Jodi Thomas (31 page)

“Wait.” Chance stopped her with a hand on her arm. He could feel her stiffen at his touch. “It doesn’t matter. I’ll get some dry clothes in a minute.”

Sitting back down, she pulled her arm from his grip, rubbing her hand over her sleeve as though his touch had scorched the material.

Chance took one long gulp of the hot coffee before he spoke. He sat his cup down and held out the buttons toward her. “I’m sorry about this.”

Anna stared at the buttons. “I can sew them back on.”

Covering her hand with his own, he wished he could patch the gap between them with a needle and thread. “We’ve got some things that need saying between us.”

“But Maggie might . . .”

“Maggie’s asleep.” Chance lowered his voice. “I’ve thought about it all night and maybe we should be honest with each other.”

“I have been honest.” Anna lifted her chin. She tried to pull her hand away, but he held it fast.

Chance stroked her fingers. “In what you say, but not in what you do. Tell me, Anna, how you can snuggle up to me each night and not want my kiss? I’m not trying to hurt you, but I feel like a blind man in a maze. Every time I take a turn I end up hurting you.” Chance let go of her hand and ran his fingers through his damp hair. “Maybe it’s not you; maybe it’s me. I haven’t been around that many women. You’re so hard to read. I’m tired of guessing what you want from me.”

“I don’t want anything from you.” Anna stood and moved to the fireplace. She leaned into the solid brick wall as if the stone could give her comfort.

Chance was only a step behind. “Like hell you don’t,” he whispered. “I’ve seen you watching me. I’ve seen the way you look at me when I hug Maggie. You want something, maybe more than I can give, but for the life of me I can’t seem to figure out what it is.”

Anna would have moved away, but Chance pinned her in the corner. His breath brushed the curls at the side of her face, while his powerful hands pushed her shoulders against the wall. “Tell me what you want, Anna, before I go mad.”

Her eyes were filled with sadness. She no longer had the power to hide her pain from him. She’d told him too much of her past to ever turn back. “I want to feel safe,” she whispered.

“What?” He relaxed his hold but didn’t step away.

“I want to feel safe. I’m tired of being afraid. I’m tired of waiting for the evil side of every man to strike. I want to be held in your arms the way you hold Maggie.” Tears filled her eyes. A single drop drifted down her cheek and drowned his heart with its pain. “I’ve never had anyone to hold me, and sometimes I think if you’d only hold me until you leave, I could make it last me a lifetime.”

Chance’s arms went around her, pulling her gently to him. “I’ll hold you, Anna. I’ll hold you.”

The warmth of her body pressed into the cold dampness of his clothes. “Anna, I wasn’t going to hurt you last night. I only wanted to love you. Making love isn’t something horrible. I’ve dreamed of how it would be with you. I wouldn’t hurt you; I’d love you. I thought you wanted it too. That was the reason I kissed you during the storm.”

“No,” Anna answered. “Never.”

“Then I’ll hold you each day until I leave.” Chance closed his eyes to the precious hell he was committing himself to. “Just don’t ever be afraid of me again. I could show you that passion is not something ugly and evil, but I’ll wait until you ask.” How could she be this close to him and not feel a spark of the fire that raged within him?

“I’ll never ask,” Anna whispered as she relaxed against him.

He lifted her into his arms and carried her to the bed; then he laid her down gently and covered them both with blankets. She held tightly to him as he stroked her hair and whispered words of comfort in her ear. “Sleep, Anna. You’re safe. I swear I’d never hurt you. Sleep, my love.”

Anna lay her head against his shoulder and slept, but Chance lay awake for a long time. He’d almost lost her, but finally he understood her.

The rain continued all day. Chance stayed in the cabin most of the time, playing with Maggie and Cherish. Anna cooked meals and did mending, but the loss of a night’s sleep made her actions a little slower. A peace settled between them, wrapping them in a blanket of small talk that warmed and healed them both.

The sun set, but they didn’t bother to light candles. Maggie crawled into her high bed in the back corner and was asleep within seconds. Anna watched Chance rocking the baby in his arms. He was dozing off faster than the baby. Anna prepared the bed, then undressed in the darkest corner. She slipped into bed while Chance stood and placed Cherish in her crib.

As he stripped down to his undergarments, Anna watched him and realized he’d been right. She did enjoy watching him. His back was strong and tan and the muscles rippled as he stretched. He had a powerful grace about him.

Finally, Chance pulled the covers aside and rolled in, slamming his body against a hard piece of wood in the center of the bed.

“What’s this!” He sat up and pulled up the long board that lay between them.

“It’s called a bundling board. I’ve heard folks tell about using them in the colonies.” Anna laughed at his confused expression. “In winter when a man comes to visit and there’s no place for him to sleep, they place a board between the couple. Then all is proper. I put it in while you were feeding the animals.”

Chance stood, pulling the board with him. “And you thought . . .”

Anna sat up. “I thought that would solve our problem of sleeping together.”

The sharp snap of the board startled her. Chance threw the pieces into the fireplace and returned to bed. “The only wall that lies between us is your past. Do you really think one board would keep me from you?”

Anna hugged her side of the bed. “But I thought it would be easier.” She clutched the sheet.

Lying beside her, Chance pulled her gently under his arm. “You have my word. I’ll not take you against your will. It is a hell of my own making, and I’ll be damned if a board will make any difference.”

Anna fought back the old fears. He’d made no pretense of hiding his passion, but he had stopped when she’d asked. His arms felt so wonderful around her and she wanted to fall asleep on his shoulder.

“Anna, don’t be afraid.” Chance moved his hand along her back. “I’m not going to hurt you. I’ll not even touch you if you like. If we can talk, we can understand each other.”

“Tell me,” she whispered, “how loving is different from rape. I see many women who don’t look like they’ve been hurt each night, yet they sleep with husbands and have children every year, so they must be mating.”

Chance tensed slightly, then forced his body to relax. How could he tell her all about love when he’d never made love to anyone? He remembered listening to his parents laughing and whispering long after they’d sent the children to bed. His mother would always get up and tiptoe in to tuck him in when the whispering stopped. Her hair would be tossed and her cheeks red, but she’d always be smiling as if a laugh were just an inch beneath the surface.

“Loving is a giving, not a taking,” Chance finally answered.

Almost asleep, Anna nodded slightly. She’d gone without any sleep the night before and now the warmth of Chance next to her was intoxicating.

“When you let me love you,” Chance whispered as he kissed her ear with his words, “I’ll show you the difference. I’ve dreamed of holding you, of running my hand along your body with no clothes to mask the feel of your flesh. Someday you’ll come to me and I’ll show you my dream.”

Anna’s breathing was low and regular as she slept.

“Someday,” Chance whispered, “I’ll move inside you and you’ll cry out with joy, not pain. I’ll show you how much I love you. We’ll taste passion together for the first time and drink our fill of one another.”

Chance rolled closer to her, feeling her breasts flatten against his chest. Sliding his hand along her side to her shoulder, he slowly pulled the ribbon that bound her hair. “Let your hair free, Anna. Let you hair free when you come to me.”

He lay awake for a long time, breathing in the wonder of her. He knew he could touch her anywhere and she’d probably not awaken, but he wasn’t sure he could stop himself if he were any closer. Leaning his face into her hair, he whispered, “Dear God, how I love you, Anna. I love you enough not to touch you even though by the laws of man and nature I have every right.”

With loving gentleness he combed her hair with his fingers. “I love you so much that I’ll move slowly. I’ll go one step at a time until you want my dream as much as I do.” She moved slightly, adjusting her body to his side. He kissed the top of her head and fought the urge to roll over and cover her with his body.

Slowly, as evening passed, Chance fell asleep to the soft patter of rain that concealed the movement of moccasined feet outside the cabin.

C
yoty’s whinny drew Chance from his place beside Anna. Like a mother knows her child’s cries, he knew from the sound that something was wrong. He pulled on his pants, then walked to the edge of the bed, hating to wake Anna if it was a false alarm, but fearing what might happen if someone stumbled on her while she slept.

“Anna,” Chance whispered as he buckled his gun belt, “something’s going on out in the corral. I’m heading out to have a look.”

Stretching, she pushed her hair from her face. The worry in his eyes drew her fully awake. She glanced at his gun, knowing if he thought it was a wild animal he’d have only taken his rifle. The gun he wore at his waist was for trouble that might take more than one shot. He stood before her with both guns. “Be careful,” she whispered.

Chance leaned over and kissed her cheek. “Bolt the door when I leave.”

Anna followed him, watching, as, shirtless and bare-footed, he moved silently out the door and up the steps. She closed the door as he disappeared into the gray light of dawn. A sudden chill covered her even though it was a warm fall morning. Anna slipped into her blue wrapper and moved to the window. She was thankful that Chance had built the windows high and too small for a person to slip through. If anyone wanted to get in the cabin he’d have to come through the front door and the bolt would hold anyone out.

The yard was silent, but Anna could feel danger. There were no birds welcoming the dawn. The cow in the corral was making no sound for someone to come milk her. Even the dust was motionless. Danger floated in the air like a thick, odorless vapor.

Glancing around the cabin, Anna realized she might need a weapon. There was only the knife of Chance’s that she carried in her apron. It was small, but it might help protect her and the children. She poured water into the pot and shoved it over the low fire. If anyone came through the door, he’d have a scalding bath waiting. She searched the room, lining up everything that might be used as a weapon.

Maggie awoke. “Anna,” she called as she pushed back her hair. “Is something wrong?”

Anna tried to smile. “No, dear. Get dressed as quietly as you can. I may need you to help me.”

The sound of a gunshot rattled through the cabin. Anna raced to the window with Maggie close behind. The child couldn’t see out at any window except where her bed was and it faced the back of the cabin.

“What is it?” She pulled at Anna’s arm.

Searching the shadows for movement, Anna whispered, “Maybe just a mountain lion trying to get the calf. I don’t see anything.”

Relaxing, Maggie finished dressing, but Anna never removed her eyes from the empty space between the barn and the cabin.

A shadow moved by the corral. Another shifted among the trees. Anna felt her hand tighten around the knife in her pocket. She listened, straining to hear. Slowly, as if he had materialized on the spot, a tall Indian stepped from the shadows beside the barn.

“Chance!” he shouted at the barn door. “Come out. I mean you no harm. I’ve come for the child.”

Anna’s heart tightened. It was Walks Tall, and though he was the only one she could see, she knew he was not alone.

Chance stepped from the barn. His stance was wide, his arms deceptively relaxed at his sides. “I’ve got five bullets that say you’re not taking that baby.”

The two men stared at one another, the hatred of a lifetime between them. Anna felt panic climb up her spine and explode in her brain. Chance probably could fight Walks Tall and win, but how many more were out there? How many would he have to fight before one finally knocked the door in and took her child?

She darted to the crib and lifted Cherish into her arms. “Maggie, can you run through the woods to Selma?”

Maggie tried not to look frightened. “Yes.”

Anna pulled her toward the back of the cabin. “Take Cherish and run as fast as you can. Don’t look back.” Sending Maggie into the woods alone was dangerous, but it was better than all of them being trapped in the cabin. “Don’t turn around no matter what you hear. Do you understand?”

Maggie nodded, her curls bouncing and her lips quivering with fear.

Anna climbed on Maggie’s bed, then lifted her up. She helped Maggie slide through the back window. Then Anna passed her baby to the little girl. “Run!” she whispered. “
Run!
”

Maggie vanished without a sound into the trees behind the dugout. As she watched them go, Anna wanted to cry, but there was no time. Now that her child was safe she had to help Chance.

With no thought of her own safety, she ran to the front window. The two men were still facing one another. Walks Tall was pacing back and forth while Chance watched him, his fingers ready to lift his gun in a second.

Biting her bottom lip to keep from screaming, Anna watched what looked like stars twinkling just out of her line of vision. A man was in the trees, another by the stream, a third on the roof of the barn.

Just as she opened her mouth in warning, the one on the roof sprang like a huge bird falling on its prey. Chance twisted and pulled his gun just as the Indian’s body hit him full force in the back. In a blink they were on him. Five, maybe six Indians.