Jane Vejjajiva (10 page)

All I ask is to be happy at heart.

A letter cannot be posted without a stamp. What Uncle Dong had said was wrong. If Kati wanted to send Mother’s letter she would need to go to the post office, which was not far from their apartment – five minutes walk at the most.

Kati knew everyone was intently waiting for her decision even though no one mentioned it or tried to hurry her in any way.

When Kati was ready, she came out of her bedroom and told Aunt Da she wanted to go to the post office. Aunt Da, Uncle Kunn and Uncle Dong all jumped to their feet, exactly like the time Tong sat down on the red ants’ nest at the foot of the mango

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tree. In other circumstances Kati would have laughed because all three grown-ups seemed at a complete loss as to what to do next. Finally Uncle Dong cleared his throat and said that actually he had to go to the shops as well, so he would walk there with Kati. Uncle Kunn mumbled that perhaps he could go too to help carry the shopping as it might be too much for Uncle Dong at his age. Any other time Uncle Dong would have raised the ceiling with rage, as no one was allowed to get away with pointed remarks about ageing or senior citizens to Uncle Dong’s face.

So it was that four figures followed one another into the lift in single file, spreading out four abreast when they reached the laneway. Kati stood stock-still when she reached the post office and turned to face the others. She said, ‘I’d like to go in by myself, please.’ ‘Fine!’ three voices answered in a chorus of varying pitches.

Kati walked into the post office and joined a queue at the counter. She gave the letter to the clerk. After she had paid the money Kati received the stamps which she pasted onto the envelope. She posted the letter in the postbox.

Now only the postbox knew her secret. Kati looked at the slot through which you posted the letters. She had the feeling the postbox was winking at her as if they had some understanding between them. Kati smiled and walked out to join the little committee that awaited her.

From that moment on, the life of the house in the city was heavy with waiting. People started when the phone rang and then argued over who was going to pick it up. There were three or four trips a day downstairs to check the mail. Kati couldn’t help laughing because as the postal clerk had told her, letters to the British Isles took up to four days. Then again, who could say how keen the recipient would be to reply? Most importantly, Mother had left instructions that if there was no reply within seven days they were to return to the house on the water.

Kati didn’t let the time pass only in waiting. She cajoled Uncle Kunn into taking her to the planetarium, to the science museum and finally to an astronomy camp organised by the university science faculty.

What a shame that the city sky was so full of pollution that you couldn’t see the constellations. But Kati was content to simply study the night sky. It made her feel good and she promised herself that she would do it more often. The universe was so vast; what kind of power over it could puny little humans

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possibly have? Gazing into the sky made you feel humble. It made your proudest ambitions dissolve into the ether, leaving only a little heart beating in a breast that tried its best to protect itself and find happiness where it could, not craving the impossible, not wanting things beyond its reach.

Kati was too young to camp out overnight in the tent with the university students, but Uncle Kunn allowed her to spend the best part of the night with the other stargazers, returning home close to dawn.

Kati fell asleep in the car and only woke when she was being carried up to bed. She pretended to be asleep and lay, not moving, on the bed while Aunt Da firmly tucked her in.

‘Tomorrow time’s up, right Da? Will she be sad if there’s no response?’

‘She probably will, but what can we do about it?’ Aunt Da stroked Kati’s hair. Her voice trembled. Kati was about to open her eyes and confess the truth when she heard Uncle Dong’s voice say, ‘Kati is Pat’s daughter. She’s not as fragile as we all think, you know. She is really doing very well. She certainly has all our love.’

Uncle Dong had spoken words from Kati’s heart. Kati turned over and went to sleep in an instant.

Leave the shadows of the past.

Kati’s journey ended when the car stopped in front of the house on the water. This really was the end of her adventures in the big wide world, where she’d had to be a detective and unravel a mystery, just like in the books she’d read. Once, Mother had said that we were all like characters in a story who encountered various challenges, which, once passed, conferred a new depth of emotional experience and made you a fuller person for having experienced them. You looked at the world differently from then on. Mother liked to use ‘big words’ with Kati. They sounded good even though they were sometimes hard to understand, but at this moment Kati felt that she really had grown up a lot more.

Grandma and Grandpa’s embrace was as warm and safe as Kati had remembered. There could be no happier place than home, and the house on the water was truly Kati’s home.

The house had a long history stretching back to Kati’s great-grandfather. Grandpa had told her that once it was an old-fashioned Thai house – big, beautiful and spacious, renowned throughout the village. It had been carefully built and crafted, complete with a sleeping quarter, children’s quarters and a lofty hall for receiving guests, a kitchen and a long gallery in which to hang birdcages, all joined by an open verandah, shaded by big trees – mango, jackfruit and chempaka.

With the passing of time, everything had deteriorated until the old Thai house had become shabby and dilapidated. Grandpa had used his savings to renovate it extensively, sparing no cost and reducing it to a single house where it was possible to live comfortably. The handiwork of the modern builders was not as good as the builders of old, but they had persevered and retained as many of the original features as possible: the ample slanting eaves and carved windbreaks, the gable panelled in a traditional criss-cross pattern.

Kati loved everything about this house. She was content with all she had here, and now there were no more lost or discarded pieces of her life to find.

She sat by the pier. In her heart she greeted the water, the trees and the sunlight around her. Grandpa walked over to sit beside her and catch her once again in a tight hug as though he had not shown his love for her sufficiently with the last hug.

‘At the temple they said the abbot will be back next week. I guess Tong will get back just in time for the new school term.’

Kati counted the days in her heart. There were still a number of days before Tong and his uncle, the abbot, would start to travel home.

Tong had said he would be following his uncle on the itinerary arranged by their hosts. But he would end up at the temple on the hill where he had stayed when they first arrived, the temple whose address Tong had given Kati.

‘Grandma wants to make a big merit offering at the temple, but she wants to wait for the abbot to get back. That’s good. Grandma needs something to look forward to right now. I hear she’s going to cook up a storm, with her usual creative cooking. Creative – sure! Creating work for other people, don’t you know?’ Grandpa laughed at his own joke.

It was true. Kati saw a huge pile of coconuts under the house, and there were bananas drying on a big tray. A jar of pickled mangos hid behind the water jar. Grandma had not been idle. Kati felt the atmosphere at home was no longer completely grief-stricken, though in Grandma’s and Grandpa’s eyes she could see the shadow of that recent farewell. But the pain and fear of that inevitable event, which they wished had desperately to forestall, was gone.

What Grandpa said was true. Looking forward was the best thing to do.