Jacked (4 page)

“Kiss me,” Donovan whispered.

Ty leaned over. Their cocks brushed against one another as
Ty’s mouth covered Donovan’s. Donovan’s hands swept down Ty’s spine, then
traveled up to tangle in his hair. Donovan’s lips parted and Ty took the
invitation eagerly. He explored the other man’s mouth hungrily and the more he
did, the more into it Donovan got until they were nipping at each other.

Donovan held Ty’s head captive as he took over the kiss. His
tongue dominated, plunging in to play with Ty’s, tasting, taking. Ty’s head
swam. Already well primed for sex, Donovan had Ty’s balls aching with the
hunger vibrating from him.

Ty touched him everywhere. He stroked his shoulders and
arms, into the sensitive pits and thumbed over Donovan’s nipples. When Donovan
finally let go of Ty’s head, Ty sank to take first one needy point into his
mouth then the other. He sucked hard, pressing the nub with his tongue, letting
Donovan feel the edge of teeth.

Donovan made a sexy strangling noise as he arched off the
couch.

Ty sat up. He tried to catch his breath. He needed this to
go smoothly for Donovan to ever see him as a potential boyfriend. He knew it
was a stretch, but the past few days had brought them so close! After years of
hanging out, the possibility of more lay within reach—maybe.

Ty steadied himself to continue. “So I beg you to look at my
cock next to yours.”

Need pushed him too quickly and Ty tried to think of a way
to backtrack, yet Donovan already looked at their cocks.

Hope soared inside Ty. “You tell me you don’t know how to
touch me,” Ty said. “I tell you it’s okay. Whatever you do will be right.”

Ty took Donovan’s hands and guided them to their shafts.
Together they clutched the dicks in one grip. Donovan hissed.

“I tell dream-you it’s just like jacking off, but with
help,” Ty instructs.

Donovan’s hands moved easily with Ty’s. Donovan stared with
open lust as their cocks bumped against each other in the same hold. They
rubbed, rolled. Ty let go, giving full control to Donovan as he stretched to
pinch Donovan’s nipples. He added a gentle thrust into his friend’s hands.

Donovan swore softly.

“And I tell you how sexy you are. I tell you that I’ve never
been turned on like this before, or wanted anyone the way I want you. That
working with you every day is perfect, made only more perfect by having your
hands on me—like this. I tell you that I’ve wanted you for years but never had
the courage to admit it. I tell you that I’ll never be the same after today.
Because I love you.”

Ty twisted Donovan’s nipples. Donovan’s eyes had long since
glazed over, but he still watched.

“Tell me you want me inside,” Donovan said.

A wide smile almost split Ty’s face. “I do. Deep. So deep it
hurts. And your mouth on me, swallowing.”

Words had become difficult. Donovan, ever the fast learner,
let go with one hand. He bucked against Ty, attacked his nipple with the same
twisting pinch Ty had delivered. Ty cried out, shooting cum across Donovan’s
chest. Donovan came too, a shout of his own punctuating the air.

Donovan dragged him down into a long, hot, messy kiss.

When the kiss broke, Ty looked deeply into Donovan’s eyes.
He’d never been more elated.

“But since that never happened, and you never said those
things, it was all just a figment of my imagination,” Donovan murmured
carefully.

Ty went hot and cold. He hadn’t been playing. All his words
were true even if he hadn’t realized the depth of his feelings until he’d
spoken them. He did love Donovan, completely. He wanted a life and a future
with him that involved more than the office and playing video games on the
couch every weekend. He hungered to have his best friend inside his body. He
wanted it so badly he ached with the plummeting realization that Donovan might
never want him the same way. Not openly. Not with a future in mind. Not with
Ty. God, it hurt.

Donovan Tremmel had just jacked Ty’s heart.

Donovan had never been a bigger shithead than that moment.
Even now he cringed when he thought about how he’d cleaned up, come back to the
couch and picked up the television remote. He’d sat naked on the couch, saying
nothing as Ty collected his clothes, dressed and left.

Pain had been written all over his best friend’s face, yet
Donovan had been unable to do anything about it. How could he when he barely
understood the thoughts and emotions flying through his own head? The best he
could offer was coming back unashamed of being naked with Ty.

And he
wasn’t
ashamed.

All those things Ty had said—he knew they were true. Ty was
in love with him and that thought sent warm, happy, panicky thoughts colliding through
Donovan. That it made him happy was enough to shove them as far out of his mind
as possible! And panic? As far as Donovan was concerned, that was natural.

What straight guy jacked off with his friend’s cock, shot
his load and wanted the guy to fall for him? No matter how he twisted his
rationale, he came to the same conclusion. No
straight
guy would.

Which brought him back to panic.

Ty wanted him inside. God, just hearing the words in memory
made him hard all over again. He’d have done it too, if there’d been an
available condom. It wasn’t like he hadn’t back-doored women before. In fact,
he preferred it. Which, looking back on, seemed a little gay.

Not that he was.

Was he?

Donovan’s head hurt with the circular arguments. Everything
had been simple when he and Ty were just dudes hanging out, making programs,
drinking beer. Anyone with eyes would have looked at Ty with some measure of
attraction. The guy was hot by any standards. It wasn’t weird to admit it, was
it?

And didn’t everyone have wet dreams about their friends? The
subconscious didn’t care what sex they were or that you didn’t swing that way.
It latched on to the importance of the friendship and, and, and…and gave sex
dreams between them because—because it was the brain’s way of interpreting the
closeness they shared—
as friends
.

Which admittedly sounded a whole lot like grasping at straws
when he thought about it like that.

But it boiled down to one really important reality. If
Donovan accepted there could be something between them, didn’t that mean he
opened the door for them to become a couple? A
gay
couple? Did he want
that?

He owed Ty an explanation. He couldn’t offer one until he
figured a few things out, though.

He peeled his naked ass off the leather couch. He picked up
his clothes and went upstairs to shower.

* * * * *

Ty thought about calling off the next day, but since Donovan
had done that yesterday and might do it again today, he decided to go in.
Besides, Ty wasn’t a runner. He faced his demons. Even the adorable brown-eyed,
brown-haired variety. It pissed him off that after yesterday, Donovan might
think he owned the market on hurt.

It almost pissed him off more to see that Donovan hadn’t
called off. Because then Ty had to respect him for facing the guy who
challenged his sexuality at every available turn. Donovan wasn’t a chicken and
Ty had to love him a little more for that, damn it.

Donovan’s smile was apologetic and skittish, which Ty
thought was an interesting development. They spent the morning not talking to
each other. If they could make it through today, they had a weekend to get over
being awkward. Ty had never regretted making love to someone before. Yet going
through his day feet from the man he’d declared his love for made his ears burn
with embarrassment and shame for throwing the confession at someone who didn’t
want it.

“Hey,” Donovan whispered at him.

Ty looked up from his monitor. “Yeah?”

Donovan gave a quick search of the room, then with a
sheepish grin he leaned in. “Wanna go to the utility room and rub one off
together?”

Ty stared at him. For the first time in over two years he
had no idea what to think of his friend. Had he been wrong? Had Donovan’s
weirdness yesterday been adjustment? Or was Donovan mocking him? “Are you for
real?”

“What?”

Ty made a crude jerking gesture with his hand. “A quickie in
the storage area?” His gaze searched Donovan’s for a real answer. Something he
could latch on to that would tell him how to direct the conversation. Did he
make light of it or joke back, he wondered?

“Yeah, why not?”

“You’re not into guys, remember?” Ty said dryly.

“I know. But getting one off is all about what’s in your
mind. I could be thinking about anything.” Donovan glanced around again.
“Besides,
you’re
into guys and I’m cool with that.”

What the fuck was Donovan playing at? “So you just want to
go back there, put our cocks together, get off and go back to work?” Ty’s
throat felt tight with annoyance.

“Sure.” Donovan gave him a goofy grin. “No one has to know
and if that’s how our friendship is going to develop, I figure that’s between
us.”

Ty’s brows lifted in surprise. “Wait a sec.” He rolled his
desk chair over. “You think what happened yesterday is a new hobby we share?”
He wanted to hear this from the horse’s mouth, because his brain was having
trouble believing Donovan’s audacity.

Donovan’s gaze slipped and returned with renewed enthusiasm.
“Sure. Listen, I don’t care that you like guys and maybe it means more to you.
Think of it as me being supportive of your lifestyle while working off some
tension.”

Ty laughed sharply. “Oh my God. You’re insane. You tugged
the sense right out of your head yesterday. Dude, I’m so sorry! If I’d known
that’s how you’d take it, I’d have
unloaded
somewhere else.”

Donovan’s gaze grew serious, his voice lowered drastically.
“No you wouldn’t have.” He tipped his head to the side as though daring Ty.
“You’re in love with me. If you had it to do over again, you’d still have
sprayed my lap.”

Ty felt the blood leave his face. “D, think about what you
just said there. Because you sound a whole lot like a heartless
sonofabitch
.”

“That’s not how it was intended.” Donovan kept his gaze
steady. “I just mean that I know how you feel. You were clear on that point,
and I’m letting you know it’s fine with me. I’m flattered. Hell, I even like
that you’re in love with me, okay?” The last he said almost under his breath.

“You like that I’m in love with you,” Ty repeated, his tone
flat.

“Yeah, it’s kind of hot.” The shy grin would have been
charming if Donovan hadn’t just sounded like the world’s biggest tool.

“Being all charitable that you are, because of my
deep-seated
luuuurve
for you, you’ll allow me the privilege of jacking
off with your cock in my hand?”

“I’m not a jackass. Don’t make me out to be one.”

“Then stop saying shit that turns you into one,” Ty
countered.

Donovan got quiet. Ty was about to roll away when Donovan
grabbed the armrest of his chair.

“Hey. What I suggested makes me a jackass?”

Ty didn’t bother to answer that. He just sent him a look
that he hoped made his opinion evident.

“Really?”

Ty raised his brows again. “Think about it.” With a shove,
he propelled himself to his desk.

Ty took off with the other employees that night. He had no
desire to run into Donovan. Because he was pretty sure that even as douche-y as
Donovan had been, Ty would drop to his knees for a taste of him if Donovan
asked. And that was pathetic.

Saturday dawned bright and warm. Donovan had tossed and
turned all night, waiting for daylight so he could stop pretending to sleep.

He thought he’d come up with a solution. He thought that by
acknowledging Ty’s interest in him, and getting sexual by his own suggestion,
he could ride the fence. All he’d done was hurt Ty with a conversation that sounded
trite and condescending when he played it over in his mind.

Eight o’clock was as long as he was willing to wait. Donovan
showered and dressed. He got in the car and drove to Ty’s favorite coffee shop.
He picked up Ty’s favorite large mocha drink and his favorite breakfast
sandwich and drove to his apartment.

Donovan knocked on the door. It took a few tries but it
finally swung open to reveal a hairy-chested guy in a towel, his blond hair
dripping wet.

“Who are you?” Donovan blurted.

The man grinned. “Ty’s trick. Who are you?”

“Ty’s business partner.”

The guy gave him a once-over. “If my business partner
brought me breakfast in bed, I’d think about doing him too.” The trick rubbed a
large hand over the trailing hairs on his bare lower abdomen.

Donovan’s neck burned. “Is he here?”

“Yeah. In bed.” The guy tossed a nod in the direction of the
bedroom. “If he’s really not your type, come find me. I’ll make sure you can’t
walk for a week. I
like
the nerdy ones.”

Donovan made a beeline for the bedroom. He wanted to slam
the door to wake Ty. Instead he put the breakfast offering on the bedside table
and hovered over him. “Wake up, Ty.”

Ty muttered in his sleep.

“Ty. Wake the fuck up. Your trick already showered. He
probably wants his cash.”

Ty opened one bleary eye, then the other. “What?”

“Your one-night stand. The buff blond guy who answered the
door in his bath towel.” Donovan scowled. “Your trick. Your boy-toy. Whatever
the hell you call him.”

Ty tried to prop himself up. “What are you doing here?”

“I brought you breakfast and coffee to apologize. Looks like
that’s not the kind of consolation you needed.”

“Lance? You mean the good-looking guy with the deep voice?”
Ty asked.

“That’s the one.” Donovan sat down on the side of the bed
feeling even more irritated that Ty thought Lancey-boy was attractive, even
though anyone with eyes would agree. He just didn’t like that Ty agreed. Ty was
supposed to be thinking that stuff about
Donovan
, not some blond dude
who’d just hit on him at the door.

“Look,” Donovan snapped. “I know I don’t have the right
seeing as how I fucked up with all the niceties, but here’s the thing. You
can’t go fucking another guy when we still have baggage to unload.”

Ty seemed to be waking up. He propped a pillow behind his
back and blinked at him blearily. “This oughta be good.”

“I know I’m not the world’s most tactful guy about what
happened, and I probably deserve some shit for the way I handled things
afterward, but you said you loved me!”

“I did. I did say that,” he agreed, eyes narrowing.

“In my book that means something.”

“Mine too.” Ty rubbed his palm against his whiskers, making
them rasp.

“Thursday you messed me up, Ty. One minute I’m straight and
the next we’re naked doing all kinds of stuff I never thought I’d do with a
guy. That kind of adjustment doesn’t happen overnight.”

“Did I make you think it needed to? I don’t remember asking
for a commitment.”

“But you wanted one,” Donovan accused. “It was written all
over your face. You painted a scenario that we both know was for my benefit,
told me you loved me and then got sad-eyed on me when I didn’t say it back.”

Ty winced. “I didn’t expect you to say it back. I just
didn’t expect you to throw it back in my face the next day. Or belittle what
happened by suggesting we take up a new pastime of joint-jacking.”

“Doesn’t mean you weren’t hoping I’d say it back, and I know
I fucked up the rest of it. I don’t know how to act after a guy gets me off.
Especially if I have to keep seeing him every day. You’re my best friend, Ty. I
was trying to work it out in my head, and okay, so maybe it wasn’t all that
graceful—or tactful,” he added when he saw Ty’s expression. “I’m not sure why
you wanted me. I’m not the best you could do by a long shot, but I know you
well enough to recognize that you wanted it said to you. We can at least begin
figuring it out if you can admit it.”

Donovan’s chest squeezed. His heart raced as he put
everything on the line and waited for Ty to answer.

Ty’s lips twisted sardonically. “I admit to being nuts about
you. Happy?”

Donovan breathed a sigh of relief and grinned. “Almost.”

“You’ve come this far. Might as well finish it off,” Ty
suggested.

Donovan’s smile failed as he thought about the blond. “It’s
been less than forty-eight hours. Did you really have to go and get
Lanced
before we could talk about what happened?”

Ty drew up a knee and draped his arm over it. “You realize
that you aren’t straight, right?”

“I think I’m straight.”

“I think you’re kidding yourself,” Ty argued. “I’ve had a
lot of time to think about what happened, how it happened, that it happened at
all. A straight guy would’ve told me to go to hell or shoved me off his lap.”

“I think I’m straight, but I’m not stupid. I know there
could be something between us if we let there be.”

“Wow. That’s a lot more of an admission than I thought I’d
get out of you. We can start with that and work toward admission.” Ty locked
eyes with Donovan, then lifted his chin and yelled toward the door. “Lance! I
need your portion of the rent.”

Donovan laughed. “He’s your
roommate
? He said he was
your trick.”

“Yeah. He’s big on shock value.”

“I didn’t know you were looking for a roommate.”

Ty shrugged. “You don’t know everything about me.”

“I thought I did.”

“I thought I knew you well enough not to throw my heart
under the bus too. Look who was wrong about that,” Ty said.

“I’m sorry. I got into it and I thought we could keep it
going, but I only hurt you and made myself look stupid.”

“So what are you saying exactly?” Ty wondered.

“I don’t know how this all works—the guy-on-guy thing.”

“Why the hell should I invest myself in you romantically
when the last time backfired so badly?” Ty asked.

“You’re gonna make me say it?”

“I deserve as much.”

Donovan shifted higher on the bed. He plucked the coverlet,
uncomfortable with the level of sap being asked of him. Not even sure he could
say it if he needed to. Not sure if it was a good idea or what it meant in the
long run, but for Ty he was willing to take a shot at it. And because he knew
that about himself, he figured that was significant enough to eat crow and work
it out. “Close your eyes and just imagine what I’m about to tell you.”

Ty snorted. “You’re going to tell me like this?”

“C’mon, Ty. You know this isn’t easy. If it was would I have
fucked up so badly yesterday?”

“I guess not.”

“Then shut your damn eyes and listen.”

Ty closed his eyes.

“So imagine that you’re sitting on my couch and you just
told me you love me.”

“Wait, am I naked this time too?” Ty pressed.

“No, dude, you’re sitting there fully clothed.”

“I like my story better.”

“Shut up and listen,” Donovan interrupted. “You’re clothed.
You’re wearing your favorite jeans and your favorite navy blue shirt. You’re
even wearing the sexy leather wrist thing.”

“You think it’s sexy?” Ty grinned happily. “Cool.”

“
Anyway
. I handed you a beer when you came to check
on me yesterday and you told me that you loved me. Then imagine I said I might
too.”

Silence stretched between them. Ty cracked an eye open.
“Dude, seriously? That’s it?”

Donovan was blushing. “I’m not so good at the creative
stuff.”

“Yes you are. I feel short-changed.” Ty looked at him
speculatively. “You don’t have to say it just because I did. If you don’t know,
it’s okay. We have time to figure it out.”

Donovan huffed. “I know I don’t have to say anything. It’s
not like I’m being forced to, so just let me say it the way I say it.”

“Fine.” Ty held his hands up in surrender.

Donovan nodded and settled in. “Close your eyes again.” He
continued when Ty had. “So imagine it was yesterday at the office and I started
saying what I said that turned out to be a bad idea and hurt your feelings.”

“That you want to take up fucking me as a sport? That’s
easy.”

“Except instead of continuing on when I first realized it
wasn’t going the way I imagined it might, I grew some balls and said what I
actually thought.”

“Which is?” Ty encouraged.

“You scared the shit out of me yesterday.”

“Is this yesterday-yesterday or the yesterday of yesterday?”

“What?” Donovan shook his head. “You aren’t helping.”

Ty sat up. “You have to be clearer. When I get this
admission, I want to savor it. Make it savory.”

Donovan laughed despite himself. He pushed Ty back. Ty
closed his eyes with a smug grin on his face.

Donovan tried again. “I realize that what I’m saying at work
isn’t going well and I say to you at that moment, Ty, yesterday scared the fuck
out of me. You ask me what about it scared me, because I’m a big, strong geek
and nothing scares me.”

Ty chuckled, but remained otherwise quiet.

“I say that I liked what we did. That I’d thought of doing
those things with you before but didn’t admit it to myself, let alone to you.”

“How is it possible to imagine it yet pretend you didn’t?”

“I tried not to put a face to what I did in private to get myself
off, but the truth is, the hand I always thought of was wearing a leather band.
And the guy’s voice I imagined sounded exactly like you. I’d play it off later,
telling myself that every guy did that once in a while. That the wet dreams
were normal too and your starring role wasn’t particularly important in the
subconscious scheme of things.”

“You have wet dreams about me? Now we’re talking.”

Donovan grunted. “Then I tell you that I don’t think about
other guys like that. You’re the only one. I admit that even with women I
prefer anal sex, but that you are the first guy I actually wanted to
be
with.”

It was all true. As pieces on their own, Donovan had never
added them up to mean anything. He’d gone along pushing through it to be who he
thought he should be. Who people expected him to be, hell, who
he
expected himself to be. But telling Ty like this, the pieces all fit together
in a slightly terrifying overall picture.

He wasn’t sure he could say he was gay yet. Maybe he wasn’t.
Maybe he was just gay for Ty, even if he had unusual preferences with women.
Yet even as he thought about it, he realized he’d never liked looking at a
woman during sex because it hadn’t felt right. There’d always been something
not quite satisfying that he’d never been able to pinpoint.

Reality was he enjoyed Ty’s company above any other person.
When he’d dated women, he’d always gone to hang out with his best friend after
that and his girlfriends complained about the amount of time he gave Ty over
them.

Granted, there’d been only two women since he’d met Ty, but
the pattern felt familiar. Even without the other man in his life, he’d been
relieved to finish a date to return to the sanctity of his own space without
them.

Ty being there had settled his life into a peaceful
coexistence. One that punctuated every day and one that gave Donovan a
relationship he not only valued but looked forward to. Where he dodged extra
time with women, he sought it out with Ty.

It all came right back to the man who was patiently waiting
for him as Donovan sorted through his thoughts with renewed clarity. He didn’t
just
maybe
love Ty back, he
did
love him back. What that meant
though, he wasn’t sure yet. Ty said they could figure it out together. There
was peace in that and Donovan trusted it would work out just as Ty suggested it
would.

Donovan cleared his throat. “In my version, I want to be
with you and figure things out. Not because it was fun for a few minutes, but
because things are always fun with you. That has to mean something,” he added
almost more for his own benefit than for Ty’s.

Ty scrunched into his pillow, a smile on his face. “I like
this story.”

“I tell you that what I’m feeling is…new. That I don’t want
to wreck a great friendship with a great guy, but not having you in my life is
too much of a sacrifice when I’m still figuring things out.” Donovan swallowed
hard. “And I tell you that I don’t know what this is I’m feeling. I think it
could be love, but I’ve never been in love and that saying it is seems too
trite considering the other stuff I’ve said recently. Then I ask you something
really important.”

Ty still wore a smile. It was softer now than it had been.

Donovan licked his lips, feeling like his mouth housed a
desert. Confession wasn’t for sissies. This shit was tough!

“I ask you to be patient. I’m not used to dating guys or
being seen with a guy romantically, but I’ll get there. I remind you that as
hard as it is for me to classify what I’m feeling, if you’ll give me a chance
to adjust to the idea, I want us to be together.”

Ty’s eyes opened.

Donovan’s gaze skipped away. Switching tactics and hoping it
would explain for him, he admitted something else. “When Lance said he was your
trick, I thought I’d lost you and I was angry. At you. At him. At me for being
thick-headed.”

“I like your head. Both of them.”

“What do you think of my story?” Donovan asked, cautiously
looking back at him.

“Wanting to be with me and actually being with me is a leap.
You aren’t sure you can handle love yet. Can you handle sex with me?”