It's Your Misfortune and None of My Own (Code of the West) (19 page)

“Rena?”

“That raven-haired lady. Her name was Rena. I don’t guess I’ll ever forget the way she could—”

“I think I’ll skip this part,” Pepper interrupted.

“If I find her, I figure she’ll clear this thing up. You know all the rest from there.”

Pepper sat still for a long time.

“Miss Cedar . . . that’s all in the past. I’d like a chance to be different. I’ve been square with you, and you know more about Tap Andrews than any other living soul. Seems like I’ve lived for years without ever talkin’ personal with anyone.”

The sun went down, but they continued to ride into the night. She sat closer to Tap and pulled the blanket to cover both of their laps.

“Maybe it’s time for a fire and warming some foot rocks,” she suggested.

He pulled off the road, rested the driving horse, and built a fire. Eating the few leftovers he had in his saddlebags, they hovered over the small fire and gazed at each other across the flickering flames. He had the top button on his coat fastened down and the rest left open. As always, the handle of his Colt was in plain sight .
 . . and touch. Pepper used the blanket as a shawl on top of her cape. A good portion of her hair had jostled free from the confinement of her hat, and it tousled to her shoulders.

“Tapadera Andrews, where do we go from here?”

“You mean, you and me?”

“Yes. Where does all this leave us?”

“I can only tell you my opinion. These rocks are pretty warm. Are you ready to continue?”

“You won’t forget this conversation, will you?” she pressed.

“Nope. You can count on it.”

Tap wrapped one of the blankets to protect his hands and lifted the big round stones to the carriage. He placed them in the metal warming box that served as a footboard.

By the time they boarded, Pepper could feel the heat rise from the box, warming her feet, legs, and even the blanket in her lap. “Now, Mr. Andrews, you were saying—”

“You really can call me Tap.”

“That just might depend on what you say next.”

“I guess it does. I’m going to ask you a favor that I don’t have any right to ask. First, I’d like to go back and put you in the McCurley Hotel. I’d plan on stayin’ out at your ranch.”

“My ranch? What do you mean my ranch?”

“Hatcher told me to bring you the papers. He truly wanted you to have it. He said you could sell it or do anything you wanted, but it was yours. I’ll give you the deed when we get to the hotel.”

“But I can’t . . . I don’t know—”

“Just let me continue with my dream.”

“What dream? What do you mean?”

“My dream is something I want to have happen real bad, but don’t figure it ever will. As I said, you stay at the h
otel, and me at the ranch. I’ll develop the property and start a little cow and calf operation for you.

"In the mea
ntime, we have an opportunity to get to know each other. Then, if things work out, maybe we could send for the parson after all. I know I’m not Hatcher. But Hatcher is gone to his reward. You know, it was the strangest thing. I almost forgot.”

“What?”

“When your man died, he was talkin’ about you. All of a sudden I can remember his words. He said, ‘Tell her I loved her, Andrews. Tell her I loved her more than anything in this whole world. The Lord will take care of her and then . . .”

“Then?”

“He was sufferin’ mighty fierce, his face in terrible pain. Then there was this big smile like he saw something or someone. I looked out in the desert, but I couldn’t see anything. Then he died. I didn’t know if he was seein’ you or Jesus. I never did see a person go like that. Did you?”

“Only once.” Pepper reached up with her gloved hand and touched her tearless cheeks.

“As I was sayin’, I’m not competing against Hatcher. If he was here, I wouldn’t be interferin’ at all.”

“You wouldn’t?”

Andrews paused for a long while.

“I promised to be honest with you, didn’t I?”

“Straight up, you said.”

“Okay, if Hatcher was here, I’d probably try something to steal you away. But the point is—he’s not here, and both your life and my life need to go on.”

“And what if, after this trial period, we find each other wretched?” she asked.

“Then I promise to ride off and not hassle you further.”

“Would this be like an engagement?”

“I hadn’t thought about that .
 . . I mean, if you’re willing. Would you really wanted to be engaged to me?” he pursued.

“Perhaps. If that is what it will take to keep you from kis
sing dance-hall girls on the lips.”

“Miss Cedar, you can bank on that. If we’re really e
ngaged, I’ll never kiss another dance-hall girl again.”

“That’s a promise that neither you nor I expect you to keep. But, please, I like it better when you call me Pepper.”

“That depends on how this conversation is going. How is it going?”

“Very good, as far as we’ve gone, that is.”

“We’ve got more to talk about?”

“You’ve been doing all the talking,” she reminded him.

Tap switched the reins from the left to his right hand. He stretched his left arm behind him in the buggy and thought for a moment about placing it around her shoulders. Then he hesitated.

“Are you going to put that arm around me or not?”

He slid his arm around her and pulled her closer.

“Tap Andrews, I need to tell you lots and lots of things. But I need to ask you one question first.”

“I hope I can answer it.”

“Mr. Hatcher was very clear about his Christian faith in his letters. It was certainly one of his strengths. I’ve not heard you mention the Lord’s place in your life.”

He pulled his arm from her shoulder and placed it on the reins.

“Did I say something wrong?”

“No. I just need a chance to gather my thoughts.”

The night was moonless, but the stars were bright, and a faint reflection on the road could be seen except when they passed through some trees. Pepper felt safe, fairly warm, and slightly -nervous.

I don’t want to lose him. I like being with this man. He makes me smile. He makes me cry. He makes me like being me. He makes me talk better, act better, think better. Tap Andrews, why wasn’t it you that carried me off when I was fifteen?

Lord, this is Pepper. When I prayed with the Reverend yeste
rday, I meant what I said about Jesus. You are Lord now. But, I just can’t tell him I ain’t her. Not yet. Give me just a little more time.

Pepper didn’t press him to answer the question.

Tap’s mind flashed to one answer after another.

I could try to fake it and pretend to be spiritual like Hatcher. But she’d see right through that and never trust me again. I can play it by ear—just say what she wants me to hear .
 . . I could . . . I could just straight out tell her the truth.

“I’ll make you a promise, Pepper. I’ve lied to you for the last time. You can like my answer or hate it. But it will be true. I’m not perfect in a lot of ways .
 . . but I’m honest, and here’s the square talk about my faith.”

He cleared his throat and looked straight ahead into the darkness. Even though the night air was cool, he could feel sweat forming on his forehead.

“Pepper, if you had asked me that question a month ago, I would offer an easy answer. Over the years, me and God mostly ignored each other. I didn’t have any Christian upbringing. I didn’t hang around with a church crowd, if you catch which way the stick’s floatin’. I haven’t bothered Him much, and He hasn’t bothered me. But it started with Hatcher’s death. I’ve been givin’ it more thought than ever before.

“For a long time I was pretty disappointed with God. I guess it’s because I pled with Him when my mother was so sick, and she died anyway. That’s when I felt all alone in the world, and basically I’ve been all alone ever since.

“But after I watched Hatcher die, I started thinkin’ about prayin’. For the life of me, I have no idea why after all these years, I decided I needed to pray. I think it was because I could feel the charade slipping away and wanted it to work more than anything in the world. So back there in the trees I prayed that if I could pull through that scrape, I’d tell you the truth.

“I feel like there just might be something to this faith stuff, ’cause I’ve never felt God really cared, and now I’m begi
nnin’ to think He’s not so far away as I thought. Maybe that isn’t a good answer. It’s not the answer you wanted, but it’s true, and I’m hopin’ you’ll give me time to learn some more. I’ve got a whole bunch to learn, but I know you’ll be a good teacher.”

He wants me to teach him about the Lord? This is too new. I’m just a dance-hall girl who barely started b
elievin’. .

“Are you awake?” he finally asked.

“Yes. I’m terribly sorry. It’s been quite a long night.”

“I’m counting on you teaching me out of the Bible. I want to learn more.”

“Perhaps you should ask the Reverend to come by. I’m sure he could answer your questions better than I could. He mentioned coming back out here before Christmas.”

The sunlight and slight wind during the day had dried the road enough that it no longer threw mud. They bounced softly down the road with the only noise the clomp of the horse’s hooves and the occasional squeak of a buggy wheel.

All of a sudden, Tap sat up and blurted out, “Before Christmas?”

Pepper, dozing on his shoulder, jumped awake.

“Oh, sorry. Didn't realize you were asleep.”

“What did you say about Christmas?”

“You said the Reverend would be over before Christmas, and I could talk with him then.”

“Yes, of course.”

“That means you’re not going back to Chicago until after Christmas. You’re willing to give it a try?”

“I think your plan sounds good. We should give it some time,” she added.

“Are we engaged then?” he asked.

“You haven’t asked me to marry you. How can we be e
ngaged?” she responded.

Tap pulled the buggy to the side of the road. He reached over and took her gloved hands into his. Even though it was still dark, he looked into her eyes. “Miss Su
zanne Cedar, what with your father being deceased and all, I’m asking you directly, will you marry me? Eh, providin’ we end up, you know, likin’ each other?”

With her left hand still in his, she removed her right hand and touched his cheek.

“Tap, my heart says yes. But I’m not sayin’ yes because it wouldn’t be fair.”

“What do you mean—fair?”

“You asked me to marry you, but you haven’t spent a night listenin’ to
my
story yet. I don’t think you should ask until you’ve heard from me first.”

“Are you tellin’ me that Miss Suzanne Cedar has some hi
dden secrets?”

“Perhaps.”

“I can’t imagine anything you could tell me that would make me change my mind.”

Pepper sighed and squeezed his hands. “I can.”

“Let me get this straight. If after I hear all those hidden secrets, if I still want to marry you, you promise to say yes?”

“Don’t forget you promised to visit with Rev. Houston. And we’ll need to end up likin’ each other.”

“I can’t believe it.” Tap sighed. “I don’t think I ever felt this good in my whole life.”

“But you haven’t heard me out.”

“I don’t care. Things are takin’ a turn. I can feel a real swing for the better. Can you feel it? It’s just like in a gun battle when you know you’re goin’ to win.” He thought he could see her smile. “Now, listen. I haven’t spent much time around Eastern ladies, and if I get improper, you tell me straight out to stop it. And I will. You promise?”

“Just what do you intend to do?”

His right hand reached over. She felt the strong, callused, yet tender fingers lift her chin. Her heart jumped when she felt his warm lips press gently against hers.

Then he sat back up and slapped the reins, charging the buggy back to the road.

The evening sky was starting to turn to daylight by the time they came to the flat stretch just a few miles from McCurley’s hotel. He knew she had been dozing in and out of sleep for a couple hours, but, without looking down, he could sense her eyes were open.

“What are you thinkin’ about?”

She giggled. “If I ever, ever catch you kissin’ another woman like you did that dark-haired, I’ll rip her lips out with my own hands.”

“Now you’re talkin’. You been out here long enough to get into the gallop of things. Why, you almost sounded just like one of these dance-hall girls yourself.”

She froze.

9

P
epper climbed the stairs to her room at the McCurley Hotel with her eyes barely open. Totally exhausted, she figured she could have lain down in the middle of the road and fallen asleep. Her last words before entering the hotel were a sleepy promise to have a very long talk with Tap as soon as they both rested up.