Jock Auction (9 page)

“Borrow some soap?”

I knew the voice, of course. I didn’t really need to look up, but I did. Louis stood there, a sort of knowing half smile on his lips, hand outstretched to where my shower gel was on the ledge. He shrugged a little, and I nodded—swallowed—found my voice

again.

“Sure.”

He flicked open the cap, squeezed out a handful, and placed it back on the shelf.

“Thanks, dude.”

I expected him to go back to where he’d been showering himself, but he didn’t.

Instead, he used his elbow to hit the faucet on the shower next to mine, standing just outside of the flow as he rubbed suds across his chest. I closed my eyes and let the water run across my face, all the better for not looking where you know you’re not supposed to look.

“Seemed a bit distracted today, Kyle,” I heard him say, the water loud in my ears.

I ducked my head back, wrung some of the water out of my hair with my hands. He

was grinning at me again, hands scrubbing under his arms. “Got something on your

mind?”

I looked at him for a moment. I couldn’t quite figure him out. We’d hardly spoken

more than a few sentences all season, and then all of a sudden we were having these big 56
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talks in the shower of all places. Then again, it’d been something of a theme for me lately, doing unexpected things in showers.

“Just the usual,” I eventually told him. He nodded, slowly. I knew his hands were

low, by the small of his back now, his chest jutting out toward me as he washed. I refused to let myself look down, though.

“Okay, the usual,” he said. I reached up for some soap of my own. “I thought you

might be thinking about dirty messages from someone.”

Little crystals of ice started to form around my heart, but I tried to busy myself cleaning my shoulders and upper back. My lips felt dry, even though they weren’t.

“Look, about that…” I started, but he stopped me.

“Heh, dude, don’t stress it. Like I said, Jeff’s a dick, right?” I nodded, not quite trusting my voice right now. “I guess things got more serious, yeah?”

Suddenly the weight of everything that had happened—all of the out-of-character

experiences, and impulses, and changes—flooded back to me. I felt like I didn’t quite know who I was anymore, and in that moment it felt terrifying.

“Yeah,” I half-stuttered, “you could say that.”

Louis nodded, a thoughtful look on his face. “Must be a total brain fuck.”

I shrugged, but I wanted to scream
yes!
and maybe curl up in a ball. When I was with Craig, it really didn’t seem like too big a deal. It was just my body telling me it wanted something and my brain going along with it. Only afterward did the doubts

start to gnaw away at me.

“Look, I’m sorry about the other day,” he said abruptly, “I shouldn’t have messed

with you like that.” I knew he was talking about flicking my dick in the showers, back when I’d majorly boned up in front of him. I blushed at the memory of it. “It just seemed funny to tease you, but I guess that wasn’t really cool.”

I wanted him to stop. I didn’t want him to talk about all this, not in public. I didn’t want any of it mentioned outside of the weird little world Craig and I went into when I JOCK AUCTION | 57

was with him. That way that was one world and this regular one was the other, and

they were safely kept at arm’s length.

“I shouldn’t have stared at you,” I told Louis, hoping it would end the

conversation, or at least let it change tracks onto other topics. It didn’t.

“Dude, you can stare.” His voice was low, serious, and I couldn’t help but glance

over at his face. He had this clear, almost understanding expression as he stopped with the soap for the moment—understanding what, I wasn’t sure as I hadn’t really told him enough to begin with.

“I just…” I started, but he shook his head a little, gave a small smile.

“It’s okay. I get it.”

I looked down then. Part of my brain was telling me I shouldn’t, that this was all some sort of trap and one I was naively walking straight into. Yet another part was telling me that if I looked, just quickly, that would be it. It was the constant thought that I shouldn’t look that was, perversely, making it so hard not to.

Louis was big. I mean, I knew that already, but I was looking at it with fresh eyes, somehow, and it was obviously…big. Thick too; he had me beat, certainly, and Craig as well. Closely cropped, tightly curled pubes that right now were matted down with soap and water. I was staring at another guy’s dick, the rational part of my brain reminded me, and that wasn’t something I’d normally do, but another part of me wanted to reach out and touch it.

I don’t know what was wrong with me. I didn’t even look around to see if anyone

was watching. I just put out my hand and let my fingers close around his heavy, lolling shaft, feeling the gentle throb of his pulse down its length.

“Kyle…”

I looked up. Louis still had that serious expression on his face, and suddenly the weirdness of the situation came flooding back to me. I dropped his dick like it was boiling hot.

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“Dude, you’ve got the wrong brother,” he told me. Here it comes, I thought, this is where he punches me. I felt like I should be preparing somehow, but I wasn’t sure

exactly in what way.

I guess the combination of horror and resignation was clear on my face, because

Louis shook his head a little. “No, I mean, literally. My brother is gay,” he told me.

“I’m…not.”

My brain took a beat or three to work it out. Louis’s brother was gay. That’s

probably why he wasn’t freaked-out by it. Why he seemed to understand it all

somehow.

Then I remembered I’d just felt him up.

“Fuck, dude, I’m so sorry!” The apologies came bubbling out of my mouth at a

mile a minute. I was probably louder than I should’ve been, but the mortification was too strong. In the end, he held up his hands as if to slow me down.

“It’s okay, Kyle. Stop trippin’ out on me.” He grinned. “Some of my brother’s

friends think it’s a big laugh to try to play grab-ass with the younger brother, so it ain’t nothing I haven’t felt before, or worse.”

I still wasn’t sure what to say, bar a few dozen more apologies. Louis shook his

head, laughing at me.

“Seriously, I know all you white boys want to touch the black goods, right?” I

couldn’t say anything, just looked sheepish. “You ain’t the first on the team to try.”

I filed that little tidbit away for future reference. There was too much on my mind right now to focus on much else.

“So, I guess you’ve been figuring some stuff out about yourself lately?” he asked

me, voice a little quieter now. I couldn’t make eye contact with him. Even though I knew Louis knew, it was still too embarrassing to acknowledge it.

Instead I just nodded. “I don’t know if I’m…y’know. I don’t really know what I

am anymore.”

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Louis shook his head. “My brother, first he thought he was bi, and then he

thought he was gay, and every time he thought he had to put a name to it.” I watched as he rubbed wet hands across his abs, trying not to look down but struggling to meet his eyes. “In the end, only thing that ended up definite was how confused he was. Don’t be in such a hurry to give it a name, dude.”

He was right. I knew he was. It was giving me a perpetual headache just trying to

keep track of my feelings, never mind what made my dick spring. But it was just so hard to not try to rationalize everything.

“So Kyle…” Louis’s voice was different somehow, a little more teasing maybe.

“Just what have you and the gay kid been doing? Those texts seemed pretty full-on, dude.”

There I went, blushing again. And I knew that if I spent too much time thinking

about just what Craig and I had been getting up to together, there’d be an even more noticeable physical reaction.

“Just stuff,” I muttered, hoping he wouldn’t push it. No such luck, though.

“Dude seemed pretty hot about your dick, didn’t he? You been getting it sucked,

Kyle?”

I nodded, tried to distract myself with more soap, but then found the urge to

concentrate my washing on certain areas around the middle of my body became

another preoccupation.

“I’ve seen that dude around,” Louis continued. “He’s a pretty small guy. Did you

fuck him, Kyle? I know what my bro gets up to with dudes. He tells me that shit all the time. What’cha say, Kyle, did you fuck the gay kid?”

I could hear the smile in his voice, knew he was only really teasing me. And I

knew that, of all the people on the team, Louis was probably the one I could talk to about this stuff. But it was still so weird to even hear it mentioned out loud.

“Yeah,” I said quietly.

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Louis chuckled. “Yeah, what?”

I forced myself to look up, meet his gaze. “I fucked him, yeah. On the floor in his room.” I could feel the words bubbling up inside me somehow, like they wanted to get out, to be heard. “And then again in the shower, up against the wall.” Louis nodded at me, a broad grin across his face.

“There’s that eager dick again.”

I looked down. No surprise to see my erection standing, throbbing, out from my

groin. The thought of Craig’s body forced against the tiles, arms and legs spread, as I rammed my cock into him had been enough to set that off.

Louis obviously thought it was hilarious, and I guess it was funny, so I wagged

my hips a little, made myself bounce around a bit. “It’s okay, dude, you can stare.”

He laughed out loud at that one, put his finger to his lips as if he was all

thoughtful, and looked intently down at my wet junk. I stole the moment to glance at his dick too, still fat and glistening in the running water. It only made me harder.

“Well, seeing as you’ve been feeling mine…” he started. I coughed a laugh, a little nervous.

“Hey, I thought it was your brother who was the gay one?”

He glanced up, a mischievous gleam in his eye. “Who knows, Kyle…maybe it’s in

the DNA.”

The only thing I could do was call his bluff, so I pushed my hips forward, jutted

my cock closer to him. “Get a grip, dude,” the double meaning not unintentional.

Louis held out his hand, palm upturned, fingers slightly curled as if he was going to grab me, but he didn’t. He just sort of held it there, outstretched, right in front of my crotch. This was one big game of chicken, I realized.

We waited there, a beat, maybe two, and then I took a half step forward, lifted up on the balls of my feet and then down again, sort of placing my dick into Louis’s hand.

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His fingers gently closed around my length, not squeezing but with enough pressure that I knew they were there. I resisted the urge to hump myself against his careful grip.

“Gay brother, right?” I asked him, a slight edge in my voice.

“Fuck you, Kyle.” But there was no venom in it.

“I’d settle for you jerkin’ it.”

“I bet you would.”

I wasn’t sure what was happening, but I knew his long, black fingers looked and

felt incredible wrapped around my cock. So good I couldn’t take my eyes off them. At least not until I felt Louis’s finger under my chin, guiding my face up to look at him.

“Probably ain’t gonna happen, Kyle,” he told me, with a kinda sad smile. He

squeezed my dick, sort of with all his fingers in turn, so it felt like a ripple of touch along me, and then he was pulling his hand away, one eyebrow lifting slightly as I kept staring.

“Good luck with your boy,” Louis said, splashing his head one last time under the

water, then shutting off the flow and walking out of the showers. I watched his ass flex as he moved, high and tight. There I go again, doing weird stuff, stuff I’d never have done before Craig impacted my life.

I was trying to process what had happened between Louis and I while I got

dressed, but a text message distracted me. As soon as I heard the buzz, I hoped it was Craig.

Can U cum tonight?

I grinned.
U bet. Just showered after practice
. I sent back.

I was lacing up my shoes when his reply came:

Hope UR not too tired ;)

What would Louis say to that, I wondered, or his brother?

UR gonna get pounded for that
, I texted. He didn’t reply.

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By the time I got to Craig’s place, my gym bag slung over my shoulder, I was back

to being painfully hard. I rang the doorbell, peering around the corner of the house but not seeing a car on the cracked driveway and then bouncing from foot to foot like a kid who needs the restroom. No answer.

I rang it again. No answer. I mean, Craig knew I was coming over, right? I tried

the door handle, gingerly, and found it was open.

“Hello?”

Silence. It felt like nobody was home. Pushing thoughts of horror movies to the

back of my head—and telling myself I was a dumbass for even thinking of that—I went upstairs. Craig’s door was closed but not locked.

He was crouched on the floor on his knees and leaning forward, cheek against the

carpet facing away from me with arms outstretched on either side of himself. His long legs meant his ass was raised up high, back arched. And he was naked, completely

naked.

I could see his balls dangling between his widely spread thighs, the loll of his cock in front of them. I knew what he wanted too—exactly what I’d promised in my text.

I didn’t say a word, just let my bag slide from my shoulder and toed off my shoes.

The T-shirt came off next, then my jeans, and finally my boxers. All the time Craig was silent and perfectly still, only the gentle rise and fall of his ribs showing he was breathing. I didn’t know how he could lie there and not give in to the temptation to at least look around.