Johnny Angel (12 page)

“Not so great, I guess,” Alice said about her husband. “He seemed better for a while, but the past few days haven't been terrific.”

“It's the holidays,” Pam said wisely. “It'll probably be like this for all of you till after Christmas.” Alice nodded in answer, and they went on talking for another hour about the beauty school, and Gavin, and then Pam finally stood up, and said she was going to collect her troops and go home, but it took them another half hour to do it. And as they left, Johnny stood watching them from the doorway, and then came to talk to his mother in the kitchen.

“She looked pretty, didn't she, Mom?” He was talking about Becky, and his mother nodded. “She says she really likes Buzz. I'm happy for her,” he said honestly, but it was obvious that it wasn't easy for him. Letting go of Becky was one of the hardest things he had to do now, but he knew she had to have a life without him. He could offer her nothing. She couldn't even see him, unlike Bobby and his mother. He had no way of reaching out to Becky, except through his heart, and wishing her a happy future.

“I know she misses you,” Alice said kindly. “It's as hard for her as it is for you.” She wanted to say they'd both get over it in time, and she knew they would, but somehow it didn't seem right to say it. “I'd better go wake Dad up,” she said with a sigh then, and Johnny nodded.

“I'll check on Bobby,” Johnny volunteered, and then he turned, remembering something. “Are you going to Charlotte's game tomorrow?” She was playing basketball for her school, and the game was a big one.

“I thought we all would,” Alice said, turning off the lights in the kitchen.

“Dad too?” Johnny said, smiling. He was happy to hear it.

“No, he can't. He's working,” she said without expression.

“He doesn't have to work the day after Thanksgiving, Mom. He could come if he wanted.” But he never went to Charlotte's games, never had, and had no interest in them. According to him, girls were never great athletes. But he was dead wrong on this one. Charlotte was a star, even more so than he had been.

“I'll ask him,” Alice promised, more to mollify her son than because she thought Jim would do it. And then Johnny went upstairs to see his brother, and she walked into the living room, and gently shook her husband. He stirred after a minute, snorted loudly, and then squinted at her.

“What time is it?” He wasn't sure if it was night or morning.

“It's after ten. Let's go up to bed.” He nodded and stood up unsteadily. He could hardly make it up the stairs, and it made her heart ache to see it. “I'll come in in a minute,” she said, and then went to check on Bobby. He was in bed, and Johnny was reading to him, lying next to him, their heads on the pillow side by side. Both boys looked up at her and grinned. For them at least, it was the perfect Thanksgiving. “Good night, you two,” she whispered. “I love you,” she said, as she stooped over them and kissed them. “Don't let Bobby stay up too late,” she warned, and Bobby snuggled up happily next to his brother, as she gently closed the door behind her, and walked across the hall to see Charlotte. She was lying on her bed and staring up at the ceiling. “Are you okay, sweetheart?” Alice asked, looking concerned, and sat down next to her on the bed. It was easy to see that she was upset about something.

“Yeah. Sort of. It's weird hearing Becky talk about her new boyfriend. I think she really likes him.” But it made Charlie miss Johnny more.

“That's nice for her,” Alice said, and meant it. “She can't mourn Johnny forever, Charlie. It wouldn't be right. And her mom says he's really good to her. Johnny would like that. What about your game tomorrow? Are you all set for that?” Charlotte nodded, but looked unenthusiastic.

“Dad never missed any of Johnny's games,” she said in a monotone. It wasn't an accusation, just a statement. And year for year, she had won more trophies than he had at her age. “Are you coming to it, Mom?”

“I wouldn't miss it for the world,” her mother leaned over and kissed her. “I'll bring Bobby.” Charlotte nodded and said nothing. As much as she loved her mother, it would have meant the world to her if her father had come, just once. If he cared enough to do that. But they both knew he didn't. She wasn't Johnny.

Alice didn't say anything about it to Jim that night. There was no point. He was already asleep by the time she got to bed, drunk on beer and wine, and too much turkey. But in the morning, she said something to him over breakfast.

“Girls can't play basketball,” he said decisively in answer as he drank his second cup of coffee. “You know that.”

“You never missed any of Johnny's games,” she said, annoyed at the way he had said it.

“That was different.”

“Was it? Why? Because he was a boy?”

“He was a great athlete,” Jim said matter-of-factly He had a splitting headache.

“So is Charlotte. Maybe even better than he was. Johnny always said that about her.”

“He was just trying to make her feel good.”

“Why don't you come and see for yourself?” she asked him, as Johnny and Bobby walked into the kitchen. Bobby said nothing, as usual. And Johnny stopped to kiss his mother, but Jim couldn't see that. “You could still get in plenty of time at the office. The game doesn't start until four o'clock, in the gym at her school. I think it would mean a lot to her if you would be there. Johnny always went. And you know a lot more about the game than I do. I think it's important that you be there.”

“Oh come on, Alice. Don't be silly. She won't even know the difference.”

“Yes, she will,” Alice persisted, as Johnny sat down at the table, next to his father, staring at him intently. “Why don't you think about it?” Alice said, as she set a bowl of cereal down in front of Bobby. Jim seemed not to see him. To him, Bobby was as invisible as Johnny was to him. Ever since Bobby had stopped speaking, his father had ignored him. Acknowledging him, and the reason why he could no longer talk, was just too painful for him.

“I've got a lot of work to catch up on, for my new clients. I'm going to be working all weekend.” But at least that was good for him, and she was aware that his business was slowly improving. She kept hoping that if he felt better about his work, he might stop drinking, or slow down at least. He had been better since Johnny had come, but there was still a lot of room for improvement.

He left for work a few minutes later, and both boys disappeared outside somewhere. Alice was alone in the kitchen when Charlotte came down for breakfast, and she left a few minutes after that for practice. At least she seemed in better spirits, and she said nothing at all about her father. She wasn't expecting him to come, and Alice didn't tell her she had talked to him about it, and gotten nowhere.

And at a quarter to four, she and Bobby got into the front seat of her car, and Johnny got in the backseat behind them. He was talking animatedly about the game, and Bobby was talking and laughing with his brother, as Alice smiled and listened to them. It was like a dream come true, being with them, listening to Bobby talk, and having Johnny back with them.

She didn't know how long he would be with them, but it was a gift beyond any she could have hoped for. And by the time they arrived at the high school, they were in great spirits, and looking forward to the game.

The game went well for Charlotte's team. The score was 26 to 15 by the middle of the second quarter, and Bobby was hopping up and down in his seat, clapping for Charlotte. She scored another three-pointer, and Johnny went crazy watching her. He couldn't believe how well she was playing. And then, as they waited for the second half to start, Alice saw a familiar form out of the corner of her eye, and turned to see her husband making his way across the gym, looking somewhat tentative, but smiling at them.

“I can't believe it,” she whispered, as Bobby stared, and Johnny gave a victorious whoop. Alice almost cried when she saw Charlotte's expression when she saw her father. It was the first game he had come to. “How did you manage that?” she whispered to Johnny, just before Jim reached them.

“To be honest with you, I'm not sure,” Johnny said to his mother. “I've been thinking about it a lot, and wishing for it ever since we got here. Maybe he heard me, or felt it, or something.” Johnny still wasn't aware of how he influenced things, yet he was beginning to realize that when he thought of something hard enough, it happened. It was a miraculous kind of power that seemed to flow through him. And suggesting something to someone's thought invariably seemed to make them want to do it.

Jim had reached them by then, and sat down between his wife and Bobby, but said nothing to the child. His eyes were riveted on Charlotte. Suddenly, he seemed very intent on her playing, as though he had never before seen it.

“She's playing incredibly,” Alice said proudly, and he nodded.

And she scored another basket as soon as the clock started. Jim said nothing, he just watched her. But she scored another three points with an amazing shot in the last two minutes of the game, and everyone cheered her. Her team had slaughtered their opponents, and twenty of the winning points had been Charlotte's. The rest of the team carried her around on their shoulders, when the game was over. And when Alice turned to him, she saw that Jim was smiling broadly. She couldn't even remember the last time she'd seen him look that happy. He was immensely proud of his daughter, as though he were seeing her for the very first time and finally discovering her talent.

“That was a hell of a game, wasn't it?” he said to Alice, and she nodded, as tears stung her eyes. And a few minutes later Charlotte joined them, looking happy and excited to see her father.

“Thanks for coming, Dad,” she said shyly.

“You did a great job, Charlie,” he said, standing up and putting an arm around her shoulders. “I was really proud of you!” he said gruffly, as he shook her gently like a bear playing with a cub, proud of some new achievement of his offspring.

They followed her out of the gym, after she had changed, and she couldn't see him, but Johnny had his arm around her, and she looked pensive as she silently thought about him.

“You know, Johnny played a game like that once,” her father reminisced as they drove home, “he won a trophy for it.”

“I think we have a good chance to be in the division finals this year,” she said with a look of gratitude for his interest. It was all so new to her, but she was reveling in it.

“If you do, I'll come see them,” Jim promised. He had been vastly impressed by the game he'd just seen her play She had real athletic talent. More than he'd ever dreamed.

They stopped to buy groceries on the way home, and by the time they got back, it was time to start dinner. Alice busied herself in the kitchen, and Bobby went outside to shoot baskets with Charlotte, as their father watched them and coached Charlotte, and Johnny went along to watch them. A few minutes later, he walked back into the kitchen, to talk to his mother.

“That was pretty cool of Dad to come, wasn't it?” he said, sounding as pleased as he felt. He knew what it had meant to Charlie. Even their father had seemed to “get it.” And he had been blown away by the way Charlie played. He was already talking about going to the next game.

“I think you have more power than you think,” Alice said softly, so no one else would hear her. “What you do has an effect on all of us…. Look at Bobby. And Dad going to the game. It's like magic.” His gentle, loving touch was improving all their lives, one by one.

“Bobby was just ready, Mom. Five years is a long time not to talk.” She knew it all too well. Jim had been drinking heavily on a daily basis ever since Bobby had become silent.

“When are we going to tell Dad about Bobby talking?” Alice asked. She had been wondering about it ever since she had discovered their secret, and hoped it would be soon. She knew just how much it would mean to Jim.

“Not yet,” Johnny answered. “Bobby's not ready. But he will be, soon, I hope. We still have a few twists and turns in the road here.”

“What does that mean?” She looked puzzled.

“To tell you the truth, I'm not sure, Mom. I just feel things. I don't know why, and I'm never sure how they're going to work out. I just think things, and they come, kind of on their own. But they happen the way I thought. But I do know that Bobby needs to practice talking a little bit, and he has to be prepared to tell Dad.” Alice knew what a gift of freedom it would be for Jim, it would free him from the guilt, and it might change his life, and theirs, to know that Bobby could talk again. She was anxious for that to happen. But Johnny insisted it was too soon to tell him, and she somehow knew she had to respect that, and so did Bobby. Johnny seemed to know what he was doing. The results were good so far. For the moment, only their mother could share their conversations with them. Johnny wanted their victories to be more solid, he didn't want Bobby to feel like he failed if anything went wrong, or to be so nervous, he stumbled when he talked.

She had dinner on the table for them half an hour later, and Jim talked at length to Charlotte about the game, and how she could score even more points if she tightened up her game. The suggestions he made were good ones, and Charlotte was momentarily impressed. It was all she had ever wanted from him. A door had finally opened between them, and her father had taken a giant step into her world. The love and approval she had always wanted from him was finally hers.

“I'll try, Dad,” she said, excited about the attention he was giving her, and glowing from it. It was almost like the conversations he used to have with Johnny. He was suddenly respectful of her, and he could see how well she played. And he had to admit for once, she was a damn fine little athlete. His approval shone in his eyes, and listening to him, Charlotte looked like she had been given the Hope diamond. She was the happiest girl in the world.

The next day, after Jim came home from work, he offered to take her out for a soda at the drive-in, and for once it didn't seem like he had been drinking before he got home. Alice smiled as they left, and Charlotte hurried out to the car with her father. She asked him a number of questions about the sports he'd played as a young man, as he turned the key in the ignition. And a moment later, Alice saw them drive off, and she went outside to watch Johnny shoot baskets with Bobby. What they had just seen was like a miracle to them. It seemed as though Jim had never paid a moment's attention to Charlotte, but he was making up for lost time now.