Jelly Cooper: Alien (10 page)

When you’re being hunted down by a mad thing from outer space, you kind of lose your appetite for petty scrapping.

I stare, unblinking, into Rhiannon’s eyes, her face inches from mine.

“
You’re the accident,” she snarls. “You’re a mistake; a mistake that needs stamping on.  A mistake that needs stamping out.”

Oh, give it a rest.

Leaning forward, I whisper in her ear.

“Hitting me won’t stop
your mum and dad splitting up.”

She tries to bluff it and stay angry, but she can’t do it.  Her bottom lip
starts to wobble.  She backs away.  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

I
follow her retreat with my eyes.

“You two freaks are nuts
.”  Her voice is loud again.  It echoes in the hallway.  “You need to see a psychiatrist or something.”

I can’t let this go on any longer.  I move forward, my eyes never leaving her
s.  Concentrate, focus, read their thoughts.  Rhiannon’s mind is open, unguarded and in turmoil.  Her thoughts spill out like water from a tap.  I pick my way through the ripples until I find exactly what I want.  What I
need
to make this end.

“When your dad leaves, he’s taking Ricky with him, isn’t he?”

The statement hangs in the air.  No one moves. 

My insides
roll like that time when Agatha persuaded me to try Sushi.  Delving into someone else’s mind and extracting personal thoughts like a dentist extracting teeth is not all it’s cracked up to be.  Don’t get me wrong, I can’t stand Rhiannon – she’s a royal pain in the arse - but using her deepest darkest thoughts to hurt her?  Not my style and, in all honesty, I feel a teeny-weeny bit sick.  I have no right to steal those thoughts from her head and use them against her.  No right at all.

However, practicality has always been one of my stronger points.  I do still need to get out of school quickly and with the minimum of fuss (that’s a bit of a joke considering the amount of time the three of us have spent arguing in the hallway, but I guess I’ve got to try).

Agatha steps forward and places her hand on Rhiannon’s arm, shocked at the tears running down her cheeks. 

Unsure of what to do, I reach out my hand
.  Rhiannon cries harder.

Fantastic.
  All I had to do was get Agatha, get out of school and meet Humphrey.  Simple, you would think, but no.  I have to take this wonderfully inappropriate moment to embark on my career as a mind robber.  Yay me.

I’m kidding of course.  I’m a complete and utter shit and I’m going to hell.

Agatha tries to sooth Rhiannon.  She frowns at me, and mouths ‘who’s Ricky?’

“Her brother.”

“My brother.”

Rhiannon starts to cry for real.  We’re talking huge, anguished, body-wracking sobs.  I try to shush her.

“Stay away you freak.” She backs away, a look of disgust, or horror (I’m not quite sure which) on her face.  “You…stay…away…from…me.”

“Look, I can explain –

Distant footsteps echo down the hallway.  They get louder and louder, closer and closer.

Agatha stares at me, appalled.  “Oh my God
,” she whispers, wringing her hands.  “It sounds like a teacher.  What do we do?”

Think.
  There’s no way I can get caught in school now and I can’t risk Rhiannon blabbing about her early morning run-in with the resident weirdo.

The footsteps grow louder.

We need to go.  Right now.  All of us.

Ignoring my aching ribs, I grab Rhiannon’s left arm and
twist it behind her back.  I cover her mouth, careful to press hard against her lips so that she can’t bight me (because she will, given the slightest chance).

“Jelly!”

“Move,” I hiss at Agatha, half pushing, half dragging Rhiannon towards the exit.

Certain that the owner of the ominous footsteps will round the corner at any moment and discover us, I hurry through the door.
  Agatha follows and closes it gently behind her.

I can
feel
Mr. Pickle at the corner of the hallway.  He’s puzzled.  He heard us. 

No time to waste.

I tug a struggling Rhiannon across the shady path, over the banking, and into the shadows of the tree-lined riverbanks.  Luckily, with everybody in assembly, we make the dash unnoticed.

Dragging
Rhiannon down next to me in the tall grass, I wait for Agatha and the inevitable accusations.

It doesn’t take long.

“What are we doing?”

Oh dear.  Now
she’s
verging on hysterical.  This isn’t my day, is it?

“
What’s going on?”  Agatha hisses.  “You tell me right now.”

If the truth be known, I haven’t got a clue what’s going on.  I was winging it to start with and now things have gone so far
off course that I’d need a magic compass to get back on track.  But I have to try.

“Listen, Agatha.  Let me explain
.”

“Explain
what
?” she squeaks.  “Your weird behaviour this morning, your intimate knowledge of Rhiannon’s personal life, or maybe you would like to explain KIDNAP to me.”  Abandoning any attempt to whisper, Agatha’s voice is shrill.  “Did I wake up this morning in the twilight zone?  Yes, that would explain it.  We are in a parallel universe where holding someone against their will is normal.”

“Look
,” I hiss.  “I didn’t have a choice, OK.  He’s getting closer.”

Agatha pulls
a face.  “It was only a teacher.”

“HA!  You seemed to think that it was pretty important back there in the hall.  Anyway
,” I sigh, “I wasn’t talking about Pickle.”

“It was Mr. Pickle? 
Oh God, oh God, oh God!”

I give her a meaningful look.  She stops.

“The Hunter is real, Agatha.  Real, and coming for me – just like in the dream.”

“
Don’t be stupid.”

“
Agatha, I’m going to say it again and you better have a different response because I don’t like being called stupid.  The Hunter is real and coming for me, just like in the dream.” 

Agatha whispers, “I’m sorry, Jay, b
ut he can’t be!”

“He is.”

“He
can’t
be real.”

“He
is
real, Agatha.”

“I know we talked about it, but it was just a dream
.”

“
What do you want me to say?”

“This isn’t
just weird, this is impossible.”

I like
the way Humphrey took it better.

“Agatha!
  Listen to me.  I’m an alien: fact.  He’s real: fact.  He’s here: fact.  He’s not my number one fan.” I sigh. “Fact.”

“This is
sooo not good.” 

That Agatha, she’s quick off the mark.

She starts to pace up and down.  “Not good
at all
.  What do we do?”  Her eyes fall on Rhiannon and shoot back to me, panic stricken.  “What do we do with
her
?”

“Maybe I can erase
her memory, like in Superman, you know?”

Agatha smiles weakly
.

I have a sudden thought and, barely keeping my grip on the squirming tomcat, nod my head and grab Agatha’s attention.

“Give us a minute?”

Uncertain, Agatha’s eyes flick from me to the cheerleader and back again.

“Please.”

“I still can’t
believe that this is happening.”

“I know.  Please, though, for me?”

Agatha walks off without another word and I tighten my grip on Rhiannon, ignoring her muffled cries.  I whisper in her ear.

“When I let you go in
ten seconds, you are not going to scream, or run, or punch me in the face or anything like that, OK?  Nod if you understand.”

Her head bobs.

“Good.  I’m sorry about earlier, and right now come to think of it, but I have had a couple of really bad days.  You don’t want to even get me started on the nights.  I’m going to let you go, but please don’t do anything stupid because I’m not really in control right now and I’m not
entirely
sure what might happen.  OK?”

Rhiannon nods and I let her go.  She turns into a ball of spitting fire in around a hundredth of a second.  It’s impressive, really.

“You…you…”

Hey, there’s an up-side to this nightmare.  Rhiannon is too
cross to talk. 

“Yeah, yeah, I know
,” I wave away her righteous spluttering.  “In trouble, a freak show, weird beyond belief.  Save your breath and listen for a minute.”

“This had better be good
.”  The fireball finds its voice.

“OK
,” I draw a deep breath and launch into it.  “I’m an alien from a planet about half way across the…let’s just say it isn’t anywhere near here.”  What’s the point in going into detail?  She’s not going to believe me first time round anyway.  “I can do all sorts of freaky Carrie stuff, like reading minds, and I can run like Chetara out of Thundercats.  Oh, and I’m being hunted down by a cold-blooded killer from my home planet.”

Wide saucer eyes stare back at me.

“Now, I need to start practicing my…ah, gifts…and I need some help. Enter Agatha and Humphrey.  No one else knows about this and I don’t want to risk you going back to school, so…erm…you’re going to have to come with us.”

Rhiannon opens her mouth.

“I’m not done yet.  If you do this for me, and I
know
how much you don’t want to, I won’t tell anybody about your family problems and neither will Agatha.  I also promise to never read your mind again, ever.  What do you think?”

Rhiannon is still for about two and a half seconds this time,
then she explodes.

“You don’t seriously expect me to believe any of that when you’re obviously out of your mind, do you?  I always knew that you were strange, bu
t please!  An alien.  Get real.”

See, I told you she wouldn’t go for it first time round.

Focussing, I delve into Rhiannon’s thoughts for what I hope is the third and final time.

“Your dad wants to take Ricky with him to
Canada.  Your little brother cries every time your parents bring up the subject.  Your parents always end up fighting and Ricky comes to you, only you’re about to lose it yourself.  Last night, Ricky told you that he didn’t want to go and because you knew that there was nothing you could do to stop it, it broke your heart.”

A gust of wind blows along the river. 

This stuff is floating around in her head all day long.  I’m pretty sure that I can’t tap in on people’s memories – not yet at least – so it has to be there, on her mind, all day.

I thought I had problems.

Before she can collapse into a blind rage or sobbing hysterics, I jump in.  “I can do that for hours, but I won’t.  If you give me today.”

Considering the fact that this is Rhiannon Miles, mouth almighty, she’s quiet for an awfully long time. 

“Fine,” she croaks.

“Fine?”

She nods.  “Whatever.”

“OK
,” I frown.  That was too easy.  “Agatha, come on, we’re off.”

“What’s going on?” she asks.

“Rhiannon’s tagging along for the day, aren’t you?”  I smile at the cheerleader.

Agatha’
s misgivings are clear.  “Tagging along where?” she asks, uneasy. 

With all that’s gone on, it takes me a minute to remember.
  “The…um…the bus stop.  We’re meeting Humphrey at the bus stop.”

Agatha draws a deep breath and, smiling at me with what she thinks is encoura
gement, says “OK, let’s go.”

I feel really bad at dragging her into my mess, but the selfish part of me (which is
, let’s face it, huge) is really, really glad that she’s hear with me and I don’t have to face the future alone.

The gang’s all here, plus one, and
sandal man’s warning is but a distant memory.  They’re my friends.  They can handle it.

Besides, I kind of need them.

***
              ***              ***

“Humphrey, don’t start on me.”

Anyone would think that Rhiannon has 666 tattooed on her forehead, the
way that Humphrey is staring at her.  She glares back at him, equally unimpressed.

“What is
she
doing here?”

I go on the defensive.  “I had no choice
.”

“There’s always a choice, Jay.”