Jordan (Season Two: The Ninth Inning #5) (10 page)

Do you know how badly I want to go over there and shake you by the shoulders? This is so stupid to me, Heidi. Since I fell in love with you, I’ve thought about our future, our marriage, and our kids. I thought about how I would do anything to make you happy. I would fight for you and for us. I would never give up no matter how hard things were. I thought I married the kind of person who was the same way.

You used to be that person.

You still are, if you would dig deep and find her.

Instead, you’re scared and closed up. You’re hurting. You’re selfish. You’re struggling. You’re barely living. You’re weak. You’re angry.

But, Heidi, you’re also more than just those things.

You’re strong. You’re beautiful. You’re independent. You’re stubborn. You’re brave. You’re caring. You’re passionate. You’re talented. You’re selfish (in a sort of good way this time). You’re a wonderful daughter who has proud parents. You were a loving mom who Eden would have been so grateful to have as she grew up. You’re an amazing wife who has a husband who just wants you back.

Even on the worst days, you’re still all those things.

Don’t forget about those parts of yourself. I haven’t. It’s why I’m still waiting and fighting and never giving up.

With all my love,

Your husband

I glance at the clock and realize I need to get going. I tear the paper off, fold it, and slip it into an envelope. Once I’ve grabbed my keys and wallet, I walk outside. It doesn’t take long for me to drive to her shop. Usually, I’d sneak a quick glance through the windows to see if I can spot Heidi, but I don’t have time today. I hurry to put it under her windshield wiper and get back into my car. I have five minutes to be at Hector’s house.

Today is Tanner’s birthday and since he has been going on and on about it for a week, we’re having a party. He didn’t really give us a choice. Hector volunteered to host if someone else dealt with the food and alcohol. I think some of the girlfriends got together to do that and we’re supposed to help cover the costs.

All for the youngest guy on the team.

It’s not until I walk into Hector and Zoey’s backyard to see the couples and little Kaelyn, that I remember why I don’t like family-oriented functions anymore. I’m without my other half. Permanently, if she gets her way. And if she does, I should probably get used to being a one-person family.

Shaking my head, I continue my journey to where the biggest group is mingling. I run into Trent first. He has his girlfriend with him, but this is the first time I’ve met her.

“Hey,” I say.

Trent smiles and says, “Hey, you just missed Tanner. He was wearing a crown.” He laughs, shaking his head.

“I bet that was a sight.”

“It was.” He looks at the girl, and I can’t think of her name if my life depended on it. “Scarlett, this is Jordan Johnson. Jordan, meet Scarlett Knowles.”

She gives me a nervous smile and holds out her hand. “Nice to meet you, Jordan,” she says as we shake hands.

“Nice to meet you too. Where’s Kaelyn?”

They both look over their shoulders, and I follow their gaze, finding her as Scarlett replies, “She’s working her magic on Blake and Sofia.”

“They claim they want to hang out with her for parenting practice,” Trent chuckles.

Sofia, in all her pregnant glow, looks like she’s bursting with happiness. So does Blake, and that’s not something you see every day. Every time I see them, or see Sofia, all I can think about is how I hope they’ll have a healthy, happy baby. For a brief moment, I’m glad Heidi isn’t here because I know she’d take one look at Sofia and Blake or Trent, Scarlett, and Kaelyn and see what we lost when we lost Eden.

A family.

Clearing my throat, I ask, “Have you seen Colby?”

“He’s not here yet.”

“Jordan!” I hear my name in a very cute, little girl voice. Kaelyn is running over and I crouch down with a grin.

“Did you leave Grumpy behind just to come see me?”

She crosses her arms over her chest with a pout. “He’s
Happy
,” she corrects, stressing his name and dragging it out.

“He has too many names,” I laugh. “Are you having fun?”

“Yep. But I have to go now.”

“Go where?” I ask, but she’s already turned around to tug on Scarlett’s shirt. Kaelyn motions for her to lean down and then whispers loudly that she needs to use the bathroom. I try not to laugh as Scarlett excuses them. Trent has a smile on his face as he watches them talking and giggling on the way to the house. “You seem to be doing well,” I blurt out.

He faces me. “Yeah, I am, thanks to those two. Kaelyn’s been over the moon since she found out Sofia is having a baby. She’s ready to have someone to play with when we get together.” I try not to think about how she could be playing with Eden had things happened differently. He starts chuckling as he adds, “She asked Scarlett for a baby and she almost fainted.”

I force a laugh. “Not that serious yet?” Trent hasn’t spoken about Scarlett as much as he did about his late wife, but I think he’s getting to that point again.

He shakes his head. “It’s not that. We’re not quite at that point yet.”

I nod in understanding as someone slaps me on the shoulder. Before he speaks, I know it’s Hector.

“JJ!” He grins.

“Oh, come on. Why do I need to be called JJ?”

“Just testing it out.”

“Well, don’t.”

His laughter is cut short when Zoey shouts his name from the house. She sounds stressed. “I’m coming,” he calls back. Hector searches the yard until he finds Sofia and Blake walking toward us. “Sof, a little help?”

Blake shakes his head, looking very much like the Grumpy we’re familiar with. “She’s pregnant. She doesn’t need to be helping you do anything. I’ll help.”

“I’m not helpless,” she protests.

All he says is, “I know,” before walking to the house without waiting for Hector, who quickly follows when Zoey is about to yell for him again. Sofia takes a seat at the picnic table with her back resting against the table and I take a seat as well.

“How’s it going, Sofia?” Trent asks her.

She beams him a smile. “Perfectly. Blake’s ready for me to take leave,” she rolls her eyes, “but other than that, life is perfect.” Her hands go to her stomach and I lean forward with my head bowed to avoid looking at her because all I can think about is Heidi.

“Do you know the sex yet?” he asks, sitting next to her.

“I wanted it to be a surprise, but Grumpy demanded to know. So, yes, we know.”

“Well?” he prods when she doesn’t go further.

“We haven’t told our families. I can’t tell you when my own mother doesn’t know yet.” There’s a pause and then she asks, “Are you okay, Jordan?”

I turn my head to look at her. “Yeah, I’m fine.” Her gaze isn’t on me though, but it’s close. I glance down to see what’s caught her attention and squeeze my eyes closed when I see that the necklace holding my wedding ring has fallen out from under my shirt. I slip it back in place as I lean back up to see Colby walking our way. Thank god.

He sits next to me with watchful eyes. “Everything go okay last night?”

“Depends on who you ask,” I answer.

“So, good or bad?”

“Depends on who you ask,” I repeat.

Colby nods. “Are you pissed at me?”

“No.”

“Good. Let’s not have a repeat, okay?”

I laugh. “No promises.”

Just then, the back door swings open and Tanner leans out with a damn crown on his head. “The Birthday King demands we eat! C’mon, it’s ready!”

We all stand, but Trent and Colby walk ahead of Sofia and me. We’re quiet, which isn’t a surprise. We’re almost to the door when Sofia lays a hand on my arm to stop me. Her eyes are watery and trained on where my wedding ring is hidden.

“I’m sorry for whatever happened.”

For a moment, all of my memories of an emotional, pregnant Heidi flood my brain. She’d so easily cried at everything, whether it was something happy, funny, sad, or inappropriate. She was an emotional, crying mess, but I loved every second of it. I would hold her in my arms until she stopped. I’d give anything to be able to soothe her now.

“I just wanted to say I was sorry,” Sofia continues, bringing me out of my memories. “You remind me of Blake sometimes, so I know whatever happened, it’s hard to deal with and is still painful for you. I felt bad, and I had to tell you I was sorry.”

I remind her of the guy everyone called Grumpy last season? Before I can respond, Blake pokes his head out the door, eyeing me suspiciously when Sofia wipes away a stray tear.

“Are you okay, Sofia?”

She gives him a little smile. “I’m fine, Blakey.”

He holds out his hand, which she takes, and he begins to lead her inside, glaring at me while she walks up the steps. Blake was always one unhappy son-of-a-bitch last season until he started seeing Sofia and his dad was arrested. Am I becoming the team’s new Grumpy?

The wounds of yesterday’s anniversary on top of everything else happening to make my life fall apart, have me debating leaving. I don’t know if I can walk into a house full of happy people who all have their life in order with the people they love, when I’m trying to deal with losing the things they have. All I really want right now is to be in South Carolina where my daughter and memories of a happier time are.

A place that is hours upon hours away by car. Unless…

I catch the door before it closes and step inside. “Sofia, wait.”

She and Blake turn to face me. I can hear the excited chatter from the dining room.

“Is there any way I could borrow your dad’s jet and pilot for the night?” Her eyes widen with surprise. I know he has one. I heard Blake and Sofia mention it once because that’s what they took when they went on vacation in the offseason. “
Please
,” I beg with every ounce of despair I’m feeling. “I can pay the costs.”

“What the hell do you need a plane for?” Blake asks, still pissed I made her cry.

I ignore him and touch the hidden ring. Her eyes follow my hand and she nods. “Let me make a call and he can have it ready within an hour.”

“Thank you so much.”

We both pull out our cell phones and I text Heidi.

Me: I’m flying out to see Eden tonight. Will be back before morning. Do you want to come with me?

She should have the opportunity to go, too. Whether she accepts or not is another story. Either way, I’m going.

I CALL SKYE from the car and tell her to take care of the shop. Then I call my parents, tell them I have to leave for a few days, and hang up on them before driving all the way to South Carolina without looking back.

Walking into the beach house is bittersweet and welcoming at the same time. So many memories and great times flood me. I collapse on the couch and cry myself to sleep.

The next afternoon when I finally wake up, the sun is blazing into the house. Surprisingly, I feel a bit better as I gaze out onto the beach from the window. I get up and head toward the shower. When I’m finished, I check my phone. I have some missed messages and phone calls, but only one glares at me.

Jordan: I’m flying out to see Eden tonight. Will be back before morning. Do you want to come with me?

Do I tell him the truth? Dare I tell him I’m already here? My heart reacts first before my brain can tell it to stop and I type the message.

Me: I’m already here.

He sent me the message a couple of hours ago and it’s possible he could already be on his way. Would he leave without me telling him an answer? Hell, I’m here and I didn’t tell him. I drop back on the couch and look around the beach house. I’m guessing Jordan is still paying a maid to come in once a week or so to touch up and dust the place. We didn’t discuss the fees for her in the arbitration. I shrug to no one but myself. I’ll worry about it later.

I decide to leave my phone at the house and I head out to the small deli down the road and grab something to eat and drink. I don’t know how long I’m staying. I don’t have any additional clothes, but I’d left some in the closet the last time Jordan and I were here.

After I order the food to go, I head back to the house and walk down to the beach. I don’t carry a blanket or a chair. I sit right down on the sand. I close my eyes and listen to the families around the beach. It’s a beautiful warm day and the breeze of the ocean is the perfect combination of salty and relaxing.

I remember when Jordan and I bought this house. We had talked about it, but I never attempted to look at places. It was all Jordan. He would show me places, but I didn’t like most of them. Then, he brought me here. I thought he’d just rented it for the week, but our first night in the house, he told me it was ours. I squealed with delight and even jumped on the bed before landing back next to him.

It was perfect.

When I open my eyes, I’m staring at the backs of a husband and wife with their small daughter. The little girl can’t be more than five years old and it tugs at my heart. I watch the father stand up and hold her tiny hand as they walk to the water’s edge. For several moments, it’s as if I’m having a daydream of Jordan doing the same thing with Eden. I picture myself on the blanket snapping pictures of my loving husband and darling baby girl splashing in the water.