Joy and Tiers (39 page)

“That’s terrible!” I exclaim. I knew it was awful, but I had no idea it had gone to those extremes.

“As much as I love Aidan, I don’t love this crazy lifestyle that comes with his success. But, I accept it because his music career is part of who he is. I don’t think Aidan would be able to breathe if he didn’t have music. So, I’ve just had to make peace with the parts of this I absolutely hate. I suspect Tyler is much the same way about being a savior whether that comes in the form of being a soldier or a law enforcement officer.”

I shudder and sigh. “I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to truly make peace with the fact that my husband puts his life on the line every day. I live in fear every time he walks out the front door. I do my best to hide my internal struggle from him because I know he has unfinished business with the terrorists who killed his team. So, I guess you could say I’ve reached an uneasy truce with Uncle Sam.”

“Oh Heather, I think you’re being far too hard on yourself. If you were totally Zen with your husband facing off with crazed radical terrorists after they already injured him once, I’d be marching you into Kiera’s office for a mental health evaluation. I think as supportive spouses, it’s our job to worry about the men in our lives. But, I think it’s also natural to downplay our level of stress about it. As much is Aidan likes to talk about stuff— and Geez! Can I tell you? The man can talk a subject to death! I don’t always tell him how much the fame stuff freaks me out. I save that to share with the Girlfriend Posse. It’s not because I don’t trust him with it, it’s just that he doesn’t need one more thing to stress out about.” 

“I would’ve never guessed our guys worry about us as much as they do,” I muse.

Tara grins. “Crazy, isn’t it? I know Aidan worries about how I’m going to react to the over-the-top fans who throw their underwear onstage or send him naked selfies. But, I trust him to not be tempted by all the garbage. I just can’t let that stuff bother me. The thing that I find the most intrusive is the paparazzi who follow us everywhere. I found one guy digging in our trash the other day. I hope he was thrilled with what he found because I was on my period. So, there was some pretty disgusting stuff in the garbage can.”

The mental picture she plants in my head causes me to laugh out loud. “Well, serves the jerk right for poking around where he shouldn’t be. I don’t feel sorry for him at all.”

Tara giggles. “Me either. I hope he lost his lunch in his car on the way home.” 

“I don’t tell Tyler everything either,” I continue. “He’s got a deep-seated fear that I’m not going to be able to handle all of this. I’m afraid if I tell him that I’m frightened for his well-being, he might misinterpret my fears. I
am
frightened every single day, but it doesn’t mean I don’t want to be his wife. It just means that there’s a pit in my stomach every time he walks out the door and it stays there until I can put my arms around him again. So, I don’t really know how I’ll cope with him being gone. It’s probably going to be the scariest thing I’ve ever done.”

Tara studies me carefully. “Remember a while back you and I had a conversation where you referred to me as a Warrior Chick?”

I chuckle. “Yes, I remember. As I recall, I didn’t just refer to you as a Warrior Chick. I said you were the toughest Warrior Chick I knew and that you could probably kick my butt about fifteen different ways.”

“True enough. But, I also see you as a pretty tough Warrior Chick. When life knocked you down, you didn’t just stay down. You chose to get back up and mold yourself into the person you wanted to be despite huge family pressures to be somebody you weren’t. That takes an amazing amount of courage. You turned down the opportunity to live on easy street and take the path of least resistance so that you could live your own dream. I think you underestimate the strength of character it takes to do that.”

I can feel my face grow hot as I start to blush. “You make it sound like I have overcome horrendous odds like you or Kiera. I basically have a rude family who doesn’t know the meaning of proper personal boundaries; that hardly compares to surviving child abuse and life in a wheelchair or triumphing over date rape.”

“Actually, I don’t see it that way. In many ways I see what you overcame as being more difficult than what happened to me. Once people understand what happened to me, it is clear I was a victim. But, your victimization was much more subtle. You were bullied bit by bit over time so gradually no one saw that your self-esteem had completely crumbled and fallen away until you had nothing left. Even Kiera and I didn’t know how bad it was until Tyler came into your life and could see the real you. You had gotten so good at putting on a fake front that you had even your best friends fooled.”

I know that she doesn’t mean to be hurtful, but her words feel like a slap in the face. “I didn’t feel fake. I wasn’t trying to be deceptive,” I argue defensively.

Tara holds her hands up in a placating manner. “You didn’t let me finish. After you began to see yourself through Ty’s eyes and saw your true worth, you started to shine. All of those protective facades you had been unconsciously carrying around for years began to fall away. The fact that you were courageous enough to drop them is amazing. Many people, including me, hold onto the hurt far longer than they need to because it’s like a comfortable old blanket. But, you were a Warrior Chick and boldly let go of the past and explored a brand-new future. I’m so proud of you.”

It takes me a moment to be able to gather my words. Rarely am I ever stunned into silence. But, it’s one of the longest speeches I’ve ever heard Tara give. She’s usually so quiet and spends her time merely observing. The fact that she has so many positive things to say about me has me completely befuddled. “Wow! I don’t know what to say. I guess we should go celebrate that we’re brides today. With all this deep talk, I think we’ve forgotten it’s a party. We’ve got two very handsome husbands waiting for us.”

Tara picks up two glasses of champagne and hands me one. I clink our glasses together as she says, “Here’s to a long happily ever after. Now, enough of the heavy stuff. Let’s go dance. I promised my husband an extra sultry rumba.”

“Hear, hear!” I reply. “But, I am not sure Tyler has a sexy rumba in him. Dancing isn’t really his thing. Getting him up on the dance floor at Kiera’s wedding was a minor miracle. I’m not sure that I’ll be able to pull it off twice.”

“Have you looked in the mirror? You’re scorching hot. That man’s eyes haven’t left your backside since you put your fancy little dress on. He’s going to take any excuse he can get to put his hands on you, I guarantee it.” 

I clink my glass against hers again and offer my own toast. “Here’s to hot women and the hunks who love them.” 

Tara grins and replies, “I’ll drink to that.”

“Speaking of that, where are Kiera and Jeff? Did they sneak off to go have a roll in the hay?” I ask, smirking.

Tara looks exasperated. “No, she only wishes it was that glamorous! Becca was playing with the bridal favors and stuck a bubble wand too far down her throat. She gagged and threw up all over herself and Kiera. So, they’re back at the hotel getting changed. Kiera is worried that she’s going to mess up all the pictures because now her dress won’t match. I told her not to worry about it because we’d solve the problem by sitting on her lap.”

“Funny! We should do that. It would make a great picture. A Girlfriend Posse Pyramid—”

“Don’t worry, I plan to. You know what? Let me text Aidan. The guys should sit on Jeff’s lap too; that would be hysterical. If we have to sit through the damn things, they might as well be fun.”

“Gee, why don’t you tell how me you really feel, Tar?” I tease. “It still baffles me how someone as pretty as you could hate to have their picture taken. By all rights, you should be on the cover of Vogue.”

“You could be standing right beside me Mrs. Colton,” Tara responds.

My mouth drops open in my eyes widen as I shriek, “Ho-lee-cow!”

“What?” asks Tara looking around, suddenly on the alert for danger.

“Nothing! It’s just that when I woke up this morning I was single and now I’m married. It’s really weird to be called by a different name. I thought I would have months and months, if not a couple years to plan for this and it’s all happened in an afternoon. My life is so crazy. I knew that man would be trouble the second I laid eyes on him.”

Tara smirks at me, “Yeah, but isn’t he the best kind of trouble?”

 Something about the gleam in her eyes tells me there’s more to that comment. Sure enough, at that moment, Tyler steps behind me and kisses me on the neck. “I heard you guys were talking about trouble. So, I naturally assumed you must’ve been summoning me.”

“You’re such a great mind reader. Tara and I decided that we need two handsome dance partners and the handy thing about it is we happened to marry a couple of really handsome ones today. Do you see them around anywhere?” I quip as I wink at him.

 “You’re a funny girl for someone who wants me to dance. You might want to be a little nicer to me. You know, I’m a sensitive guy. My ego could be easily bruised. I might have to sit on the sidelines and nurse my hurt feelings.”

“Oh, I’m so sorry. I wouldn’t want that to happen. I might just have to kiss you to make you feel better.”

“You’ve got a deal. I’ll trade you a two-step for a kiss any day of the week,” he answers.

I link my arm with Tyler’s and he escorts me back toward the room where we’re holding the reception. I can’t believe the transformation in just a few short minutes. I guess that’s one of the perks of having two songs at the top of the Billboard charts. They can afford the extra help now. Even though I supervised all the catering and did the cake with the help of Piper—with a boost from Mindy, I had a lot of help with the catering this go around. The logistics were just too complicated to make it a do-it-yourself affair like we had with Kiera.

Tyler looks around and whistles softly through his teeth. “Clearly, my buddy is movin’ up in the world. You say our shindig is going to put this one to shame? I better start saving now. I might be able to afford it when our kids hit high school.”

“Yeah, about that…I may have overstated my ability just a tad. I can cook really well, but there is no way I can match this level of grandeur.”

“Gidget, I don’t care. As long as you, our friends and family are there—all the rest of this is window dressing. All I want or need is you. Coming home safe to you is my only priority.”

“You mean to tell me you won’t miss your menagerie of animals even a little?” I ask, tongue in cheek”

“Of course I will. I always do, but it will pale in comparison to how much I will miss you. I have become so accustomed to having you in my life that I don’t know if I remember how to function without you in it.”

“Me either, Cowboy. It’s as if I’ve completely forgotten my life before you busted into my personal space and forgot to leave. I decided you make a rather comfy teddy-bear.”

“Teddy bear!” he scoffs as he swoops in for a naughty kiss. “I patrol the mean streets and rid the streets of crime, remember?”

“Yes, sir! Whatever you say, Officer Hotness,” I reply as I pinch him playfully on the butt.

“Wait— what did you call me? Shouldn’t I feel all objectified or something?” He sticks his lower lip out.

If I didn’t know him better, I might almost be convinced. “Oh please! Don’t tell me you don’t know the little Criminal Justice interns from the Community College call you that. You probably even hung the hash tag suggestions on the bulletin board in the break room.”

Tyler flushes. “Hey! It’s not like I didn’t have accomplices—” 

I roll my eyes and look over at Tara as I mouth, “Help! I married a twelve-year-old. What do I do now?”

Tara smirks and giggles as she replies, “Don’t look at me! Mine still practices with his buddies in the garage while munching on potato chips and drinking copious amounts of pop. I think it’s a guy thing.”

Kiera whips her chair around the corner at break-neck speed, “What did I miss? What’s a guy thing?”

Tyler raises his hands defensively as he answers, “I don’t know what they’re talking about. Seems like pretty normal stuff to me.”

Tara raises an eyebrow at him as she answers Kiera, “You didn’t miss much. We were just talking about how much Heather is going to miss her overgrown man-child here when he has to go off to save the world from bad guys.”

Tyler pins me with a lethally sexy glare and replies, “Damn straight. Told you I was a bad-ass soldier, not some wimpy teddy bear.”

I pull the ends of his bowtie down so his mouth is level with mine and I kiss him very thoroughly before I respond, “Oh, trust me—being my teddy bear is not such a bad thing. You didn’t ask who I sleep with every night.”

By the time I’m finished, Tyler is breathing heavily. “If that’s my reward for losing an argument, I’ll lose every day.”

Kiera shields her eyes and scoffs, “Geez guys, go get a room.”

“Oh hush your mouth! He is my husband now! It’s not like I didn’t walk in on you and Jeff making out like teenagers at the breakfast table this morning. Besides, we’ve got plenty of time for that. We’ve got a dance floor to conquer,” I quip. But, my heart sinks as I remember we don’t really have a lot of time for anything. All those years that I imagined my wedding and honeymoon, I never imagined that I would have to condense time into warp speed.

Falling into patterns and rhythms that I’ve always used to soothe myself when I’m upset, I start compulsively cleaning the kitchen and putting away food. As I’m covering the third tray with Saran wrap, Tyler comes over and wraps his arms around my waist. “Heather, stop. They have people to do this today. You don’t have to shoulder it all. Today is our wedding day too. We can’t not celebrate the moments we do have together just because we might not have more in the future. You know that I don’t dance, but today, I’d like to dance with my bride.”

I feel a tear slide from my eye as I respond, “How can I be so happy but be so heartbroken at the same time? It’s like my heart already misses you and you’re standing right in front of me.”