It's All About Him (20 page)

Neil moved on to the next.

'That was in Lisa's garden last year; she had a barbecue to celebrate Ger's birthday.'

'Ger?'

Dee made a face. 'The boyfriend.'

'You don't like him.'

'He's not good enough for her,' Dee said simply.

Neil nodded and moved on to the next photo. 'Oh, wow!' He stared in wonder at the tiny baby wrapped in a pale green blanket.

'That was taken the day we came home from the hospital,' Dee said softly.

'How did you decide on the name?' he asked, not taking his eyes from the photo.

Dee laughed. 'He seemed so tiny and frail and I wanted him to grow up big and strong so that no one could ever hurt him.'

He smiled. 'Samson?'

She nodded. 'But it's just Sam on the birth cert. Pauline was furious with me because I didn't give him a saint's name.'

'I think it's a great name.'

'Thanks.'

'Oh, look at this!' He held up a photo of Dee holding Sam up in the air, the child's head thrown back with glee. 'When was this taken?'

'Conor took it last year at Sam's fourth birthday party.' She got some satisfaction when Neil's mouth tightened.

'Do they get on well?' he asked.

'Yeah, Conor's great with him.'

'Good.' He looked at the last photo, one of Sam curled up in bed asleep, his thumb in his mouth.

'He was only about ten months old then,' Dee volunteered. 'He'd been crying all evening and had thrown his tea at me. I was tired and very fed up and I thought at one point I was going to hit him. Then eventually when he went to sleep I couldn't leave him. I just sat staring at him for ages thinking I couldn't live without him no matter how much he screamed. I went searching for the camera because he just looked so sweet and vulnerable. I've kept that photo close by ever since just to remind me that even when he's driving me nuts, I really do love him.'

'You don't need the photo,' he told her. 'It's obvious from the way you talk about him, that you adore him.'

'It's easier now that he's older but trust me, when he was teething or having temper tantrums or not sleeping at night I needed reminding. It's not easy looking after a baby, especially alone.'

'I wish I'd been there to help.' He stared miserably at the photo. 'I've missed out on so much.'

'Yes.' She watched him steadily, wondering if she could believe in his regret.

'You should have looked for me,' he said suddenly. 'You could have called Mum and told her about Sam, you could have given me a chance to be a proper father.'

Dee sat back in her seat, stunned by the sudden attack. 'A proper father?' she said incredulously. 'A gambler who would have spent the Children's Allowance on the three-thirty at Haydock? He didn't need a father like you.'

Neil flinched at her words then nodded slightly. 'You're right, I'm sorry, it's just so hard.' He looked down at the picture of Sam sleeping and stroked it tenderly.

Dee's anger was gone as quickly as it had come. 'I didn't need another dependant, Neil, I needed –
we
needed – someone we could rely on.'

'And have you found that in Conor?'

Dee hesitated, realizing that she wasn't sure of the answer. 'Conor is an important part of our lives,' she said carefully, 'but he's not Sam's father. Sam doesn't need a father, he's got me. I've looked after him since the day he was born and I don't think I've done too bad a job. He's happy, Neil, and I'm going to make sure he stays that way.'

His shoulders slumped. 'So you're not going to let me see him.'

'I didn't say that, but I need to know that you won't hurt him. I need to know that I can trust you and I'm not sure I can after all you've done.'

He nodded solemnly. 'I can understand that, but you have to remember that anything I did to you when I was gambling, well, it wasn't really me.'

'Oh, please!'

'It's true, Dee, it's a disease. I am so sorry I hurt you and that I stole from you, but it wasn't really me doing all that; it was the gambling.'

Dee sighed. 'In my head I accept and understand that but it doesn't change the fact that you hurt me and how do I know it won't happen again?'

'Because I'm better now.' He leaned forward in his seat. 'Look at me, I'm successful, I drive a nice car, I own my own company. How would I have any of that if I was still gambling?'

'You may have stopped, but how do I know you won't start again – maybe not next week, but next year, or in five years?'

He shook his head, helplessly. 'You don't. I wish I could give you a guarantee, I really do, but I can't.'

Dee looked at him, at the defeat in his posture, the sadness in his eyes and the emptiness in his voice and realized that his happiness, as well as her son's, was in her hands. 'Is there anyone I could talk to?' she said finally.

'What do you mean?'

'When I leave here I'm going to a recruitment consultancy because I need a cook. I won't take a stranger into my home, though, unless all of the references are okay. I won't let anyone within a yard of Sam unless I've checked them out as much as is humanly possible. To all intents and purposes, you are also a stranger and I'd like to check out your references, too.'

Neil looked momentarily flummoxed. 'I suppose that makes sense.'

Dee stood up. 'Okay. When you come up with someone I can talk to, let me know.'

'Where's my mummy?' Sam asked, his voice whiney.

Lisa counted to ten. 'I've told you, Sam, she had to go out. Have some lunch and she'll be back before you know it.'

'Don't want it. I feel sick.'

Lisa was immediately by his side, her hand on his forehead. He was warm but not alarmingly so. She studied him carefully and noted that while he was pale, his eyes were alert. They were also having fish pie for lunch, not one of Sam's favourites. She crouched down beside him and smiled up into his face. 'Would you like to curl up on the sofa and look at your Barney book while we have our food? Then maybe you could eat something later with Mummy.'

Sam nodded eagerly and scrambled down from his place at the table. Lisa continued to help the other children with lunch but kept a careful eye on him and was relieved to see that he was sitting up straight and happily flicking through the book. The children were just finishing the meal when Natalie knocked her milk all over Rebecca and while Martha fussed over the distraught child, Lisa cleaned up the mess. When they had finished Lisa led the toddlers out to the bathroom to tidy up and get ready for nap time. As she was shepherding them back inside, Dee walked through the door and smiled as the children ran to her.

'Hello there!' She bent to hug each child in turn.

'How did it go?' Lisa asked.

'Really well.' Dee shrugged off her jacket, dumped her bag on the hall table, and followed them back into the crèche. 'They have at least three people on their books who might suit, so we're going to try and set up interviews for early next week. Where's Sam?' she asked, scanning the room.

Lisa's eyes flew to the sofa but Sam was gone. 'Martha? Where's Sam?'

Martha looked up from where she was settling the children on their sleeping mats.

'He was there a second ago.'

Dee walked across the room. 'Sam? Are you hiding?' She moved towards the cabinet with the TV, expecting Sam to jump out on her – it was one of the children's favourite hiding places – but as she drew level with the sofa she pulled up short at the sight of the crumpled heap on the floor in front of it. 'Sam!' She dropped to her knees and rolled him over gently. His eyes were closed and there was no response. 'Lisa, call an ambulance.' She pressed her ear to his chest, listened and prayed. 'Oh, thank God,' she murmured when she heard the quiet but steady beat. Gently, she prized open his mouth but could see no obstruction and he seemed to be breathing okay. 'Sam? Come on, sweetheart, wake up. Mummy's here, Sam, Mummy's here.'

Lisa came back into the room. 'The ambulance is on it's way. Martha, let's take all the children in for their nap.'

'What's wrong with Sam?' Tom demanded, standing his ground.

'He's not feeling too well,' Martha said gently. 'Don't worry, the doctor is coming to take care of him but right now we need to leave him to sleep.'

She sat Tom on a cushion with a book and then settled the other children on mattresses while Lisa returned to Dee's side.

'How is he?'

'His breathing is normal and so is his temperature,' Dee said worriedly. 'I don't know what's wrong, but he won't wake up. How was he all morning?'

'He said he felt sick and wouldn't eat lunch but I checked his temperature and he was fine. I told him he didn't have to eat and sat him on the sofa looking at a book. He was quite happy and alert up until about five minutes ago.' She straightened as she heard the ambulance siren and hurried out to the door.

'Mummy?' Sam's eyelids flickered and he looked up at her briefly.

'Sam! It's okay, sweetheart, you're going to be fine.' Dee tried to smile at him but her eyes were full of tears.

'Hello, there.'

Dee looked up and through her tears saw a paramedic bending over her. 'He opened his eyes for a moment.'

'That's good. What's his name?'

'Sam.' Dee moved back to allow the man to examine her son. 'I checked his mouth but I couldn't see anything. We've no idea what happened. He complained of feeling sick but he was playing one minute and the next I found him on the floor unconscious.'

'Sam? Sam, can you hear me?' The paramedic checked Sam's pulse and lifted his shirt to inspect his body.

Sam opened his eyes again.

'Hello, Sam, how are you feeling?'

'A bit sick.'

'Poor you. Did you have a fall, Sam?'

He shook his head.

'You didn't hit your head, did you?'

'No.'

'Any headache?'

'No.'

The paramedic shone a light in Sam's eyes and then checked his neck for stiffness.

'Now, I'm just going to put this on your arm. Do you know what it is?'

'It's for checking my blood pressure.'

'That's right; you're a very clever boy.'

'He's quite familiar with all things medical,' Dee explained. 'Sam suffers from asthma and eczema.'

'Does he now? Has he ever had an episode like this before?'

'No.'

'Okay. Well, your blood pressure is fine, Sam, but I think we'll bring you into hospital just to let the doctors take a look at you. Is that okay?'

Sam's lip wobbled. 'Can my mummy come?'

'Of course she can.' He turned to Dee. 'Do you want to put a bag together with some of Sam's things?'

'Oh, right.' She scrambled to her feet but Sam wouldn't let her hand go.

'Mummy's just going to get your teddy,' Lisa said, taking Dee's place. 'Can I sit beside you until she gets back?'

Sam looked from his mother to Lisa and nodded, releasing Dee's hand.

'I'll be straight back,' she promised and sped upstairs to pack pyjamas, teddy, toys and books into a small bag. Her heart was racing and she was terrified, but she knew she had to keep it together for Sam's sake. When she came back downstairs they had put Sam into a wheelchair and were taking him out to the ambulance.

Dee grabbed her bag and jacket and turned to Lisa. 'I don't know how long we'll be.'

'Don't worry, we'll manage. Shall I phone Conor and tell him what's happened?'

'Please, and you'd better get him to warn Ronan that it might affect tomorrow's menu.'

Lisa grabbed Sam's coat and hat from a peg in the hall and handed them to Dee.

'He'll need these later when he's coming home.'

Dee tried to smile but found she was close to tears. 'Oh, God, Lisa, I've never been so scared.'

Lisa threw her arms around her. 'I know, Dee, I know and I'm sorry. If there was something I should have seen, should have done—'

'Don't be silly, it's not your fault.'

'He's all loaded up,' the paramedic said from the doorway.

'Do you think he's going to be okay?'

'I'm sure he'll be fine. You know what kids are like; at death's door one minute and running around like wild things the next.'

Lisa walked with them to the ambulance. 'Call us when you can,' she said as Dee climbed in beside her son.

'I will.'

'Bye, Sam, see you later.' Lisa just had time to see Sam raise his hand before the paramedic shut the door and the ambulance drove away. Taking a few deep breaths in an attempt to control her own tears, Lisa went back inside. The children were all sleeping except for Tom who was sitting staring into space, his eyes wide and frightened. Lisa sat down next to him and gave him a hug. 'Don't worry, Tom, everything's okay now.'

'Where's Sam gone?' he asked in a shaky voice.

'To the hospital, but he's going to be just fine.'

'Will he be back soon? Will he be back in time for tea?'

'No, darling, I don't think so.'

'Is he going to die?' Tom said bluntly.

Lisa shook her head. 'No, of course not. The doctor will give him some medicine and he'll be fine.'

'Will they give him ice cream at the hospital?'

'Er, I'm not sure, maybe.'

He smiled up at her. 'Do you think I could have some too?'

She laughed. 'We'll see.'

The closer they got to the hospital, the better Sam seemed to get and by the time they were wheeling him into the emergency room, he was the life and soul of the party. Dee was relieved to see him so alert and happy but she still wanted to know why he had passed out in the first place. If it happened once it could happen again.

'Mrs Hewson?'

'Miss,' Dee said automatically, and she stood up to greet the doctor.

'I'm Doctor Berrane.' He smiled as he shook her hand and Dee thought she wouldn't mind being a patient if she had him to look after her. 'And it's Sam, is it?'

Dee nodded to where her son was crouched on the floor playing with a truck.

'That's him. He doesn't look very sick, does he?'

The doctor laughed. 'Thank goodness, but we'll check him out just to be sure.'

Sam climbed up on the bed in the small cubicle and the doctor carried out the same routine tests that two other doctors had already carried out. Then he asked Dee all about Sam's medical history and he wrote notes, nodding from time to time. 'Okay, then, thank you.'