Jessica's Guide to Dating on the Dark Side (41 page)

I wanted to scream and hurl the necklace across the room, like a petulant child who didn't get the toy she desired. But I wasn't a petulant child. I was a devastated young woman, and I had to at least exhibit a grace I didn't feel.

"Thank you," I managed to say. "It's lovely." Then I snapped the lid shut and set the box aside. "I'm rather tired. If you don't mind, I think I'll go upstairs."

My parents both looked sad and drained, and I realized that they were also being dragged down by my too-apparent suffering and their concerns for me and Lucius. Pushing back my chair, I went over to Mom and hugged her tightly. "Thank you so much for a wonderful birthday. You're the best mother ever." I moved to my dad. "And you're the best dad. Of all time."

"You're a beautiful young woman, Jessica," Dad said, voice catching in his throat. "We're both proud of you."

Pulling free of Dad's embrace, I nodded to Dorin and Lucius. "Good night, and thank you," I said.

"Good night, Antanasia," Dorin chirped. "Many happy returns!"

Lucius didn't say a word. He just sat there, staring at the rejected gift.

I maintained my composure all the way up to my bedroom, even after I was out of earshot of my family. Even as I undressed and pulled on my nightgown, I didn't yield to my tears. I saved my sobs until I'd climbed into bed, buried my face in my pillow, and smothered them, so no one would hear. I would not make my parents worry even more than they already did.

“Jessica.”

His voice came from my door.

I rolled over to see, through my tears, the wavering shape of Lucius standing in my doorway. I swiped at my eyes, embarrassed to have been caught weeping.

He entered the room, quietly closing the door behind him, and came over to me, sitting down on the bed.

"Please, don't cry," he soothed. "There is nothing worth crying over. It is your birthday."

"Everything is wrong," I protested, grinding away my tears with the heels of my palms.

"No, Jessica," Lucius soothed, pulling away my hands. He gently drew his thumb beneath my eyes, first one then the other, wiping the tears. "For you, things will be right. This is a happy day for you. Your eighteenth birthday is an important milestone. Please, I cannot bear your tears."

"A happy day?" I was incredulous.

"The box . . . you thought it was something else," Lucius said. "I saw your face. You were disappointed. You thought I had undergone a change of heart..."

"Yes," I said, still sniffling.

"No, Jessica." He shook his head. "Never. You must forget all that."

"I can't," I said, reaching out for him. But Lucius stood, rising quickly, almost like he was scared to touch me, and I knew that for all his cool detachment, a part of him still felt drawn to me. That he had always felt drawn to me, as I had— and did—to him.

"You did not give me the opportunity to explain my gift," he said, reaching into his pocket and again retrieving the box. He held it out to me. "It is better than a ring, for you. Better than a promise of. . . what? Eternity with a doomed vampire?"

"Nothing could have made me happier than your agreement to the pact," I said, refusing to take the box.

"Oh, Jessica, abandon those notions in favor of what I
can
offer." He extended his hand again, the box on his palm. "Did you not recognize the contents?"

I was confused, but stood up, curious, reaching for the box. "Recognize it?"

"From the photograph. I know you've looked at her, Jessica. I knew you would, in your own time. When you were ready."

My mother.
It was the necklace from the photograph he'd tucked in my book. I snapped open the lid again. "Oh, Lucius. Where did you get it?"

"It was held for you, in Romania. To be given to you on this occasion. It was your mother's favorite possession, and it is my honor to deliver such an important keepsake to you. I hope you wear it many years in good health, with good fortune."

I went to my desk and picked up the photograph in the silver frame, looking at the bloodstone that graced my mother's throat. The bloodstone that I now held in my other hand, tangible evidence of Mihaela Dragomir's existence. A real link to her. The stone lay on the velvet, deep red, like a real heart. A heart transplanted from my mother to me.

Lucius came up behind me, resting his hands upon my shoulders. "Is she not beautiful, powerful, regal. . . just like you?" he asked.

"Do you really believe that?"

"Yes," Lucius said. "And I think you have come to believe it, too."

"Then—"

"No." Lucius didn't even allow me to bring up the pact.

I replaced the photograph on the desk and turned to face my mirror. Removing the necklace from the box, I held it up to my throat.

Lucius followed me, watching my reflection. "Allow me. Please." He again stepped behind me, taking the delicate chain from my fingers. I swept my hair off my neck, and Lucius slipped the necklace around my throat and sealed the clasp.

The stone was cool against my skin, much as my vampire mother's touch would have been. As I watched myself in the mirror, the power I'd felt growing inside of me—her power— surged with even greater strength. The connection I'd been forging with Mihaela Dragomir was finally welded tight with the clasping of that fragile chain, and I could almost hear her whispering in my ear.
"Do not give him up for lost yet, Antana-sia. That is not our way. Your will is as strong as his, and his love as strong as yours."

I turned to face Lucius, and I didn't wait for him to pull away, or draw me close, or make any movement. I placed my hands on his chest, slipped them upward, and wrapped my arms around his neck.

"Antanasia, this cannot be. . . ." Lucius clasped my wrists in his strong hands, as though to push me away.

"It can be," I promised him, holding firm, my fingers linking behind his neck, lacing into his black hair.

"Why can I not do as I should?" He groaned, giving up easily, not only accepting my embrace, but answering it. "I should have gone by now ... I waste time, just to be near you, I fear. And for what? A few more moments before I am nothing but one of your memories? A tragic entry in a young woman's diary?"

"You stayed for this moment," I said, allowing him, then, to take control, as I knew he would want. I had wielded all the power Id needed. I had drawn him back from the cold distance. Now I wanted
Lucius
to kiss
me.
To bite my throat. To fulfill what wed both wanted for so long. Ever since he'd leaned over me in the kitchen on the first day he'd arrived at our house, his hand brushing my cheek. Ever since he'd met my eyes and asked,
"Would it be so repugnant, really, Antanasia? To be with me?"

Even then, I'd known, deep inside, that it would be far from repugnant. That it would be something miles and miles beyond
nice.
That it might just be bliss.

Lucius hesitated just one more moment, staring into my eyes. "I am no less dangerous to you, Antanasia," he whispered. "Whatever we do ... it is only for tonight. It changes nothing. I will leave to meet my destiny, and you will stay here to carry out yours."

"Don't think about that now," I begged. Because I did not believe that what we did that night would change nothing. I believed it could change everything. "Just forget the future for now."

"As you wish, my princess," Lucius said, closing his eyes, giving in to me. He leaned down to brush his cool, rough lips against mine, first gently, then more insistently.

I snaked my fingers deeper into his hair, pulling him against me, and when I did that, Lucius made a hungry little sound, slipping his hands up into my dark tangle of curls, and we kissed harder, like we were famished for each other. Like we were devouring each other.

And as we kissed, really kissed, something inside of me was smashed, like a splitting atom, erupting with all the force of a shattering nucleus. And yet I was strangely at peace, too. It was like I'd found my place in the universe, in the chaos, and Lucius and I could go along locked together throughout time without end, like pi, existing infinitely, irrationally, spinning through time.

His lips moved down to my throat, and my incisors began to ache at the touch of his fangs, which brushed my skin, sharp against me. He traced his teeth along the length of my neck, down to where the bloodstone rested in the hollow, close to my breastbone.

"Lucius, yes," I urged him, opening my throat as far as I could, offering and begging. "Don't stop . . . please don't stop this time..."

If he bites me, he would be mine.
. . .
Always
. . .

"No, Antanasia." He fought himself, but I pressed him to myself again, feeling his fangs prick at my flesh, almost enough to pierce the skin, and my own teeth sharpened against my gums, nearly ripping through.

"Yes, Lucius . . . my fangs ... I can feel them ..."

"No.
"Lucius regained control of himself then, but it was a tenuous control, and he slid his hands around to cup my face, pulling away, again staring into my
eyes.

"We came too close, Antanasia ... The kiss must be enough between us. I will not be the one to damn you, no matter how much I desire it. I will not
drag you
to destruction, too."

"I don't understand ..."
We were so close. . . .

"Please don't ever regret this, Antanasia," he implored me, and his eyes were the opposite of cool and detached. He seemed fevered, shaken, almost desperate, suddenly. "Don't be angry, when I am gone or changed. Please, just remember this for what it was, which was everything to me. To the man I am right now."

"You won't change, Lucius," I promised, grasping his wrists, not understanding. What we had just shared . . . surely the two of us, together, could seal pacts and stop wars and answer any challenge. We were vampire royalty. And we were together. "You're not going anywhere," I reassured him. "It's fine now. It will be fine."

"No, Antanasia. No, it is not fine. It will not be fine."

I had not noticed, until that moment, that my bedroom window had been pierced by a flashing red light, which spattered a crazy blood pattern against the walls.

"Lucius? What's happening?"

He didn't answer. But he was still holding me when Dad burst into the room.

"Lucius, the police are here," Dad said. He was strangely composed. "A girl claims to have been bitten by a vampire, and she's identified you."

"Lucius?" I stared up at him, desperate for an answer.

But Lucius just kissed me once more, lightly on the lips, and turned to my father. "It's best that I face this alone, Mr. Packwood," he said. "Please—let me deal with this without your help this time."

Dad hesitated, then stepped aside and allowed Lucius to go, capturing me in his arms as I tried to follow.

Chapter 55