Jennifer's Garden (43 page)

But Jennifer offered none.  She couldn’t.

She had none in her.

“I can only hope you believe me when I say I am truly sorry it happened.”

What?  If he was sorry to hear about her breakup, then why was he here?

“I don’t wish that sentence on anyone.”

Jennifer swallowed, the lump in her throat hard and sore.  He was being nice.  But she needed answers.  “Why are you here, Jax?”

“You.”

With arms that felt like straw, she pulled free from his grip and moved away, putting space between them.  She needed to be clear.  She needed to understand.  Willing her arms to regain strength, she crossed them again.

Jax held steady.  “I’m here because of you.”

“What does that mean?” she implored, and took a step back.  She desperately wanted it to mean what she wanted it to mean—but she kept her mind on guard.  Suddenly, she needed him to make the first move.

“These last few weeks have changed things for me.”

What kind of things!  Tell me!

“Over the course of this project,” his eyes wandered to the back windows, waded into the darkness of night.  “My priorities have shifted.”  His face was soft, open.  He spoke in supple tones.  “Cruising the islands doesn’t seem so important anymore.”  He returned his gaze to Jennifer.  “Having family close...  That’s what’s important to me.”

This was about his sister
.  Delaney’s experience had scared him.  He was reaching out.  To a friend.  Someone who could sympathize, help make sense of it all.  “I understand,” Jennifer said, quick to cap the well of disappointment overflowing in her heart.  “Life can be a delicate balance,” the doctor in her replied, hating the lovesick fool inside coming to blows with reality.  But Jax had been there for her and she was going to be there for him.

No matter how much it hurt.  Holding her arms close to the breast, she continued.  “It’s about finding the right mix of living for today, for yourself, and spending time with your loved ones.  The challenge is in the not knowing,” she ran on, grasping for the comfort she usually found in consoling people in difficult times.  “You never know if death might be waiting around the next corner—for
you
, for them.”

The blade cut deeper.  “I know you don’t want to squander your time with family, Jax, but you can’t stifle your own dreams, either.”

Jax took a step toward her.

Her antennae shot up.  Alarms sounded.

“You’re right.  But I learned there’s something even more important.”

Her breathing became shallow, her ears razor sharp.

“Love.”

With that one word, he closed the distance between them to mere feet.  Her breath came in spurts, her senses on fire.

“I want a love of my own. 
A woman of my own
.”  He ventured closer.  “And over the last several weeks I’ve gotten to know a very special woman.  One with a heart of gold, a will of steel.”  A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.  “She’s honest and forthright and beautiful.  The most beautiful woman I’ve ever met.  From the inside out.”

His eyes never moved from hers.  His voice never wavered.  “She’s a better friend than I could ever ask for, always willing to listen, and lend her support.  All you have to do is call.  She’ll come running.”

He stilled.

She could smell his cologne, his fresh masculine scent as it filled the space around her. 

“But there’s one problem.”

Jennifer gulped down a blistering knot of anticipation.  All breathing ceased, her limbs a rubbery nothing.

“She’s smarter than I am.”  He moved a little nearer.  “She has more degrees than I have clues.”  He tried to grin, but abandoned the attempt.  Instead, he turned somber.  “I’m afraid she won’t have me...”  He paused.  “Because I don’t measure up.”  His eyes mellowed to a creamy daze.  “Which is unfortunate.”

He lifted a hand to her cheek, caressed the skin with the back of his fingers, a palpable longing hanging in his eyes.  “Because I’ve fallen in love with her.”

The declaration was but a whisper, yet swept the legs clear out from under her. 
Jackson
wanted her
.  Warmth flared low in her belly. 
He wanted her
.

Running his fingers under the curve of her chin, he drew one forward.  “Could there be a chance?”

Chapter Thirty-Nine

The tremor in his voice roused a need deep within.  It was real.  No longer limited to the fantasy of her mind, he wanted her.

Exploring a future with him would be a risk.  A big one.

And she could lose.  But she needed this man.  Beyond explanation, beyond sensibility, this connection had to be investigated.  “Yes,” Jennifer murmured, arms unwinding in a slow slide down her body.

“
Yes?
”

The shackles of self-discipline hit the floor.  The last wisp of fear took flight.  She was crossing the line of no return.  If she consented, her life would never be the same.  “Yes,” she responded softly.  “We have a chance.”

“You won’t regret it,” he said in a powerful whisper.  He tipped her chin upward and her heart hammered in expectation.

She knew what came next and she was ready.

Jax brought his lips to hers and feathered them back and forth.  Mesmerized by the intensity of his touch, the sensation of his lips as they glided across hers, she closed her eyes.  His lips were tender yet laden with want.  He grazed his nose against hers, trailed it faintly along her cheek—as if he were savoring her skin, her every inch—and rested it near her ear.

The music came into sharp focus.  Bold and romantic, the gypsy-inspired melody evoked an urge to move, to feel...

To let go.  Sam’s words wound quietly through her conscious as the tempo kicked up, the guitar pulsating through her veins.

Feel your way through life...

Let yourself be courted by desire
.  Yes.  It was something she wanted to do.  Now, with him.

Jennifer opened her eyes and through the quiet glow of her living room confessed, “I’ve been so afraid.”

A startled surprise crept into his eyes.  “Of me?”

She nodded.  “Of you, of us, of what it would mean.”

“You have nothing to be afraid of.  I won’t ever hurt you.”

His fierce refute made her chuckle.  The thought of Jax hurting her was absurd.

“Something funny?”

She peered into his eyes and realized no, this wasn’t funny.  It was serious.  “No.  Jax...I only meant...”  Jump in.  Dive in, heart first.  It was time.  Jennifer took a deep breath and said, “I’ve been afraid for far too long.  Of myself, of my desires...  I didn’t know what I truly needed.”  Jennifer paused, then smiled.  “Until you showed up and everything I thought I knew was turned upside down.”

He smiled and slid his arms around her.

Body to body, his embrace felt right.  “I mean it, Jax.  I had no idea a man like you would be right for me.  It never occurred to me to even consider someone like you.”

“Looks can be deceiving,” he replied, delivered without the slightest hint of wound at her insult.

“I know, but—“  Admitting she had judged him so harshly, hurt.  A lot.  After all, he was the last person to deserve it.  She deserved it more.

Jennifer glanced down at his chest.  Outlined beneath his T-shirt was a mound of muscle, a reminder of his solid build.  No, she had never considered dating a rugged man, a man who made his living with the power of his back.

But she couldn’t deny her attraction, or her need to be held by him, though only weeks before she had cringed at the very same thought.  Jax was a laborer.  Unsophisticated.

A drifter.

She brushed old thoughts from her mind.  So close, so near, this was no place for shame, or regret.  This was about new beginnings.  It was time to move on, forward.

Within the soft strength of his arms, she brought her face back to his.  Swaying and building, the music reached inside her.  Warmed by the candlelight, it streamed through her body, unlocking the last of inhibition.  “I love you, Jax.  Whatever that looks like, I love you.”

Naked desire blazed in his eyes.  He grasped her head with both hands and crushed his mouth to hers.  Reaching around his waist, she pulled herself against him.  Yes, yes.  Parting her lips, she gave in to desire.  When his tongue slipped inside, seeking, searching, she pulled him closer.  Whatever he wanted, she wanted.  The deck of Constantine’s yacht materialized in her mind.  He was a man to whom she had given herself fully; a combination of raw lust and warm affection never since matched.

Jax’s mouth pulled her back to the present.  Greedy, demanding, his need swelled between them.

Until now, that is.  Tonight, she would match it and then some.

He pulled away.  Brown eyes hot and hungry on hers, he murmured, “I want you, Jennifer.”

The words seared into her, deep.  Permanent.

“
Right now
, I want you.”

A nod of her head sent his mouth to her neck.  His tongue moved lower, quickly, his hand covered a breast.  Jennifer groaned with pleasure as he gently squeezed it through the flimsy cotton fabric.  Fluid desire surged hot between her legs.

Without warning, he returned his lips to hers.  Slowing the motion of his kiss, his breath warm against her lips, he slipped a hand under her shirt and caressed the delicate skin of her breast, rubbing feather-light circles around the tight fleshy point. 

The sensation was incredible—but unnerving—as though it was the first time, thrilling and new.  She felt off-balance, yet fully engaged.  She was scared and excited and impatient for more.

Jax withdrew his hands and placed them solid on her shoulders.  Secure in his grasp she stared into his eyes, eyes she was getting comfortable staring into.  It looked as though he were about to say something, but he remained silent.

For a moment, neither made a move.  Gazes locked, a torrent of emotion passed between them.  Both were where they wanted to be and with whom.  Both knew what came next and both wanted it.

His eyes moved to her lips, skimmed her jaw line, where his fingers followed suit.  “You’re so beautiful,” he murmured, gently sliding a hand down to the hollow of her neck.  “And incredible.  I was beginning to believe you didn’t exist.”

Her lips curled into a slow smile.

“I’ve never wanted anyone like I want you right now.”

Pleasure enveloped her.  “I feel the same.”

He smiled and scooped her into his arms, the transfer of weight effortless.  Without hesitation, he walked to her bedroom.  There wouldn’t be any objection.

Crossing the threshold, he kissed the side of her mouth, and she couldn’t help but feel a sense of familiarity.  Of experience.  As though what was about to transpire was the most natural course of events.

Easing her down onto the bed, Jennifer laid back and welcomed him alongside her with a kiss that erased time.  No more questions, no more doubt.  This was meant to be.

She didn’t know how long they remained in the embrace, entwined in the kiss that didn’t seem to end, but she did remember his hands as they slipped off her shirt, and the titillating arousal she felt at the newness of being revealed.

As with Constantine, she was excited by the exposure, turned-on by the liberty he took with his possession.  Moving to remove her shorts, Jax led the way with his tongue.  Helping him disrobe, she marveled at his build, the sinewy muscles she had admired from afar, the fair skin of his stomach so different from the tan of his face.

Running her hands along the ridges and valleys, she guided his body onto hers, flesh against flesh, immersed in satisfaction as the two came together as one.

When he returned his face to hers, Jennifer’s fingers sought the nick by his eye.  Constantine.  Lulled by the slow and gentle sway of his body, she caressed the tiny gnarl of skin and recalled the images from her dreams, the feeling of lack when she awoke.  There would be no more.

Jax paused, a question in his eyes.

She smiled.  He had no way of knowing how much she had wanted to find a man like him, like Constantine, the kind that could move her body to distraction, caress her heart with love.

Only she knew.  She would follow him anywhere, God help her, wherever that may lead.  No plans, no goals, without reservation—even if it landed her on the deck of a boat in the middle of nowhere, surrounded by nothing but sparkling blue-green water.  Kissing the spot beneath her fingers, she lingered.  Maybe life really was an extension of the mind, dreams a bridge from the soul, the path to discovery.

Perhaps they were messages; signs from the powerful subconscious to direct one along the path to finding their true desire.  Had hers whispered, Stop.  Take note.  Dig beneath the surface and see what you find.

Yes.  Jennifer felt certain to the core of her center.  Jackson Montgomery was the man of her dreams.

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