Jordan's Return (4 page)

“Excuse me?” he chirped from behind her.

Jordan blushed furiously and ducked her head. “Nothing,” she said as she walked as fast as her still-sore body would allow to catch up with her sons, thoroughly embarrassed.

Real smooth, Jordan,
she chided herself.
He probably thinks you've been pining away for him all these years.

Soon they were all heading down the few short blocks to the beach. The thought of seeing the sun set on the ocean had Jordan picking up her pace a little. She breathed in the salty air. The smells of the beach filled her senses, and she inhaled deeply and smiled. It was early September and the nights hadn't cooled much yet, but there was still a hint of a breeze coming from the ocean. Once they reached the sand, Jordan stopped and kicked off her shoes. She turned when she heard Rob's soft laughter.

“What's so funny?”

“Still hate to wear shoes on the beach, I see,” he observed.

Jordan found herself laughing, too. “Honestly, who likes to wear shoes in the sand?”

His eyes were watching her intently and Jordan felt very aware of him at the moment. It was getting hard to force her gaze away, but the sound of Jake and Joseph taking off down the sand forced her to straighten and stare after them.

“Boundless energy, those two,” she muttered with mental exhaustion.

“I'll handle it. You take your time,” he said and took off, sprinting after them.

Jordan watched him run. No one had the right to look that good in motion. He had a confident air about him, and rightfully so. It had always been that way. Rob looked good in everything he did, particularly when he was involved in physical activities.

Great, now there was a mental picture that was going to stick around for a while. She chuckled lightly when Rob finally caught up with her sons, scooping one up in each arm and swinging them around. That was no small feat considering Joseph had just had a growth spurt. She could hear their laughter. Eric had never roughhoused with the boys. He always said he didn't want them messing up his clothes or his hair. It still was hard to swallow that she had actually married such a man. The more time passed, the less she could explain what she had ever even liked about him or what had attracted her enough to make her believe she had loved him and wanted to marry him.

Sighing, she walked slowly, making her way to catch up with them while enjoying the feel of the sand between her toes. The slowness of her gait wasn't only because of the pleasurable feel of the silky-soft sand; it was all part and parcel of her recovery. Walking long distances still caused some discomfort, but after the scene she had just witnessed, she'd gladly deal with the muscle aches.

By the time she met up with the three of them, her boys were already sitting down in the sand enjoying their ice cream cones. She smiled at them as they waved and just then, Rob turned and handed her a cone. She nearly cried when she saw it. He had remembered all her favorites: chocolate ice cream, wafer cone, and chocolate sprinkles.

Reading her thoughts, Rob leaned in close to her and whispered, “I always think of you when I have chocolate ice cream.” His voice was so deep, so masculine, Jordan had shivers of delight running down her spine.

Memories of other picnics, picnics shared under the stars after making love when he'd fed her chocolate ice cream, swam in Jordan's brain. The playfulness of young love, the laughter, the plans… Being with Rob back then had been a full-sensory experience. Everything had been new and exciting, and their whole future had loomed brightly ahead of them. It had been a long time since she'd allowed herself to look back on that time in her life and remember all that was good, all that was right, and how much she had loved Rob.

Tingling all over, Jordan moved away quickly to the safety of her children. Rob joined them moments later on the sand, and they all ate in silence, enjoying the cool breeze coming off the water and the sweet ice cream.

“Thank you so much,” Jordan said finally as she bit into her cone. “It's been a long time since we've indulged like this, right, guys?” The sight of her boys nearly made her cry out with laughter. There seemed to be ice cream everywhere. Rob, noticing the same thing, jumped up to grab some extra napkins to assist in the cleanup.

He'd make a great father.
Jordan blushed at the thought. “Thank you,” the boys said in unison when he came back and handed them each a stack of napkins. Once they were done and cleaned up, they stood and asked Jordan if they could go down near the water and look for shells.

“Oh, I don't know, guys.” She hesitated. “I'm sure the water is very cold now and—”

“We'll walk down with you while you check it out,” Rob interrupted. He was getting awfully cocky with her and he knew he was pushing some buttons that he probably shouldn't, but he couldn't seem to help himself. The look on her face when he spoke had been priceless. He chose to ignore her wide-eyed response to him and instead stood up, brushed off the excess sand, and held out a hand to her.

Instead of arguing, Jordan reached up and accepted his hand. The contact was electric and as soon as she was steady on her feet, she quickly removed her hand from his and turned to look out to where the boys had run off to. Without a word, she and Rob walked side by side toward the water.

The loud shrieks confirmed what Jordan had thought: very cold water. The boys didn't seem to mind, and after she finished her cone, she sat back down in the sand next to Rob and watched them frolicking around, splashing one another. Rob was sitting so close that she could feel the heat emanating from his body and thought that he could surely hear her heart racing.

“They're great kids, Jordan,” he said matter-of-factly.

“Thank you,” she whispered.

“You're very lucky to have them.” He sighed. He was watching them closely when she turned to look at him.

“I know it's not any of my business and I hope you don't mind my asking, but why haven't you settled down and started a family?” She would understand if he didn't reply, but inside she was dying to know. Was she hoping for an ego boost by hearing him say he'd never gotten over her? She groaned inwardly, hoping she wasn't that shallow.

Without taking his eyes off her sons, he said, “I got close to it once. But she was a career woman and the thought of living in a small town, raising a family and doing the soccer-mom thing wasn't appealing to her.”

Jordan felt a pang of jealousy she had no right to have, then chastised herself for being ridiculous.

“It's funny; it was the exact opposite with Eric. He was the one who didn't want the whole family thing. He resented my getting pregnant with Joseph because it meant I wouldn't be able to work any longer. He eventually gave in and accepted the idea of me being a stay-at-home mom, but he never liked it. In his eyes, I should have been content with a career and should never have wanted to be a mother. I couldn't help it; that's the life I always wanted to live.”

Rob sat in stony silence for a moment, remembering all the times he and Jordan had discussed their future and how they would have a bunch of kids and grow old together. Their plans had always included having kids right away, Jordan staying home with them while Rob got his architecture career off the ground.

“I guess it never occurred to me that anyone
wouldn't
want to live that life,” he said with a sigh. Did Jordan remember all those plans? Did she ever regret giving their dream up? Not sure he wanted the answer, he switched gears. “So, I live vicariously through my sister with her kids. I get to be their favorite uncle and spoil them rotten with none of the real responsibility.”

“Claudia?” Jordan said as she suddenly remembered. “Oh my gosh! How is she? Does she live here now, too?”

“Yeah, Claude's great,” he said with affection. “She's been married forever and has four kids now.” At Jordan's shocked expression, he nodded. “I know, hard to believe that my party-hearty sister settled down to be the ultimate domestic wife and mother, but she did and she loves it.”

“Good for her! Do you see them often?”

“I have dinner with them at least once a week. She has three daughters and a son. I love my nieces, but I find I favor my nephew; he needs all the help he can get with that many females around!”

Jordan laughed. “I'm sure he does.” She watched her sons as they dug in the sand before turning back to Rob and sighing. “Sometimes I feel that outnumbered.”

She hadn't meant to share that much about her life with him or with anyone—at least not yet. She loved her sons more than life itself, but there were times when the responsibility of being both mother and father to them was overwhelming. Her family didn't seem to understand, and she was sure Rob wouldn't either. Suddenly Jordan felt very self-conscious that she had spoken her feelings out loud. She ducked her head and tried to think of something else to say to change the subject.

Rob could hold back no longer. The need to touch her became too strong to resist. He reached over and gently placed a hand on top of hers where it rested on her knee and then squeezed. Jordan's eyes widened at the contact. His hand was large and warm and callused, and it felt wonderful. Without conscious thought, she turned her own over in his and let their fingers mesh together.

“I'm sure you do,” he whispered. There was no condemnation in his words, and for the briefest of moments, Jordan believed he really did understand how she felt. She looked up at him with gratitude as he began to lean into her, hoping to feel her warm breath on his face before he kissed her.

“Hey, Mom, check out these great shells! I'm going to keep them and start a huge collection for when we go home. Aren't they cool? Hey, are we going to be able to find our way home in the dark?” Jake had cluelessly bounded over to ask the questions, unaware of what he was interrupting.

Jordan forced herself to move away from Rob's warmth. “We should go,” she said with a ragged voice. Rob nodded, not trusting himself to speak just yet. They stood and told the boys to go on ahead but to stay close as they made their way slowly back up the sand and to the road.

During the walk back to the house, the kids commented on how much fun they'd had and thanked Rob and over and over for the ice cream. He smiled and took it all in. They were such a sweet little family, and Rob found himself wishing they were his. His split with Amy had been amicable and he had eventually convinced himself he could live without fulfilling his dream of a wife and kids. But now as he walked with Jordan, he knew it wasn't possible. He wanted the dream. He wanted the original dream he and Jordan had shared.

Once back at the house, while the boys each took their turn in the bathroom showering off all the sand and ice cream, Jordan and Rob sat and made small talk in the den.

“So, where are you living now?” he asked.

“We have a house down in Raleigh, but I'm planning on selling it. It's too big for just the three of us and it's a lot to take care of.” He nodded. “What about you? How long have you been here on the coast?”

“I moved down here after college. My grandparents were living here at the time, and it just seemed like the perfect place. I had vacationed here as a kid and it had always been a secret dream of mine to move here.” He shrugged. “So, I got my degree and lived with my grandparents for a year while I got my architectural firm up and running and now…here we are.”

“I had no idea you wanted to live here. I remember you talking about your trips here but I didn't think—”

“It's no big deal,” he interrupted. “I never told anyone about wanting to live here. It all just sort of fell into place that way. I don't think it was a conscious decision to move here but I don't regret for a moment doing it. I've always loved it here.” Looking back, Jordan thought it seemed odd that Rob had never shared that part of his dream with her. “Anyway, I'm very fortunate that I'm living part of my dream. Not too many people can say that.” Jordan nodded sadly and they both grew silent.

Rob hung out until both boys were clean and ready for bed. Jake had insisted on showing him the room he was sharing with his brother and then sharing in great detail all about their rooms at home. Joseph told him about trophies he had won that were proudly displayed in his room as well as his dreams of a more grown-up room—since he was getting to be almost a teenager. For all the hard times they'd suffered lately, they still seemed content. He only wished he felt the same about his own life.

When Joseph and Jake walked back to the living room to kiss their mom good night, Rob wished them both a good night and told them he'd be back when he could, not wanting to step on Jordan's toes. Both of the boys were too worn out to argue the point and thanked him again. The excitement of the evening had worn them out, and Jordan kissed them both and told them she'd see them in the morning as they headed sleepily off to their room.

Now, alone in the living room, she was a jumble of nerves. Alone with Rob. What would she do? If she were honest with herself, she'd like to lean in close to him on the sofa and have that moment from the beach back.

“I had a lot of fun tonight, Jordan,” Rob said from his standing position in the living room.

“Yeah, me too,” she replied a little breathlessly. Jordan walked slowly toward him, hoping he'd join her on the sofa.

“Thanks again for dinner,” he said as he walked over to the front door. Jordan watched him quizzically. Was he leaving?

“Oh, sure. No problem. The boys really appreciated everything you did with them today.”
So did I. Please don't go.

“I guess I'll see you around.” He waved and was out the door, his eyes never quite meeting hers. At the sound of the door clicking closed, Jordan should have felt relief.

Instead, she felt a little angry.