Jodi Thomas (3 page)

“Ladies?” Colt hadn’t noticed more than a few settlers’ wives around. “What ladies?”

Joanna lifted her chin slightly. “Those beneath your roof, to name but five.”

Colt started to object, but she vanished through the door before he could speak. He stood staring at the wood with his hand in the air and his mouth open, wondering what on earth she was talking about. This was his house. He should be able to get an answer. But the door might as well have been made of molten lead because he wasn’t about to touch it.

“Talking to the door, are you, Captain?” Etta’s voice sounded from behind him. “Won’t get much of a response.”

Colt turned to confront the plump little woman, but she merely walked by him and also closed the door in his face.

“Must be a family trait,” he mumbled as he headed to his own door. “Well, they’ll be in for a surprise in the morning if they think I’ll allow a Valentine’s Day dance out here in the middle of the frontier.”

Chapter Three

Joanna rolled her head over on her pillow and felt something damp and soft pat against her cheek.

“Miss,” Johnnie’s little voice whispered. “Are you awake yet? We’ve been waiting.”

Joanna opened her eyes. There, not three inches from her nose, stood the three girls, already dressed in their overalls. She jerked and looked toward the window. Had she overslept? No, the sky was still the gray of predawn.

Reluctantly she rose up to one elbow. “Good morning, girls. What’s the problem?”

Johnnie glanced at her sisters. “The twins got two questions, miss, and we didn’t want to wait until Daddy woke up to ask.”

Joanna pushed her hair from her face and slowly pulled her robe from the foot of the bed. “Questions go best with coffee. Let’s go to the kitchen.”

The girls all nodded and backed away enough for her to get out of bed. They followed Joanna to the kitchen and sat silently as she lit the fire in the stove and put on a pot to boil.

“All right.” Joanna suppressed a yawn. “Ask those questions that can’t wait.” In the two weeks she’d been with them she’d quickly learned that the twins came up with all the questions about life and Johnnie did all the asking.

Johnnie propped her elbows on the table and placed her hands inside her palms. “Drew wants to know if the angel Cupid was an Indian?”

Joanna fought down a laugh. “I’m not sure. Why do you ask?” She looked at Drew, but it was Johnnie who answered.

“He carries a bow and arrow that shoots people and makes them fall in love.”

Joanna moved to the stove to check the coffee. “I guess you’re right about that. But it’s not what really makes people fall in love.”

All three girls leaned forward and waited for the real answer. Joanna poured herself a cup and sat down across from them. “Cupid only does his work in stories. In life, people fall in love differently.”

The three girls asked in unison, “How?”

“Well.” Joanna tried to put into words what she herself had never understood. “Love happens when a man and woman spend time alone together. They look at one another in a special way and realize they need each other.”

“Like my daddy needed you to come take care of us?” Johnnie asked.

“Well, that’s important, but it’s more than just needing someone to help raise your children and run your house. It’s needing someone to share your life with.”

“Like you have your aunt Etta?” Johnnie’s brow wrinkled, showing how hard she was trying to understand.

“Even more than that,” Joanna answered. “Love is having someone to share your dreams with when you’re young and memories with when you’re old.”

Johnnie climbed down and came around the table to Joanna. The little girl placed her arm around Joanna’s waist as smoothly as any tent preacher cornered a sinner. “Miss, would you consider marrying our daddy even if he didn’t look at you in a special way?”

Before Joanna could answer, Johnnie flew up into the air faster than a leaf on a windy day. All the girls turned to see Colt standing behind Joanna as he held Johnnie five feet off the ground by the back of her overalls.

Anger fired in his voice but laughter danced in his dark eyes. “I’ll not have you asking Miss Whiddon such questions. Off with the three of you and wash up for breakfast.”

Johnnie held out her arms as though planning to fly in order to execute his order, but he gently lowered her to the floor. When he heard their footsteps on the stairs, he looked at Joanna. Her hair was wild and free around her shoulders and Colt fought the urge to reach out and feel how soft it was. “I’m sorry about that.” He scratched at the whiskers along his jaw. “I guess I never got around to teaching them to hold back their curiosity.”

Joanna pulled her hair to one shoulder and began trying to braid the mass together.

“No. Don’t.” Colt touched her fingers to still them before he realized what he’d done.

For a moment their hands touched, his covering hers. He felt as if he were frozen at this time, in this place, forever. Yet the warmth of her fingers reminded him he was alive. The feel of her hand beneath his seemed to penetrate the icy wilderness where he’d stored his heart.

He opened his mouth, but no words formed. He saw her look of surprise . . . and more. Something that made him want to lose himself inside her blue depths and heal all the wounds from the past. But his heart had scarred over five years ago and the only dragons he could fight were his own memories.

With a quick jerk of one fighting himself, he pulled his hand away and took a step backward. “I mean . . .” The very air seemed thick with the wonderful fragrance of her. “I mean, don’t braid your hair on my account.”

Joanna moved to the stove and tried to keep her hands from shaking as she poured him a cup of coffee. It was only a touch of hands, she told herself. Nothing more. But her body knew she was lying. In all her years of dancing with men, shaking hands, even holding hands while being courted, never, never had a touch affected her so.

“My mother used to say”—Joanna tried to think of anything else but how warm his fingers had felt sheltering hers—“a lady binds her hair by dawn and never lets it down till dusk.”

Colt accepted the coffee she offered. “We’ve a few more minutes until daylight. Will you sit and have a cup with me?”

Joanna nodded and they sat across from one another. For a while they remained silent, enjoying the stillness of dawn and the company.

Finally Colt said softly, “It’s been a long time since I’ve had coffee with a woman.” His words made the act seem like far more than it was.

His long tanned fingers moved slowly up and down the handle of his mug and Joanna could almost feel his touch once more on her hand.

“I meant to tell you last night that I like the changes in the place,” he complimented.

“Thank you,” Joanna whispered, unable to look away. “We’ve been just having fun until all the supplies arrive.”

She glanced up at him and felt suddenly embarrassed, as though he’d read her mind and knew what she’d been thinking. Standing quickly, Joanna marched to the stove and added another log. He was just a man, nothing more, she reminded herself, and she wasn’t some sixteen-year-old girl who’d never had her hand touched. It was about time she remembered that she was his employee.

“If you’ll excuse me, Captain.” She didn’t look back at him as she moved toward her room. “I’ll get dressed and start breakfast.”

Colt watched her go, wishing she’d stayed just a moment longer. In her robe, with her hair down, she was sure easy on the eyes. He might just enjoy having Miss Joanna Whiddon under his roof. She wasn’t as cold as he’d thought and it was pleasant talking with her. For the first time in years Colt smiled for no reason at all.

Chapter Four

Colt’s mood was as dark as the stormy northern sky when he loaded the girls into the wagon. He’d done what he could to cancel this Valentine’s Day party, but Buckles had been right, Miss Whiddon was one determined lady. She’d organized all the wives for ten miles around and decorated the mess hall in red and white.

“Valentine’s Day isn’t for another week,” he mumbled as he climbed in beside her on the wagon bench. “Plus it always struck me as a worthless holiday.”

“This is close enough to the date,” Joanna mumbled back, mocking him. They’d been playing a game, avoiding speaking directly about the dance. He hadn’t been able to resist getting up before dawn in hopes of sharing coffee with her. She was usually up, but between the girls and Aunt Etta they’d never been alone again.

Colt raised an eyebrow and looked at her as he debated saying anything else. “I don’t see much point in this when there are a hundred other things to be done around the fort.”

Joanna decided to change the subject. “Well, one good thing, you got your clothes pressed. You look very polished in your dress uniform, Captain Barnett.”

The captain threaded the reins through his fingers as he smiled to himself. “I’m not easily taken in by flattery, Miss Whiddon.”

Joanna spoke her mind before she thought. “Or women, I’d guess.” She realized how hard her words sounded, so she softened them with a question. “You don’t think much of the fairer sex, do you, Captain?”

Colt urged the horses into a walk. “To tell you the truth I’ve never been around them much. My mother died before I could walk and my wife left after two years of marriage. Maybe it’s the other way around. Maybe women don’t like me much.”

Joanna looked back at the three girls talking to Aunt Etta. “You have three girls who love you a great deal. Maybe you should spend a little time trying to understand them. Women don’t always respond to orders like your men do.”

“You’re telling me!” Colt couldn’t keep from smiling as he glanced over his shoulder. “They’re a lot of trouble, but I wouldn’t trade them for anything.” He looked forward. “And you’re probably right. The girls do look more civilized in dresses than in overalls.”

“They’re the reason you let me plan this party.” Joanna simply stated a fact. She’d known it from the beginning. When he’d started objecting, all one of the twins had done was take his huge hand in hers and ask him to teach her to dance. From then on he complained only to force her into a lively argument about the party, but Joanna guessed he’d do little to stop it from happening.

Colt didn’t answer but acted as if he was only interested in the clouds. Finally he said, “I wanted to drive the wagon over tonight because it looks like it might rain.”

“It might,” Joanna added, knowing that he was thinking of more than the weather.

They reached the mess hall and Colt climbed down to help first Joanna and Etta down, then he lifted each of his little ladies out of the wagon. “You girls look like angels tonight, so try to act like it.”

The twins looked at one another and giggled. At five, their every experience was filled with emotion, be it joy or fear. Joanna took their hands and led them into the converted hall.

The children squealed with excitement when they saw all the decorations. Paper hearts and flowers were everywhere. All the tables except one had been stacked along the walls. The one remaining held a large bucket of punch and Aunt Etta’s now famous valentine cookies. She’d sworn to make them every day until all the men at the fort got tired of the sight of her passing them out from the captain’s porch. The soldiers had promised that this date would be years in the future.

Etta now proudly placed another basket of cookies on the table. She’d never had anyone rave about her cooking like these men did and she’d told Joanna more than once that she’d gladly put up with the threat of Indian attacks to stay at this fort.

A three-piece orchestra, consisting of a guitar, a small accordion, and a fiddle, began to play a waltz.

“Would you like to dance?” Colt interrupted Joanna’s thoughts.

Joanna nodded slightly and took his hand. Even though she’d spent several nights under the same roof with him, eating meals together and talking by the fire at night, she’d never felt his nearness as much as she did when he placed his hand politely around her waist and swung her onto the floor. The morning when he’d stopped her from braiding her hair floated back in waves of warmth against her cheeks. His steps were wide and bold, but she had no trouble keeping up with him. He didn’t speak, only waltzed. To her surprise Colt Barnett danced the Black Hawk waltz better than any partner she’d ever danced with.

Almost sorry to hear the music end, Joanna looked away, suddenly shy around a man who’d seen her all week at her worst and best.

As the music stopped he bowed low. “Duty calls. I’ve other ladies to dance with,” he whispered, “but may I claim another turn later?”

When she looked up at him, she saw laughter in his dark eyes. A laughter that seemed silently to say, “Thank you.” Then he was gone, dancing first with Johnnie, then with the twins, and finally with Aunt Etta.

Joanna accepted each partner’s offer, but was careful not to dance with anyone more than twice. As the evening wore on she began to relax and truly enjoyed herself. Back home there were always about the same number of men as women. Because of her height she’d often found herself sitting out a dance or two in a row. No such thing happened here. Even Aunt Etta was busy every round. Though Joanna knew it was only because of the unequal number of men and women, she enjoyed the attention and felt pretty for the first time in her life.

Finally the evening drew to an end. As the band announced the last waltz a strong hand closed over hers. “May I have the last dance, Miss Whiddon?”

Joanna looked up at Colt. She’d watched him all evening, turning around the dance floor with his daughters standing on his boots. After each dance was over, he’d lift the child up and hug her gently. The kind of hug Joanna had always longed for and never received from her father.

“Of course, Captain.” She placed her hand on his shoulder and felt the hard strength beneath her fingers.

This time she didn’t look away, but kept her eyes on his face as they waltzed. She didn’t even think about the steps as they slid around the floor.

When he halted, he couldn’t have missed the disappointment in her eyes. “The music’s stopped,” he whispered as his arms pulled her slightly closer instead of away.

Joanna quickly dropped her hands and her gaze. “Oh.” She felt foolish, as though she’d publicly announced how happy she’d been in his arms.

But he only stood in front of her, waiting for her to look up again. When her eyes met his, he whispered, “Thank you for the evening. I’m sure it’s been good for the morale.”

Joanna locked her arms behind her. “You’re welcome. I think the girls had a grand time tonight.”

“And their teacher? Did she have a grand time as well?” All the hardness eased from his face.

“Yes,” Joanna answered, wishing she could tell him just how happy she was.

Etta’s voice interrupted, “Captain, I think you’ll have to carry Johnnie home. The poor child just high-stepped one too many times.”

Colt laughed and lifted the half-asleep child into his arms. “I’ll take the girls and your aunt home, then come back and help you get the mess hall back in order. I want the men to be able to eat here in the morning.”

Joanna nodded and looked around. Men were already pulling the tables back into place. She kissed the little girls good night and began folding away the paper hearts.

By the time the captain returned, she was ready to leave. He lifted a wet cape over her shoulders and said, “Rain’s starting, better put this over your head until we get in the wagon.”

His arm rested over her shoulder as they ran. With one swift movement he swung her up into the seat and jumped in beside her. As they hurried to his cabin the rain continued, turning the ground to liquid with its pounding.

Joanna felt the damp soak into her bones and shivered beside Colt. Without a word he pulled her close, warming her with his arm as they rode the last few yards.

“Hold the reins!” he yelled as he climbed down from the driver’s box and led the horses toward the barn. His body was only a shadowy outline in black, with his hat low.

Joanna’s fingers turned to ice, but she held the reins. She pulled his cape close around her, realizing he’d given her his only protection from the weather.

With an eerie creaking she heard the barn door open. A moment later they were inside, where the air was damp and thick with the smell of hay.

Colt unhitched the horses, then raised his arms to help her down. “If you’ll wait till I get the horses bedded down, I’ll carry you across the yard to the house. Otherwise you’ll ruin that dress of yours.”

Joanna moved into his waiting arms, aware of the strength and power in this man as he held her suspended in the air. He lowered her to the ground slowly, as though in no hurry to move away from her.

“I can help with the horses,” she volunteered. “I grew up on a farm.”

“Really?” Colt moved back to the animals, pulling the harness as he went. “I had you figured for a city girl.”

“That just proves it then, Captain. You were right.”

Colt continued to work. “Right about what, Miss Whiddon?”

“You know nothing about women,” she answered as she helped.

Colt’s laughter was rich and full inside the quiet barn. For the first time since they’d met, she felt that he relaxed. Maybe it was spending the evening away from his worries, or maybe it was the spirits mixed into the punch, but Colt Barnett finally looked relaxed.

“You have a nice laugh, Captain.” Joanna bit her lip, suddenly wishing she could pull back her bold words.

“Thank you,” he answered as he wiped the leather dry and hung it away.

Joanna crossed to the doorway and watched the rain pour in solid sheets. She could hear him moving behind her, putting everything in place. Finally he joined her at the door.

“Mind if I ask you a question, Miss Whiddon?”

“No,” she answered, dreading what might come.

“Why’d you answer my ad?” He moved against the door frame so that he was only a few inches from her. If she’d shifted slightly, their shoulders would have touched.

Joanna continued to stare into the rain. “I needed a job,” she lied. “Plus, I’ve always wanted to teach.”

Colt was silent so long she wasn’t sure he’d heard her. Slowly he ran his hand along the doorjamb and let out a long breath. “That’s not what I mean. I’d guessed you needed a job, but why all the way out here in Texas? Why a tutor? A fine, good-looking woman like you surely had several offers of marriage.”

“Is that a compliment, Captain?” She didn’t want to tell him how few she’d had over the years.

Colt laughed. “Am I that rusty?”

“You’re doing fine. That’s probably the finest compliment I’ve ever had.” Joanna looked out at a world that seemed all gray and lifeless. “You’re right about one thing. I did have an offer for marriage. Several, in fact, over the years. The last was such a good offer that my father planned to make sure I accepted. So Aunt Etta and I packed and left before he could get back from town with the preacher.”

“He wanted you to marry some no-good, right?” Anger bubbled in Colt’s words.

Joanna laughed. “No. In fact, the man he wanted me to marry was a successful farmer. Maybe someday he’ll be the best in the state.”

Colt looked at her, raising one dark eyebrow. “But the man had a dark past?”

“No. I’ve known Milton all my life. His family are all fine folks.”

Colt leaned his head slightly sideways. “Did you think he’d beat you?”

“No!” Joanna couldn’t even imagine such a thing from Milton.

Frustration showed in Colt’s face. “Then what?” His whole body seemed to tense in frustration. “If I’m going to try and understand women, I might as well start with you. But I don’t seem to be getting anywhere.”

She realized she had to be honest no matter how silly it might seem. “All I ever wanted was to be a woman one man would love in a heartbeat.” Joanna tried to keep the tears from falling as she put words to her feelings for the first time. “But it never happened. As the years went by I realized it never would. All I’d ever be was second choice, the consolation prize, even to Milton. I was the one who was always asked after the girl a man loved had turned him down.”

She stared into the rain and knew her life had been nothing more than the same gray reality. “Every year my father offered more and more land along with my hand as though I was wilting merchandise that had to be sold quickly before all the value was gone.”

Colt crammed his fists deep into his pockets and fought the urge to pull her to him. If she could have seen his face, she would have known how her words touched him, but the darkness hid his eyes as the night covered her shame enough to allow her to continue.

“I heard Milton say once that he’d love another in a heartbeat, if she’d let him.” Joanna was silent as if gathering courage from the storm. “I’d have given anything if he’d felt that way about me. But he didn’t. He let me down by not loving me enough and my pride wouldn’t allow me to accept less. Even though I’ve loved him since we were children, I couldn’t accept him knowing he didn’t truly love me. He loved another girl who wouldn’t marry him.”

“You left with nothing rather than take what he offered?”

“Yes.”

“But he offered marriage. A home. Children. Everything.”

“Everything except a heartbeat. I wanted to be the woman in his heart, not just the woman in his house. I wanted to be loved, not just needed. I wanted him to look at me when he talked of marriage and not at my land.”

“And if he appears again?” Colt had a feeling any man worth his salt would follow Joanna wherever she went and take her back home.

“He can’t change the way he feels any more than I can accept anything less from a man.”

“Do you still love him?”

“I’ve grown weary of loving a man who thinks of someone else first. I like him, I’ve cared for him since we were little, but nothing more.” She almost added that Milton had never made her temperature rise by just touching her hand. “If Milton and I married, I’d always wonder, was it me or her in his mind?”