even write in the column about doing something like that.”