Judy Moody, M.D. (5 page)

“Glub!” said Stink.

“Not
glub. Ahhhhh!
Try again.”

“Slug!”

“Never mind,” said Judy.

“What’s wrong?”

“Well, you DON’T have a frog in your throat. Just a glub and a slug.” Judy held her head sideways, thinking. She looked Stink up and down.

“Do you have a pain in your neck, too?” asked Stink.

“Just you,” said Judy. She cracked herself up some more. “Wait a minute! Stink! I got it! I know what you have!”

“What?” asked Stink.

“Skeleton-itis!” said Judy. “Fear-of-Skeletons disease. Found only in second graders with glubby slugs in their throats.”

“I can’t help it. He just stares . . . with those eyes! It’s creepier than that pyramid eye on a one-dollar bill.”

“Stink, skeletons don’t have eyes.”

“I know! Just big spooky holes like dead people. And he’s all clickety-clackety.”

Judy picked up the skeleton from where he was hanging in the corner. “Hi! I’m Mr. DryBones!” Judy clacked the skeleton’s jaw open and shut. “You can call me George. See? He teaches you about your bones and stuff.” Judy made the skeleton wave at Stink.

Stink did not wave back. “You’re giving me goose bumps. Put him back before we get in trouble.”

“Not till he tells some jokes. Here, I’ll practice some jokes I’m learning for my Human Body project. Mr. DryBones likes jokes, don’t you?” Judy said to the skeleton. “They tickle his
funny bone
!”

Stink cracked up.

“What does a skeleton take for a cold?” asked Judy.

“What?”

“Coffin drops!”

Stink laughed at that one.

“What do skeletons put on their mashed potatoes?”

“Umm . . .”

“Grave-y!”

“What do you call a skeleton who sleeps all day?”

“Sleepyhead?”

“Lazybones!” Judy cackled.

“How does a skeleton pass his math test?”

“How?”

“He bones up on his addition and subtraction.”

“Fun-ny!” Stink laughed and laughed. He seemed to forget all about his sore throat. And Fear-of-Skeletons disease.

“What does a skeleton eat for breakfast?” asked Mrs. Bell, setting her purse down on the desk.

“I don’t know? What?”

“Scream of wheat!”

“Good one!” said Stink. He held his stomach, he was laughing so hard.

“I see you’ve met George,” said Mrs. Bell. “I had to go to another school this morning. So it’s just my
skeleton
crew here today.”

“Hey, that’s good!” said Judy. “I was just, um, helping Stink until you got here.”

“Old Mr. DryBones is very
humerus,
” said Mrs. Bell. She cracked herself up. “
Humerus.
That’s the name of this long bone right here in your upper arm.”

“Cool beans!” said Judy.

“Oh, I get it now!” said Stink, cracking up too.

“See, Stink? I told you he wasn’t scary.”

“Don’t worry,” Mrs. Bell said to Stink. “Lots of people find bones scary. Did you know even elephants are afraid of bones?”

“Really?” asked Stink.

“Bones are interesting, really. We start out with over three hundred bones when we’re born, and when we grow up we have —”

“Only two hundred and six!” said Judy. “We just learned that in Mr. Todd’s class.”

“How do we lose so many bones?” asked Stink.

“Some grow together,” said Mrs. Bell. “To hold us up, make us strong. Otherwise we’d all be jellyfish. A jellyfish has no bones.”

Judy went all limp, imitating a jellyfish. “See, Stink. Aren’t you glad you’re not a jellyfish?”

“No, because if I were, I could sting you!”

“So, what seems to be the problem, young man?” Mrs. Bell asked Stink.

“I have a stomachache.”

“A stomachache?” said Judy. “I thought you had a sore throat.”

“I do. But now my stomach hurts from laughing.”

“So, I guess you could say your sister had you in
stitches,
huh?”

“Don’t give her any ideas!” said Stink.

“Let’s just take a look at that throat,” said Mrs. Bell. “Say
ahh
!”

“AHH!” said Stink.

“Hey! You didn’t say
glub.
Or
slug,
” said Judy.

“Uh-oh,” said Mrs. Bell. “Somebody’s sick, all right.”

“For real?” Judy asked. “Can I see?”

“His throat is as red as a fire engine.” Mrs. Bell took Stink’s temperature with a non-cat-hairy thermometer. “And he has a fever: 99.9.”

“Stink, you have ALL the luck,” said Judy.

No fair! Stink got to go to the real doctor. Judy convinced her mom that she had to come too, so she could learn stuff.

Dr. McCavity looked in Stink’s eyes and ears and down his throat with a purple tongue depressor. She explained how tonsils are two pink balls like grapes in back of your throat, and they can get infected with white specks and swell up and hurt.

Dr. McCavity told Mrs. Moody to give Stink some special medicine and make sure he got lots of sleep. She told Stink to drink ginger ale and eat the Brat diet.

“He’s been eating the brat diet since he was born!” Judy said.

Dr. McCavity laughed. “BRAT means Bananas, Rice, Applesauce, and Toast.” She also told Stink to stay home from school till his fever was gone, and stay away from Judy as much as possible.

She really did say the last part!

“Just think,” Judy told Stink. “If you get tonsillitis, you get to go to the hospital for an operation and get a bracelet with your name on it and wear funny pajamas and eat Popsicles all day.”

“Well, let’s hope it doesn’t come to that,” said Mom. “That would be a lot of Popsicles.”

“We don’t like to take out healthy tonsils,” said the doctor.

“But you said they were grapefruits,” said Judy. “Maybe he has Grapefruit-itis!”

“Grapes,” said Dr. McCavity. “Not grapefruit. If he takes care of those tonsils, he won’t have to worry about Grapefruit-itis.” She laughed again.

“Dr. McCavity, you should have been a dentist!” Judy cracked herself up.

“You like jokes? What did the doctor say to the patient with tonsillitis?”

“What?”

“Have a swell time!” said Dr. McCavity.

    Double no fair! Stink got to stay home from school (for real), drink ginger ale (for breakfast), and eat mashed-banana toast all day (the bratty diet). AND he got to have TV in his room, even though Dr. McCavity did not say one thing about TV in your room.

Judy did not stay away from Stink as much as possible.

She took his temperature (way not normal) and made him a hospital bracelet with his name (Stinker) on it. She let him use her crazy straw to drink ginger ale. She read him Rex Morgan, M.D., comics and Cherry Ames, Student Nurse, mysteries.

She wrote him a prescription on her doctor pad.

She even took a Hippopotamus oath to be nice to Stink. Nicey-nice.
Doctor
nice.

“Stink,” she said, raising her right hand, “I swear by Neopolitan and Hygiene and Larry Lasagna that I will do everything I can to the best of my ability to help make you better. Here. Pet Mouse.” She plopped Mouse on Stink’s stomach.

“Ow!” said Stink. “She clawed me!” Mouse jumped to the floor.

Judy picked up Mouse again. “Stink, you have to pet her twenty times. It’s called Paws for Healing. It will lower your blood pressure. Trust me.”

“Are you sure it’s not called Paws for Scratching?”

“Stink. Just try it.” Judy plopped her cat on Stink again. Mouse bolted off the bed, knocking over the glass of ginger ale.

“Ahhh! Ginger ale! It’s all over me,” cried Stink.

Judy got Stink a towel. And a new ginger ale. And a clean crazy straw. She got him a not-wet blanket. She got him Baxter and Ebert, his stuffed-animal penguin and timber wolf.

For four days, she fed Toady. For four days, she brought Stink his homework. For four days, she watched
Megazoid and the Deltoid Bananas
with Stink, even though she wanted to watch the Operation Channel.

That’s when she saw it. In an ad on TV not prescribed by Dr. McCavity. The one-and-only, for-sure cure for Stink.

“Are you tired all the time?”

Yes. Stink was sleeping right now!

“Are you sick? Want to be healthy? Live longer?”

Yes, yes, and YES!! Judy told the TV.