Journey Through Fire (17 page)

Help me,
she mouthed. I knew she had to get out of here. And I knew I had to help. I had to distract them somehow.

I turned back into the stable, thinking quickly. “Let me see the rice,” I ordered. “My friends at court will love hearing about this little adventure. Stolen rice!” I laughed. “How amusing. Do people really steal such things?”

I heard the quiet whisper of hay as Emiko fell to the ground behind us and knew that she could slip out of the door as long as the soldiers didn't notice her.

Terrified that the soldiers would turn and see my
friend, I tried to pick up the saddlebag, but it was heavier than I expected and I stumbled forward. My wig shifted slightly on my head, but now all the samurai were focused on my struggle with the rice.

“You should leave now,” one said. “We have work to do.”

They drew their swords and sliced through the hay to see if there was anyone hiding there.

I backed away silently. Then I turned around. No one was there; Emiko had made her escape. I walked out of the stables, my palms sweating, and stepped into the fresh air.

“Halt!” called out a voice. I froze on the spot. One of the samurai strode up to me. He reached out a hand and pulled at my wig. He must have seen it slip when I'd stumbled. My hands flew to my scalp.

“What is this?” he said. “A disguise?”

I tried to laugh scornfully, but the laugh dried up in my throat. “Don't be ridiculous,” I said. “I—”

“Silence!” the soldier interrupted. Any respect for a high-ranking girl had disappeared. “I've had enough of you, snooping around. Are you some kind of spy? Or are you the thief in disguise?” He threw the wig in the dirt at my feet and gripped me under the armpit. His fingers tightened around my arm, causing me to cry out. But there was no one to hear, other than the laughing soldiers in the doorway of
the stable. The samurai dragged me toward a corner of the compound. “You can stay in the cells until the Administrator is ready to deal with you,” he said. I tried to struggle in his grip, but he quickly unsheathed his
tanto
dagger and held it to my throat.

“Any more of that and you'll feel the trickle of your own blood,” he snarled. I stopped struggling and surrendered myself as he dragged me toward the cells. I was his prisoner.

 

If I reached out both my hands, I could touch either side of the room. The packed earth below me smelled of dampness, and the heavy, grilled door of my cell was smeared with grease from the many dirty hands that had grappled uselessly with the lock. I kneeled in the center of the room and tried to meditate. I didn't need to close my eyes—darkness surrounded me. I waited for my heartbeat to slow as I took long, deep breaths. But I couldn't slow my mind; it was racing. I had been locked up here for what felt like hours.

The glow of a lamp lit up the darkness, and heavy shadows moved across the floor of my cell as someone approached.
Thank the gods!
I thought.
Someone has come to get me out of here.
But, no. It was a new guard, here to relieve his compatriot.

The two men grunted to each other, as the person with the lamp took over. He watched his colleague
march away, then turned to inspect the girl in the cell behind him. I gasped as I saw Tatsuya's face and I scrambled across the floor to reach out a hand to the lacquered edge of his uniform.

“Tatsuya! Help me!” I said. Tatsuya looked momentarily surprised, but then his face turned cold and he straightened up. He turned his back on me and stood rigidly to attention, his sword glittering in the moonlight.

“I see Hana isn't the only person to have suffered in the fire,” he said, his back to me. “Your hair is looking interesting these days.” How could he use my injuries to taunt me?

“Please help,” I begged. My old friend ignored me. I felt anger firing inside me and I climbed to my feet. I would no longer beg—not to this traitor. I brought my face close to his ear and whispered.

“You've changed, Tatsuya,” I said, “and not for the better. You've been corrupted by privilege. Remember when you couldn't even pour a cup of
cha
? Well, I do. I refused to laugh at you back then, but I'm laughing at you now. You're pathetic. If I poured you a cup of tea now, I'd spit in it!”

Tatsuya swirled around and brought his face close to mine, through the grids of the door. “You've no idea what you're talking about,” he hissed. “So keep quiet. Unless…” I heard a cold hiss as he partly
unsheathed his sword. The threat hung in the air between us.

After a moment, he turned away again, but as he turned, I saw that his neck guard had slipped and I caught sight of something in the lamplight. Curved strokes in black ink on white skin.

I shoved a fist in my mouth to stop myself from crying out.

A tattoo!

Tatsuya was the enemy in our midst.

He was the ninja!

I
scrambled back in my cell, just as more lamps emerged, bobbing like glowworms. With a swish of silk, Akane appeared. Her face was illuminated by the golden light. It cast sharp, ugly shadows, and for a moment it was difficult to recognize this woman as the beautiful wife of the Administrator. Mother stood beside her, her face serious.

“Release this girl,” Akane snapped at Tatsuya.

As Tatsuya fumbled with the lock, I stepped forward into the light cast by the lamps. My mother gazed at me, her face unreadable, her eyes like dark pools. Then, slowly, she shook her head at me. As the door creaked open and I stepped outside, shame flooded through me.

Akane looked me up and down appraisingly. She raised an eyebrow. “I hadn't expected this from you,” she said before turning back to the compound.

Tatsuya followed her, and Mother and I brought up the rear. Guilt scorched my heart as I kept pace.

“How could you?” Mother whispered. I saw her shoulders sag beneath her kimono, and for the first time, she looked old. Akane and Tatsuya had pulled ahead. “This is the most crucial time for our family, and you get yourself thrown into a cell and paraded across the compound without your wig on. When will this end? Why can't you follow Hana's lead and adapt to life here?”

“It wasn't my fault—” I protested, but Mother turned her back on me and walked toward our apartment.

Too many people had turned their backs on me today. I couldn't hold in my frustration. “You don't want to know me anymore, do you?” I asked, my voice hoarse. “I can't help it that my hair is gone and you think I'm ugly.”

Mother stopped walking.

“I can't help that I've changed,” I shouted back at her, not caring who overheard. “When Father died and you left with Moriyasu, I had to fight for myself.”

Slowly she turned to me. I could see tears streak her face, lit golden by the lamp that swung loosely from her hand.

“I have never forgiven myself for what happened that day,” she said. “I had to get your brother out, but I never meant to abandon you and Hana. And you're
right that I don't know you anymore. My Kimi would never behave like this.”

I watched Mother walk away. I wanted to call after her, say I was sorry. Had Mother's heart left me for good? I waited to see if she would pause to look back—just once, just to show she still loved me. But she ducked her head and disappeared inside the building. I was left alone in the dark.

When I got back to our apartment, Moriyasu was in his own room, asleep. Hana and Mother sat on the side of Hana's bed, clearly waiting for me.

Mother threw a weary hand in my direction. “Here she is,” she said, before rising and turning into her own room. The door closed behind her with a click. She hadn't even said good night.

Hana stood up and walked over to me. I waited for her to apologize for her angry words earlier in the day; surely she would see that now I was tired and upset. But she raised a hand in the air and struck me, slapping my face hard so that my head jerked around. I put a hand to my mouth, and when I pulled it away, red blood was smeared across my fingertips. I looked back at my sister; I was too shocked for the slap to hurt, but the expression on my sister's face struck at my heart. She pushed me roughly in the chest, sending me staggering back.

“I don't want you near me,” she said.

“Stop this!” I cried as Hana gave me another angry shove. With a sob, Hana pushed past me and ran out into the gardens. I waited for my ragged breathing to slow down, and then I followed.

Hana was leaning against the trunk of the maple tree, gazing out over the deserted courtyard. As I came up behind her, she turned so that I could see her profile lit by the light of the moon.

“I'm sorry if I've brought you unhappiness,” I said quietly. Hana didn't react, so I plunged on. “But there's something you must know. Tatsuya is the ninja. He was guarding me in the cell and I saw his tattoo.” I waited for Hana to say something.

“So now you add lying to your list of achievements,” she said bitterly. “Well done, Kimi. You must be really proud of yourself.”

I could not believe my sister was saying this to me. I grabbed her shoulders and forced her around to look me in the face. “How can you say that?”

Hana looked away.

“Look at me!” I demanded.

Hana lifted her eyes and met my gaze. “I can't believe it,” she said. “I won't.”

“You have to,” I said. “It's the truth.”

Hana pulled herself from me and backed away among the leaves of the maple tree. Her voice was weak. “But he's always hated the ninja—they took his
father. He wouldn't become one of them! You must be confused, Kimi.”

“I'm sure there is a good reason,” I said gently, “and I admit that I don't know what it is yet. But there's no escaping what I saw tonight. Tatsuya wears the tattoo of the ninja. He does. Something has happened to him—and something is waiting to happen. We cannot stand aside and watch.”

I held out my fingertips to Hana, in our secret signal of kinship. After a moment's hesitation, she brought her own fingertips against mine. She was starting to forgive me, and I hoped that she would also begin hearing the truth of what I was saying.

Hana gazed up at the moon, milky white in the night sky. “It's the Shogun's meeting tomorrow,” she muttered. “We had better rest.”

Sighing deeply, I followed my sister back to our beds. She was right. Tomorrow would be a long day and I would need all my energy. I only hoped that Daisuke would stand by my side. After today, I wasn't sure who else I could count on.

 

Mother woke us early the next morning.

“We must look our best for the meeting,” she explained. “It is crucial to make an impression if we are to persuade the clans.” Meekly I allowed Mother to hold kimonos up in front of me until she gave a sharp nod.

“Yes, this one,” she said. Even I had to admit, it was beautiful. The silk was of the same pale pink as a cherry blossom and the undergarment was a vibrant green, just like the sticky buds of spring. My obi sash was embroidered in emerald, against a deeper pink. Mother brought the folds of the robes around my body, pulling and adjusting, until the hem hung at just the right length.

As she pulled the wig on my head—rescued from the stables—she looked at me properly for the first time that morning.

“I do not think you are ugly,” she said. “You are my beautiful daughter. But this is your life now, Kimi.” She pulled me into an embrace and I knew I still had her love.

“Do not worry,” I said. “When Moriyasu is
Jito
, I will always make myself presentable. I will not let the family down.”

Mother smiled uncertainly. “Why the change of heart?” she asked.

“Last night I found myself in a cell—and I saw how much I'd upset you and Hana,” I explained. “It was never what I set out to achieve. And now, as you have said, we have to show brave faces to the world. We need to be united.”

Mother hesitated; then she nodded her head in acknowledgment.

“This is more than I could have hoped for,” she said. “I look forward to watching you and your sister and brother care for the estates. Thank you.”

The door slid open. Hana stood in the doorway, panting. Then she raced over and grabbed my hand. “Come on!” she said, pulling me after her.

“Girls!” Mother cried out, startled. “Where are you going? The meeting—” But it was too late. We were already racing down the walkway.

Hana dragged me behind her until we arrived at the door of the samurai's quarters.

“What are you doing?” I asked. “What's happening?”

Hana tried to catch her breath. “I can't stand it anymore,” she said. “I couldn't sleep last night thinking about it. I have to know! I have to hear it from Tatsuya!”

Soldiers were all over the compound, making sure it was secure for the day's meeting. The head of every important clan would be there.

As we made our way across the gravel, no one turned to look at us.
We fit in,
I thought to myself.
No one stares at us anymore
. I watched Hana as she walked ahead of me, keeping her steps small and meek, despite her urgency. Her kimono billowed heavily in the breeze as she peered into soldiers' faces, looking for our friend.

We found Tatsuya in a secluded corner of the pool garden, hidden by the drooping leaves of the willow tree. This was where we had first sat with him and where he had first turned on us. He swiveled around at the sound of our approach, and his face turned pale.

“What's going on?” I asked. There was no time for polite civilities now.

Tatsuya looked past us, desperate to escape. But Hana and I stood shoulder to shoulder.

“I don't know what you're talking about,” he said. “Let me past. I have work to do.”

“What work?” I challenged. “An assassination?” I watched the blood drain from his face. My guess was right. “After all, isn't that what ninja are sent to do? Assassinate?”

I heard Hana gasp in disbelief beside me. “Tell us it's not true,” she said, reaching out a hand. “Tatsuya, tell us it can't be.”

Tatsuya raised a trembling hand toward Hana's. Then his face contorted with aggression and he grabbed her wrist, twisting it behind her back so that she was forced to collapse to the mossy ground with a cry of pain. A corner of her kimono draped in the pond, soaking up water that turned her rose-colored kimono a deep red—the color of blood. Tatsuya pushed past her, but I threw myself in front of him
and punched him straight in the gut. He staggered but then brought his own hand around to chop my neck. I was flung forward, facedown in the dirt. Tatsuya didn't hesitate. I turned to see him pulling his curved sword out of its hilt; with his other hand he dragged Hana up from the ground by her hair. He pinned her against his chest and held the silver blade of his sword to the pale skin of her neck.

“No!” I cried. I pulled the kitchen knife out of my sleeve and leaped forward, pressing its point against the quick pulse in the base of Tatsuya's throat. I watched a trickle of blood score a path down his chest. “One more move and I kill you,” I hissed between gritted teeth. “I promise you that.”

Tatsuya's eyes looked wild as he stared back at me. I could hear Hana quietly sobbing. Thoughts raced through my mind as time stood still.
Could Tatsuya really be capable of killing Hana? Was I capable of plunging my knife into the flesh of my old friend?
I couldn't understand what had brought Tatsuya to these desperate actions. Then Tatsuya's face crumbled. He let the sword drop to the ground, and Hana staggered to one side as he fell to his knees. I stepped away and he leaned forward so that his forehead pressed against the moss. I could see his sides heaving. Then he sat back on his haunches and lifted his face to the sky, exposing the snow-white skin of his throat. The ninja
tattoo was there for all to see now.

“Kill me,” he said. He looked at the knife gripped in my fist and I could see that the glint in his eyes had turned dull. “I'm already dead.”