Joline's Redemption (30 page)

Lord, please don't let me ever be so selfish or mean.

His thoughts shot straight to Jo. Was he treating her wrongly? Hadn't he offered her a job? Offered to help with Jamie?

But he'd been selfish in not offering his heart. Mark was no longer around to shame him for caring for the same woman. He barely knew Jo, and yet she tugged at his heart like no woman ever had.

“We need to do right by this woman.” His father tapped the table again and stared at him. “It's that woman you introduced me to, isn't it? What was her name?”

“Jo.” He didn't bother to deny it, because he wouldn't lie to his father.

Nodding, his father said, “It's good that you offered her a job. I'm proud of you, son. Many people would have shunned her or turned her out. You did the right thing in giving her employment.”

Humbled, he hung his head. His father's compliments were few and far between. “Thank you. That means a lot.”

For a long moment his father remained silent, just looking at Baron. “You have feelings for this Jo, don't you?”

Baron lifted one shoulder and lowered it. He ran his hand through his uncombed hair. “I don't know.”

His father grinned. “Well, I certainly do. If you had no feelings for the woman, you wouldn't be so distressed. Only a woman, business, or your children can keep you wrestling at night like you were—and you don't have any children. And the business is going well, so that only leaves a woman as the source of your distress.” He chuckled. “They usually are.”

Baron sat back, marveling at his father's wisdom. “So, what do I do? You do understand that Jo lived in sin with Mark?”

“Was it living in sin if she truly thought she was married?”

But she wasn't married when she lived at the bordello. And yet, what other choices were there for a woman who'd been taken advantage of as she had? Even most churches probably would have turned her away. And she had a son, which made things even harder.

A verse in the Bible rushed through his mind.
“He that is without sin among you, let him first cast a stone.”

“I need to talk to her.”

His father smiled. “That would be a good place to start.”

Relief warmed Baron's bones. He couldn't hold Jo responsible for ending up at a bordello when that Badger fellow had lied to her and tricked her. God would have him forgive her. He needed to. Wanted to. And talking to Jo was definitely a good start. He swigged down the last of his coffee, ready to be on his way. “Do you mind if I go now and leave the store closed for a while?”

His father rose. “No need for that. I'll tend it. You run along and talk to that gal of yours.”

Baron smiled at the thought of Jo being his. Knowing her personality, she probably wouldn't even talk to him today. She'd make him wait a week or two and stew on his behavior—or lack of it.

Footsteps sounded out front, followed by hard pounding on the door. Baron hurried to it, not wanting his visitor to awaken his mother. He pulled open the door, surprised to see Gabe so early.

“Morning. What brings you here at this hour?”

Gabe stepped inside without invitation. “Is Jo here? Did she come in early to work?”

Baron shook his head. “No. I haven't seen her since yesterday.”

Gabe yanked on his hat and slapped his leg, sending a cloud of dust to the floor. He heard his father walk up behind him. Gabe's eyes shot to him. “This is my father, Wilfred Marquis Hillborne, the second.” Baron held his hand toward his father then in front of Gabe. “And this is Gabriel Coulter, a friend and Jo's brother-in-law.”

“Nice to meet you.” Gabe nodded; then his gaze jerked back to Baron's. “There's no time for visiting. Jo, Sarah, and Jamie are missing.”

Heading south, Jo pressed the horse hard. They still had several hours of daylight, and she meant to make the most of them. Sarah hadn't said a word since they'd left Lara's, and Jamie squirmed and cried at being bound to her again until he finally fell asleep. She hated taking them from Lara's comfortable house into a world of unknowns.

Why was it that when she was ready to be with her family—to stay and make amends—she had to run away again? But she couldn't put them in danger. Gabe and Lara had their own children to be concerned for. They didn't need to be worrying about her, too. But she knew they would as soon as Lara found the note she'd left. She shouldn't have let Sarah talk her into waiting until early morning to leave. She had to get far enough away that anyone following her would lose their tracks.

She checked the sun, half-hidden behind the pewter clouds, to make sure she was still heading toward Texas. It made the most sense because the temperatures would warm the farther south she went. In the Oklahoma Territory, you never knew whether to expect warm, sunny days in April or cold weather with a slim possibility of snow or ice. Fortunately, this spring the weather had leaned to the warm side. Still, tonight would be chilly. The wool blanket she “borrowed” from her sister would help keep them from being too cold.

Behind her Sarah coughed. Jo had noticed her doing that earlier. She hoped Sarah wasn't taking sick. If things went well and she didn't miss her mark, tomorrow they would be in Kingfisher. Badger would head north from Oklahoma City to Guthrie and probably spend several days hunting for them, only to discover they were gone. She smiled. Once again, she'd outsmarted him. He'd never control her life again—no man would.

Baron's image intruded into her mind. She might have been willing to pursue a relationship with him, but he made it clear that he wanted nothing to do with a woman who'd lived in a bordello, no matter that it wasn't her choice. She was tainted.

Men could force themselves on a woman, and she was the one who ended up with the bad reputation. But as Grandpa often said, life isn't fair.

The pastor at Gabe and Lara's church had talked about how God had used several harlots in the Bible to do good works. Rahab even saved the lives of several Hebrew spies, and in a roundabout way, saved her whole family from destruction when Jericho was destroyed. Why, of all the people in Jericho, had God chosen to use a harlot?

She didn't understand, but if God could save Rahab, couldn't He save her?

Hadn't Jack said something about that? He'd told her that he had to stop running from God—whatever that meant.

She reined the horse down into a shallow creek, allowed it a short drink, and then nudged his sides with her heels. He moved on, and she allowed him to walk for a time, even though she wanted to gallop. They had to get away before someone found them and made them come home.

Too much was at stake.

Just before the sun sank below the horizon, she reined the horse to a stop. Sarah slid off the back of the horse and curled up near a tree. After dismounting and changing Jamie, Jo pulled out some biscuits left over from breakfast, as well as some ham slices and cheese. Sarah ate very little then lay down on the blanket and was asleep before Jamie. Jo nursed her son, and then he, too, fell asleep.

She cleaned up their supper mess, watered the horse, and then washed off in the nearby creek before lying down. Tired as she was from the stress of the day, sleep evaded her. She worried that she'd upset Lara and Grandpa. Worried that Gabe would come gunning for her for upsetting Lara. And she couldn't help thinking about Baron. The one time she was truly honest with someone, it had come back to bite her. If she'd never told him about her past or Mark's trickery, maybe she and Baron would have had a chance together. But she'd lied so much that she couldn't stand telling falsehoods to a man she admired. She hadn't meant to care for him, but he'd been so kind and understanding, and genuinely happy to be an uncle.

But his kindness only went so far. She couldn't blame him for letting her leave without stopping her. What man would want to have a meaningful relationship with a former strumpet? Tears stung her eyes, and she batted them away.

No man would ever want her for his wife.

She'd said as much to Jack, but his response was that God would want her—would love her. She could come to Him as she was. Lara had told her the same thing when they were younger, but Jo was too stubborn to listen. As far as she was concerned, God had been the one to take her parents away, but now she knew that wasn't true. Jack had confessed that he'd been smoking in his bedroom, and when Pa hollered that he should be out doing chores, he'd rushed to the barn and had possibly forgotten to put out the cigar. Maybe her parents would still be alive if he'd remembered it. Maybe her life would have been much different.

She glanced at her son. As hard as her life had been with Mark, she wouldn't change a thing if it meant she wouldn't have Jamie. He alone gave her life purpose.

And yet, he wasn't enough. She wanted more, but she didn't know what that more was.

All the things that Lara, Grandpa, pastors she'd listened to over the years, and even Jack had said bombarded her. She was tired of living as she had, fearing men and being used by them. Feeling worthless, like dirt swept from a floor. She was tired of running. She needed to change—for herself and for Jamie. Her son needed a good example if he was going to turn out well. Jo sniffled. Jamie would have been far better off if she'd left him with Lara—and that truth cut her deeply.

She gazed up at the sky, lonelier than she could ever remember. “Is it true what Jack said, God? Do You truly love me? In spite of all the horrible things I've done? Could You save me, like You did Rahab?”

She thought of the Bible stories of Jesus. How God had given His only Son so that she could be saved. She'd never before thought of how it must have pained God to see His Son suffer for the horrible things she'd done—for the sins she'd committed. “I'm truly sorry for everything that I've done, Lord. Forgive me. Please.”

At first, she didn't feel a thing—only the chilly breeze as night settled across the prairie. But then her chest warmed, and she felt a peace she'd never before experienced. The tears that had filled her eyes before tumbled down her cheeks, and she was helpless to stop them. Maybe it was God's way of washing her clean.

J
o's eyes fluttered open to the sound of birds singing. The last thing she remembered was praying and crying out to God. She must have fallen into a deep sleep. Rolling over, she was relieved to see Jamie still sleeping. Sarah was normally an early riser, but today she was still curled up under the blanket they'd shared with Jamie.

Jo sat up and rubbed the sleep from her eyes then tended to her morning ablutions. By the time she returned, Jamie was stirring. She smiled and lifted him up, cuddling him to her chest. He uttered some unrecognizable words that ended with
mama.
Smiling, she kissed his head, laid him down, and changed his diaper. Tomorrow evening, she'd have to wash them out and hope they dried overnight.

She nursed Jamie then gave him a chunk of biscuit to gnaw on. Going to Sarah's side, she knelt down. How odd for her to sleep so late. Other than coughing, she hadn't made a sound. Jo shook Sarah's shoulder, snatching back her hand at how hot she felt. While Jo slept so peacefully, Sarah had taken a fever.

Jo rose and looked at the sky. She'd hoped after her talk with God last night that things would get easier. “What do I do now?”

Jamie babbled off a string of baby talk as if answering her question. She picked him up, untied the horse, and led the horse to the stream. She only had three options. Continue to Kingfisher, but strangers wouldn't be too welcoming when they found out she had a sick girl with her. They could stay here until Sarah got better, but they had little food and no medicine with which to treat her. She stared across the prairie, back to the north. They were much closer to Lara's than Kingfisher, so it made more sense to return there. But she'd be putting her family within Badger's reach.

The more she thought about returning to Lara's, the more positive she grew. As much as they needed to get away, she wouldn't take a chance with Sarah's life. Guthrie had doctors, and Lara would know how to keep Sarah comfortable until the doctor could arrive. And what if she or Jamie caught what the girl had? She couldn't risk getting sick herself and leaving the two children to fend for themselves.

Going back was risky, but it was the only choice that made sense.