Joseph (17 page)

“How many were sanctioned kills?”

“One.”

“The other two?”

“Had the intent, opportunity and capability of killing Ember. I prevented that.”

“And why would they want to kill Ember?”

“If you needed that information it would have been provided to you. Not my place to fill you in on the specifics, doc.”

“You act as if this is a game, Joseph. How many of these evaluations have you gone through?”

“Is that a roundabout way of asking how many people I’ve killed?”

“Yes.”

“If you needed to know, it would have been provided to you.”

The shrink blinked repeatedly. “Pat answer and a complete cop out. How many lives have you taken Joseph?”

“It doesn’t really matter. What matters is that I need to be cleared to take at least one more.”

“Why? What is so relevant about your next kill?” The doc leaned forward intently.

“It’ll be my last mission.” Joseph leaned back in the chair. He had the doctor exactly where he needed him.

“Clear me for this last mission, doc. After it’s over, I’ll never have to be cleared again.”

“That’s not how this works.”

“Sure it is. You and I both know I passed every objective of this interview. Do your job and let me do mine.”

Joseph watched the doctor push his fingertips together apparently thinking before he spoke. “Tell me how many people you have murdered or assassinated, Joseph.”

“Two different topics. Murdered? One. Assassinated at my country’s request? Fifty-three.”

“Fifty-three assassinations. How many more were collateral damage?”

Joseph shrugged. “None that were innocent civilians.”

“Alright. Who did you murder?” The doctor’s question lingered for several minutes.

“The piece of shit that killed my father. I was sixteen. And yes, if I had to do it again, I would.”

“Have you asked yourself if you can walk away from this? Turn your back on the massive adrenalin spike? Will you be able to leave this life and death power behind?”

“Leaving it behind won’t be an issue. There’s little likelihood I’ll return from this mission. Next to zero. This is the end of the road for me.”

“Then why are you going?” A puzzled expression masked the doctor’s professional demeanor.

“If I don’t, they’ll find Ember and they’ll kill her. If the choice is her or me? The answer will always be her. I’m willing to die so she can live.”

“Does she know?”

“That I’m leaving? Yeah. She knows I won’t contact her again. I’ve told her from the start our relationship ends when I leave. She doesn’t know this is my last mission. She doesn’t know I don’t expect to come back alive. She doesn’t need to know the choices I made to keep her safe and give her a future. If you know her, then you know such knowledge would eat her alive. So, those sociopathic tendencies you think I have? They aren’t too much of a concern any longer, are they?”

“No. Loving someone so deeply would eliminate that concern.”

“Huh. You don’t say.”

Joseph lifted from the chair and walked to the door. The fact the doctor didn’t stop him gave him the information he needed. He’d get a ‘go’ for the mission. Ember gazed up at him when he opened the door. She looked like a scared kitten. He offered a hand to her. Her smile removed any lingering aggression he felt from his little talk with her friend. He pulled her into his chest and lowered his face into her curls.

“You didn’t hurt him did you?” She barely concealed the concern in her voice.

“No, little girl, your friend is alive and well. Let’s go in and talk about your week.” He kissed her temple and tightened his hold on her. God he loved her luscious curves. Her softness against him fired every protective cell in his body.

“You know you don’t need to worry, right? I was happy to see an old friend, but I would never jeopardize what is between us. You’re the only one I have ever loved. Nobody has ever been able to replace you and nobody ever will. I love you Joey.”

Now didn’t that just inflate a man’s ego?
Feeling twenty-feet tall was addictive.

“I’m not worried. I’m possessive and extremely jealous. Once I’m gone, you can and will find a good man. But here? Now? You’re mine. If you have a problem with that, we should talk.

“I don’t want anyone else, Joey. I don’t think I ever have and I know I won’t go looking for someone once you leave.” She held up a hand and spoke before he could. “I’m not going to sugar coat the fact I hate what Morales and your past life are taking from me. But here and now? No, I don’t have a problem as long as you promise not to kill anyone who isn’t trying to kill me.” Her small laugh was an apparent attempt to hide the sadness he could feel wrapping around her.

“You need to kiss me, little girl, and then we’ll go talk to your friend.”

“Oh, I can do that.” And damned if she didn’t lift up on her toes and nail him with one hell of a kiss. As he followed her into the office, he decided her tongue should be registered with Guardian as a potentially deadly asset. ‘Cause damn, what she could do with it was killing him.

Joseph stopped at the large chair before he pulled her back to him and down on his lap. Ember shifted slightly resting on her hip. Her shy smile his direction made his cock perk up and take notice.

The doctor cleared his throat again. Joseph logged the annoying habit and studied the man as he prepared to talk to the woman he held in his lap. “Ember the file says you have had a hell of a week. Care to fill me in?”

He felt her release a deep sigh and sink back into his chest. Her head landed on his shoulder and she shook her head. “No, I really don’t. What has happened in the past week is between Joey and me. I resent Gabriel’s insistence in keeping this appointment and I resent Joey’s coercing me into coming.”

“Huh. Same old Red. Okay let’s do this the hard way. How many people have you seen killed this week?” Jeremiah’s voice was calm as he asked.

Ember cocked her head and then looked up at Joey. “Ahh…none. I didn’t see anyone killed. I was in the vicinity.”

“Really? What makes you think the men who Joey killed this week were going to harm you?”

Joseph tensed and sent a dagger-edged glare across the room at the doctor. Where the fuck was he going with this line of questioning?

“Dale, a friend of mine died first. He died because he discovered information that jeopardized a lot of criminals, information he’d passed along to me. The next two were going to try to kidnap and kill me. Joey stopped them, but they shot him in the process. The last was a paid assassin. He almost killed Chief. So yeah, I believe if they went after the men protecting me, I have reason to think the last three would have killed me. If not then, eventually.”

“As a doctor the Hippocratic Oath is our creed, our foundation for everything we do. Fight for life at all costs. How are you dealing the death that surrounds you?”

Joseph felt her tense and watched as she focused on the arm of the chair. She didn’t speak for several minutes. He finally glanced at the doctor who was focused on Joseph’s hand that softly circled at the base of Ember’s spine. An unconscious gesture he hadn’t noticed until this second and one he sure as hell wasn’t inclined to stop.

Her strong, steady voice finally responded to the question. “If those men had been presented to me to try to save I would have done everything in my power to do so. I have no doubt about that. What has happened around me happens everywhere in the world. Most of the time I have one or two degrees of separation from the reasons behind the aggression. That separation allows me to play at being omnipotent and I admit I routinely passed judgment on the people who caused or inflicted the suffering I try to fix.”

She lifted her eyes to Joseph and spoke to him, not to the doctor. “Joey did only what he had to do to keep me safe. I trust him to do the right thing.” She turned back to the shrink. “I have absolutely no doubt what was done was needed. So to answer your question I’m dealing. Life happens. Death happens. We can’t stop it. We either accept it or we don’t.”

“That answer is a rationalization isn’t it? Why won’t you respond to the question?”

Joseph couldn’t help the growl that emanated deep within him. What was the bastard doing? Her hand tightened on his arm immediately quieting his anger.

“Remi, I’m dealing with it in the best way I know.

The man cleared his throat and crossed his legs. “By romanticizing it? Really that’s the best way you know?”

“I’m not romanticizing anything.”

“Sure you are. You have your knight in shining armor coming in to sweep you off your feet. This week is just a romantic diversion for you isn’t it?”

“You have no idea what he’s been through! What he has already sacrificed for me. Fuck!”

“What? I’m right aren’t I? You aren’t looking at the issue. You’ve made it all candy cotton clouds and valentine hearts. How
are
you dealing with the deaths, Ember? Oh…wait…you’re not dealing with them!”

Joseph wanted to grab the fucker’s neck and squeeze until he never uttered a word again, but neither the doctor nor Ember appeared to recall Joseph was even in the room. Ember sat up, almost teetering off his lap, and spat at the man.

“You want the truth? Okay, here is the truth! I’m fucked up and I feel guilty! It’s
my
fault they’re dead! It’s
my
fault because
I
called Joey! It’s
my
fault I ran with the damn information. If I had given the information to his employers,
I
would be the
only
one dead. Chief and Joey wouldn’t be hurt. Joey wouldn’t be leaving me to go after that horrible man! None of this would have happened! It would only be me…only me. I’m a curse!”

Retching sobs tore through her as she crumbled onto the floor from his lap. Joseph slid out of his chair and pulled her into him rocking her gently as he stroked her hair. His eyes leveling an honest to God notice of pending death at the doctor. The man watched Ember with keen interest—never looking toward Joseph.

Joseph bent his mouth to her ear and whispered, “I live in a world you don’t want to know about. The deaths that haunt you are not your fault. Morales caused this. Not you, not me. I won’t let you shoulder his blame.” She clung to him as the sobs continued. The pain, confusion and loss she held bottled up inside her, seemed to spill out in torrents

When the flood of emotion crested and ebbed, the doctor spoke. “You need to grieve, Red. What has happened and what is going to happen is not your fault. You can’t take responsibility for drug dealers or assassins. You have feelings of guilt but the reality is none of these events was of your making. Joseph killed the men, but that guilt rests squarely on the person who sent them not on you and not your man. You’ve been placed in unusual circumstances and dealt with things most of us will never face. It’s alright to grieve, to be mad, to feel confused and at times…responsible. It’s alright to wonder what if. But the truth is none of the past week’s events were your doing. None. To get through this, you’re going to have to accept that. Oh and by the way…the man holding you…the one who would kill me in a heartbeat if I ever hurt you…he’s an extraordinary man. For whatever time the two of you have, be thankful.”

The doctor sat back and closed his notebook. “You’re blessed, Ember, not cursed.”

The doctor finally looked at Joseph. “I know you’ll take good care of her, but a word to the wise? Don’t let her bottle it up inside. She’s afraid for you and that’s normal. Tell her what you can, it will help.”

Joseph nodded. He uncoiled off the floor rising to his full stature before he bent down to lift her in his arms. When he stood again, she rooted into his chest as if he could protect her from the world. God, he prayed he could. Throwing the doctor a glance, he nodded. “You’re a fucking dick…but thanks.”

The doctor let out a long breath. “Been called worse. I’ll be here for her after you…leave.”

With every ounce of willpower and the last shred of strength she possessed, Ember tried to balance in the saddle the way Keelee showed her.
Use your feet to stand in the saddle. Lift so the saddle doesn’t smack you in the butt when the obstinate animal pounds your brains out and dislocates your spine at a trot. Yeah, right
. Em had saddle sores on top of bruises on top of chaffing. Of course, the physical woes were inevitable because that harbinger-from-hell she rode, made sure to jolt her six ways to Sunday and back again. They named the damn thing Charmin. What a freaking joke! There was nothing, absolutely nothing, soft about the damn animal.

The two men who went with them on the ride looked like they were born to live in the wild, wild, west. Dixon and Drake—twin Adonises.
Was that even a word
? Okay, maybe Perseus and Hercules, anyway they rode like it was second nature. The men also had enough guns strapped on to rob a stagecoach. Who would have thought smelly old cows could be so scary you needed to wear that many guns? Yeah, they were serious eye candy, but Lord above they never stopped talking. Never. The banter between the brothers fell seamlessly, as in without a breath, between the one-liners. Ember would be willing to place a bet those two were afraid of silence. Oh, and of course, they offered advice, too. Like that helped.

Rounding the small curve on the road to the barn, she discovered another level of humiliation. The intensity of her mortification knew no boundaries today. Joey and Adam casually sat atop the coral fence waiting for them. How was she going to get off the damn animal, let alone pretend she could walk? She heard Keelee’s sharp intake of breath. “Damn it why is
he
here?”

Ember didn’t let go of the saddle horn, but she did manage a fleeting glance in Keelee’s direction. In all actuality, she probably couldn’t have let go because her hands were molded to the leather with a death grip. Somehow in her mind the stranglehold on the saddle equaled making sure the Tasmanian devil under her didn’t jolt to the left or right without her noticing it.

Ember risked another glance towards her new friend and whispered so the two Greek gods riding behind them couldn’t hear. “No walls remember? This could be your chance to start your relationship over. If he doesn’t remember the first time around, you have a blank slate. The future is yours to write. Besides, you said there’s an attraction right?”

Keelee threw a quick look over her shoulder making sure Gorgeous One and Gorgeous Two weren’t in hearing range. Satisfied neither twin was listening she hissed back, “Crap Em, I shiver at the thought of that man. He could be my everything, but he’s already told me he doesn’t want me. Is it sick that I’m happy he has no idea he rejected me?”

“No. The heart wants what the heart wants. No walls, girlfriend. This could be your do-over.”

Crossing the hundred yards to the two men sitting on the wooden corral rails seemed to take forever. Ember and Keelee finally stopped their horses where the two men waited. Thankfully, the Delicious Duo continued their ongoing conversation and walked their horses straight into the barn. The laughter they shared had nothing to do with her. Nothing at all. That was her story and she was damn well sticking to it. She was a board certified doctor. She had skills, mad skills, talents people envied! So what if one of them wasn’t riding a mammal the size of a Volkswagen van? Joseph jumped down and grabbed the reins of the devil’s spawn somebody had the audacity to call a horse. Ember let out a huge sigh of relief before seeing the mirth in Joey’s face.

“Don’t you dare laugh at me, Joseph Theodore King!”

“Laugh at you, little girl? Now would I do that?” His shoulder’s shook as he looped the reins so they wouldn’t fall.

“Okay, I admit this was a mistake. ‘Just come with me,’ she said. ‘It’ll be a fun time. You really don’t need to know how to ride,’ she said. Oh my God, I have never hurt so much in my life. Muscles I, as a doctor, didn’t even know were part of the human anatomy hurt.” Her voice turned whiney when she admitted, “I ache Joey.” Keelee’s carefree laughter at her mocking didn’t bolster Ember’s deflated spirits.

Joey’s low roll of laughter joined Keelee’s. “I won’t bring up the fact I told you maybe you should start with a shorter ride. You were out for over three hours.” His smile as he leaned against her leg and looked up at her did nothing to help her bruised ego.

“Ember, you did really well for your first ride. You’ll have to come out with me again. Believe me, it gets easier. You’re sore now because you were trying to fight the natural balance of your body on top of the horse.”

Keelee swung off her horse and looked damned graceful doing it. “What are you doing here Doctor Cassidy? Were you afraid I was going to allow serious bodily harm to come to our guest?”

Ember watched the doctor. His gaze locked on the tall sexy blond who was busy adjusting something under the stirrup of her saddle.

“No. Actually I was hoping I could speak with you if you have the time, Ms. Marshall.”

“My name is Keelee. We don’t stand on ceremony on the ranch side of the compound. But since you haven’t been over this way before, you probably didn’t know that. Give me a couple minutes to put up these two and I’m all yours.”

Keelee turned her back on Adam and gave Ember a wide-eyed look over the back of her horse. She cleared her facial expression and turned to Joseph. “If you could get the good doctor off Charmin for me I’d appreciate it. I think you may have to pry her hand off the leather though. Lucky she didn’t break the glass inside that saddle horn.”

Ember released the leather immediately with a gasp. “You didn’t tell me it was made of glass!”

Joseph, Keelee and Adam all laughed her shocked exclamation. Oh, great...another level of humiliation hell.

“Oh ha, ha, ha! Sure, go ahead make fun of the city slicker.” But Ember gratefully fell into Joseph’s arms when his hands circled her waist pulling her off the miserable mountain of hoofs and hair. She luxuriated in the strength and hardness of his body as she slid down him before her feet hit the ground. Pushing into his hardness, she buried her face against his neck and linked her arms lightly around his waist.

“A hot shower and a full body massage should blot out some of the horrible memories of your first experience on the back of Beelzebub, here.” Ember felt the rumble of his words throughout her body and couldn’t help but notice the laughter it contained.

She kept tight against him but lifted, kissing his earlobe before she bit it gently. He groaned and tightened his embrace. She sighed and shimmied her hips against the growing bulge in his jeans. “I know you’re making fun of me but I don’t care. I’ll take you up on both the shower and massage as long as somewhere in the mix there is mind altering sex.” At her whispered words, Joseph dropped his forehead to hers before he responded so only she could hear. “Oh, little girl, I guarantee it.”