Jaq With a Q (Kismet) (8 page)

With the hook in place, I fed her the bait. “I know. I’m sorry. I couldn’t sleep. I’ll let you go.”

And she nibbled on it. “It’s okay. I couldn’t sleep either. Why couldn’t you sleep?”

I turned my laptop on the nightstand that I planned on replacing, and laid back, debating on what to talk about. “I had a nightmare.”

Jaq wiped tears from her face with her fingers, the pain easing from her eyes. “About what?”

“Something that happened here, thirteen years ago.”

“See, I told you not to go there. What happened? Tell me.”

I had never repeated that story to anyone, nor did I talk about it. Not even with Silas. We were both there. We knew what went down, and we didn’t need to relive it, but for confusing reasons, I told Jaq. It wasn’t for me. It was for her. I told it in hopes of getting her mind off her own nightmare. Whatever that was.

“My dad was a college professor, a philosopher, but his passion was physics and mental illness. He spent a lot of time in the lab there, trying to design a drug for a patient he’d had before Silas and I were born.”

“Silas is your brother?”

“Yes, two years older than me.”

“Okay. Why did he have a patient if he was a professor? I don’t understand?”

“I don’t understand all of that yet either, but my dad has some journals around here somewhere. I just have to find them.”

“You think there’s something in them that you can help me with, right?”

“I know there is. I found them once in his lab when I was twelve. He scolded me and took them from me. My dad was on to something, but I was young. Even though I was intrigued, I was more absorbed in summer break and exploring with Silas. I did sneak back in to read them later, but they were gone. He moved them, and to this day, I don’t know why.”

Jaq sniffed and interrupted again, not that I cared. She wasn’t crying anymore, that’s all that mattered to me. “Probably because you were too young. Maybe he wanted to wait and see if you grew up smart or dumb like me.”

“Don’t say that. Why would you say that? You’re not dumb, and I never want to hear that come out of your mouth again. Do you understand me?”

“Yeah, sure, doctor. Don’t forget, you’re talking to an expert here. I’ve heard all the self-talk crap you think you can give me. I know all about the low self-esteem stuff, the positive affirmations I should practice, and the things I should be grateful for. None of that works for me, so if that’s what you think, you’re wasting your time. You’re not going to save me, Ollie. You’re not. It is what it is, and I’m tired of calling it anything more than that. I’m not like other girls. I’m not.”

“I don’t care about that, Jaq, but I do care about you being happy, and I honestly think I can help.”

“With some magic potion from your famous dad?”

“He was only famous for a minute, and only to a handful of scientists. Why don’t you stop being a defeatist? And I meant what I said. I never want to hear that again. Do you understand me?”

“Yes, but I don’t know what defeatist means.”

My serious expression softened with the instant smile. “It means stop being the prophet of despair. Look for the light.”

Jaq looked around her small bathroom, her sarcastic words, matching the expression on her face. “Yeah, okay. I’ll do that. Tell me about your nightmare. I want to know.”

She didn’t want to know. She wanted the focus off her. Jaq was what you might call an expert at manipulation. I saw through it, yet I let her do it.

“It was the last summer I was here. My dad was in the garage where a real live lab had taken over in the past few years. I was young so I didn’t really understand it, but I knew my father had lost his job at the university over a breakthrough drug. One that helped schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, anxiety disease, and numerous counts of phobias.”

“I have all those.”

I ignored Jaq’s self-diagnosis and continued the story. “My dad was so excited; like nothing I had ever seen before. We didn’t see him a lot that last year, but we understood. He was about to change the way the world viewed mental illness with one simple pill. Taken once a day, and time released throughout the day. He had his panel of investors lined up, his drug study patients, all ready to go to bat. It wasn’t supposed to end like it did. It was supposed to be a good thing, but they made it bad.”

“Why?”

“Because one of the main ingredients were LSD. People didn’t take well to it. Not like he had expected. The university destroyed his work there, they fired him, and banned him from campus.”

“All because of the LSD?”

“Yes, well that’s the excuse they gave. What it really boiled down to was the effect it would have on the mental health field and that spectrum of the drug industry.”

“And then what happened?”

The words stuck in my throat when Jaq stood to check the dampness of her haging attire, her perfect round ass taking over my entire screen. Ignoring the twitch behind my shorts, I continued. “He sold everything we had, including our house there in New York.”

Jaq squatted back to the floor, covering herself with the same blanket she always used, but not before I saw her breasts. That twitch came with growth and was harder to ignore. “Stop saying it like that.”

“What?” I questioned, my eyes blinking away lustful visions.

“There in New York. It makes me anxious. I’ve been pretending like you’re still here, but you mess it up when you say stuff like that. Keep going. Then what happened?”

A crooked grin took over my face, and I continued. “My dad turned the garage here into a lab, where he continued to work, day and night, trying to recapture all the work they had destroyed. The drug he knew would help so many people. Silas and I didn’t mind. We were at the one place we loved, and we knew that he was in the midst of something great. Something that he believed in with all his heart.”

“He had to start over? What about the notebooks?”

“He started those over, too. He had to. The lab demolished everything but his mind. I’m going to find them.”

Jaq’s chest rose and fell, her eyes darting around the room before speaking words I was sure weren’t the same as the ones in her mind. “Are you going to make it? The drug? Are you going to make it in his lab? For me?”

There it was, the questions she really wanted to ask. Without using the word experiment, I told the truth, sidestepping it with my plans. “Yes, I’m going to talk to a contractor about constructing a new building where the garage was.”

“What happened to the old one?”

“It blew up.”

In a nonchalant tone, Jaq finished the story. “Your dad was in it? Is that the nightmare you had?”

“Yes, only it starts out with a plane crash. A small plane with my dad, Silas, and a few other people.”

“Did you crash in a plane?”

“Sort of, but the pilot was able to land us with nobody getting killed. It was scary as hell for a little kid, but nothing really bad happened. The plane never touches the ground in my dream, but the smoke filled cabin is always there, the sounds of the engine sputtering on, and right back off, are there and then the explosion. I’m back here with Silas, trying to get in to save my dad.”

“Your dad died there and you still love it there?”

I smiled and decided that I indeed did. It felt good to be back there. A place where time stood still, when every minute was lived and not timed. Where laughter and fun surrounded the three of us like a sheltered cocoon. Maybe what I had been looking for wasn’t out there after all. Maybe it was right here. With her. With Jaq.

Chapter Seven

I woke to the sun pouring in from the streaked glass doors, and to the smell of coffee. Surely Silas hadn’t made coffee with thirteen-year-old beans. The thought of it brought the realization of all that needed to be done in there, as well.

“Oliver, dude, Pokémon cereal. Do you want a bowl?” Silas greeted as I joined him, happy that he’d hit the reset button.

I took the white Starbucks cup, inhaling the robust aroma. “Looks like the mice ate most of it. I didn’t even hear you leave. Where did you get this? There’s a Starbucks in town, too? Man have things changed.”

Silas didn’t comment on my growing community statement. He had something on his mind, something he needed to say. “I’m not okay with this at all, Oliver. Let’s get that straight right from the start.”

“Really?” I sarcastically replied, my taste buds happy that my brother had found the coffee shop.

“I’m being serious, Oliver. I don’t know what your plans are, and I’m not sure I want to, but I do trust you. There’s something burning in you that I haven’t seen in a very long time, probably since you used to stand over dad’s shoulder, watching him do nothing but write calculations and numbers for hours. I know there’s something going on here, I just don’t know what, but…because I know you and I know your intentions are nothing but good, I’ve got your back.”

I nodded and slid onto the wobbly stool with a feeling of relief. This made things a whole lot easier for me. Having Silas on my side meant a lot. He’s all I had. Until now. Until Jaq. “Thanks, Silas. I needed that.”

“Why the hell is her name Jaq anyway? Is it short for Jaqueline or something?”

“Hmmm, I never thought about it. No, it’s Jaq. All the research I have found on her said Jaq. One elementary school I found even had her sex listed as male. I’m pretty sure that’s her birth name.”

“What’s wrong with her?”

“It’s not what’s wrong with her, it’s what happened to her. I don’t know, Silas.”

Our talk about Jaq was interrupted by a car door. After a peculiar glance toward each other, we walked to the front door. Silas stepped out first and then me, the screen door creaking open and then slamming behind me.

Silas stepped in front of me in a protective stance, one I didn’t understand just yet. Not until he spoke.

“You the Benson boys?”

My heart instantly dropped, my hands went numb, and a lump swelled in my chest. Angry adrenaline I hadn’t felt in years surged through my veins when I stepped around Silas and glared at him. His police car was updated, his uniform changed from gray to blue, and he looked older, but it was him.

“You should know who we are,” I said, my voice sounding a lot stronger than I felt.

“What are you doing here?”

“We own the place. Taxes paid up and everything. What are you doing here?”

“Oliver,” Silas said, a tight hand gripping my forearm when I tried to take another step.

“No, he has no business here. This is private property and we didn’t give him permission to be here.”

The cocky officer hadn’t changed a bit; he didn’t care that my dad was inside that building any more now than he had back then. “This is a courtesy call. Just because this place is miles from town, people still call me, and it’s still my jurisdiction. When I get calls about strangers lurking around, you can bet your ass I’m going to check it out. This is my town. Don’t you forget it. If you think you’re coming back here for a repeat of what happened to your old man, you might want to think again.”

Silas’s response beat mine, a whole lot nicer than the one on the tip of my tongue. “We didn’t come here for any trouble, Sheriff, and lucky for you neither of us followed in our father’s footsteps. I’m a businessman and Oliver here writes text books. He’s going to fix the place up and work from here for a while. You don’t have to worry about science labs.”

“Then welcome home. I truly am sorry about your dad. We’re having a spring festival downtown next weekend. You boys are more than welcome to come.”

Again, Silas beat me to the punch. I wanted to tell the slime ball to get off my property and never come back, to go to hell, and fuck off. Silas handled it. Thank God. “Thank you, we’ll see if it works out. You have a nice day. It looks like it’s going to be a beauty,” he said, eye’s looking up to the beautiful blue sky, puffy white clouds, and the sun felt on our faces.

The sheriff tipped his hat, smiled at us, and got in his car without another word.

Silas leaned against the post, one arm crossing over the other, and eyes on the leaving car. “You’re not building a lab are you, Oliver?”

I kept from telling the truth by ignoring it. “You have no idea how much I wanted to jump off this porch and beat the shit out of that guy.”

“Oh, yes I do. Believe me. I wanted to hold him while you did it. Come on. I bought bacon and eggs. Let’s see if we can get the stove to work.”

Silas made breakfast while I swept inches of pine needles from the picnic table, only to throw it off the deck, the wood too gone to save. We ate on the front steps, our plates in our laps, and the lake in our view. God, it felt so good to be there.

“When are you planning to do all this, Oliver?”

“Soon. I’m giving my two weeks’ notice Monday morning. Can you get me some Propofol?”

Silas beat his chest, spitting the ingested coffee to the ground in front of him. “Please tell me you’re joking. Are you planning to kidnap her or kill her?”

I rolled my eyes at the silly thought. “Please, give me a break. One, I’m only using it as an element, and I only need one CC. I’m not an idiot. I’m pretty sure this isn’t your department. You’re the businessman, remember?”

Silas wanted to say more. Lots more, but he didn’t. He dipped his toast in his egg and agreed to help me. “Okay, I said I would trust you. I’ll see what I can do.”

“Thank you.”

Although it was written all over his face, Silas never said a word about girly things I piled into my cart. He wanted to, and I could tell he fought hard not to, but he didn’t. A few failed attempts to mask a groan, and many eye rolls, but no words. He even helped me pick out a mattress, deciding on a fluffy, soft pillow top. Lucky for me, it was in stock, but I had to pay the guy fifty bucks to bring it out in his own truck after he closed up for the night. It was either that or schedule a delivery that I couldn’t pinpoint. And to be perfectly honest, I intended to sleep way better than Silas. The much firmer bed I had chosen for myself wasn’t in stock. I would have to schedule that one.

With trivial conversation to be polite, I answered the guy’s questions while he entered my information. From those meaningless words came useful information. I mentioned needing a garage built, and he gave his brother in-law a call, a general contractor for steel buildings. After a quick call to make sure it was okay, Silas and I headed there next.

It just felt right. Like everything was in alignment, paving the way with my intent. This was meant to happen, and as crazy as it sounded, I believed that with everything in me. This guy knowing a roofer was proof. For me, anyway. Silas was still biting his tongue, his nails chewed to the quick.

I talked to Jaq a few times throughout the day, and had an amazing time with my brother. We stopped and got beer, bait, and steaks, deciding to venture through the overgrown yard to the lake. Reminiscing about the fun we’d had off the dock neither of us dared to step upon, I texted the contractor, adding a new dock to my list. I could code the electronics for a rocket ship, but building a dock wasn’t in my best interest.

We stayed down by the lake until the new mattress showed up wrapped in plastic. Silas helped me carry the old one to the burn pile I had started out back, and then to my surprise, he helped me with the room. He even ironed the wrinkles out of the transparent sheers before hanging them over the doors. I made the bed with the fresh white linen, a lavender scent filling the room. I thought about replacing the cherry wood furniture for something lighter but then thought against it. It was a nice matching set and with a little bit of white lace and hint of pink, I was sure Jaq would love it.

“This doesn’t even look like the same room. Here, grab that end,” Silas ordered, his foot kicking out on the new rug.

I placed my end on the floor and we both gave it a shove with the tips of our sneakers. “I know. She’s going to love it here. I can’t wait for her to see it. Oh, the pictures. Let’s hang those.”

“You do that. I’ll decorate the bathroom.”

For two grown men who knew nothing about fashion, we did a pretty damn good job, even if I have to say so myself. Silas took great pride in making sure my spotless bathroom looked perfect. Even with the rustic feel, it was pretty. A girl like Jaq would love it, especially the deep claw foot tub full of scented bubbles.

“Damn, bro. This looks sick.”

Silas beamed with pride, a goofy smile staring at me through the clean mirror. “Right, but aren’t you afraid of her hurting herself?”

“What do you mean?” I questioned.

Silas held up the white toothbrush holder with pink butterflies. “Glass. Do you really think you should let her have stuff like this?”

I frowned and took it from his hand, placing it neatly on the swirly gray marble. “She’s not going to hurt herself with glass. She’s not like that.”

With both hands in the air, Silas took a step back. “Whoa, Oliver. No need to get defensive. I didn’t mean anything by it. It was just a question.”

I shook my head at myself and apologized. “Yeah, sorry. I’m just tired. Let’s call it a night. You can shower first.”

“Shower? I’m soaking in this tub with these God-awful smelling bubbles. What the hell is this?”

I laughed at the skew on Silas’s face, the purple bottle to his nose. “I don’t know. Lavender. The lady at the store told me it was soothing.”

“Well, I’m about to be soothed.”

I left Silas, walked out to the porch and breathed in fresh country air, a sense of wellbeing coming over me. For the first time in a very long time, I felt like I had a purpose, and it sure felt good to be back at the lake.

Just when I was about to dial Jaq, my phone rang. She beat me to it. “Hello, my little Hershey’s Kiss.”

“Why did you call me that? Is that a racial thing? It is, isn’t it?”

I laughed, jugging the last of my beer. “No, Jaq. It wasn’t a racial slur. I honestly don’t know why I said that. It just popped into my mind.”

“I know why. You think I’m the odd ball, a shiny piece of chocolate in a bowl full of Skittles.”

Wow. I was a little impressed. That’s exactly what I was thinking. “You sort of are. I think that’s why I like you so much. Who wants to be like all the other Skittles?”

“I think you’re the oddball in a bowl of Skittles, too. Maybe that’s why I don’t hate you. I don’t like you, but I don’t hate you.”

I plopped to the top step, sitting with a smile. “Great, we’re a pair of chocolates wrapped in silver tin, the oddballs in a bowl of colorful Skittles. Perfect.”

Jaq sounded more relaxed than she had since I had come to the lake, that hint of sass in her tone almost playful. We talked until Silas emerged thirty-minutes later.”

“I’m going to go spend some time with my brother. I’ll talk to you tomorrow, okay?”

“Oh, okay, yeah, you should do that.”

“Goodnight, Jaq.”

“Ollie?”

“Yeah?”

“Maybe you can bring food tomorrow.”

I smiled, a puff of air escaping from my lips. “That would be nice. We’ll talk about it tomorrow.”

“I changed my mind. I like rose scented bubbles. My skin feels like a soft female. Smell me,” Silas said.

I shoved his arm from my nose and took the offered beer from his hand. “I may not need the Propofol. I’m having supper with Jaq tomorrow night. If all goes as planned, she’ll come on her own free will.”

“Thank God. That makes it a little better.”

Silas and I parted ways at the airport at five o’clock the next morning. I hadn’t planned on leaving that early, but Silas had a business brunch and needed to get to Pittsburg. Of course, I wasn’t about to let him call a cab. We drove out of the sleepy little town, talking about how much it had grownup since we’d left there. We talked more about Jaq, and then what Silas had going on. No lucky ladies, of course, but even with the man-whore that he was, I was proud. Very proud.

We hugged at his terminal, saying goodbye, and promising not to let so much time pass by before getting together again. “I’m going to want to meet this famous, Jaq. You know that, right?”

I nodded, bumping his shoulder with mine. “In time. I haven’t even met her yet. That might take a minute.”

Silas slapped me on the back, tossing his brown leather bag over his shoulder. “Yeah, I’m just going to jump on a plane and pretend like that doesn’t scare the hell out of me.”

“Travel safe.”

“Always.”

I did a lot of soul searching during the wee hours of the morning. Knowing Jaq did her sleeping after sunrise, gave me five hours of nothing but open road. No music, the only noise coming from my own tires and an occasional car. The act of exaggerated silence filled me with a pure sense of calm, and I let it all go. For five straight hours I drove in somewhat of a trance, letting it all go. I didn’t think about the what if’s, the how’s, the questions, or the answers. Keeping my car between the lines was my only focus. Everything else was set aside. A minor case of curable amnesia reminded me how important being still was to my dad.