Jane and Bingley (Countdown to Christmas Book 8) (6 page)

She missed him. And the more they were together and talked, the more she could see this crazy future with him. He was making her dream of a life with him again, but this time, it was better somehow. This time, they were uncovering even more about each other than before.

She wished she could call Eliza up and tell her everything. Jane needed some girl time, but she wouldn’t call. No matter how exhilarating her life was becoming, she wasn’t willing to interrupt the newlyweds.

As she grabbed her purse and drove out of the complex, her cell phone rang. Her heart began to beat excitedly. Was it Eliza? Or better yet, Charles? It took a couple of tries to answer the phone, but it was her mom.

“Hey, what’s up?” she asked as she pushed the disappointment away.

Her mom laughed. “You sound like you’re happy. Do you have any news?”

Jane grinned and ruefully shook her head. Her mother could fish out the most hidden secrets from anyone. And the woman was completely good at reading a situation and knowing when something fabulous was going on. It was a gift Jane certainly didn’t have. “What do you mean?” The last thing she needed was her mom to find out about Charles. She’d never hear the end of it.

“What do I mean? I mean, you sound happy. Now stop being silly and tell me.”

“I’m just enjoying my break from school.”

“Mm-hmm … Your break from school that you’re spending with Charles Bingley, right?”

Jane almost swerved the car. “How do you do it?”

“Do what, dear? Know when my daughters are about to get married?” She laughed. “Call it mother’s intuition. And also, it helps that Marianne down the street came over to tell me she saw you and Charles at La Caille the other night, and wants to know if you’re back on again.”

“And how does Marianne even know Charles and I were dating in the first place? As a matter of fact, how does she even know what Charles looks like?” What in the world?

“Hush. She doesn’t. She just described him to me, and since I saw you two sneak off one after the other at the wedding, I sort of put things together.”

“Are you kidding me? That doesn’t even make sense.” Her mother was also the master of half-truths and exaggerations. This conversation was not going well.

“No, I’m not kidding. Now, I’ve been recovering from all the wedding drama before Christmas, and I’ve been completely neglecting my motherly duties. So, I’m back. Thanks to Marianne. And anyway, Dad and I would like you guys to come over tomorrow for dinner. We’re anxious to get to know Charles again.”

Jane could’ve died. “Mom, no. What you mean is, you’re anxious to start grilling Charles, and I’m not going to let that happen.”

“Why not? He’s a big boy. Besides, if you two are going to get married—and trust me, if the man is taking you to La Caille, things are getting serious—anyway, if he becomes a member of the family, then he needs to spend time with us and get to know us. You know, so he’s comfortable.”

“I don’t
know, Mom. I think this may be a little too soon.”

“What? You want to keep him, don’t you? This isn’t too soon at all. You’re forgetting how awesome we are, or you wouldn’t be saying this. We throw fun dinner parties, remember?”

Jane took a deep breath. “I remember.” She also remembered how many guys she’d dated who didn’t have that much fun meeting her family. There were days when she wished she could actually say no, but then, she’d hurt her mom’s feelings, so she didn’t … but there were days.

And Mom was in full guilt-trip force. “I’ll make lasagna. Your favorite.”

The last thing Jane wanted was for the family to sit around eating lasagna while asking Charles thousands of questions, but she also knew her mother. If she didn’t agree to something like this, before she knew it, Mom would start stalking them again. And heaven knew, a controlled environment was much better than surprise visits from Mom everywhere. “Fine. I’ll talk to him and see what he says.”

“Perfect!” She giggled. “I’ll see you at five tomorrow.”

“Five?” How long was this dinner party, anyway? “Five’s a little early.”

“No it’s not! It’s fine. Besides, your dad likes to go to bed a bit earlier lately.”

“Sure. Blame Dad when we both know this is about you getting to know Charles. But wait until I talk to him! He might already have plans. I’ll call you and confirm tonight.”

After she hung up the phone, Jane could feel a ball of tension form in her chest.

Strike one. By the time she’d made it to Eliza’s, her cheery morning warmth had all but faded. Instead sat one big lump of stress—it was right there. In the middle of her chest. If she breathed too hard, it clenched her airways until it felt like she couldn’t breathe at all. Even her hands were shaking as she attempted to put the key in Eliza’s front door.

What if her parents did or said something to scare him off? Suddenly, she had flashbacks of all those horrid first dates during her teen years. There never was a second date. Her parents were just too odd. Her mom would bring out the baby photos and her dad sat silently, cleaning his gun. The total cliché dating ritual. It was her life. She lived it.

She shook her head as she walked into her sister’s house. How did Eliza survive Mom’s matchmaking? Obviously, she and Will managed just fine, even though Mom had been front and center through most of it. In fact, they returned from that trip with Mom down to Vegas, and their relationship blossomed. They actually came back engaged—or almost engaged. She couldn’t remember. Maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe her mother had settled down a bit. She could hope.

Jane pushed all those thoughts away as she watered the plants and tidied up the nearly pristine place. She was putting a drink coaster in the coffee table drawer when she noticed one of Eliza’s many notebooks she had stashed away. She pulled it out and found a pen in her purse. Maybe if she made a few lists—like for errands, and groceries, and bills, and reasons why she and Charles would work out—then she’d be less stressed. Jane was visual, and it helped to get her thoughts down coherently. It calmed her to focus on the good and not so much on the bad. Yes, she definitely needed to make a list.

She sat down and opened the notebook, positive Eliza wouldn’t miss a page or two from it.

Strike two.

This day was not getting better. On the first page of the notebook, clear as day, was a note written to someone about Jane. She hadn’t meant to read it, but she caught her name several times, so she was curious. It didn’t take long to see that this wasn’t a happy letter. Jane wasn’t even sure it who it was addressed to, and she couldn’t tell if Eliza was angrier at Will or Charles. It must’ve been one of those therapeutic-type notes meant to release pent-up feelings. One of those notes that should’ve been burned after they were written. It revealed a much deeper—no, shallower—secret than anyone had ever told her before.

Jane’s heart dropped, and she could feel a deep shadow overwhelm the knot of tension in her chest.

Eliza was defending her, it seemed. It was written months ago in response to a conversation she’d had, or something… It was backwards to get only half the story, but the half she read was awful.

Seriously? Will Darcy thought Jane was only after Charles’s money? And all her feelings were an act, because she didn’t love him at all? Was Will kidding? Was this some sort of twisted joke?
That
was the real reason Charles bailed on her—not because they’d gotten too close, but because his friend warned him about her. And Charles—the coward—bolted without asking her, clarifying—nothing. Just suddenly gone.

Jane ripped the letter out of the notebook and crumpled it up.

All at once, his departure made so much more sense. Mortification overwhelmed her, and she felt like she was going to be sick.

So it wasn’t until her sister found out from Will, and then she came to Jane’s defense, that either man realized they might’ve been wrong?

It was completely insulting. She felt like she’d been slapped in the face, even though now things were fine. Now they knew she wasn’t after his money, so Charles finally deemed her worthy again. Anger replaced the sickness, and suddenly, she didn’t want to be anywhere near Charles Bingley anymore.

She stormed out of the house and into her car. She was all the way to the I-15 and heading south before she realized what she was doing. She should’ve turned around and headed back, but she just didn’t care. Instead, she drove blindly for some time as she thought about how ridiculous this was. Charles knew her! Charles should’ve known better! And Will? The whole time he was falling for Eliza, he was concerned about Jane? What kind of nonsense was that? How could he find fault with one sister for growing up with less money, but not the other?

The gall of him!

She didn’t know who irritated her more, Charles or Will—but one thing was certain. She was going to need some serious time to process this. All at once, she felt so, so cheap or—or used—or something. She didn’t know. She felt unwanted and cared about and … small and insignificant again.

The helplessness, the fury, the pain … it was all back, except the pain was sharper this time, much more noticeable. This time, she finally had the answer that clicked everything into place. This time, she knew the truth. The man she was falling head over heels for was clearly only here because her sister convinced him Jane was okay to date. Seriously?

Didn’t her own merits mean anything to anyone? Jane wanted to shout in frustration.

Why couldn’t people see the real her? Why couldn’t even the man she loved be loyal enough not to not fall for every rumor or observation someone else made? And who would think she was shallow enough only to love a man for his money? Did Charles never think that maybe she enjoyed his company too? His humor, his personality, his likes, his dislikes…? After all her years of not finding the right guy, did he honestly believe she’d only seen him as an object?

Even if things were different, could she trust that they had changed? What if he became paranoid again every time she mentioned money? Who could live like that? Urgh!

She banged her fist against the steering wheel and was shocked when she felt something wet hit the top of her hand. It was then that she realized she was crying. She’d been so angry, she’d hadn’t noticed. Wiping at her tears, she drove on.

It had to have been at least an hour or two before the phone began to ring. Jane pulled over into a little town called Nephi and coasted into a gas station. She looked down at the phone—speak of the devil. Charles must be at her house. There was no way she could talk rationally right now. He’d have to pay her to answer—since she needed his money so much! Once the phone stopped ringing, she turned it off.

Taking in her surroundings, she decided to fuel up and stay away for a while. It was time for a real break, anyway. She had a lot to sort out.

Without any clear direction, Jane headed east and came to an even smaller town than Nephi. She didn’t catch the name of it, but decided to drive around. It was gorgeous in its snowy all-white state—old Edwardian and Victorian homes with cozy fireplaces added to the ambiance of peace. They had even more snow than Salt Lake. She found a large park and stopped the car as she watched a few children sledding on the nearest hill. Their giggles brought her to the reality that she was very far away from home, but in the next moment, she realized that it didn’t matter. This was so much better than home anyway.

This was peace.

She cried then. Great big frustrated tears joined each other down her cheeks. So this was why he wanted to end everything, and this was why he was so willing to do anything he could to “win” her back. Charles felt guilty for thinking so low of her. But honestly—
honestly
—if Eliza hadn’t defended her, he’d still feel the same way. She rested her head on the steering wheel. He never would have seen her for who she was. Ever. And that broke her heart most of all.

Why? Why did Charles matter so much, anyway? Why was she even trying to care for a man who only listened to what others thought? Despite his gifts and effort—what did it matter? Wouldn’t she rather have someone who stood up for her, someone who missed her, someone who wasn’t so willing to judge her?

Was she that hard to love all on her own?

Maybe she didn’t deserve to be happy and have true love and marriage and a family and all that. Maybe she just wasn’t the type of girl who …

The last thing Jane remembered was that crying gave her a headache, and she really shouldn’t do it.

By the time she’d woken up, it was dark and cold, and the children had gone home. In confusion, Jane popped her chair up—she must have laid it back when she was crying—and then screamed when she saw a light in her window.

Then someone knocked, startling her again.

“Ma’am, can you open your window, please?” It looked like a police officer.

Jane started the car, cranked up the heater, and glided the window down. “Sorry.”

“Are you all right?” he asked. “I’ve had some reports that you were out here in the cold. Do you need anything?”

Her head was pounding and her neck was sore, and that light was really, really bright. “No. Sorry. I was thinking and must have dozed off.”

“Are you here visiting anyone?”

“Um, no. I just happened upon this town as I was driving from Nephi.”

The officer looked concerned. “There are some nice hotels down in Ephraim, or even back in Nephi—if you’d prefer.”

How humiliating. She couldn’t believe this was actually happening. “No. I’m fine. I’ll go ahead and get back on the road. It’s time I went home anyway. I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to scare anyone, or worry anyone. But I’m fine now. I’ll . . . I’ll leave. Thank you for waking me.”

“Well, definitely didn’t want you freezing out here in your car on a night like tonight.”

Jane laughed nervously. “Yeah. Again, I’m sorry.” The town must have thought she was crazy.

“No worries. Just checking in on you.” He pointed toward the nearest road. “If you go right and follow that road, you’ll hit the main street. Then take a left, and you’ll be back on your way to Nephi.”