Jacob Wonderbar and the Cosmic Space Kapow (11 page)

“What's this?” the guard said. “Why, I've seen nothing like it before. It walks like my mother! I shall call it
Harrietus Walkalitus
in the
Aves
order.” He picked it up and admired its movements. “What a fine specimen.”

“How dare you name the species?” the other guard said. “I saw it seven nanoseconds before you, and if I'm not mistaken, it is a member of a genus I already discovered last weekend on a forest expedition. My research paper is undergoing peer review as we speak! It is truly groundbreaking.”

A pedestrian who had been walking by noticed the duck and asked if she could perform an immediate dissection, which caused a slapping fight to break out among the guards. Amid the awkward commotion, no one noticed two children slipping quietly into the museum.

“It worked! It worked! I told you it would work!” Sarah whispered as she hurried through the entrance. “Score one for women! We are so much smarter and—”

Mick grabbed her and stopped her from taking another step.

“Don't touch me, you miscreant, I—”

“Shhhh! Scientists make terrible guards. But they love surveillance equipment.” He nodded at a camera on a far wall and pointed at a laser beam that Sarah was about to step into. “Some of these tiles are linked to a central alarm system. They have infrared heat imaging and lots and lots of complicated booby traps. You just about blundered your way into jail.”

Sarah shook herself free from Mick, but she stepped behind him. “Fine. You go first.”

The main hall of the museum soared high into the air, and paintings of scientific equations filled the walls. In the center of the rotunda was a huge fossilized skeleton of a fearsome extinct monster attacking another fearsome extinct monster. Scattered around them, and much smaller, were a few ancient human skeletons posed with their hands raised in extreme fright. A hologram above the display read: “Nature is not friendly.”

Mick carefully sidestepped along the wall of the rotunda until he found a small indentation on the wall. He tapped it twice, and part of the wall slid open with a hiss, revealing a tiny room. He nodded to Sarah and they slipped inside.

The room was a supply closet, but rather than holding cleaning supplies, it was full of extension cords and six-prong adapters. They were knotted and tangled and plugged into one another haphazardly. And the entire mess was emanating from a single plug.

Sarah couldn't believe her eyes. “They have everything plugged into one outlet?!”

Mick climbed over the cords and pulled the single plug. They were plunged into darkness. “They're a little absentminded.”

Sarah couldn't see anything, and her racing heart skipped a beat when she had the sudden image of Mick Cracken trying to kiss her in the darkness. Of all the people she wanted to be stuck in a dark closet with in the entire universe, Mick Cracken was surely the very last on the list. She would have rather kissed a snake or a rodent or a porcupine. She heard him scrambling over the cords, felt him brush up against her, and she could hear him breathing, but she couldn't see him. She panicked and put up her fists, and said, “Mick Cracken, you had better not—”

Mick opened the closet door and suddenly Sarah could see again. She slowly put down her dukes. “Oh.”

Mick gave her a wry smile, followed by his best innocent expression. “I'd better not what? Getting ideas, Sarah Daisy?”

Sarah pushed Mick against the wall and jabbed her finger against his throat. “No one calls me that.”

Mick blanched and nodded.

Sarah let him go and they ran through the dark museum, past fearsome taxidermy of animals Sarah Daisy had never seen before, past interactive displays on the theory of relativity and Planck's Constant, past the exhibit on the history of humankind's unending quest for knowledge. They were almost to the back of the museum, so close to the Dragon's Eye and the wish that would send her and Jacob and Dexter back to Earth.

That was when Sarah heard the scientist's shout.

J
acob Wonderbar stirred awake from a longneeded slumber and tried to remember where he was. He wasn't at home in his bed, he wasn't aboard Lucy or Praiseworthy . . . he felt the soft ground beneath him, and it came back to him in a flash. Numonia.

He quickly sat up and found himself staring straight into the eyes of Moonman McGillicutty.

Jacob screamed.

Moonman yelled, “Ahh! They're awake! They're awake!! Oh, thank the Tree of Life, they're awake!” Moonman McGillicutty danced an awkward jig around the hut. He bumped into a wall and a bit of Numonian dust came sprinkling down.

Dexter sat up and rubbed his head.

Stargirl McGillicutty rushed into the hut with tears in her eyes. “They're awake? Oh, they're awake!! Praise the Tree of Life, we were worried sick! Do you boys realize you slept nearly five hundred days?” She sniffed. “Five hundred whole days! We didn't know if you'd ever wake up.” She started sobbing uncontrollably.

“Now, now,” Moonman said, giving Stargirl a hug. “The important thing is that . . .”

Night came and Moonman and Stargirl promptly fell asleep.

“These people scare me,” Dexter whispered.

“We have to get out of here,” Jacob said.

“How long is five hundred Numonia days?”

“Um ... seven or eight hours, I think.”

Dexter shook some dust out of his hair. “This place is nuts.”

Moonman and Stargirl woke up and stretched. Stargirl resumed crying.

Moonman said, “Boys, we'd like to host you for a celebratory banquet. You must be starving!”

Dexter and Jacob looked at each other and nodded. Jacob could feel his stomach ache at the thought of eating some food.

Ten Numonian days later, Dexter and Jacob found themselves at a large banquet table with the entire population of the planet. Along with the McGillicuttys were a wrinkled couple named the Bartholomews, who Moonman said in a loud whisper were 352 years old and “don't hear so good,” and the Goslings and their seven children, who were all staring at Jacob and Dexter with befuddled expressions.

Jacob and Dexter stared down at their plates, which were both piled high with Numonian dirt shaped into pyramids.

Moonman broke the top off his pyramid and chewed heartily. “Mmm! Stargirl, you've outdone yourself.”

She winked at the boys. “Isn't Numonian dirt something? You just pick it up off the ground, form it into a little clump, and eat it! Plus it has so much moisture, we don't even need to drink water.” She patted her large belly and leaned over to whisper, “It's so good I just can't help myself sometimes.”

Jacob smiled at the Numonians and muttered “Eat it” to Dexter without moving his lips.

“You first,” Dexter said.

“No way.”

Dexter looked around at the expectant faces of the Numonians and tried to decide whether his fear of disappointing his hosts or his fear of eating disgusting space dust was the more powerful feeling. The situation was growing more awkward by the second as everyone silently waited for them to eat their food. He felt the stirrings of hyperventilation.

“Well?” Stargirl asked eagerly.

Dexter swallowed against his dry throat, his eyes watering. He broke off a tiny piece and stared at it. Hands shaking, he gingerly placed it on his tongue. When he realized he hadn't died instantly, he tentatively chewed and swallowed it, and then smiled through tears at the Numonians, who gave a rousing cheer. Then night fell and everyone went to sleep.

“What does it taste like?” Jacob whispered.

Dexter shrugged. “Better than your mom's tuna surprise.”

Jacob stared back at the plate. “That's not saying much.”

Jacob quickly put a tiny morsel of food into his mouth, chewed, and swallowed. It tasted like grainy rice that had been ground up and sent through a processor that stripped it of any flavor whatsoever. He felt little bits of Numonian dirt stick in his teeth and he suppressed a gag. He knew he would never be able to finish it, no matter how hungry he was. He did have to admit, however, that it was definitely better than his mom's tuna surprise.

Jacob felt the wind gust that meant morning was coming. He quickly dumped the rest of his plate onto the ground and stomped it down.

“What are you doing?” Dexter elbowed him. “Why won't you . . .”

Everyone woke up and said their good mornings, but one of the Gosling children gasped and pointed at Jacob Wonderbar's plate.

Moonman's eyes were big. “Young man, you ate your whole plate?”

Jacob smiled and said, “I sure did, and my compliments to the chef!”

Tears formed in Stargirl's eyes. “Oh dear,” she said.

Old man Bartholomew shouted, “Is this kid nuts?”

Jacob forced a smile. “I really liked it.”

Moonman clasped his hands together. “Oh no. This is all my fault. I should have warned him! ” He smacked his head. “Oh no, oh no, oh no . . .”

Jacob looked around the table. “Warned me about what?”

Moonman turned to Jacob, his face creased with worry. “Numonian dirt is meant to be eaten slowly, over the course of many days. If you eat an entire plate at once, it congeals and passes through your intestines in one big lump, and . . .”

“And what?”

Moonman looked at the sky in agony. “And you could burst!”

Jacob's face felt fuzzy. His stomach was certainly growling, but that was because it was empty, not because he was in danger of congealed space dust exploding his intestinal tract. But he couldn't tell the Numonians that he had dumped their beloved dirt on the ground without eating it. He tried to steady his voice. “Oh, I'm sure it will be fine.”

“Happened to me in 7823,” old man Bartholomew shouted. “It was an ugly scene, son. Ugly! Worst day of my life. It smelled like . . .”

Night came, and the Numonians fell asleep. After a moment of quiet, Moonman had a nightmare and cried out in his sleep. Jacob looked around at the sleeping faces, all locked in anguished expressions, many of them twitching and having a fitful night.

“You have to tell them the truth,” Dexter whispered.

“I can't! ” Jacob said. “They would be so upset.”

“So? Better that than having them think you're going to die.”

“I can't do it.”

“Wonderbar!”

“No!”

Morning rose and Moonman overslept a little before waking up and rubbing his eyes. “I had the most terrible dream, and . . .” He looked at Jacob's plate. “Oh. It's true.”

Stargirl stood up from the table. “We have to get him off Numonia. To a hospital.”

Moonman nodded. “Our only hope is the spaceship Swift. Boys, we've never tried to leave Numonia because, you know, why would anyone want to, but by golly, if it will save our little friend here that's what we must do.”

Moonman and Stargirl started bounding toward the spaceshift Swift. Dexter kicked Jacob under the table, but he didn't pay any attention.

“Did they say ‘leave Numonia'?” Jacob jumped up and ran after them.

Dexter got up and chased after Jacob, who was up to his same old tricks in outer space. Dexter knew very well that Jacob's plans inevitably landed them in trouble, and this time they were in space, they were on their own, and their parents weren't there to rescue them. Dexter had to put a stop to it. It was time for him to tell the Numonians the truth.

“Wait, wait!” Dexter said. After a couple seconds he caught up with them. “Listen to me. Jacob is ...”

Night fell and Moonman and Stargirl fell asleep.

“Don't you dare say anything,” Jacob said. “This is our chance to get off this crazy planet!”

“It's not right, Wonderbar. You can't lie to them.”

“Don't. Say. Anything,” Jacob said quietly, stepping toward Dexter and poking him in the chest. “I'm not going to let you blow this like you usually do.”

Dexter stumbled back in shock. In all their years of friendship Jacob had defended him so many times, but he had never once tried to actually fight or intimidate him. Jacob was his best friend. On another day, on Planet Earth, Dexter would have walked straight out the door and gone home until Jacob apologized. But they were billions of miles away and there might not have even been an Earth to run home to.

Dexter reached down and grabbed some Numonian dust, clumped it together, and threw it at Jacob. “Fine! ” he yelled. He stomped away in the opposite direction.

Jacob started to call after Dexter, but instead he let him go. The Numonian space dust had given them a golden opportunity to leave Numonia and reunite with Sarah, and getting off Numonia was more important than Dexter's feelings. Dexter would come around to his plan.