Jake Undone (16 page)

Bingo.

“What were you looking at?” I asked.

My question broke his staring, and he suddenly looked up in a daze. “Huh?”

“On your laptop.”

“Oh…on my laptop…right. Just useless surfing.”

“I see.”

We were just looking at each other for a few seconds when our silence was interrupted by the sound of

the bed next door squeaking repeatedly.

Great.

Not only did I have no desire to hear Ryan, who was basically a brother to me, having sex with my best

friend, but it made an already awkward situation so much worse.

You could cut the sexual tension in the air with a knife, but we both laughed it off.

“You think they’re having sex?” Jake asked sarcastically.

I looked down in embarrassment. “Should we just pretend it’s not happening?”

“Yeah. You wanna do a math lesson?” he joked as the noises from next door continued to get louder.

“Sure.”

“Let’s see…we can talk about the probability of sixty-nine.”

I giggled. “I would say based on that noise, it’s very high.”

Jake bent his head back in laughter and I could see his tongue ring. It was so incredibly sexy, and I

wanted to know what it would feel like against my own tongue.

Finally, the noises stopped, and we were once again left with a loss for words. But I wasn’t going

anywhere.

Jake was nervously picking at the lint on his comforter, flicking it onto the ground. He was looking

down when he made a comment that shocked me. “I bet that prick ex-boyfriend of yours sucked in bed.”

Of all the things he could have said, I definitely wasn’t expecting that, but I was holding back nothing

tonight.

“Actually, he did…big-time.”

He stopped what he had been doing and sat up straighter against his headboard, almost backing away

from me. “So, you
have
had sex.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“See, now I’ve made you blush. I am sorry. You just strike me as a certain kind of girl.”

“What kind of girl is that?”

“It’s nothing bad. Just…innocent…maybe a virgin.” He looked up at the ceiling and smiled

mischievously. “The kind of girl that guys like me are dying to corrupt.”

Shit.

I remained silent.

And I’m dying to be corrupted by you.

I cleared my throat. “Well, in answer to your question…yes, I have had sex, but it was just with him.”

“He was your only, and he sucked in bed? That’s unfortunate.”

“Yeah. It
was
unfortunate. I never even actually…you know…with him.”

“You never what?” His eyes widened when he realized what I meant. “You never came? You never even

had an orgasm?”

I hesitated. “Not from another person.”

He was looking down and started picking at the comforter again, but there was no lint left. He looked

frustrated and uneasy. For several seconds, the silence in the room was deafening. Then, he said, “So…you

come when you touch yourself.”

“Yeah.”

He closed his eyes briefly and suddenly looked up at me. “Sex doesn’t count if he didn’t make you

come, Nina. You’re basically still a virgin.” He bit his lip then said, “He had sex. You didn’t.”

It was amazing how the same set of eyes could send me so many different messages just in the way he

looked at me. The same eyes that could intimidate me, joke with me, comfort me and make me feel like

everything was going to be okay…now looked at me like he wanted to eat me alive. And I wished more

than anything he would just do it.

I jumped when he moved because I thought he was going to touch me. Instead, he abruptly got up and

opened his window. Cold air rushed in as he walked over to the bedside drawer and reached for the

cigarettes, taking one out and lighting it. Inhaling deeply, he slowly blew the smoke outside as he sat against

the edge of the windowsill.

“Why are you smoking? I thought you quit.”

He shook his head. “I did. But I really needed one, and I need to keep my distance right now.”

“Why?”

He didn’t answer me and continued to alternate between inhaling, exhaling and flicking the ashes out

the window.

I repeated, “Why are you smoking?”

His breath hitched, and he finally turned to me. “You really want to know why I’m smoking?”

I nodded. “Yes.”

“Because it’s keeping my mouth occupied and stopping me from doing something I shouldn’t right

now.” He took another long drag. “You should probably go back to your room.”

My pulse raced. “You’re smoking and telling me to leave because you want to kiss me?”

He looked up at the ceiling and laughed like he didn’t mean it. Then, he inhaled and looked over at me.

Smoke streamed out of his mouth when he said, “I wouldn’t tell you to leave if I only wanted to kiss you,

Nina. I am telling you to leave because I want to taste you and make you come until you scream in every

possible way imaginable. It was all I could think about all night long. It’s why I couldn’t sleep. But now that

you just told me no man has ever done that…fuck. That’s why I am smoking if you really want to know.”

He had managed to render me completely speechless, and I couldn’t tell if my panties were just wet or

whether I peed slightly.

He repeated in a raspy whisper. “I really think you should go back to your room.”

Despite his direct suggestion, my body did not move from that spot at the edge of his bed. He continued

to stay by the window, staring outside even after he put out the cigarette. His handsome side profile lit up in

the moonlight.

Something wasn’t right. If he wanted me, why wouldn’t he just take me? And I’ve shown him that I

wanted him.
He’s
certainly not a virgin. We knew that from day one.

The air was getting even colder in the room since he still had the window wide open. He finally shut it

and turned to me, glancing down at my breasts. I knew he could see them through my thin pajama top. He

licked his lips slowly, causing my nipples to harden even further. He continued to keep his distance.

When I looked down and noticed that he was fully hard through his sweatpants, my frustration grew

even deeper. He was breathing heavily and swallowed when he saw me notice his arousal. He continued to

look at me without saying anything at all.

I stood up from the bed and walked towards the window stopping a few inches in front of him. The

heat radiated off of his body, and I could feel him breathing me in. He was consuming me with all of his

senses…except touch. Finally, he slowly reached his hand toward my waist, gripping the material of my

shirt and caressed my side. I felt his nails digging into me, and his hot breath blew over my chest. Just when

I thought he was going to rip my shirt off, he pulled his trembling hand back. “Fuck,” he growled under his

teeth.

I was panting, and my stomach was in knots thinking about the question I was about to ask him, one I

really didn’t want to know the answer to. I blurted out, “I want to know what you do when you go to

Boston every weekend.”

He blinked a few times and broke eye contact, looking down at the floor, then back up at me. He was

caught off guard and looked troubled, staying silent for several seconds before he responded. “It’s

complicated, Nina.”

When the words came out of his mouth, it felt like my heart fell through my stomach. He wasn’t going

to give me any straight answers tonight, but those three words were enough to confirm that there was likely

someone else.

There was a massive gray area to this black and white situation after all.

I wanted to come right out and ask what he meant, whether he had a serious girlfriend, or whether it

was something entirely different, but I lost the courage and again, truthfully, a part of me really didn’t even

want to know. At this point, what I did know was that I had been playing with fire and that I needed to take

his advice and leave.

“Good night, Jake.”

He just stood there without saying a word and let me walk away.

***

The next morning, my eyes were bloodshot, and I had that foreboding feeling that I remember getting

when I was a young teenager and a boy would break my heart. You know, the one where you wake up and

forget about it for one split second, and then when you realize it wasn’t a dream, complete dread sets in.

I looked at the time: 9:45. I had overslept and had already missed my first class.

Of course, Jake had left for work and would be gone for the weekend again. This time, though, I was

relieved to not see him for a few days.

Tarah was in the kitchen making coffee, and the percolating sound was magnified due to my hangover.

“Sup, girly,” she said when I walked out into the living area.

“Hey,” I said hoarsely. My head was killing me, and I felt nauseous.

“You look like death, sweetie. Is everything okay?”

I wasn’t sure if I should confide in her about what happened with Jake. I didn’t even know how to sum

up last night properly.

We had a scorpion bowl, he told me I had a big ass, the fortune cookie talked, then he got an erection

and kicked me out of his room
.

“Everything is okay. It was just a late night.”

“You were with Jake. I know. He told me.”

“He told you what?” I snapped.

“Take it easy…just that you guys went out late last night. Before he left for work, he told me to keep an

eye on you today, that you might be hurting because you drank too much or something.”

Or something.

He knew I’d be hurting, because he was the one that hurt me.

“Yeah…we went to that Kung Pao Karaoke place.”

“So, was it like a date?”

“No. Nothing like a date.”

“Nina, are you okay? Because you don’t look okay.”

Damn it. My eyes were starting to water.

“I am not, T. I am not okay at all.”

“Are you gonna tell me what’s going on? What did he do?”

“It’s not what he did. It’s what he didn’t do. It’s what he wouldn’t say. It’s what won’t be happening

between us. Let’s just say, I needed to know whether we would be more than friends, and I basically got my

answer last night.”

“I am sorry, sweetie.”

“Don’t say anything to Ryan, okay?”

Tarah pulled me in for a hug. “I’ve seen the way Jake looks at you when you don’t even realize it. I

don’t know what he did or said or didn’t say last night, but that dude does have feelings for you.”

“I guess it’s just…complicated,” I said rolling my eyes.

***

As I was leaving English class that afternoon, I made an impulsive decision to take the building elevator

instead of the stairs. I no longer had the same fear of them that existed before meeting Jake and before our

elevator picnic, but I found that I still avoided them everyday.

Maybe I just needed to prove to myself that I didn’t need him anymore.

Thankfully, the elevator was empty. I was extremely jittery but felt in control when I pushed the button

and closed the doors.

I shut my eyes and worked through the anxiety and building panic, counting to myself as the elevator

descended down six floors.

When the doors opened, I felt immense relief because I knew now that I could do it on my own. It was

only six floors, but this meant everything to me. I became extremely emotional as I made my way out to the

sidewalk.

On the way home, my thoughts turned to Jake and that day in the elevator when he played the song that

moved me deeply,
Stuck in the Elevator.
I had downloaded it to my iPod and scrolled down to play it while resting on a park bench.

The song brought me right back to that moment with him where I had been so filled with hope and

excitement about the way he made me feel. It was painful to accept that I would have to stop those kinds of

feelings in their tracks moving forward. They weren’t going to go away. I just needed a way to bottle them

up because that was the only way I could survive living with him.

A teardrop fell down my cheek as the song continued to play. My phone then vibrated on my leg, and I

looked down to see that it was a text from Jake.

Please tell me I didn’t lose you as a friend last night.

My emotions went into overload with the song still playing as the text came in. I had no idea how to

respond, but regardless of the exact wording, the answer would have been the same.

Nina: Of course not.

Jake: I know I was acting all sorts of fucked up. I am sorry.

Nina: It’s okay. We were both probably still drunk, right?

There was a long pause, and I didn’t think he was going to write back, but then my phone vibrated

again.

Jake: I care about you. I am sorry if I hurt you.

Nina: You didn’t.

Liar.

Jake: I’ll see you Monday.

Nina: See you then.

Jake: We’re still friends?

Nina: Yes. Still friends.

Jake: Just checking.

And with that, still feeling hurt beyond belief, I resigned myself to the fact that friends were all we

would ever be.

CHAPTER 13

For the remaining days before the end of the semester, both Jake and I did a good job of pretending that

night in his room never happened.

He seemed to really be trying hard to act like a “friend” lately, careful not to cross any lines. Despite that,

our non-physical connection seemed to be growing. He was hanging out more in the living room with