Juliet's Law (7 page)

Juliet was surprised to note a ripple of jealousy, which she hoped she was hiding.

Josh went on. “She was Indian—Sioux and Cherokee—and proud of it. She was—” he frowned “—somebody I could bring home to my mom, you know? An Indian woman who wouldn't mind the rez. She was a shawl dancer, and had beaded her own moccasins and—” He rubbed his face. “It seems kind of shallow now, but I thought that's what I
should
want.”

She wondered what he wanted when he wasn't fol
lowing shoulds, but she said only, “Ah. And what did she get from you?”

“I don't really know.”

Juliet had a lot of experience with people who didn't particularly know the truth, those who were hiding it, and those who had hidden it from themselves. She smiled gently. “Yes, you do.”

For a moment he looked at her. “Yeah, I guess I do. I offered stability. She'd spent her childhood moving around. She liked the fact that I already had a job lined up here as a tribal cop, that we'd have a whole community she could just plug into.”

“So what happened?”

“It bored her to tears.” He grinned. “This a very slow, quiet place in a lot of ways. She'd spent her whole life in cities, and didn't know how much she'd hate the way everyone knows your business, all that stuff.”

“I get it.” It was a common enough story. She took a sip of beer, dared herself to ask the other question. “So what do you like about women that you don't feel you should?”

“Blondes,” he said distinctly. “And lots of cleavage.”

Juliet laughed. “Very original.”

“Not at all.” Rakishly, he raised his beer to her. “To you, Princess.”

Heat ran across her cheekbones and the bridge of her nose. “Thanks.”

“What about you,” he asked. “What do you like that you shouldn't?”

“Other than being wildly attracted to a man who is not my fiancé, you mean?”

“Wildly, huh?”

A knock came at the door, and Juliet frowned, worried it would awaken Glory from her nap. Josh jumped up and hurried to open it.

Desi stood there, fuming. “You know what he did now?” she said, coming into the room.

Juliet put a finger to her lips. “Glory is asleep, sis.”

“Sorry.” She made a low growling noise, put her face in her hands. “He's just making me so crazy I can't stand it.”

Josh rubbed her shoulder. “What happened, Desi?”

“He agreed to sell the land to a developer. His
half!
What the heck does that mean, his half? He also is threatening to get an injunction to keep me from operating the wolf shelter until the land dispute is settled.”

“Did you see him?”

She slumped in the chair, stared at the crackers. “No, he called me. He said it looks bad for his business to have a restraining order, and if I wanted to get nasty, that's what he'd have to do.”

“So he hasn't actually done anything about it yet,” Juliet said.

“I don't know what he's done.” She picked up a piece of cheese, examining it as if she'd found it in the Dumpster instead of on a tray in her best friend's living room. Her face brightened. “But I also heard that there are some other people who aren't too happy with old Claude.”

“Gossip,” Juliet said. “Always good. Who is it?”

“Kay Turner, the dentist's wife—you saw her this morning—is widely known to have a crush on him.
And she's very put out that he's dating Miss Ski Queen of the World.”

“But she's married!”

Desi waggled her eyebrows. “I gather her husband's none too happy with any of it, but what can he do?”

Josh scowled. “This is a mess. I want you to just go home tonight and forget about all of it, okay?”

Looking deflated, Desi nodded. “I will.”

“Promise?”

“That's what I'm here for,” Juliet said. “To make sure she doesn't do anything rash.”

“Good,” he said. But he didn't look particularly comforted.

As they were getting ready to leave, he touched her shoulder lightly. “I'll be thinking about what you said.”

She met his eyes, conscious of Desi's close interest. “Me, too,” she said.

“You guys stay out of town for a day or two, huh?”

Juliet nodded. “Will do.”

“I'll be by tomorrow to check on her.”

There was nothing else to do. Juliet followed her sister down the sidewalk to the truck, feeling his gaze touching her back, her hair, her neck. When she climbed in the front seat and closed the door, she looked back and saw him still watching, his face sober.

She raised a hand and resolutely turned her face away.

W
hen they got to the cabin, Desi said, “Let's get some wine and go up to the hot springs. That'll burn off some stress.”

“It's getting dark, though.”

Desi gave her a half smile. “It's not very far, Juliet. There's a trail the entire way. We have flashlights.”

“But what about…animals? Like bears and cougars?”

“We'll bring the dogs. Trust me, this is a wonderful thing, these hot springs at night.”

“Okay.”

Dusk was closing in as they hiked up the hill, carrying thick towels and flashlights and cans of natural soda Desi fished out of the cupboard. At the clearing where the pool bubbled up, Desi dropped her things and
stripped off her shirt, then her jeans, folding them neatly and putting them on a rock nearby.

Juliet had done this before, soaked naked in the hot springs with her sister, but it suddenly seemed unwise. Foolish, even. She stood there, hands at her sides, unable to move. Her eye twitched, once. Twice. The smell of earth and minerals rose up from the water, and in the growing dusk, she could see steam rising from the surface.

“C'mon, silly,” Desi said, reaching for the straps on her bra.

“I don't think I can this time,” Juliet said. “I feel weird about being naked outside.”

Desi didn't say anything for a minute, but Juliet felt her measuring eyes. “It won't hurt anything to leave on our bras and panties if that's easier for you.”

“I should have brought a bathing suit,” Juliet said. “But Colorado, winter, just didn't think I'd need one.”

“No big deal. I'm cold, though, so I'm getting in.” She stepped into the pool, then submerged and gave a groan. “Oh that's good. C'mon, girl. Climb in.”

Juliet shucked her coat and blouse and jeans, hungry for the feel of the water. For a minute, she wished she could be naked, but she decided to not beat herself up about it just this minute, and climbed in. As the hot, scented water enveloped her limbs, she groaned. “This is fantastic!”

There were ledges at various levels, formed cleverly with flat rocks when they built the pool, and Juliet chose one and leaned back, closing her eyes. “It's like having your own spa,” Juliet said.

“It is my own private spa,” Desi said. “The good mud pools are by the wolf kennels, but I'll show you those, too.”

“I know women who would pay a lot of money for this.”

“Oh, trust me, one of the developers who wants the land is a guy who wants to do just that. Put in a spa.”

“It would make a fortune, Desi.”

“That's not what I'm about.”

“Well, of course not, but there's nothing wrong with money, is there?”

“No. I just don't think that every square inch of the earth needs to be developed. It's important to keep some of it wild.”

“You're right,” Juliet said. “Pass me a soda, will you?”

“Absolutely.” Desi snapped it open and handed it across the water.

Juliet took a long, cooling swallow, then settled the can on the edge of the pool and let herself slide down further into the water, tipping her head back to rest it against a grassy pillow so she could gaze up at the sky. It had gone velvety with black night, and the darkness glittered with a million zillion stars. The sight made all of her issues and problems seem very, very small.

Desi asked gently, “What happened to you outside the restaurant this morning, honey?”

Because of the big sky and the uncountable stars, Juliet could answer without too much pain in her chest, “Flashback. They keep happening, and I never quite know what will trigger them.”

Desi splashed, sitting up. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“There's nothing to tell, really.” Juliet let her arms and hands float in the water, free and loose, as if they were not attached to her at all. “They just kind of show up now and then.”

“That must be hell. And what an awful sister I am to need you to take care of me when I should be taking care of you.”

Juliet, soft boiled and relaxed, shook her head dreamily. “No, don't worry. My counselor said they'll go away eventually.”

“What triggered it today?”

“Maybe the doorway. Or maybe the smell of margaritas. I don't know. It's hard, because then I'm not me, standing there, I'm the me I was that night when I got raped.”

“I hate him,” Desi said fervently. “I'd like to kill that guy.”

“Desi!” Juliet sat up. “That's not who you are.”

“Oh, yes it is,” she said. “Hurt one of mine, and you are dead.” She peered through the dark at her sister. “You don't want to hurt him in revenge?”

“I don't even feel that much for him. I just don't care.” It was as if there was a wall around the whole miserable incident. “It's like it happened to somebody on television or something, and I can replay it with the sound turned down, but why would I?”

“You know, it doesn't seem to me that you've ever gotten angry over all of this. If I were you, I'd be furious.”

“I'm not.”

But as if her body and her mind were expressing different things, Juliet felt her throat close, as if there was
a scream lodged inside it and she couldn't seem to get it out. Taking a sip of her mandarin lime soda, she said, “I just wish they would have caught him. I hate it that he got away with it.”

“Yeah. And he's probably doing it again.”

The idea made Juliet feel sick to her stomach. “Don't even say that.”

“Sorry.” Desi leaned back and tipped her head toward the sky. “Look at those stars, will you?”

Juliet tipped backward, again, too. Between the shadow arrows of pines, she admired a night sky wholly unlike the one she knew at home. This one was deepest black, with no gray or pink on the horizon, and across it were thousands and thousands of twinkling points of light, tiny pinpricks to glowing planets, close and far. At home she could only see a few.

It made space seem incomprehensibly vast, and by comparison, her own problems seemed very small. “I'm so glad to be here, Des,” she commented, and rolled the cool can over her forehead.

“I'm glad, too,” Desi said. “I was losing it.”

In the soft dark, Juliet asked, “Desi, what happened with you two? You used to be so in love.”

Desi sighed. “It was never what you thought it was, Juliet.” Her voice sounded unbearably weary. “We just got locked into some dance and we couldn't stop.”

“Like Mother and Daddy.”

“Yes.” She took a sip of her own soda. “It doesn't thrill me to say that, I can tell you, but I pretty much reproduced their relationship to a T. The brainy female scientist and the dashing upstart artist.”

“Good grief. I never saw that before.”

“You're kidding. I saw it years ago, but as I said, we were locked in this dance, and it was very difficult to get out of it once we started.”

Juliet thought of the women she worked with, the sorrow in their haggard faces as they spoke of husbands, boyfriends, brothers. “At least you're done now. Or will be soon.”

“I know.” She was silent for a long time. “I feel like a fool, Juliet. I really do. I'm smart and well-educated and our parents showed us how destructive this kind of union can be, and yet—I did it anyway. I fell for the myth.”

“What myth?”

“Oh, I don't know. The fairy tale, I guess. I'm just so angry with him right now!”

“He's behaving badly, sis. You have a right to be angry.”

Desi sat up suddenly. “You know, we should get a car from a junkyard and beat the hell out of it with sledgehammers.”

Juliet laughed, envisioning the pair of them in old jeans and tattered flannel shirts swinging sledgehammers to the sound of some twangy music. “Or we could try out for roller derby.”

“I'm serious. It would be a lot healthier than pretending you're not absolutely furious.”

Juliet said, “I'll think about it.”

But she didn't see how swinging a hammer at an inanimate object would help, either. It wouldn't give her back her innocence. Anger wouldn't give her back a sense of courage.

 

They got back to the cabin around eight, and not long afterward, Desi got a phone call. The way she started barking questions about blood flow and gashes, it sounded like she was dealing with a wounded animal. As she talked, she was taking out warm clothes—jeans, thick socks, sturdy boots.

Juliet busied herself stoking the fire. There was an art to building a good fire—something Claude had taught her back in the old days when he had been a nice person. This one still had embers, so Juliet layered in some medium-sized sticks and thinner kindling and waited for them to catch before she carefully added two logs about the width of her thigh.

Behind her, Desi barked out, “How long ago?” and then, “Where did you see him?”

Desi had a bellows she'd found at an antique fair once, and Juliet used them to fan the flames, watching as they turned bright yellow and started to crackle.

Desi hung up by snapping her cell phone in half. “I'm going to have to take off for a little while, sis. Emergency.”

Juliet rocked back on her heels and rested her hands on her thighs. A slight sense of dis-ease rippled down her spine, but she said, “Okay.”

“Are you going to be all right?”

“Desi, I'm thirty-two years old. I think I can handle a few hours by myself.”

The elder sister smiled ruefully. “Sorry. Maybe I'm projecting. I'm worried about my own ability to cope. You're doing fine.” She dressed in the layers of warm
clothes, and put on some boots. She attached her replacement cell phone to a clip on her belt. “If you need me, feel nervous, even just want a little reassurance, don't hesitate to call, all right?”

“I'll be fine, I swear.”

“You'll have the dogs here. They're great protectors, but don't get nervous if they bark at something. Every so often, they pick up the wolves howling and go nuts.”

Juliet put a hand on Sitting Bull's hindquarters and dug her hands into his long thick fur. He groaned and licked her wrist, then fell back to the floor.

Desi opened a long closet and took out a rifle and a box of what Juliet assumed were shells or bullets or whatever. She frowned. “I thought Josh took the gun away from you.”

“Please.” The word was droll. “He needed to feel better because he's a cop, but there's no way I'd be out in the woods without a rifle.”

“What do you need it for?”

“The emergency is a cougar that's been stalking goats. He got one tonight, and injured two more. The rancher shot it, but it took off and now he's worried. If I'm out there looking at bloody goats, I want to be sure I'm not that cat's next meal.”

“Desi! That sounds dangerous.”

“I'll be all right.” Desi put on her heavy coat and tugged her braid out, flinging it over her shoulder like a rope. Juliet liked the sturdy, capable aura that surrounded her sister, and she wondered how it would feel to know how to stitch up an injured goat or do surgery on a wolf or deliver a colt. “I doubt I'll even
see the cat, but if he's injured badly, he might be very dangerous.”

“Be careful.”

“Always.”

 

After Desi left, Juliet dragged the futon mattress to an open spot in front of the fire, bringing dogs and a book with her. There were things Juliet did not love about her sister's cottage. Taking fast, somewhat chilly baths got on her nerves pretty quickly. She sometimes felt anxious about not using too much power or water and knew Desi eyed her excesses—or at least she felt eyed—with disapproval.

But she
loved
the woodstove. The smell of it, that wispy, smoky, woodsy scent; the flickery warmth of it, the sound of it crackling, popping. Desi kept piles of pillows and blankets around and it was easy to pile them up into drifts, then camp down with a book and a cup of hot chocolate and a good novel and read and read and read.

With the dogs. Which was the other thing she loved about the fire and pillows and reading experience—puddles of dogs surrounding her like a moat. All of them were wolf mixes, of course, dogs Desi had adopted over the years, but they were very different animals nonetheless.

Tecumseh had the best fur, thick and fluffy and white, and he liked to speak in little groans and mutterings that Desi told her were indications of the husky portion of his parentage. He loved cuddling, too, which is why she liked him being on the bed with her. She hugged him like a stuffed animal.

Crazy Horse was a fluffy, nervous mutt with big paws and silky black fur and a head that seemed too big for his body. He startled easily and liked to bark, but charmed Juliet by putting his head down and huddling close to her body for attention.

The beauty of the three was an aloof gray-and-black dog named Sitting Bull. He had burly shoulders and a thick tail, and ears that stood alertly on his elegant wolf's head. He didn't speak much, but he was devoted to Desi and brought her tidbits to share now and again, various massacred small animals. He was clearly the alpha. The other dogs deferred to him. He usually slept a bit to the outside of the pack.

Alone in the cabin, with the fire and the dogs for company, Juliet gazed toward sky visible through the window and at the stars twinkling so far away, and the day leaked back into her mind for review.

The day—Claude and his girlfriend, the confrontation on the street. Helene and Glory. Joshua Mad Calf. She smiled. Speaking of alpha wolves!

The flashback, which had been so violent and intense—maybe one of the worst she'd had so far—replayed, too. She pressed cold fingertips to her twitching left eyelid and tried to think about it calmly. It was just a memory replay, nothing to worry about. Time healed wounds like this, and hers would be healed, too.

But the truth was, the flashbacks seemed to be getting worse, and she wasn't sure quite why. The rape, as these things went, had not been particularly terrible—Juliet had been horrified by some of the stories a few women had told in the group therapy
sessions she'd attended. Terrible rapes, involving torture or violence or scarring. By comparison, Juliet's had been a very ordinary rape.