Junk Miles (3 page)

And I didn’t say,
But Jake and I aren’t you and my father
. And I didn’t say,
This is a totally different situation.
And I didn’t say,
Tell me more about what happened
. Because I knew that every one of those things would ruin this weird spell she was casting with her velvety soft voice. And I didn’t know how much I believed any of those things or how much more I really wanted to know.

“
Because it’s hard to balance compassion and love for others with selfishness,” Mom continued. “I think, just by nature, you’ve got the loving thing down. So now I need to teach you to be selfish. And I need to see you experience a whole range of things, so you have a choice. We tend to get too comfortable too quickly, honey, and that’s no way to make any big decision.” Her eyes lightened like a soft blue sky after a summer storm. She smiled and took my potato-caked hand in hers. “Get dressed. I bet Jake will show up a little early. You two can have a nice dinner.”

Mom kissed my cheek and I knew I had the imprint of her lipstick on my skin. I floated to the bathroom, rinsed my hands, and peered at my reflection, marked by my mother’s lips. I needed to do what my mom asked me. I needed to listen to her, no matter how much I wanted to ignore what she was saying. I needed to prove to her that I wasn’t my father; she had raised me better than that. And I had to show her that I wasn’t her from that time. I wasn’t the same teenager she had been.

I realized that my mom was scared about this. She was afraid for me, and I had to show her that I would be fine. Jake wasn’t like my father, but the only way Mom would understand that was if I went with her and proved it. If Jake and I both proved it. We could do this. No words would change any of this. She had to see it for herself.

Proving that I wasn’t just like my mom would be harder. How could I deny that I loved being in love with Jake? And I would probably fall apart a little without him. Wasn’t that normal? And we had been spending a lot of time together, but that was because we wanted to, not because I couldn’t hang out on my own. Wasn’t it?

Well, at least I knew that Jake was just as loving as I was. He was not selfish. He wasn’t. I didn’t think. I didn’t really want to think about it. My mom’s lectures tended to do this to me. They took a perfectly rational, reasonable situation and turned it on its head. Was she right? Was I too comfortable?

I pushed that all out of my head for right now. I had an afternoon with Jake to look forward to.

And, on the bright side, it was a trip to Paris! I loved to travel, no matter how much leaving home would ache this time. It was a trip to Paris with my mom, and it would be wonderful. When I got home, I could fall right back into Jake’s arms, and Mom could be less worried and less critical.

At least I hoped that would happen.

Chapter Two

I went to my room and took out my dress, a scarlet red silk with cap sleeves and a wraparound waist. I loved it, and it was kind of my first adult Christmas dress. I had black stockings with a line sewn up the back like the old-fashioned silk style and a pair of really cute black strappy heels, which were uncomfortable enough that I was glad I would only be wearing them around the house. I had just cut my bangs, so they were right above my eyebrows, where I liked them. I put on a black silk headband and put the rest of my hair into a carefully messy bun, which is deceptively hard to do. A thousand bobby pins later, and it looked really good, in a windblown way.

I put my makeup on and a little jewelry, including the silver ‘B’ necklace Jake had gotten me for my birthday and the pearl drop earrings Mom and Thorsten picked up for me for Christmas. I also had a new watch with a wide leather cuff band. I loved watches, but hardly anyone wore them anymore. Most people my age just used their cellphones to tell the time. But I loved them no matter how old-fashioned they were, had at least a dozen, and wore them all of the time.

The minute I finished, I heard the doorbell ring, and felt a leap of joy. When I looked down at my watch, I saw that it was only two-thirty. I knew Jake had to be more upset than he was pretending about my leaving, because he was usually really careful about respecting Mom’s timetables. Mom was already at the door, being unusually nice and kissing Jake’s cheek. I realized then that she felt a little guilty about this whole thing, too. I shook my head. How could Paris cause so much upset? Paris!

Jake looked incredibly hot. And it actually had very little to do with my excellent taste in clothes. Jake was the kind of guy who would look hot in just about anything, since he was tall with delectably chiseled muscles and a face that set girls drooling wherever we went. But today he was wearing his gray dress pants and a black crewneck sweater. It was cashmere, which I’m sure he didn’t notice or care about, but it made me happy that he had something other than threadbare cotton or denim. His boots were new, too, a birthday gift from his ever practical father. Dress shoes weren’t part of Jake’s mindset, and I knew that buying them would just be a waste of my efforts. He was handing my mother a wrapped package.

I hadn’t realized he would get her a gift. Part of me was shocked that he hadn’t asked for my help with it at all. I wondered what he had gotten her.

“
Oh, Jake!” she cried. It was a pair of leather gloves that were bright purple. They were almost funny, but so funny they were just plain adorable.

“
I know they’re kind of a weird color.” Jake shifted his weight from one foot to the other and stuffed his hands in his pockets. “But I just thought that if anyone could pull them off, it would be you, Mrs. Blixen.”

Mom’s eyes glistened again. “How thoughtful. I love them.” My mother moved in for a hug.

“
And now your hands will be warm in Paris.” Jake put his arms around her in an awkward reciprocation of her offered hug.

“
Brenna told you?” Mom asked, her voice surprised.

“
She called right away. She was really excited. I am, too. I mean, for you two. It’s so great that Brenna gets to travel so much, and I know how much she’s been missing you since you two moved back to the states and you got your job and life just got crazy.” He was rambling now, but I could see Mom get emotional, and I felt the dangerous burn in my own eyes. I had to sternly remind myself of just how crazy I would look with all of my new Bad Girl mascara running down my cheeks, and the tears held back. “I hope you two have a blast.”

Mom hugged him again, murmuring kind Christmas-y things. My heart swelled a little. I came into the foyer, and Jake looked over at me. His eyes went wide.

“
Wow.” He licked his lips quickly, like he was nervous. “Bren, you look incredible.”

And now Mom was eating out of his hand. All you really had to do to get my mom to like you was be super complimentary to me, and Jake was a natural at that.

“
You look pretty good, yourself, Kelly.” I walked around him. He turned to see me as I circled him, like he couldn’t stand to take his eyes off of me. Oh, Jake!

“
Thank you.” He turned back to Mom. “Brenna got me some new clothes. I guess she was tired of my five t-shirts.”

“
Well, if I saw that blue button-down one more time, I was going to take you shopping myself. I mean, you’re a handsome young man. Take Brenna’s advice, and you’ll have to beat the girls away.” She smiled, and I saw through her weird comments the kind of tough love that she usually restricted to me alone.

“
No worries there.” Jake was completely oblivious to my mother’s motives. “I’ve already got the best girl there is.”

Mom just smiled. “Bren, why don’t you and Jake grab a cup of cocoa from the stove and sit by the fire? I’m almost done in here.”

I got two mugs and hurried to the living room with Jake, thankful for Mom’s thoughtfulness despite her odd ‘date other people’ messages.

Our fireplace was set in a big stone-covered wall that went around to the kitchen. Most of the time when you see that design, the fireplace goes through the wall, so you can access it from both rooms, but ours didn’t. We just had one big wall that was flat stone in our kitchen. Jake and I sat on the couch, and he put our mugs down and took me in his arms, our nearly silent kisses so ravenous, I was instantly turned on.

“
You’re so beautiful.” He pulled his mouth away and held my upper arms hard in his hands. “You look like Christmas.”

I laughed and kissed him really softly and silently, since Mom and Thorsten were just around the corner. “Thanks. I got you other stuff. Do you want to see it?”

“
I don’t want you spending all of your money on me.” He looked really serious, his gray eyes wide and his mouth set in a line. He was so hot, it was hard to breathe steadily around him.

“
I didn’t. I mean, I made some of it. Anyway, it’s Christmas, so stop arguing about it.” I went under the tree and found some silver wrapped packages. In our crazy Christmas-centered house, each person got assigned a different colored wrapping paper. Mom was red, Thorsten was green, I got gold, and Jake got silver. Mom always went a little crazy with Christmas decorations.

Jake laughed. “Man, your house is like a magazine.” He craned his neck and took it all in. “Christmas music, cocoa, a fire, that big-ass tree, all the dinner smells. I’m glad I get to do Christmas here.”

I thought about this morning, how depressing it must have been for him in comparison to my morning. It made me too sad to think about it for long, so I didn’t.

“
I’m glad you’re doing your Christmas here, too.” I brought his little shiny pile over. “Open them.”

He undid the paper so carefully it was obnoxious. A full minute into the first one, I lost my cool. “Jake! It’s just paper! We’re not saving it, so rip it open!”

He smiled. “Fine, bossy pants.” He ripped it with exaggerated relish. “Hey, a watch!” He took it out and put it on right away. I hated when people bought gifts that were things they liked, but I thought my watch obsession had a lot of merit, so I got Jake in on it. “Thanks.” He pulled me over for a long kiss.

I also got him a new sketch pad and really good pencils, and the rest of my English reading on CD. Jake liked to keep up with me, but his dyslexia made it impossible. I liked to be able to talk to him about the books I’m reading, so he listened along.

“
Some of them look so awful,” I apologized. “Oh, and this one was really bad, so I recorded it for you to make up for it.”

“
Like, you read it?” He turned over the jewel case with its obviously homemade insert.

“
Yeah. I have a program on my computer.” The truth is, I have every program on my computer. Thorsten got me a laptop so jacked, I don’t think secret government agents have the kind of programming I have. “Anyway, it’s pretty short, but
Ethan Frome
is just plain torture, so I hope the fact that I’m reading it makes it a little easier to swallow.”

Jake crunched me in a bear hug. “Thank you,” he said, his voice a little husky. Jake never had anyone really care about him or think about him, so this kind of gift receiving had been a little emotional for him. “I left your stuff on the porch. I’ll be right back.” He ran out the door, my mom glancing at him curiously. He came back with a big bag.

Jake got me a bottle of the perfume I’d tried on this fall and loved, every Jane Austen movie made on DVD, a sketch book with a bright blue cover and little brown birds flying on it and finally, there was just one tiny box in the bottom. Jake sat on the floor in front of me on the couch. When he fished that box out, he was on his knees and my heart leapt. I felt like I might faint and wanted to tell him no right then.

“
Jake, what is that?” My voice shook hard.

He seemed oblivious to my nervous dread.

“
I just thought of you when I saw it.” His ears burned a little red. He pushed the box into my hands, but I dropped it twice because they were shaking so much. Finally, he just plucked it out of my hands and opened it himself. He popped the top of the box off, and there was a ring.

I felt myself freaking out. This was a lot. This was too much. Mom and Thorsten would freak. I wasn’t ready. I didn’t want to look at it.

But it didn’t have a stone or anything, and I felt a hot flush of relief about that.

“
Jake…” I began, but he cut me off.

“
It’s called a posey ring. People who were…in love exchanged them, like a long time ago. It says,
Here is my heart, guard it well
. In French. Weird, right? I didn’t even know you were going to Paris.” His laugh was nervous. He looked up into my face. “Don’t freak, Bren. It’s not like an engagement ring.”

I laughed a little breathily. “Duh. I mean, of course. We’re still in high school!” My voice sounded on the verge of hysterical.

I picked the ring out of the box carefully. It was shiny gold, the words etched around the outside;
A Vila Mon Coer, Gardi Li Mo
. I traced my finger over the smooth metal, loving the feel of the bumps and grooves despite my general unease about it being a
ring
.

I looked at it for a long time before I slipped it on the tip of my right index finger, and Jake took my hand and pushed it on all the way.

“
I shouldn’t have bought that one, huh?” He held my fingertips and didn’t look up from the ring on my hand. His ring on my hand. It sent a little shiver along my neck, even as I told myself that it was silly to think that way. It was just a piece of jewelry! No big deal! No hidden meanings!