Jumbo (20 page)
Authors: Todd Young
“You’re not going to like it.”
“Just tell me.”
“Luke.”
Mitchell nodded. Somehow he had figured it was Luke. “I thought you didn’t like him. I thought you said—”
“I don’t, Mitchell. It was just a thing. It just happened.”
Silence.
“After training one day.”
Mitchell let his head fall forward. Tadd reached out and wrapped an arm around his shoulders.
“It wasn’t any good.”
Silence. Mitchell nodded dumbly.
“Do you still want him?”
Mitchell shook his head. He didn’t, not really, but still.
45
Mitchell’s mother rang on Saturday around eleven-thirty. She asked Mitchell how he was and he said fine. No problems. He felt like saying something about Jake, whom he had now decided he couldn’t stand, but he didn’t.
Where was his mother?
Seattle, she said.
Mitchell asked her why she had left, why she had gone away and left them — him and Pete — when it was his father who had done something wrong, his father who had found someone else.
“Well, Mitchell, I want to find someone as well, someone who I can be with. You know, I’ve spent a lot of time with your father. A lot of time, just to bring up you boys.”
Mitchell nodded. He supposed it was pretty selfless, what she had done — and now, going off on her own — he supposed he could understand it.
“Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Yes, Mom. I get it. Of course you’d want to.” He paused. “But did you have to go to Seattle? I mean, Mom, it’s so far away.”
“Well, you can fly out here, Mitchell, any time you like. If your father won’t pay, then I’ll pay.”
“I really wish I could, Mom. I really want to talk to you.”
“Is it important?”
“Yes. But I can’t cut school. I’ve got this swim meet coming up — and my grades. Mom, it isn’t easy.”
“How about you come out here tomorrow? Just for the day?”
“You already know, don’t you Mom?”
“Your father told me.”
Mitchell nodded, suddenly silent.
“Mitchell.”
“Yeah.”
“You want to come out here tomorrow?”
“I would like to.”
“You want to bring your friend out here as well?”
“No. I mean, I wouldn’t mind. But I don’t expect you to pay for that.”
“It might be better if you both come out.”
“I’d like to see you alone, Mom.”
His mother agreed and asked to speak to his father. Within an hour a flight was arranged, and Mitchell was going to Seattle, coming back late tomorrow night. He would only see his mother for a few hours at the most.
His mother was waiting for him at the airport when he arrived. She took him to an apartment in a narrow building near the center of the city with blond hardwood floors and high ceilings. The hall opened into a large living room with a low couch and armchairs and a panoramic view of the city.
His mother made lunch. A spaghetti bolognese that was one of Mitchell’s favorites, and being with his mom again, he felt suddenly normal, suddenly as though everything was okay, when it hadn’t been, not since she left.
“So, Mitchell?”
“You know, Mom.”
“You’re gay.”
“Yes,” Mitchell said, though he barely made a sound.
“Mitchell, I’ve always known — ever since you were a little boy. Pete was the one I couldn’t work out. I’d be surprised if Pete told me he was gay — but you, Mitchell. You know it isn’t a problem with me? I did leave you plenty of latitude to tell me.”
Mitchell nodded.
“Here,” his mom said. She drew him into a hug. “If I’d thought it would have helped you, I would have said something, but I figured you needed to work it out on your own. It was one of the reasons why I said to your father that we should have waited till you graduated. I figured you might have come to terms with it, then later — hearing about your father — it might have been okay.”
Mitchell supposed he had a pretty strange family — his mother and father lying to him for so long, because that was what it amounted to — a lie. Mitchell felt like saying this to his mother, that they had lied to him and Pete, making out that they were together like normal parents when they weren’t, couldn’t be.
“You see, Mitchell, things aren’t so easy for me either. I don’t know if I want to spend any more time with a man. I’m not saying I don’t like men, it’s just that, when it comes right down to it, I’d like to find a woman I could relate to.”
Mitchell opened his mouth.
“As a friend, Mitchell. Someone I could spend time with. If I do find another man, well, that happens, but I really want friendship. I’m not telling you I’m gay. That isn’t what I’m saying.”
Mitchell nodded.
The day ended on a flat note, his mother driving him to the airport and dropping him off. They said goodbye, his mother not getting out of the car. Mitchell lugged his pack inside and turned his phone on. There was a string of texts and messages from Tadd, asking where he was, asking Mitchell to phone him.
“You had your phone turned
off?
” Tadd said. “Hell, Mitchell — I thought you’d been in an accident. I was going half-crazy. I went over to your place, asked where you were. They told me Seattle, and I went,
What?
I mean — Mitchell, you could have told me.”
“It was a family thing.”
“What about me?”
“You’re not part of my family.”
“Do I have to marry you?”
“What?”
“Do I have to marry you to prove how much I love you? I don’t want to be away from you for a second, Mitchell. And if you ever pull another stunt like this ....”
Mitchell remained silent.
“Sorry, Mitch.”
“Yeah.”
“It’s just. You don’t know how bad I felt.” Tadd sounded choked.
“I’m sorry.”
“Can you tell me? When you go anywhere? When you do anything like this again? I don’t want to have to wait for hours, waiting to find out where you are, and that you’re all right.”
Mitchell agreed to this, and a warm flush spread through his body. He felt embarrassed to be at the airport, because he had a boner, and was talking to his boyfriend. His boyfriend! This was the incredible fact, that Tadd loved him.
46
The following week was training, training morning and afternoon. Marley said anyone not prepared to do both wouldn’t be welcome at the meet.
On Wednesday it snowed. Mitchell came out into the lot after training to be greeted by the first flakes in a burnt afternoon. He waved goodbye to Tadd, and watched Tadd drive away in his Audi. Suddenly it was silent, the snow falling with a hush. On the distant motorway, Mitchell could see the taillights of cars receding, but he could hear nothing.
His father pulled into the lot.
“How’re you doing?”
“Not so bad.”
“You look pretty happy.”
Mitchell nodded.
“Jake’s gone out this evening. He won’t be home. I just thought — I wanted to spend some time with you and Pete.”
Silence.
“You’re not doing anything?”
“No.”
Mitchell hadn’t been to Tadd’s house since Friday, since the night they had made love. He had barely touched Tadd since then. A hug or two, a stolen kiss. Somehow, though Mitchell didn’t know what it was, he felt a new awkwardness with Tadd. Things seemed strained and unnatural between them, as though what had happened on Friday — their lovemaking — had somehow made them strange to each other. The only time they had connected, really connected, was on Sunday when Mitchell had come back from Seattle. They had seemed close then, but Monday — school! — calculus again! — it had all seemed so awkward. Mitchell had felt as though he could barely breathe sitting next to Tadd in class, and at training, he had avoided him.
Mitchell sighed.
“Nothing to look forward to?”
“What?”
“An evening with your father?”
“No — it’s not that.”
“You can talk to me.”
“It’s nothing, Dad.”
His father turned onto Blecker. “Relationships aren’t easy, Mitchell.”
“Dad.”
“You have to work at them.”
“Can you not—”
“I’m just saying. Trying to give you some advice. Can’t I do that?”
Mitchell shrugged. He turned and watched the snow drifting on the pavements. The wind was picking up.
They pulled into the garage.
“Mitchell.”
“What?”
“Don’t ruin things for yourself.”
“What do you mean by that?” He got out of the car, feeling suddenly angry with his father.
“You’ve got a good friend there. Someone special,” his father said, closing the door.
“I know, Dad.”
“Well, don’t pull away from him.”
“I’m not ....”
47
Even though Jake wasn’t home, he had left a meal for them all. Mitchell’s dad reheated it, and sat down with Pete and Mitchell at the table, the three of them sitting in an awkward silence.
“So what have you been up to today?” Mr Cunningham said to Pete.
“Not much. I’ve been reading Mansfield Park. I went over to Tony’s. Played some games.”
“Have you been doing anything about college?”
“I’ve got my acceptance, Dad. What am I supposed to do?”
Pete was going to a college in New Hampshire, a community college, though he seemed satisfied with this. Mitchell didn’t really understand Pete. He didn’t see where Pete was going with his life. He seemed happy just as he was, and Mitchell supposed, if his father let him, Pete would live at home indefinitely, occupied in indolent pursuits.
“I’ve been speaking to your mother today.”
Mitchell and Pete paused simultaneously, Pete swallowing hard on a chunk of meat. He reached for a glass of water.
“She’s going to come over for Christmas. Stay a week. Jake’s going to his family in Boston.”
Mitchell nodded and began eating again.
“Isn’t that good news?”
“Yes,” the two of them said in chorus.
Mitchell smiled and Pete began to laugh.
“Honestly, you’re like children. You’re supposed to be adults.”
“What’s the point of this, Dad? An evening at home with the old man?”
Mitchell couldn’t help smiling.
“Are we going to sing a song around the piano later?” Pete said.
That got a laugh from his father and Pete chuckled, winking at Mitchell.
They ate in silence for a while.
“I suppose you think I’m stuffy.”
Pete began again. “Dad. There’s no problem. You don’t need to be doing this. Everything’s fine. We’re fine with everything, aren’t we, Mitchell?”
Mitchell nodded, taking a sip of water.
“You see, even golden boy’s fine.”
48
After dinner, Mitchell escaped to his room and phoned Tadd.
“You called me!”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
“I don’t know. You haven’t been talking to me. I thought you ...”
“What?”
“I don’t know.”
“Maybe we could do something.”
“What? You mean now?”
“If you want to.”
“Oh, Mitchell. If only you’d rung earlier. Now I’m going out to dinner with my parents.”
“Your parents?”
“Yeah. They really do exist.”
“It’s eight-thirty.”
“Yeah, well if you’re rich and pretentious you’re supposed to eat late. It’s one of the rules.”
“Doesn’t that become tiresome?”
“Inordinately.”
Mitchell chuckled.
“I could probably get out of it.”
“No.”
“No?”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“God, you’re so ....”
“What?”
“Maddening.”
“How about we do something tomorrow night?” Mitchell said, throwing himself backwards onto the bed and smiling, while he simultaneously felt a sinking feeling at the thought of doing something with Tadd.
“Something?”
Mitchell swallowed.
Tadd said, “We’ve got the meet on Friday.”
“Yeah.”
“Yeah. So tomorrow’s Thursday night.”
“So what? We’re not supposed to have ...?” Mitchell pushed himself. “Isn’t that bunkum?”
“The sexual energy thing?”
“Yeah.”
“I really don’t know, but I’m feeling a whole lot of energy right now.”
Silence.
“Hell, I don’t want to go out to dinner with my parents.”
More silence.
“I’ve got a fucking suit on.”
“And?”
“And a big fucking bone jutting out of my fly if you really have to know.”
“Are you wearing underwear?”
“Yes.”
“What kind?”
“Briefs.”
“Aren’t they a little restrictive? Maybe you ought to give up on underwear altogether.”
“It’s not as though you need it.”
Mitchell bit his lips and felt his eyes smart.
“But I like to see you in it.”
“Yeah,” Mitchell said quietly.
“Tomorrow night then.”
“Okay.”
“You’re sure?”
“Yeah. Tomorrow. We’ll do — what we want.”
49
Mitchell didn’t have any classes with Tadd on a Thursday, and he didn’t see him until lunchtime, not that Tadd had stopped sitting at the jocks’ table. Mitchell crossed the room to where Luke was sitting, at the table by the windows. He put his tray down, said hey to Luke, and glanced across the room at Tadd, who was laughing at something Robby Michaels had just said.
“What’s up?” Luke said.
“Not much.”
“You worried about the meet tomorrow?”
Mitchell shrugged.
“Are you nervous?” Luke looked jumpy, and was biting a fingernail.
“I don’t really care about it.”
“You?”
Mitchell shrugged again.
“Hell, if you don’t care, Mitch, we haven’t got a chance.”
Mitchell glanced at the jocks’ table again and Luke turned around.
“What are you looking at?”
Mitchell shrugged.
“The jocks making a heap of noise again?”
“I wasn’t really looking at anything.”
Luke turned and watched the jocks for a long time. “You think something’s up with Tadd?”
“What?”
“Tadd,” Luke said, turning back to Mitchell. “He seems to be acting different lately — like, I don’t know ....”
“What?”
