Judging June (Downtown) (2 page)

“Look, I’m not happy about what we did either, but it is what it is,” I say casually—maybe a little too casual.

She stuffs her compact back in her purse and groans. “I really hate that term.”

“I’ll make us some coffee. Toast. You like toast?” I hold up the bag of bread.

“That’s fine,” she agrees, waving her hand in the air. “I just need
something.
”

After I prepare the coffee and pop two pieces of bread in the toaster, I glance at her. I don’t even know where this question is coming from. I don’t need any ego reassurances; I know I’m good in bed and I know I’m not an ugly guy, yet I just wonder. . . . .“Tell me. . . . .even if you weren’t drunk last night, would you still have slept with me?” I ask amused.

She stutters, “Wha. . . . what kind of question is that? Of course I wouldn’t have!”

“I don’t believe you,” I smirk at her.

“You’re so full of shit.”

“No, just telling it like it is.” As I lean further into her from the counter I smugly say, “You have a thing for me and I saw it last night. Actually I’ve seen it more than once.” I don’t know why I’m enjoying seeing her get so riled up; her cheeks turn pink and her lips turn in.
Flirting with her is damn fun.

“You know what? Thanks for the coffee, but I have to go.” She gets off the stool, grabbing her purse.

For some reason I don’t want her to leave. I want to keep her here, argue with her, make her blush even more so than she is right now. Yet the words that come out of my mouth make me look like a total asshole. “Even though we fucked, I still love Faith.” I do love Faith—
I did.
I’m so fucked up I don’t even know how or why I loved her in the first place. We never really did anything except sleep together or go out to eat, so what was it about her that made me love her? “Besides even if I didn’t love her I would never . . . . . .”
Shit. I really do need to think before I speak.

June catches my mistake. “Go on. . . . tell me . . . you would never fuck someone like me, is that it?” She shakes her head and scoffs. “You’re so judgmental.”

“I don’t dig the tattoos or piercings, but I’m not judging you.”

“Huh, could have fooled me.” She swings her purse onto her shoulder and heads for the front door.

“June, come on. Don’t walk off mad.”

Before she opens the door, she swiftly turns around and looks at me with hurt in her eyes. “You know, I really thought you were a nice guy. You act all cool and sweet with Faith, even though she treats you like shit, but in reality you’re just an asshole.” She scoffs, then adds, “I was so wrong about you. I felt sorry for you. I felt sorry that Faith was playing you all the time. But now? Now, I feel pity because you turned into a complete low life, a jerk.” She whips back around and turns the door handle. I can’t let her leave thinking I am a total asshole. I quickly go to her and tug on her arm. She yanks it away from my grip. “Get your hands off me!” She yells.

I am now seeing a side of June I’ve never noticed before. Getting her riled up like this makes her unbelievably sexy; the tattoos have always shadowed that. Although I never meant to hurt her. . . . I have. “I’m sorry,” I apologize softly. “I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings.”

She exhales, looking down at her feet and shrugs, “Yeah, well. . . . you can’t help how you feel . . . I’m just not your type. I get it.”

I gently lift her chin, wanting her to look at me. “Will you be okay?”

She laughs without any humor. “No. . . . I fucked Faith’s boyfriend.” Her eyes begin to tear up, getting red. “How can I be okay with that?”

June leaves me standing in my entryway feeling like shit. I messed up and I’m not sure how to fix it.

I AM MORTIFIED AND DEEPLY ashamed of myself; how could I do this to Faith of all people? She’s my best friend and I betrayed her. I betrayed her a long time ago when I felt some kind of pull from Phillip. He was never my type of guy to date—too clean cut and preppy for me. I like the motorcycle type dudes, like my dad. How I became attracted to him, I really don’t know. He’s just so . . .
so gorgeous.
I don’t care if Faith was just using Phillip for her own selfish needs, I still betrayed her. How will she ever forgive me?

When I got home from Phillip’s house, I scrubbed my body like three times before I felt clean enough to get out. I didn’t want to smell his scent on my body any longer, no matter how good he smelled—and
man
did he smell
great.
The scent of his masculine cologne was just. . . . . .
shit, I need to stop!
I can’t let myself go there, thinking about him and wanting him, feeling his mouth on my clit—wow he was really good down there.
Ugh, there I go again!
I’m not his type and never will be. I just need to stay clear of my feelings for him and move on—plain and simple. Yet, is it really that simple? I just slept with the dude! How is
that
simple? On top of that, he’s still in love with Faith. I’ll never meet up to his standards; I’ll never be the girl without the graphic body art, piercings in my belly and nose, and ever changing hair color.
I’m not that girl.
I like rock and roll, I like putting art on my body and I like switching up my hair color. That’s who I am and if he can’t see me for who I am on the inside? Screw him! Screw his judgmental thoughts about me. Oh, but
yes,
he was
so
sorry about
hurting
my feelings—fuck that! He can just kiss my ass! I don’t care what he thinks of me! It’s his loss anyways.

After seeing Faith upset at
JINKS’
party, and after Phillip took her home, I tried texting her, but she never responded. The day I stormed off from Phillip’s I went to her suite to see what happened—no such luck. I gave up and headed to the studio instead. I had tons of work to do, yet my mind would not let me forget about sleeping with Phillip. I want to rip my hair out every time I think about his perfectly sculpted body. My God his body is unbelievable; his rippled abs, broad, muscular shoulders, arms, the V that leads down to his cock—holy shit he’s a beautiful man. Although I want to bury that one fateful night, I can’t forget the way he looked at me—yes he was drunk, but he still looked at me with hunger and desire. His green eyes, holy crap I can drown in those eyes, they are gorgeous—
he’s
gorgeous dammit and he’s not mine to drown in! Ugh, I really need to stop thinking about him! I chuck the rest of my work and call it a day. I text my good friend, Peta, and ask her if I can stop by her place so I can get this heavy feeling off of my chest; I need to talk to someone.

Peta is a drop dead, gorgeous bombshell; she’s got long wavy red hair, is tall, lean, and has a great rack, along with kickass curves—the lady needs to be a runway model—that’s how unfuckingbelievably HOT she is!

“How Peta? How would you tell your best friend that you slept with her boyfriend?” I ask, while she comes around the sofa with a glass of wine for me. Wine is a deal breaker with Peta—you have a problem, drink a glass of wine. I am certainly not complaining with her choice of remedy.

She sits down next to me, grinning. “First of all, I wouldn’t sleep with Sandy’s boyfriend—husband. Second, I’m engaged.”

I sway my head back with frustration. “I’m not talking literally, I’m talking figuratively!”

“Girl, I know you are, but even in the most heated moment would I
ever
consider jumping Quinn’s bones, he’s too intense and controlling.” She takes a sip of her wine, then continues with a shrug, “Plus he never had the hots for me anyways, but it looks as though Phillip had the hots for you or he wouldn’t have tried to get you in the sack.”

“Oh, he
clearly
stated I am not his type.” And boy, did he
ever
say I was not his type; I could feel his eyes darting from point A to point B on every part of my body, and it wasn’t because he thought I was hot. He definitely did
not
like my tattoos.

“Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t fuck you,” she says matter-of-factly.

“Point taken.” I lean back, slouching, drinking this amazing wine—
where the hell did she get this stuff? It’s very tasty.
“Since Faith cheated on Phillip anyways, do you think she would be more understanding?”

She looks at me as if I just burst a brain vessel. “June . . . there is only way to find out—tell her the truth! You ignoring her is not going to help. It’s only going to make her pissed off and I don’t think you want that. Plus you need her too and by pushing her away you’re only hurting yourself—possibly more than it’s hurting Faith.”

Clearly she knows more about being a best friend than I do; best friends don’t stab each other in the backs, they tell each other the truth whether it’s good for them or not.

After a much needed girl talk, it was time for me to get home. Although I still feel like shit, at least I had someone who I could lay out all of my personal baggage to. “Thanks for letting me come over.” I hug my friend. “I really needed you to kick my ass.”

Peta pats my back. “That’s what friends are for.”

I am about to walk out the door when I totally forgot to ask Peta about her fiance,’ Scott. Here I am being a big baby over my one-night-stand while my dear friend is probably sick with worry. Scott is in the Military; he’s been in the middle east for half a year. What she must be going through on a daily basis—I can’t imagine. “Oh, hey, any word on when Scott is coming back?”

Her dark olive eyes suddenly turn from happy to sad. Maybe I shouldn’t have brought Scott up? It seems as if this is a painful subject. “He says four more months, but you never know,” she shrugs. “They’re always pushing the date back.”

“I’m so sorry. It must be extremely difficult.”

“Yeah, it is, but,” she puts on a brave face and smiles. “I just keep on chugging with work and spending my time with hot rock bands who keep me from going insane,” she ends on a small laugh.

I smile and do my best to lighten the mood. “Atta girl!” We give each other one more hug before I leave.

After three days of trying to get Faith to open her door, I had security unlock it for me. I needed to know what the hell was wrong with her. Plus I needed to come clean about my buried secret. Unfortunately I lost my confidence. There is no way I could tell her. When she confessed after having sex with Lucky on the terrace, I wanted to scream, because I knew I may be in the clear. Maybe she wouldn’t even care I slept with her boyfriend? Yet I could tell she wasn’t going to get past it that easily; she never wanted to cheat on Phillip. Yes we both did the unthinkable, but I was there to comfort her and to help her realize what she did wasn’t the end of the world; she wasn’t committed to Phillip. I wanted to lighten her guilt just to help
me
feel less guilty—I was a selfish bitch.

A few weeks go by and I haven’t seen Phillip, spoken to him or thought about him. . . . . . Okay, I’m lying. I’ve been thinking about him non-stop and wish I can get him out of my head. He doesn’t want me, so why do I even want to think about him? One reason. . . . .he’s fucking hot as shit! Second, he’s great in bed. Third. . . . . . I don’t have a third—I’m just a crazy lonely fool. I haven’t dated in months because of BT2090. Starting a new business takes up so much of my time that dating has gone out the window. So imagine me getting a booty-call from a gorgeous guy who was pretty much taken by my best friend. Okay at first it wasn’t a booty-call, but turned into one—someone who actually wanted to sleep with me because he needed a good fuck just as much as I did? I said hell yes and took him like last nights dessert. It was the best sex I’ve had since . . . . . . . I cannot remember the last time. I was a crazy, lonely, drunken fool.

I had to stop, get my mind back on track and make music my number one focus again.
JINKS
was playing at Reds and I texted Faith to come join me for a fun night out. We hadn’t seen one another for awhile, I’ve been avoiding her after the night she confessed to me about her and Lucky. I had to get out of my funk and make it look like I was just too busy for anyone—such a joke. Anyhow, getting Faith to hang with me was just my little plan of reuniting her and Lucky. Those two belonged together, whether Faith saw it or not; getting her to come to Reds was just the beginning. It was a brilliant plan. Not only did I get Faith to meet me, but her mother was in town. Mrs. M. was all over this plan like ants on sugar; she knew what I was thinking the moment I stepped away from the table to go talk with Peta. Plus I insisted on driving her home after the show was over. We both were beaming when we left. We knew Faith and Lucky were going to get their shit together—it was so obvious. Lucky was determined to break down Faith’s wall even if it meant pissing her off—which he did. I pissed her off too; she knew my master plan and it totally worked.