Jamb: (11 page)

“You said you only pee in front of her,” Zaneen says.

“Ewww, still gross.” Deeta’s nose remains scrunched up.  I scrunch up my nose in agreement and add that to the top of the list of things that make me nervous about going through Binding.

“So what’s the baby’s name going to be?”  I ask, because I don’t want think
about that short length of rope anymore.

“Good question,” Sean says.  “
How about Mikayla Grace, Teagan?  It’s got a pretty ring to it.”

“Very,”  Milo agrees, handing the baby back.  Teagan cuddles her close, kissing the baby’s forehead over and over again.  Sean’s hand sways in the air
as Teagan hugs their daughter and then he turns his palm in, so he’s patting the baby’s back.

“Miki,”  Teagan says with another kiss.  “I love it.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

Grace…I mean Miki…
starts fussing, so Sean and Teagan excuse themselves to take care of her.

“I better go find Robin,” Zane says.  “Might as well dig
into that cold shoulder now and get it over with.  Dang, she hates it when I don’t agree with her.”

“I should go too,” Deeta says.  “I kind of bit her head off.”

“
That
was biting her head off?” Zaneen asks.  “That’s all you got, Deets?”

Deeta shrugs, but Zaneen sighs,  “Yeah, I should go too.  Last thing I want is Robin
doing her Emen thing and sneaking up on me in the middle of the night.  She’ll scare the crap out of me just because I ticked her off.”

“She does that,” Zane says with a visible shiver.  “
I hate it when she does that.”

The three of them file out
, and then it’s just Garrett and me and Milo, and it goes totally awkward in zero point two seconds.  Garrett’s fingers catch mine and he gives me a tiny squeeze.

“Well,” Garrett says.

“Well, I’m going to get going,” Milo says, but he doesn’t just get up and leave.  Instead there’s another awkward minute before he says,  “Uh, Nalena, can I talk to you for a sec?”

“Sure,” I say and Milo flicks his head toward the door.

“Would you mind if we talk in private?”

I want to groan.  Garrett’s fingers hold
mine with a steady pressure and as much as it seems like he doesn’t want me to go, I don’t want to go ten times more.  What I’d really like is for Milo to leave Garrett and me alone, so we can get back to what we were doing before everyone showed up. 

But Milo’s obviously not going to go away unless I talk to him. 

I turn to Garrett and kiss the smooth bridge of his nose.

“I’ll be right back,” I say and Garrett grins, until he looks at Milo.  Then the grin flattens out and Garrett lets go of my hand, crossing his arms over his chest as he says, “I’m right here, if you need me.”

I follow Milo out and pause just outside the door.  Milo keeps walking.

“Hey,” I say.  “I’m not going on a hike.  What did you want to talk about?”

“Just over here, where no one’s going to bug us,” he says, pointing to one of the benches that is pushed up against the courtyard wall.  The bench he picked is a little more secluded from the rest, but the courtyard is pretty quiet now anyway.  I follow him and plop down hard to let him know I’m losing my patience.

“Okay, I’m here.  So what
do you want to talk about,” I say.

“It’s about Deeta,” he says.  “And Zaneen.”

“Yeah?  What about them?  It looks like you can have your choice.”

“Not exactly.  Not
either
,” His eyebrows peek with the suggestion. “At least, not so long as I’m Alo.”

“
Wait a minute.”  My jaw drops.  This conversation is a lot more serious than I expected.  “What are you saying?  Are you thinking of going Simple?  For Zaneen?  Are you kidding?  That would dissolve the 1
st
Cura for good, wouldn’t it?”

Milo
flops down onto the bench beside me.  He drops his head into his palms.

“
Yes.  It would.  I don’t know who else to talk to about this.  I’m just not sure if I can handle…everything.”

“
I don’t know if you could handle Zaneen,” I snort, but Milo doesn’t pull his head out of his hands.  “Look, I know you’ve been having trouble writing the Memories, but I’m sure that’ll come.  You just have to keep trying.  Is that why you’re thinking of leaving?  Or are you really that into Zaneen?  I didn’t know you two knew each other that well and this is kind of a big decision.  I mean, I don’t want to tell you how to live your life, but this all seems a little…”

“A little sudden?”

“A little crazy,” I nod.  “Maybe you should talk to the Addo.”

Milo shakes his head, loo
king off across the courtyard.

“I’ve already talked to him
,” he says.  “The Addo only told me I’ve got to do what I’ve got to do.  That doesn’t help a whole lot, when I don’t want to do any of it.”

“Wow.
He gave you the green light to do whatever you want?”  I say. It’s kind of unbelievable that Addo would do that.  I don’t know why he’d be okay with Milo leaving, when Milo’s all that’s left of the 1
st
Cura.  Then again, Milo’s the black sheep and maybe letting him go, and letting that Cura just dissolve, is safer than begging him to stay.

He grins
dryly, as if there really isn’t a green light, but he wishes there were.  “You think that’s what he’s doing?”

“
Sounds like it to me.  Sounds like he’s telling you to follow your gut, isn’t he?  But what about Zaneen?  Have you talked to her about any of this?  I mean, you’re not planning on going Simple without even knowing if she wants to be with you, are you?”

“I don’t know what I’m doing anymore,” he says.  “I just think I’m getting in over my head. 
I don’t know if I really want to be with Zaneen or not.  I mean, she’s cute…”

“
Cute? She radiates sexy like a freakin’ atomic bomb.”

“Well yeah,” he grins.  “
Your dad would’ve told me to go for the girl, but…”

“Of course he would’ve,” I say sourly.  “
Do you really think somebody who went to The Fury would ever steer you straight?  I mean, Roger stole his best friend’s girlfriend, even though he didn’t really want to be with her.”

“
I know he was your biological father, Nali, but he raised me, and I can tell you he really wasn’t that bad.  Not really.”

“He killed my mother.  It
doesn’t get any worse than that.”

Milo
pauses, frowns.  “Well, thanks for talking anyway.”

That’s what kicks me in the gut. 
He doesn’t have anybody to talk to that might understand where he’s coming from, except me, and I’m shutting him down just because he was raised by my father.  I’m a tube.

It’s not like I wasn’t terrified out of my skull about joining the Ianua
myself.  I totally get how freaked he feels about being able to handle everything.  At least before I made the commitment to join the Ianua, I had people to talk to—an intact Cura, my mom, and Garrett, who is, luckily, on the same side as me.

Milo’s got nobody.  He’s only got Roger’s
old, half-baked, Fury-driven advice to go on.  And he’s the last one in a depleted Cura.  People want so much out of him—to be better than where he came from and who he learned from—but nobody really expects it.

When I look at his big picture,
I can see why he’s flipping out and how tempting it would be to give up on what’s best for everyone and focus on doing what’s best for just him.  So, instead of getting up and going back to Garrett like I really want to, I lean back on the bench, feeling the hard wood slats against my spine.

“The problem is, I can’t give you an answer.  You’ve got to make up your mind and choose for yourself.”

“Choose.” His laugh is bitter and it reminds me of my own choice once.  When the Addo told me I had a choice, but I really didn’t.  The only real choice I had was the one I didn’t want at first, the one that was best for everyone, not just me.  I glance at Milo, wondering if maybe Addo’s given him the same kind of choice that I had.  None.

“So what are you going to do?”  I ask.

“Probably what I
should
do,” he scoffs and that kind of seals it for me.  He must not have a choice either, but wants to make one anyway.  He scuffs his sole on the ground.  Whatever the answer is, it’s not for me to know, and that’s probably for the best.

***

Zane’s back in my suite, talking to Garrett when I return.

“Looks like I’m bunkin’ with Garrett and Milo tonight,” he says.  “Or out on one of those benches in the courtyard.”

“Robin’s really mad, huh?”

“Let’s put it this
way,” he says.  “She’d probably be happy to come and train tonight.  So she could get her hands on me.  And not in the good, fun way, either.”

“Train?  Tonight?”

“We thought it would be a good idea,” Garrett says.  “The Addo is under wraps and Zane’s dad is on watch, so it’s a good idea for us to get in some training and stay sharp.  We’ve got to be ready for our shift.”

“Sharp.  F
or our shift,” I echo.  I wonder when that’s going to happen.  I feel about as sharp as a month-old avocado.  I’d rather hang out here and kiss Garrett.  Of course that’s not going to happen.  My whole purpose as a Contego is to protect.  Not laze around on the couch and make out.

But
Garrett winks at me, and my skin turns into a canvas of goosebumps.  He’s about as close as it gets, I think, to reading my mind, without being the Addo.  But, he doesn’t read it perfectly, because five minutes later, we’re still headed down to the gym with Zane, bouncing off the walls behind us.  We pass other Contego from other Curas along the way, including a few kids that are probably the same age as us.  Everyone does the dutiful hello, but it’s not like anybody stops to chat.

“
Hey, how do you guys think Brando got back?”  Zane asks when the hall momentarily clears out.  “Do you think he dug out from the tunnels or do you think he got away from The Fury?”

Garrett and Zaneen must’ve filled everyone in on how I collapsed the tunnels.  I think again of Addo Chad,
how vicious he looked, right before I killed him.  I quiver and push away the thought and try to replace it again with the reminder of what he was doing to Iris and Zaneen.

“Don’t know,” Garrett says, pushing the door open to the gym
.  The clank of weights and the whir of treadmills brings me shooting back to the moment.  I hadn’t really thought of what it would be like to walk into the gym, but actually doing it makes me feel like the walls have turned into corsets, clasped around my lungs.

The last time I was here was just a few days ago, after I pulled
the trapeze lever in the hidden pocket door that led down to what used to be Nok and Addo’s hidden apartment.  The Veritas ‘apartment’ had a ton of hidden tunnels that led both in and out, and pulling that lever was supposed to have collapsed all of them, since The Fury had found the tunnels too.  We couldn’t risk The Fury making it into the secured core of the hotel.

But the thought that maybe
Mark’s body is still down there, right beneath our feet, right now, makes my stomach do a sickening somersault that leaves it upside down.  My feet are stuck and I can’t make them move over the threshold.  Zane runs into my back with an
oomph
and Garrett turns to see me frozen in the doorway.

“I
wasn’t thinking,” Garrett says.  He glances at the back wall, the floor.  He gets it.

“C’mon, you two,” Zane says beneath his breath. 
“Let’s take a minute before we start.”

Strangers, from our community,
are watching us from the machines and the training mats. There are more Contego who are probably around our age than I expected.  Two blond guys watch us carefully from one of the mats and I can’t tell if they’re sizing us up or just checking us out.  A reedy black girl pauses in her routine to glance at us, lingering on Zane, and an older couple, standing at the edge of the blond guy’s mat, watch us openly.  I don’t think it’s suspicion that draws all the stares as much as it is curiosity.  I know I feel the same way about all of them.

I step
inside the gym doors stiffly and Zane pops in, sliding around me.  Garrett takes my hand and it is what comes through the connection of my skin against his that powers my legs across the floor.  Leaning close to him, I feel like he can protect me against the stares and the memories of walking through this gym, after pulling the trapeze lever.

From what I can see, the hidden door is still hidden
behind the rows of treadmills.

We go to the laundry room
, which is located at the furthest point in the room from the hidden door, and step inside among the slooshing washers.  It stinks like too much bleach.  We stand at the end of the aisle full of washers and dryers, where the sound of the machines obscure most of our conversation from any Contego who might try to focus in on it.  Garrett grabs a rolling basket, heaped with a mound of clean towels.

“Might as well look like we’re s
upposed to be here,” he says, so we all start folding towels as we talk.

“Sean said that the Veritas
tunnels were impossible to find,” I whisper, and Zane leans his head a little closer to hear me.  “Sean said that it’s only happened a few times in the entire history of the human race—but, The Fury did it somehow.  And so did Mark and Brandon, by accidentally stumbling on Nok.  Maybe the Veritas’ old ways of hiding their tunnels aren’t working anymore.  Or maybe one of the Veritas has gone to The Fury?”

“Uh uh, not the Veritas,” Zane says
, snapping out a towel before he begins folding. Garrett nods in agreement.